diff --git a/.gitignore b/.gitignore index dd60191..c78cc45 100644 --- a/.gitignore +++ b/.gitignore @@ -168,4 +168,6 @@ cython_debug/ # option (not recommended) you can uncomment the following to ignore the entire idea folder. #.idea/ -data.npy \ No newline at end of file +*.npy +*.pth +*.onnx \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/.python-version b/.python-version index e4fba21..cc1923a 100644 --- a/.python-version +++ b/.python-version @@ -1 +1 @@ -3.12 +3.8 diff --git a/README.md b/README.md index e69de29..1927e98 100644 --- a/README.md +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1 @@ +# Omega - Keyboard app \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/TESTING.md b/TESTING.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..eeed620 --- /dev/null +++ b/TESTING.md @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +# Fixed bugs +1. Incorrect Hitbox Behavior After Key Scaling + - Due to a forgotten reset of the z-index of keys, sometimes a key may appear behind another one, yet still the old key gets clicked + +2. Click propagation + - On click even would propagate further through the app, meaning 2 keys could get pressed at once + +3. Invalid model crashes the app + - If a file path to model doesn't point to a true model, the app would crash + +# Tests +1. Config from environment (or `.env`) gets parsed - Defaults get used, but are overwritten if .env is used +2. Space properly clears buffers - Pressing space key clears both prediction and word box buffers \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/app/constants.py b/app/constants.py new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ba8529c --- /dev/null +++ b/app/constants.py @@ -0,0 +1,6 @@ +CONTEXT_SIZE = 10 +ALPHABET = list("abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz") +VOCAB_SIZE = len(ALPHABET) + 1 # +1 for unknown +UNKNOWN_IDX = VOCAB_SIZE - 1 + +SINGLE_KEY_PROBABILITY = 1 / 26 diff --git a/app/core/config.py b/app/core/config.py index 9902c50..7e50b8d 100644 --- a/app/core/config.py +++ b/app/core/config.py @@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ class Settings(BaseSettings): APP_NAME: str = "Omega" VERBOSITY: Literal["DEBUG", "INFO", "WARNING", "ERROR", "CRITICAL"] = "INFO" - MODEL_PATH: FilePath = Path("./model/predictor.pth") + MODEL_PATH: FilePath = Path("model.onnx") settings = Settings() diff --git a/app/keyboard.py b/app/keyboard.py index af97858..a66e3ed 100644 --- a/app/keyboard.py +++ b/app/keyboard.py @@ -7,7 +7,7 @@ from app.ui.view import KeyboardView from app.utils import setup_logger -class Keyboard(): +class KeyboardApplication(): def __init__(self): setup_logger() self.logger = logging.getLogger(__name__) diff --git a/app/predictor.py b/app/predictor.py new file mode 100644 index 0000000..46ab746 --- /dev/null +++ b/app/predictor.py @@ -0,0 +1,56 @@ +import onnxruntime +import numpy as np +import sys + +from app.core.config import settings +from app.constants import ALPHABET, CONTEXT_SIZE, SINGLE_KEY_PROBABILITY +from app.utils import tokenize + +import logging + +class KeyboardPredictor(): + def __init__(self): + self.logger = logging.getLogger(__name__) + self.buffer = "" + try: + self.session = onnxruntime.InferenceSession(settings.MODEL_PATH) + except onnxruntime.capi.onnxruntime_pybind11_state.InvalidProtobuf as e: + self.logger.critical("Invalid model found. Exiting...") + sys.exit(1) + + + def reset(self): + self.logger.info("Clearing prediction buffer") + self.buffer = "" + + def update(self, char: str): + self.logger.info("Adding new char '%s'", char) + # Remove the oldest character + # and append the current one + if len(self.buffer) == CONTEXT_SIZE: + self.buffer = self.buffer[1:] + self.buffer += char.lower() + + def __get_prediction(self) -> dict[str, float]: + """Returns all probabilities distribution over the next character.""" + tokenized = [tokenize("".join(self.buffer))] # shape: (1, context_size) + input_array = np.array(tokenized, dtype=np.int64) + + outputs = self.session.run(None, {"input": input_array}) + logits = outputs[0][0] # shape: (VOCAB_SIZE,) + + exp_logits = np.exp(logits - np.max(logits)) # numerical stability + probs = exp_logits / exp_logits.sum() + + return {char: probs[i] for i, char in enumerate(ALPHABET + ["?"])} + + def get_predictions(self) -> dict[str, float]: + """ + Returns keys that are most likely to be pressed next. + """ + self.logger.debug("Getting fresh predictions") + DROPOUT_PROBABILITY = 2 * SINGLE_KEY_PROBABILITY + + probs = self.__get_prediction() + probs = {char: prob for char, prob in probs.items() if prob > DROPOUT_PROBABILITY} + return probs diff --git a/app/ui/current_word.py b/app/ui/current_word.py new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6d237d2 --- /dev/null +++ b/app/ui/current_word.py @@ -0,0 +1,54 @@ +from PySide6.QtWidgets import QGraphicsRectItem, QGraphicsSimpleTextItem +from PySide6.QtGui import QFont, QFontMetricsF, QColor, QBrush + + +BACKGROUND_COLOR = QColor("white") +TEXT_SCALE_FACTOR = 0.4 # 40% of the width or height +Z_INDEX = 10 + + +class CurrentWordBox(QGraphicsRectItem): + def __init__(self): + super().__init__() + + self.word = "" + self.text = QGraphicsSimpleTextItem("", self) + self.text.setFlag(QGraphicsSimpleTextItem.ItemIgnoresTransformations, True) + + self.setBrush(QBrush(BACKGROUND_COLOR)) + self.setZValue(Z_INDEX) + + self.width = 0 + self.height = 0 + + def set_geometry(self, x: float, y: float, width: float, height: float): + self.width = width + self.height = height + self.setRect(0, 0, width, height) + self.setPos(x, y) + self.update_label_font() + + def update_word(self, next_char: str): + self.word += next_char + self.text.setText(self.word) + self.update_label_font() + + def clear(self): + self.word = "" + self.text.setText("") + self.update_label_font() + + def update_label_font(self): + min_dimension = min(self.width, self.height) + font_size = min_dimension * TEXT_SCALE_FACTOR + + font = QFont() + font.setPointSizeF(font_size) + self.text.setFont(font) + + metrics = QFontMetricsF(font) + text_rect = metrics.boundingRect(self.word) + + text_x = (self.width - text_rect.width()) / 2 + text_y = (self.height - text_rect.height()) / 2 + self.text.setPos(text_x, text_y) diff --git a/app/ui/key.py b/app/ui/key.py index ddf784f..9d32681 100644 --- a/app/ui/key.py +++ b/app/ui/key.py @@ -1,23 +1,45 @@ +import logging + from PySide6.QtWidgets import ( QGraphicsRectItem, QGraphicsSimpleTextItem, QGraphicsItem ) -from PySide6.QtGui import QBrush, QColor, QFont, QFontMetricsF +from PySide6.QtGui import QBrush, QColor, QFont, QFontMetricsF, QPen, Qt +from PySide6.QtCore import Signal, QObject, QTimer -class KeyItem(QGraphicsRectItem): - def __init__(self, label): - super().__init__() +NORMAL_COLOR = QColor("lightgray") +CLICKED_COLOR = QColor("darkgray") +TEXT_SCALE_FACTOR = 0.4 +CLICK_HIGHLIGHT_DURATION_MS = 100 +Z_INDEX_MULTIPLIER = 2.0 + +class KeyItem(QGraphicsRectItem, QObject): + clicked = Signal(str) + + def __init__(self, label: str): + QObject.__init__(self) + QGraphicsRectItem.__init__(self) + + self.logger = logging.getLogger(__name__) + + self.label = label + self.width = 0.0 + self.height = 0.0 + self.scale_factor = 1.0 + + self._reset_timer = QTimer() + self._reset_timer.setSingleShot(True) + self._reset_timer.timeout.connect(self.__reset_color) + self.text = QGraphicsSimpleTextItem(label, self) self.text.setFlag(QGraphicsItem.ItemIgnoresTransformations, True) - self.setBrush(QBrush(QColor("lightgray"))) + self.__normal_brush = QBrush(NORMAL_COLOR) + self.__click_brush = QBrush(CLICKED_COLOR) + self.setBrush(self.__normal_brush) - self.scale_factor = 1.0 - self.width = 0 - self.height = 0 - - def set_geometry(self, x, y, width, height): + def set_geometry(self, x: float, y: float, width: float, height: float): self.width = width self.height = height @@ -28,25 +50,34 @@ class KeyItem(QGraphicsRectItem): self.update_label_font() def update_label_font(self): - # Dynamically size font - font_size = min(self.width, self.height) * 0.4 + min_dimension = min(self.width, self.height) + font_size = min_dimension * TEXT_SCALE_FACTOR + font = QFont() font.setPointSizeF(font_size) self.text.setFont(font) - # Use font metrics for accurate bounding metrics = QFontMetricsF(font) text_rect = metrics.boundingRect(self.label) text_x = (self.width - text_rect.width()) / 2 - text_y = (self.height - text_rect.height()) / 2 # + metrics.ascent() - text_rect.height() - + text_y = (self.height - text_rect.height()) / 2 self.text.setPos(text_x, text_y) - def set_scale_factor(self, scale): - self.scale_factor = scale - self.setZValue(scale) + def set_scale_factor(self, scale: float): + scaled_z = scale * Z_INDEX_MULTIPLIER + self.scale_factor = scaled_z + self.setZValue(scaled_z) self.setScale(scale) def mousePressEvent(self, q_mouse_event): - print(self.label, "was clicked") + self.logger.info("%s was clicked", self.label) + self.clicked.emit(self.label) + self.__onclick_color() + + def __onclick_color(self): + self.setBrush(self.__click_brush) + self._reset_timer.start(CLICK_HIGHLIGHT_DURATION_MS) + + def __reset_color(self): + self.setBrush(self.__normal_brush) diff --git a/app/ui/keyboard.py b/app/ui/keyboard.py new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ad3bd2a --- /dev/null +++ b/app/ui/keyboard.py @@ -0,0 +1,70 @@ +from PySide6.QtCore import QSize, QRectF +from app.ui.key import KeyItem + + +class KeyboardLayout(): + def __init__(self, scene): + self.scene = scene + self.keys = {} + self.letter_rows = [ + "QWERTZUIOP", + "ASDFGHJKL", + "YXCVBNM", + ] + self.space_key = KeyItem("Space") + self.space_key.clicked.connect(lambda: self.on_key_clicked("Space")) + self.scene.addItem(self.space_key) + self.create_keys() + + # callback to be set by scene + self.key_pressed_callback = None + + def create_keys(self): + for row in self.letter_rows: + for char in row: + key = KeyItem(char) + key.clicked.connect(lambda c=char: self.on_key_clicked(c)) + self.scene.addItem(key) + self.keys[char] = key + + def layout_keys(self, view_size: QSize, top_offset: float = 0.0): + view_width = view_size.width() + view_height = view_size.height() + + padding = 10.0 + spacing = 6.0 + rows = self.letter_rows + [" "] + row_count = len(rows) + max_keys_in_row = max(len(row) for row in rows) + + total_spacing_x = (max_keys_in_row - 1) * spacing + total_spacing_y = (row_count - 1) * spacing + + available_width = view_width - 2 * padding - total_spacing_x + available_height = view_height - top_offset - 2 * padding - total_spacing_y + + key_width = available_width / max_keys_in_row + key_height = available_height / row_count + + y = top_offset + padding + for row in self.letter_rows: + x = padding + for char in row: + key = self.keys[char] + key.set_geometry(x, y, key_width, key_height) + x += key_width + spacing + y += key_height + spacing + + space_width = key_width * 7 + spacing * 6 + self.space_key.set_geometry(padding, y, space_width, key_height) + + def set_scale_factors(self, predictions: dict): + for key in self.keys.values(): + key.set_scale_factor(1.0) + for key, probability in predictions.items(): + if key.upper() in self.keys: + self.keys[key.upper()].set_scale_factor(1 + probability) + + def on_key_clicked(self, label: str): + if self.key_pressed_callback: + self.key_pressed_callback(label) diff --git a/app/ui/scene.py b/app/ui/scene.py index 83ea126..b03acfc 100644 --- a/app/ui/scene.py +++ b/app/ui/scene.py @@ -1,79 +1,52 @@ -from PySide6.QtWidgets import ( - QGraphicsScene -) -from PySide6.QtGui import QBrush, QColor -from PySide6.QtCore import QTimer, QRectF, QSize -import random +from PySide6.QtWidgets import QGraphicsScene +from PySide6.QtCore import QRectF, QSize + +from app.predictor import KeyboardPredictor +from app.ui.current_word import CurrentWordBox +from app.ui.keyboard import KeyboardLayout + + +WORD_BOX_HEIGHT_MODIFIER = 0.15 +WORD_BOX_PADDING_ALL_SIDES = 10 +WORD_BOX_MARGIN_BOTTOM = 20 -from app.ui.key import KeyItem class KeyboardScene(QGraphicsScene): def __init__(self): super().__init__() - self.keys = {} - self.letter_rows = [ - "QWERTYUIOP", - "ASDFGHJKL", - "ZXCVBNM", - ] - self.space_key = KeyItem("Space") - self.addItem(self.space_key) - self.timer = QTimer() - self.timer.timeout.connect(self.simulate_prediction) - self.timer.start(2000) - self.create_keys() + self.word_box = CurrentWordBox() + self.addItem(self.word_box) - def create_keys(self): - for row in self.letter_rows: - for char in row: - key = KeyItem(char) - self.addItem(key) - self.keys[char] = key + self.predictor = KeyboardPredictor() + + self.keyboard = KeyboardLayout(self) + self.keyboard.key_pressed_callback = self.on_key_clicked def layout_keys(self, view_size: QSize): view_width = view_size.width() view_height = view_size.height() - padding = 10.0 - spacing = 6.0 - max_scale = 2.0 + word_box_height = view_height * WORD_BOX_HEIGHT_MODIFIER + word_box_x = WORD_BOX_PADDING_ALL_SIDES + word_box_y = WORD_BOX_PADDING_ALL_SIDES + word_box_width = view_width - WORD_BOX_MARGIN_BOTTOM + word_box_height_adjusted = word_box_height - WORD_BOX_MARGIN_BOTTOM - rows = self.letter_rows + [" "] - row_count = len(rows) - max_keys_in_row = max(len(row) for row in rows) - - total_spacing_x = (max_keys_in_row - 1) * spacing - total_spacing_y = (row_count - 1) * spacing - - available_width = view_width - 2 * padding - total_spacing_x - available_height = view_height - 2 * padding - total_spacing_y - - key_width = available_width / max_keys_in_row - key_height = available_height / row_count - - y = padding - for row in self.letter_rows: - x = padding - for char in row: - key = self.keys[char] - key.set_geometry(x, y, key_width, key_height) - x += key_width + spacing - y += key_height + spacing - - # Space key layout - space_width = key_width * 7 + spacing * 6 - self.space_key.set_geometry(padding, y, space_width, key_height) + self.word_box.set_geometry( + word_box_x, word_box_y, word_box_width, word_box_height_adjusted + ) + self.keyboard.layout_keys(view_size, top_offset=word_box_height) self.setSceneRect(QRectF(0, 0, view_width, view_height)) - def simulate_prediction(self): - most_likely = random.choice(list(self.keys.keys())) - print(f"[Prediction] Most likely: {most_likely}") + def on_key_clicked(self, label: str): + if label == "Space": + self.word_box.clear() + self.predictor.reset() + self.keyboard.set_scale_factors({}) + return - for char, key in self.keys.items(): - if char == most_likely: - key.set_scale_factor(1.8) - key.setBrush(QBrush(QColor("orange"))) - else: - key.set_scale_factor(1.0) - key.setBrush(QBrush(QColor("lightgray"))) \ No newline at end of file + self.word_box.update_word(label) + self.predictor.update(label) + predictions = self.predictor.get_predictions() + self.keyboard.set_scale_factors(predictions) diff --git a/app/ui/view.py b/app/ui/view.py index 624b533..ed4c5e0 100644 --- a/app/ui/view.py +++ b/app/ui/view.py @@ -5,6 +5,7 @@ from PySide6.QtGui import QPainter from PySide6.QtCore import Qt from .scene import KeyboardScene +from app.core.config import settings class KeyboardView(QGraphicsView): def __init__(self): @@ -12,9 +13,9 @@ class KeyboardView(QGraphicsView): self.scene = KeyboardScene() self.setScene(self.scene) self.setRenderHint(QPainter.Antialiasing) - self.setWindowTitle("Dynamic Keyboard") + self.setWindowTitle(settings.APP_NAME) self.setAlignment(Qt.AlignLeft | Qt.AlignTop) - self.setMinimumSize(600, 200) # Sensible default + self.setMinimumSize(600, 300) def resizeEvent(self, event): super().resizeEvent(event) diff --git a/app/utils.py b/app/utils.py index 8e977d7..9749ba0 100644 --- a/app/utils.py +++ b/app/utils.py @@ -3,6 +3,11 @@ import logging from app.core.config import settings +from app.constants import CONTEXT_SIZE, UNKNOWN_IDX, ALPHABET + +char_to_index = {char: idx for idx, char in enumerate(ALPHABET)} + + def setup_logger(): logger = logging.getLogger() @@ -50,4 +55,14 @@ if sys.platform == "win32": hwnd, win32con.HWND_TOPMOST, 0, 0, 0, 0, win32con.SWP_NOMOVE | win32con.SWP_NOSIZE | win32con.SWP_NOACTIVATE - ) \ No newline at end of file + ) + + +def tokenize(text: str) -> list[int]: + """Convert last CONTEXT_SIZE chars to integer indices.""" + text = text.lower()[-CONTEXT_SIZE:] # trim to context length + padded = [' '] * (CONTEXT_SIZE - len(text)) + list(text) + return [ + char_to_index.get(c, UNKNOWN_IDX) + for c in padded + ] diff --git a/main.py b/main.py index 6901d2a..c42e72f 100644 --- a/main.py +++ b/main.py @@ -1,7 +1,7 @@ import sys -from app.keyboard import Keyboard +from app.keyboard import KeyboardApplication if __name__ == "__main__": - keyboard = Keyboard() + keyboard = KeyboardApplication() sys.exit(keyboard.run()) diff --git a/model.onnx b/model.onnx new file mode 100644 index 0000000..66d6f7c Binary files /dev/null and b/model.onnx differ diff --git a/model/README.md b/model/README.md index d9b6787..7b0e3ce 100644 --- a/model/README.md +++ b/model/README.md @@ -1,40 +1,55 @@ -# omega +# Model and training -## Documentation -First I gathered a couple long text source, like the GNU GPL license, Wikipedia articles, or even a book. +This is the section of the code related to training and modifying the model used by this app -Those were transformed into a large text file [see all_words.txt](data/all_words.txt) using the following command +## Training +There are 2 notebooks related to training +- [Multilayer Perceptron](./mlp.ipynb) +- [Logistic Regression model](./logistic.ipynb) -``` -grep -o "[[:alpha:]]\{1,\}" "path_to_individual_source.txt" | tr '[:upper:]' '[:lower:]' -``` +MLP proved to be far more accurate, therefore it is the one used -Which simply finds words at least 1 character long and unifies them by transforming them all to lowercase. +## Data +See [Sources](#Sources) for all data used. +Data includes various data including news articles, scientific articles, couple of books and wikipedia articles. + +The text was extracted by simply copying the text including some unwanted garbage like numbers, wikipedia links, etc. Simply put Ctrl+C - Ctrl+V. + +Next step in data processing was using the included scripts, mainly [`words.sh`](./words.sh) which extracts only alphanumeric strings and places them on new lines. +Second was cleaning the data completely by allowing only the 26 english alphabet characters to be present. This is done by [`clear.sh`](./clear.sh). +Third and last was turning the data into a numpy array for space efficiency (instead of CSV). This is done by [`transform.py`](./transform.py). This is the last step for data processing and the model can now be trained using this data + +## Structure +The current model is a **character-level** predictor that uses the previous 10 characters to predict the next one. +It was trained using the processed word list. +Dataset can be found in [`data/all_cleaned_words.txt`](data/all_cleaned_words.txt)). + +- **Model type**: **`Multilayer Perceptron`** +- **Input shape**: **`10 * 16`** - 10 previous characters in form of embeddings of 16 dimensions +- **Output shape**: **`26`** - 26 probabilities for each letter of the english alphabet +- **Dataset**: **`220k`** words from various types of sources, mainly books though -For the model to have as much accuracy as possible, I calculated the average word length (5.819) and went with character history of 5 letters. This is for now the norm and can easily be omitted from the data if it becomes excessive -``` -awk '{ total += length; count++ } END { if (count > 0) print total / count }' 1000_words.txt -``` ## Sources 1. Generic news articles - - https://edition.cnn.com/2025/03/20/middleeast/ronen-bar-shin-bet-israel-vote-dismiss-intl-latam/index.html - - https://edition.cnn.com/2025/03/21/europe/conor-mcgregor-ireland-president-election-intl-hnk/index.html + - https://edition.cnn.com/2025/03/20/middleeast/ronen-bar-shin-bet-israel-vote-dismiss-intl-latam/index.html + - https://edition.cnn.com/2025/03/21/europe/conor-mcgregor-ireland-president-election-intl-hnk/index.html 2. Wikipedia articles - - https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog - - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Car + - https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog + - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Car 3. Scientific articles ([Kurzgesagt](https://www.youtube.com/@kurzgesagt/videos)) - - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCiMUWw1BBc&t=766s - - https://news.umich.edu/astronomers-find-surprising-ice-world-in-the-habitable-zone-with-jwst-data/ - - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VD6xJq8NguY - - https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1711842115 + - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCiMUWw1BBc&t=766s + - https://news.umich.edu/astronomers-find-surprising-ice-world-in-the-habitable-zone-with-jwst-data/ + - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VD6xJq8NguY + - https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1711842115 4. License text - - https://www.gnu.org/licenses/gpl-3.0.en.html - - https://www.gnu.org/licenses/old-licenses/gpl-2.0.en.html + - https://www.gnu.org/licenses/gpl-3.0.en.html + - https://www.gnu.org/licenses/old-licenses/gpl-2.0.en.html 5. Books - - https://ia902902.us.archive.org/19/items/diaryofawimpykidbookseriesbyjeffkinney_202004/Diary%20of%20a%20wimpy%20kid%20book02%20rodrick%20rules.pdf - - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1b1Etdxb1cNU3PvDBQnYh0bCAAfssMi8b/view \ No newline at end of file + - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1b1Etdxb1cNU3PvDBQnYh0bCAAfssMi8b/view + - https://dhspriory.org/kenny/PhilTexts/Camus/Myth%20of%20Sisyphus-.pdf + - https://www.matermiddlehigh.org/ourpages/auto/2012/11/16/50246772/Beloved.pdf \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/model/clear.sh b/model/clear.sh new file mode 100755 index 0000000..eb34983 --- /dev/null +++ b/model/clear.sh @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +#!/bin/bash + +grep -o "[[:alpha:]]\{1,\}" "$1" | tr '[:upper:]' '[:lower:]' | grep -Eo '^([a-z]{2,}|a|i)$' diff --git a/model/data/all_cleaned_words_shuffled.txt b/model/data/all_cleaned_words_shuffled.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..893e091 --- /dev/null +++ b/model/data/all_cleaned_words_shuffled.txt @@ -0,0 +1,216339 @@ +these 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+forgot +to +add +the +leather +strap +to +it +he +will +never +have +been +able +to +fasten +it +on +his +sheep +so +now +i +keep +wondering +what +is +happening +on +his +planet +perhaps +the +sheep +has +eaten +the +flower +at +one +time +i +say +to +myself +surely +not +the +little +prince +shuts +his +flower +under +her +glass +globe +every +night +and +he +watches +over +his +sheep +very +carefully +then +i +am +happy +and +there +is +sweetness +in +the +laughter +of +all +the +stars +but +at +another +time +i +say +to +myself +at +some +moment +or +other +one +is +absent +minded +and +that +is +enough +on +some +one +evening +he +forgot +the +glass +globe +or +the +sheep +got +out +without +making +any +noise +in +the +night +and +then +the +little +bells +are +changed +to +tears +here +then +is +a +great +mystery +for +you +who +also +love +the +little +prince +and +for +me +nothing +in +the +universe +can +be +the +same +if +somewhere +we +do +not +know +where +a +sheep +that +we +never +saw +has +yes +or +no +eaten +a +rose +look +up +at +the +sky +ask +yourselves +is +it +yes +or +no +has +the +sheep +eaten +the +flower +and +you +will +see +how +everything +changes +and +no +grown +up +will +ever +understand +that +this +is +a +matter +of +so +much +importance +this +is +to +me +the +loveliest +and +saddest +landscape +in +the +world +it +is +the +same +as +that +on +the +preceding +page +but +i +have +drawn +it +again +to +impress +it +on +your +memory +it +is +here +that +the +little +prince +appeared +on +earth +and +disappeared +look +at +it +carefully +so +that +you +will +be +sure +to +recognise +it +in +case +you +travel +some +day +to +the +african +desert +and +if +you +should +come +upon +this +spot +please +do +not +hurry +on +wait +for +a +time +exactly +under +the +star +then +if +a +little +man +appears +who +laughs +who +has +golden +hair +and +who +refuses +to +answer +questions +you +will +know +who +he +is +if +this +should +happen +please +comfort +me +send +me +word +that +he +has +come +back diff --git a/model/data/beloved.txt b/model/data/beloved.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b313ae1 --- /dev/null +++ b/model/data/beloved.txt @@ -0,0 +1,6173 @@ +1 +*Please note: There may be some problems with paragraph breaks. When they occur, just +keep reading! +Toni Morrison +Beloved +Sixty million and more +I will call them my people, +which were not my people; +and her beloved, +which was not beloved. +ROMANS 9: 25 +BOOK ONE +Chapter 1 +124 WAS SPITEFUL. Full of a baby's venom. The women in the house knew it and so did the children. For years each put +up with the spite in his own way, but by 1873 Sethe and her daughter Denver were its only victims. The grandmother, +Baby Suggs, was dead, and the sons, Howard and Buglar, had run away by the time they were thirteen years old--as soon +as merely looking in a mirror shattered it (that was the signal for Buglar); as soon as two tiny hand prints appeared in the +cake (that was it for Howard). Neither boy waited to see more; another kettleful of chickpeas smoking in a heap on the +floor; soda crackers crumbled and strewn in a line next to the door sill. Nor did they wait for one of the relief periods: +the weeks, months even, when nothing was disturbed. No. Each one fled at once--the moment the house committed +what was for him the one insult not to be borne or witnessed a second time. Within two months, in the dead of winter, +leaving their grandmother, Baby Suggs; Sethe, their mother; and their little sister, Denver, all by themselves in the gray +and white house on Bluestone Road. It didn't have a number then, because Cincinnati didn't stretch that far. In fact, +Ohio had been calling itself a state only seventy years when first one brother and then the next stuffed quilt packing into +his hat, snatched up his shoes, and crept away from the lively spite the house felt for them. +Baby Suggs didn't even raise her head. From her sickbed she heard them go but that wasn't the reason she lay still. It +was a wonder to her that her grandsons had taken so long to realize that every house wasn't like the one on Bluestone +Road. Suspended between the nas tiness of life and the meanness of the dead, she couldn't get interested in leaving life +or living it, let alone the fright of two creeping-off boys. Her past had been like her present--intolerable--and since she +knew death was anything but forgetfulness, she used the little energy left her for pondering color. +"Bring a little lavender in, if you got any. Pink, if you don't." +And Sethe would oblige her with anything from fabric to her own tongue. Winter in Ohio was especially rough if you +had an appetite for color. Sky provided the only drama, and counting on a Cincinnati horizon for life's principal joy was +reckless indeed. So Sethe and the girl Denver did what they could, and what the house permitted, for her. Together they +waged a perfunctory battle against the outrageous behavior of that place; against turned-over slop jars, smacks on the +behind, and gusts of sour air. For they understood the source of the outrage as well as they knew the source of light. +Baby Suggs died shortly after the brothers left, with no interest whatsoever in their leave-taking or hers, and right +afterward Sethe and Denver decided to end the persecution by calling forth the ghost that tried them so. Perhaps a +2 +conversation, they thought, an exchange of views or something would help. So they held hands and said, "Come on. +Come on. You may as well just come on." +The sideboard took a step forward but nothing else did. +"Grandma Baby must be stopping it," said Denver. She was ten and still mad at Baby Suggs for dying. +Sethe opened her eyes. "I doubt that," she said. +"Then why don't it come?" +"You forgetting how little it is," said her mother. "She wasn't even two years old when she died. Too little to understand. +Too little to talk much even." +"Maybe she don't want to understand," said Denver. +"Maybe. But if she'd only come, I could make it clear to her." +Sethe released her daughter's hand and together they pushed the sideboard back against the wall. Outside a driver +whipped his horse into the gallop local people felt necessary when they passed 124. +"For a baby she throws a powerful spell," said Denver. +"No more powerful than the way I loved her," Sethe answered and there it was again. The welcoming cool of unchiseled +headstones; the one she selected to lean against on tiptoe, her knees wide open as any grave. Pink as a fingernail it was, +and sprinkled with glittering chips. Ten minutes, he said. You got ten minutes I'll do it for free. +Ten minutes for seven letters. With another ten could she have gotten "Dearly" too? She had not thought to ask him +and it bothered her still that it might have been possible--that for twenty minutes, a half hour, say, she could have had +the whole thing, every word she heard the preacher say at the funeral (and all there was to say, surely) engraved on her +baby's headstone: Dearly Beloved. But what she got, settled for, was the one word that mattered. She thought it would +be enough, rutting among the headstones with the engraver, his young son looking on, the anger in his face so old; the +appetite in it quite new. That should certainly be enough. Enough to answer one more preacher, one more abolitionist +and a town full of disgust. +Counting on the stillness of her own soul, she had forgotten the other one: the soul of her baby girl. Who would have +thought that a little old baby could harbor so much rage? Rutting among the stones under the eyes of the engraver's son +was not enough. Not only did she have to live out her years in a house palsied by the baby's fury at having its throat cut, +but those ten minutes she spent pressed up against dawn-colored stone studded with star chips, her knees wide open as +the grave, were longer than life, more alive, more pulsating than the baby blood that soaked her fingers like oil. +"We could move," she suggested once to her mother-in-law. +"What'd be the point?" asked Baby Suggs. "Not a house in the country ain't packed to its rafters with some dead Negro's +grief. We lucky this ghost is a baby. My husband's spirit was to come back in here? or yours? Don't talk to me. You lucky. +You got three left. +Three pulling at your skirts and just one raising hell from the other side. Be thankful, why don't you? I had eight. Every +one of them gone away from me. Four taken, four chased, and all, I expect, worrying somebody's house into evil." Baby +Suggs rubbed her eyebrows. +"My first-born. All I can remember of her is how she loved the burned bottom of bread. Can you beat that? Eight +children and that's all I remember." +"That's all you let yourself remember," Sethe had told her, but she was down to one herself--one alive, that is--the boys +chased off by the dead one, and her memory of Buglar was fading fast. Howard at least had a head shape nobody could +3 +forget. As for the rest, she worked hard to remember as +close to nothing as was safe. Unfortunately her brain was devious. She might be hurrying across a field, running +practically, to get to the pump quickly and rinse the chamomile sap from her legs. Nothing else would be in her mind. +The picture of the men coming to nurse her was as lifeless as the nerves in her back where the skin buckled like a +washboard. Nor was there the faintest scent of ink or the cherry gum and oak bark from which it was made. Nothing. +Just the breeze cooling her face as she rushed toward water. And then sopping the chamomile away with pump water +and rags, her mind fixed on getting every last bit of sap off--on her carelessness in taking a shortcut across the field +just to save a half mile, and not noticing how high the weeds had grown until the itching was all the way to her knees. +Then something. The plash of water, the sight of her shoes and stockings awry on the path where she had flung them; +or Here Boy lapping in the puddle near her feet, and suddenly there was Sweet Home rolling, rolling, rolling out before +her eyes, and although there was not a leaf on that farm that did not make her want to scream, it rolled itself out before +her in shameless beauty. It never looked as terrible as it was and it made her wonder if hell was a pretty place too. +Fire and brimstone all right, but hidden in lacy groves. Boys hanging from the most beautiful sycamores in the world. It +shamed her--remembering the wonderful soughing trees rather than the boys. Try as she might to make it otherwise, +the sycamores beat out the children every time and she could not forgive her memory for that. +When the last of the chamomile was gone, she went around to the front of the house, collecting her shoes and stockings +on the way. +As if to punish her further for her terrible memory, sitting on the porch not forty feet away was Paul D, the last of the +Sweet Home men. And although she she said, "Is that you?" +"What's left." He stood up and smiled. "How you been, girl, besides barefoot?" +When she laughed it came out loose and young. "Messed up my legs back yonder. Chamomile." +He made a face as though tasting a teaspoon of something bitter. +"I don't want to even hear 'bout it. Always did hate that stuff." +Sethe balled up her stockings and jammed them into her pocket. +"Come on in." +"Porch is fine, Sethe. Cool out here." He sat back down and looked at the meadow on the other side of the road, +knowing the eagerness he felt would be in his eyes. +"Eighteen years," she said softly. +"Eighteen," he repeated. "And I swear I been walking every one of em. Mind if I join you?" He nodded toward her feet +and began unlacing his shoes. +"You want to soak them? Let me get you a basin of water." She moved closer to him to enter the house. +"No, uh uh. Can't baby feet. A whole lot more tramping they got to do yet." +"You can't leave right away, Paul D. You got to stay awhile." +"Well, long enough to see Baby Suggs, anyway. Where is she?" +"Dead." +"Aw no. When?" +"Eight years now. Almost nine." +4 +"Was it hard? I hope she didn't die hard." +Sethe shook her head. "Soft as cream. Being alive was the hard part. Sorry you missed her though. Is that what you came +by for?" +"That's some of what I came for. The rest is you. But if all the truth be known, I go anywhere these days. Anywhere they +let me sit down." +"You looking good." +"Devil's confusion. He lets me look good long as I feel bad." He looked at her and the word "bad" took on another +meaning. +Sethe smiled. This is the way they were--had been. All of the Sweet Home men, before and after Halle, treated her to a +mild brotherly flirtation, so subtle you had to scratch for it. +Except for a heap more hair and some waiting in his eyes, he looked the way he had in Kentucky. Peachstone skin; +straight-backed. +For a man with an immobile face it was amazing how ready it was to smile, or blaze or be sorry with you. As though all +you had to do was get his attention and right away he produced the feeling you were feeling. With less than a blink, his +face seemed to change--underneath it lay the activity. +"I wouldn't have to ask about him, would I? You'd tell me if there was anything to tell, wouldn't you?" Sethe looked +down at her feet and saw again the sycamores. +"I'd tell you. Sure I'd tell you. I don't know any more now than I did then." Except for the churn, he thought, and you +don't need to know that. "You must think he's still alive." +"No. I think he's dead. It's not being sure that keeps him alive." +"What did Baby Suggs think?" +"Same, but to listen to her, all her children is dead. Claimed she felt each one go the very day and hour." +"When she say Halle went?" +"Eighteen fifty-five. The day my baby was born." +"You had that baby, did you? Never thought you'd make it." +He chuckled. "Running off pregnant." +"Had to. Couldn't be no waiting." She lowered her head and thought, as he did, how unlikely it was that she had made it. +And if it hadn't been for that girl looking for velvet, she never would have. +"All by yourself too." He was proud of her and annoyed by her. +Proud she had done it; annoyed that she had not needed Halle or him in the doing. +"Almost by myself. Not all by myself. A whitegirl helped me." +"Then she helped herself too, God bless her." +"You could stay the night, Paul D." +"You don't sound too steady in the offer." +5 +Sethe glanced beyond his shoulder toward the closed door. "Oh it's truly meant. I just hope you'll pardon my house. +Come on in. +Talk to Denver while I cook you something." +Paul D tied his shoes together, hung them over his shoulder and followed her through the door straight into a pool of +red and undulating light that locked him where he stood. +"You got company?" he whispered, frowning. +"Off and on," said Sethe. +"Good God." He backed out the door onto the porch. "What kind of evil you got in here?" +"It's not evil, just sad. Come on. Just step through." +He looked at her then, closely. Closer than he had when she first rounded the house on wet and shining legs, holding her +shoes and stockings up in one hand, her skirts in the other. Halle's girl--the one with iron eyes and backbone to match. +He had never seen her hair in Kentucky. And though her face was eighteen years older than when last he saw her, it was +softer now. Because of the hair. A face too still for comfort; irises the same color as her skin, which, in that still face, +used to make him think of a mask with mercifully punched out eyes. Halle's woman. Pregnant every year including the +year she sat by the fire telling him she was going to run. Her three children she had already packed into a wagonload of +others in a caravan of Negroes crossing the river. They were to be left with Halle's mother near Cincinnati. Even in that +tiny shack, leaning so close to the fire you could smell the heat in her dress, her +eyes did not pick up a flicker of light. They were like two wells into which he had trouble gazing. Even punched out they +needed to be covered, lidded, marked with some sign to warn folks of what that emptiness held. So he looked instead +at the fire while she told him, because her husband was not there for the telling. Mr. Garner was dead and his wife +had a lump in her neck the size of a sweet potato and unable to speak to anyone. She leaned as close to the fire as her +pregnant belly allowed and told him, Paul D, the last of the Sweet Home men. +There had been six of them who belonged to the farm, Sethe the only female. Mrs. Garner, crying like a baby, had sold +his brother to pay off the debts that surfaced the minute she was widowed. Then schoolteacher arrived to put things in +order. But what he did broke three more Sweet Home men and punched the glittering iron out of Sethe's eyes, leaving +two open wells that did not reflect firelight. +Now the iron was back but the face, softened by hair, made him trust her enough to step inside her door smack into a +pool of pulsing red light. +She was right. It was sad. Walking through it, a wave of grief soaked him so thoroughly he wanted to cry. It seemed a +long way to the normal light surrounding the table, but he made it--dry-eyed and lucky. +"You said she died soft. Soft as cream," he reminded her. +"That's not Baby Suggs," she said. +"Who then?" +"My daughter. The one I sent ahead with the boys." +"She didn't live?" +"No. The one I was carrying when I run away is all I got left. +Boys gone too. Both of em walked off just before Baby Suggs died." +Paul D looked at the spot where the grief had soaked him. The red was gone but a kind of weeping clung to the air +6 +where it had been. +Probably best, he thought. If a Negro got legs he ought to use them. Sit down too long, somebody will figure out a way +to tie them up. Still... if her boys were gone... +"No man? You here by yourself?" +"Me and Denver," she said. +"That all right by you?" +"That's all right by me." +She saw his skepticism and went on. "I cook at a restaurant in town. And I sew a little on the sly." +Paul D smiled then, remembering the bedding dress. Sethe was thirteen when she came to Sweet Home and already +iron-eyed. She was a timely present for Mrs. Garner who had lost Baby Suggs to her husband's high principles. The five +Sweet Home men looked at the new girl and decided to let her be. They were young and so sick with the absence of +women they had taken to calves. Yet they let the iron-eyed girl be, so she could choose in spite of the fact that each +one would have beaten the others to mush to have her. It took her a year to choose--a long, tough year of thrashing on +pallets eaten up with dreams of her. A year of yearning, when rape seemed the solitary gift of life. The restraint they had +exercised possible only because they were Sweet Home men--the ones Mr. Garner bragged about while other farmers +shook their heads in warning at the phrase. +"Y'all got boys," he told them. "Young boys, old boys, picky boys, stroppin boys. Now at Sweet Home, my niggers is men +every one of em. Bought em thataway, raised em thataway. Men every one." +"Beg to differ, Garner. Ain't no nigger men." +"Not if you scared, they ain't." Garner's smile was wide. "But if you a man yourself, you'll want your niggers to be men +too." +"I wouldn't have no nigger men round my wife." +It was the reaction Garner loved and waited for. "Neither would I," he said. "Neither would I," and there was always a +pause before the neighbor, or stranger, or peddler, or brother-in-law or whoever it was got the meaning. Then a fierce +argument, sometimes a fight, and Garner came home bruised and pleased, having demonstrated one more time what a +real Kentuckian was: one tough enough and smart enough to make and call his own niggers men. +And so they were: Paul D Garner, Paul F Garner, Paul A Garner, Halle Suggs and Sixo, the wild man. All in their twenties, +minus women, fucking cows, dreaming of rape, thrashing on pallets, rubbing their thighs and waiting for the new girl-- +the one who took Baby Suggs' place after Halle bought her with five years of Sundays. +Maybe that was why she chose him. A twenty-year-old man so in love with his mother he gave up five years of Sabbaths +just to see her sit down for a change was a serious recommendation. +She waited a year. And the Sweet Home men abused cows while they waited with her. She chose Halle and for their first +bedding she sewed herself a dress on the sly. +"Won't you stay on awhile? Can't nobody catch up on eighteen years in a day." +Out of the dimness of the room in which they sat, a white staircase climbed toward the blue-and-white wallpaper of the +second floor. +Paul D could see just the beginning of the paper; discreet flecks of yellow sprinkled among a blizzard of snowdrops all +backed by blue. +7 +The luminous white of the railing and steps kept him glancing toward it. Every sense he had told him the air above the +stairwell was charmed and very thin. But the girl who walked down out of that air was round and brown with the face of +an alert doll. +Paul D looked at the girl and then at Sethe who smiled saying, "Here she is my Denver. This is Paul D, honey, from Sweet +Home." +"Good morning, Mr. D." +"Garner, baby. Paul D Garner." +"Yes sir." +"Glad to get a look at you. Last time I saw your mama, you were pushing out the front of her dress." +"Still is," Sethe smiled, "provided she can get in it." +Denver stood on the bottom step and was suddenly hot and shy. +It had been a long time since anybody (good-willed whitewoman, preacher, speaker or newspaperman) sat at their +table, their sympathetic voices called liar by the revulsion in their eyes. For twelve years, long before Grandma Baby +died, there had been no visitors of any sort and certainly no friends. No coloredpeople. Certainly no hazelnut man with +too long hair and no notebook, no charcoal, no oranges, no questions. Someone her mother wanted to talk to and +would even consider talking to while barefoot. Looking, in fact acting, like a girl instead of the quiet, queenly woman +Denver had known all her life. The one who never looked away, who when a man got stomped to death by a mare right +in front of Sawyer's restaurant did not look away; and when a sow began eating her own litter did not look away then +either. And when the baby's spirit picked up Here Boy and slammed him into the wall hard enough to break two of his +legs and dislocate his eye, so hard he went into convulsions and chewed up his tongue, still her mother had not looked +away. She had taken a hammer, knocked the dog unconscious, wiped away the blood and saliva, pushed his eye back +in his head and set his leg bones. He recovered, mute and off-balance, more because of his untrustworthy eye than his +bent legs, and winter, summer, drizzle or dry, nothing could persuade him to enter the house again. +Now here was this woman with the presence of mind to repair a dog gone savage with pain rocking her crossed ankles +and looking away from her own daughter's body. As though the size of it was more than vision could bear. And neither +she nor he had on shoes. +Hot, shy, now Denver was lonely. All that leaving: first her brothers, then her grandmother--serious losses since there +were no children willing to circle her in a game or hang by their knees from +her porch railing. None of that had mattered as long as her mother did not look away as she was doing now, making +Denver long, downright long, for a sign of spite from the baby ghost. +"She's a fine-looking young lady," said Paul D. "Fine-looking. +Got her daddy's sweet face." +"You know my father?" +"Knew him. Knew him well." +"Did he, Ma'am?" Denver fought an urge to realign her affection. +"Of course he knew your daddy. I told you, he's from Sweet Home." +Denver sat down on the bottom step. There was nowhere else gracefully to go. They were a twosome, saying "Your +daddy" and "Sweet Home" in a way that made it clear both belonged to them and not to her. That her own father's +absence was not hers. Once the absence had belonged to Grandma Baby--a son, deeply mourned because he was the +8 +one who had bought her out of there. Then it was her mother's absent husband. Now it was this hazelnut stranger's +absent friend. Only those who knew him ("knew him well") could claim his absence for themselves. Just as only those +who lived in Sweet Home could remember it, whisper it and glance sideways at one another while they did. Again she +wished for the baby ghost--its anger thrilling her now where it used to wear her out. Wear her out. +"We have a ghost in here," she said, and it worked. They were not a twosome anymore. Her mother left off swinging +her feet and being girlish. Memory of Sweet Home dropped away from the eyes of the man she was being girlish for. He +looked quickly up the lightning-white stairs behind her. +"So I hear," he said. "But sad, your mama said. Not evil." +"No sir," said Denver, "not evil. But not sad either." +"What then?" +"Rebuked. Lonely and rebuked." +"Is that right?" Paul D turned to Sethe. +"I don't know about lonely," said Denver's mother. "Mad, maybe, but I don't see how it could be lonely spending every +minute with us like it does." +"Must be something you got it wants." +Sethe shrugged. "It's just a baby." +"My sister," said Denver. "She died in this house." +Paul D scratched the hair under his jaw. "Reminds me of that headless bride back behind Sweet Home. Remember that, +Sethe? Used to roam them woods regular." +"How could I forget? Worrisome..." +"How come everybody run off from Sweet Home can't stop talking about it? Look like if it was so sweet you would have +stayed." +"Girl, who you talking to?" +Paul D laughed. "True, true. She's right, Sethe. It wasn't sweet and it sure wasn't home." He shook his head. +"But it's where we were," said Sethe. "All together. Comes back whether we want it to or not." She shivered a little. A +light ripple of skin on her arm, which she caressed back into sleep. "Denver," she said, "start up that stove. Can't have a +friend stop by and don't feed him." +"Don't go to any trouble on my account," Paul D said. +"Bread ain't trouble. The rest I brought back from where I work. +Least I can do, cooking from dawn to noon, is bring dinner home. +You got any objections to pike?" +"If he don't object to me I don't object to him." +At it again, thought Denver. Her back to them, she jostled the kindlin and almost lost the fire. "Why don't you spend the +night, Mr. Garner? You and Ma'am can talk about Sweet Home all night long." +Sethe took two swift steps to the stove, but before she could yank Denver's collar, the girl leaned forward and began to +9 +cry. +"What is the matter with you? I never knew you to behave this way." +"Leave her be," said Paul D. "I'm a stranger to her." +"That's just it. She got no cause to act up with a stranger. Oh baby, what is it? Did something happen?" +But Denver was shaking now and sobbing so she could not speak. +The tears she had not shed for nine years wetting her far too womanly breasts. +"I can't no more. I can't no more." +"Can't what? What can't you?" +"I can't live here. I don't know where to go or what to do, but I can't live here. Nobody speaks to us. Nobody comes by. +Boys don't like me. Girls don't either." +"Honey, honey." +"What's she talking 'bout nobody speaks to you?" asked Paul D. +"It's the house. People don't--" +"It's not! It's not the house. It's us! And it's you!" +"Denver!" +"Leave off, Sethe. It's hard for a young girl living in a haunted house. That can't be easy." +"It's easier than some other things." +"Think, Sethe. I'm a grown man with nothing new left to see or do and I'm telling you it ain't easy. Maybe you all ought +to move. +Who owns this house?" +Over Denver's shoulder Sethe shot Paul D a look of snow. "What you care?" +"They won't let you leave?" +"No." +"Sethe." +"No moving. No leaving. It's all right the way it is." +"You going to tell me it's all right with this child half out of her mind?" +Something in the house braced, and in the listening quiet that followed Sethe spoke. +"I got a tree on my back and a haint in my house, and nothing in between but the daughter I am holding in my arms. +No more running--from nothing. I will never run from another thing on this earth. I took one journey and I paid for the +ticket, but let me tell you something, Paul D Garner: it cost too much! Do you hear me? +It cost too much. Now sit down and eat with us or leave us be." +Paul D fished in his vest for a little pouch of tobacco--concentrating on its contents and the knot of its string while Sethe +10 +led Denver into the keeping room that opened off the large room he was sitting in. He had no smoking papers, so he +fiddled with the pouch and listened through the open door to Sethe quieting her daughter. When she came back she +avoided his look and went straight to a small table next +to the stove. Her back was to him and he could see all the hair he wanted without the distraction of her face. +"What tree on your back?" +"Huh." Sethe put a bowl on the table and reached under it for flour. +"What tree on your back? Is something growing on your back? +I don't see nothing growing on your back." +"It's there all the same." +"Who told you that?" +"Whitegirl. That's what she called it. I've never seen it and never will. But that's what she said it looked like. A +chokecherry tree. +Trunk, branches, and even leaves. Tiny little chokecherry leaves. But that was eighteen years ago. Could have cherries +too now for all I know." +Sethe took a little spit from the tip of her tongue with her forefinger. +Quickly, lightly she touched the stove. Then she trailed her fingers through the flour, parting, separating small hills and +ridges of it, looking for mites. Finding none, she poured soda and salt into the crease of her folded hand and tossed both +into the flour. Then she reached into a can and scooped half a handful of lard. Deftly she squeezed the flour through it, +then with her left hand sprinkling water, she formed the dough. +"I had milk," she said. "I was pregnant with Denver but I had milk for my baby girl. I hadn't stopped nursing her when I +sent her on ahead with Howard and Buglar." +Now she rolled the dough out with a wooden pin. "Anybody could smell me long before he saw me. And when he +saw me he'd see the drops of it on the front of my dress. Nothing I could do about that. All I knew was I had to get my +milk to my baby girl. Nobody was going to nurse her like me. Nobody was going to get it to her fast enough, or take it +away when she had enough and didn't know it. Nobody knew that she couldn't pass her air if you held her up on your +shoulder, only if she was lying on my knees. Nobody knew that but me and nobody had her milk but me. I told that +to the women in the wagon. Told them to put sugar water in cloth to suck from so when I got there in a few days she +wouldn't have forgot me. The milk would be there and I would be there with it." +"Men don't know nothing much," said Paul D, tucking his pouch back into his vest pocket, "but they do know a suckling +can't be away from its mother for long." +"Then they know what it's like to send your children off when your breasts are full." +"We was talking 'bout a tree, Sethe." +"After I left you, those boys came in there and took my milk. +That's what they came in there for. Held me down and took it. I told Mrs. Garner on em. She had that lump and couldn't +speak but her eyes rolled out tears. Them boys found out I told on em. Schoolteacher made one open up my back, and +when it closed it made a tree. It grows there still." +"They used cowhide on you?" +11 +"And they took my milk." +"They beat you and you was pregnant?" +"And they took my milk!" +The fat white circles of dough lined the pan in rows. Once more Sethe touched a wet forefinger to the stove. She opened +the oven door and slid the pan of biscuits in. As she raised up from the heat she felt Paul D behind her and his hands +under her breasts. She straightened up and knew, but could not feel, that his cheek was pressing into the branches of +her chokecherry tree. +Not even trying, he had become the kind of man who could walk into a house and make the women cry. Because with +him, in his presence, they could. There was something blessed in his manner. +Women saw him and wanted to weep--to tell him that their chest hurt and their knees did too. Strong women and wise +saw him and told him things they only told each other: that way past the Change of Life, desire in them had suddenly +become enormous, greedy, more savage than when they were fifteen, and that it embarrassed them and made them +sad; that secretly they longed to die--to be quit of it--that sleep was more precious to them than any waking day. Young +girls sidled up to him to confess or describe how well-dressed the visitations were that had followed them straight from +their dreams. +Therefore, although he did not understand why this was so, he was not surprised when Denver dripped tears into +the stovefire. Nor, fifteen minutes later, after telling him about her stolen milk, her mother wept as well. Behind her, +bending down, his body an arc of kindness, he held her breasts in the palms of his hands. He rubbed his cheek on her +back and learned that way her sorrow, the roots of it; its wide trunk and intricate branches. Raising his fingers to the +hooks of her dress, he knew without seeing them or hearing any sigh that the tears were coming fast. And when the +top of her dress was around her hips and he saw the sculpture her back had become, like the decorative work of an +ironsmith too passionate for display, he could think but not say, "Aw, Lord, girl." And he would tolerate no peace until +he had touched every ridge and leaf of it with his mouth, none of which Sethe could feel because her back skin had been +dead for years. What she knew was that the responsibility for her breasts, at last, was in somebody else's hands. +Would there be a little space, she wondered, a little time, some way to hold off eventfulness, to push busyness into the +corners of the room and just stand there a minute or two, naked from shoulder blade to waist, relieved of the weight of +her breasts, smelling the stolen milk again and the pleasure of +baking bread? Maybe this one time she could stop dead still in the middle of a cooking meal--not even leave the stove- +-and feel the hurt her back ought to. Trust things and remember things because the last of the Sweet Home men was +there to catch her if she sank? +The stove didn't shudder as it adjusted to its heat. Denver wasn't stirring in the next room. The pulse of red light +hadn't come back and Paul D had not trembled since 1856 and then for eighty-three days in a row. Locked up and +chained down, his hands shook so bad he couldn't smoke or even scratch properly. Now he was trembling again but +in the legs this time. It took him a while to realize that his legs were not shaking because of worry, but because the +floorboards were and the grinding, shoving floor was only part of it. The house itself was pitching. Sethe slid to the floor +and struggled to get back into her dress. While down on all fours, as though she were holding her house down on the +ground, Denver burst from the keeping room, terror in her eyes, a vague smile on her lips. +"God damn it! Hush up!" Paul D was shouting, falling, reaching for anchor. "Leave the place alone! Get the hell out!" A +table rushed toward him and he grabbed its leg. Somehow he managed to stand at an angle and, holding the table by +two legs, he bashed it about, wrecking everything, screaming back at the screaming house. "You want to fight, come on! +God damn it! She got enough without you. +She got enough!" +The quaking slowed to an occasional lurch, but Paul D did not stop whipping the table around until everything was rock +12 +quiet. +Sweating and breathing hard, he leaned against the wall in the space the sideboard left. Sethe was still crouched next +to the stove, clutching her salvaged shoes to her chest. The three of them, Sethe, Denver, and Paul D, breathed to the +same beat, like one tired person. Another breathing was just as tired. +It was gone. Denver wandered through the silence to the stove. +She ashed over the fire and pulled the pan of biscuits from the oven. +The jelly cupboard was on its back, its contents lying in a heap in the corner of the bottom shelf. She took out a jar, and, +looking around for a plate, found half of one by the door. These things she carried out to the porch steps, where she sat +down. +The two of them had gone up there. Stepping lightly, easy-footed, they had climbed the white stairs, leaving her down +below. She pried the wire from the top of the jar and then the lid. Under it was cloth and under that a thin cake of wax. +She removed it all and coaxed the jelly onto one half of the half a plate. She took a biscuit and pulled off its black top. +Smoke curled from the soft white insides. +She missed her brothers. Buglar and Howard would be twenty two and twenty-three now. Although they had been +polite to her during the quiet time and gave her the whole top of the bed, she remembered how it was before: the +pleasure they had sitting clustered on the white stairs--she +between the knees of Howard or Buglar--while they made up die-witch! stories with proven ways of killing her dead. +And Baby Suggs telling her things in the keeping room. +She smelled like bark in the day and leaves at night, for Denver would not sleep in her old room after her brothers ran +away. +Now her mother was upstairs with the man who had gotten rid of the only other company she had. Denver dipped a bit +of bread into the jelly. Slowly, methodically, miserably she ate it. +Chapter 2 +NOT QUITE in a hurry, but losing no time, Sethe and Paul D climbed the white stairs. Overwhelmed as much by the +downright luck of finding her house and her in it as by the certainty of giving her his sex, Paul D dropped twenty-five +years from his recent memory. A stair step before him was Baby Suggs' replacement, the new girl they dreamed of at +night and fucked cows for at dawn while waiting for her to choose. Merely kissing the wrought iron on her back had +shook the house, had made it necessary for him to beat it to pieces. +Now he would do more. +She led him to the top of the stairs, where light came straight from the sky because the second-story windows of that +house had been placed in the pitched ceiling and not the walls. There were two rooms and she took him into one of +them, hoping he wouldn't mind the fact that she was not prepared; that though she could remember desire, she had +forgotten how it worked; the clutch and helplessness that resided in the hands; how blindness was altered so that what +leapt to the eye were places to lie down, and all else--door knobs, straps, hooks, the sadness that crouched in corners, +and the passing of time--was interference. +It was over before they could get their clothes off. Half-dressed and short of breath, they lay side by side resentful of +one another and the skylight above them. His dreaming of her had been too long and too long ago. Her deprivation had +been not having any dreams of her own at all. Now they were sorry and too shy to make talk. +Sethe lay on her back, her head turned from him. Out of the corner of his eye, Paul D saw the float of her breasts and +disliked it, the spread-away, flat roundness of them that he could definitely live without, never mind that downstairs he +13 +had held them as though they were the most expensive part of himself. And the wrought-iron maze he had explored +in the kitchen like a gold miner pawing through pay dirt was in fact a revolting clump of scars. Not a tree, as she said. +Maybe shaped like one, but nothing like any tree he knew because trees were inviting; things you could trust and be +near; talk to if you wanted to as he frequently did since way back when he took the midday meal in the fields of Sweet +Home. Always in the same place if he could, and choosing the place had been hard because Sweet Home +had more pretty trees than any farm around. His choice he called Brother, and sat under it, alone sometimes, sometimes +with Halle or the other Pauls, but more often with Sixo, who was gentle then and still speaking English. Indigo with a +flame-red tongue, Sixo experimented with night-cooked potatoes, trying to pin down exactly when to put smoking- +hot rocks in a hole, potatoes on top, and cover the whole thing with twigs so that by the time they broke for the meal, +hitched the animals, left the field and got to Brother, the potatoes would be at the peak of perfection. He might get up +in the middle of the night, go all the way out there, start the earth-over by starlight; or he would make the stones less +hot and put the next day's potatoes on them right after the meal. He never got it right, but they ate those undercooked, +overcooked, dried-out or raw potatoes anyway, laughing, spitting and giving him advice. +Time never worked the way Sixo thought, so of course he never got it right. Once he plotted down to the minute a +thirty-mile trip to see a woman. He left on a Saturday when the moon was in the place he wanted it to be, arrived at +her cabin before church on Sunday and had just enough time to say good morning before he had to start back again so +he'd make the field call on time Monday morning. He had walked for seventeen hours, sat down for one, turned around +and walked seventeen more. Halle and the Pauls spent the whole day covering Sixo's fatigue from Mr. Garner. They ate +no potatoes that day, sweet or white. Sprawled near Brother, his flame-red tongue hidden from them, his indigo face +closed, Sixo slept through dinner like a corpse. Now there was a man, and that was a tree. Himself lying in the bed and +the "tree" lying next to him didn't compare. +Paul D looked through the window above his feet and folded his hands behind his head. An elbow grazed Sethe's +shoulder. The touch of cloth on her skin startled her. She had forgotten he had not taken off his shirt. Dog, she thought, +and then remembered that she had not allowed him the time for taking it off. Nor herself time to take off her petticoat, +and considering she had begun undressing before she saw him on the porch, that her shoes and stockings were already +in her hand and she had never put them back on; that he had looked at her wet bare feet and asked to join her; that +when she rose to cook he had undressed her further; considering how quickly they had started getting naked, you'd +think by now they would be. But maybe a man was nothing but a man, which is what Baby Suggs always said. They +encouraged you to put some of your weight in their hands and soon as you felt how light and lovely that was, they +studied your scars and tribulations, after which they did what he had done: ran her children out and tore up the house. +She needed to get up from there, go downstairs and piece it all back together. This house he told her to leave as though +a house was a little thing--a shirtwaist or a sewing basket you could walk off from or give away any old time. She who +had never had one but this one; she who left a dirt floor to come to this one; she who had to bring a fistful of salsify +into Mrs. Garner's kitchen every day just to be able to work in it, feel like some part of it was hers, because she wanted +to love the work she did, to take the ugly out of it, and the only way she could feel at home on Sweet Home was if she +picked some pretty growing thing and took it with her. The day she forgot was the day butter wouldn't come or the +brine in the barrel blistered her arms. +At least it seemed so. A few yellow flowers on the table, some myrtle tied around the handle of the flatiron holding the +door open for a breeze calmed her, and when Mrs. Garner and she sat down to sort bristle, or make ink, she felt fine. +Fine. Not scared of the men beyond. The five who slept in quarters near her, but never came in the night. Just touched +their raggedy hats when they saw her and stared. And if she brought food to them in the fields, bacon and bread +wrapped in a piece of clean sheeting, they never took it from her hands. They stood back and waited for her to put it +on the ground (at the foot of a tree) and leave. Either they did not want to take anything from her, or did not want her +to see them eat. Twice or three times she lingered. Hidden behind honeysuckle she watched them. How different they +were without her, how they laughed and played and urinated and sang. All but Sixo, who laughed once--at the very end. +Halle, of course, was the nicest. Baby Suggs' eighth and last child, who rented himself out all over the county to buy her +away from there. But he too, as it turned out, was nothing but a man. +"A man ain't nothing but a man," said Baby Suggs. "But a son? +14 +Well now, that's somebody." +It made sense for a lot of reasons because in all of Baby's life, as well as Sethe's own, men and women were moved +around like checkers. +Anybody Baby Suggs knew, let alone loved, who hadn't run off or been hanged, got rented out, loaned out, bought up, +brought back, stored up, mortgaged, won, stolen or seized. So Baby's eight children had six fathers. What she called the +nastiness of life was the shock she received upon learning that nobody stopped playing checkers just because the pieces +included her children. Halle she was able to keep the longest. Twenty years. A lifetime. Given to her, no doubt, to make +up for hearing that her two girls, neither of whom had their adult teeth, were sold and gone and she had not been able +to wave goodbye. To make up for coupling with a straw boss for four months in exchange for keeping her third child, a +boy, with her--only to have him traded for lumber in the spring of the next year and to find herself pregnant by the man +who promised not to and did. That child she could not love and the rest she would not. "God take what He would," she +said. And He did, and He did, and He did and then gave her Halle who gave her freedom when it didn't mean a thing. +Sethe had the amazing luck of six whole years of marriage to that "somebody" son who had fathered every one of her +children. +A blessing she was reckless enough to take for granted, lean on, as though Sweet Home really was one. As though a +handful of myrtle stuck in the handle of a pressing iron propped against the door in a whitewoman's kitchen could make +it hers. As though mint sprig in the mouth changed the breath as well as its odor. A bigger fool never lived. +Sethe started to turn over on her stomach but changed her mind. +She did not want to call Paul D's attention back to her, so she settled for crossing her ankles. +But Paul D noticed the movement as well as the change in her breathing. He felt obliged to try again, slower this time, +but the appetite was gone. Actually it was a good feeling--not wanting her. +Twenty-five years and blip! The kind of thing Sixo would do--like the time he arranged a meeting with Patsy the Thirty- +Mile Woman. +It took three months and two thirty-four-mile round trips to do it. +To persuade her to walk one-third of the way toward him, to a place he knew. A deserted stone structure that Redmen +used way back when they thought the land was theirs. Sixo discovered it on one of his night creeps, and asked its +permission to enter. Inside, having felt what it felt like, he asked the Redmen's Presence if he could bring his woman +there. It said yes and Sixo painstakingly instructed her how to get there, exactly when to start out, how his welcoming +or warning whistles would sound. Since neither could go anywhere on business of their own, and since the Thirty-Mile +Woman was already fourteen and scheduled for somebody's arms, the danger was real. +When he arrived, she had not. He whistled and got no answer. He went into the Redmen's deserted lodge. She was not +there. He returned to the meeting spot. She was not there. He waited longer. She still did not come. He grew frightened +for her and walked down the road in the direction she should be coming from. Three or four miles, and he stopped. +It was hopeless to go on that way, so he stood in the wind and asked for help. Listening close for some sign, he heard +a whimper. He turned toward it, waited and heard it again. Uncautious now, he hollered her name. She answered in +a voice that sounded like life to him--not death. "Not move!" he shouted. "Breathe hard I can find you." He did. She +believed she was already at the meeting place and was crying because she thought he had not kept his promise. +Now it was too late for the rendezvous to happen at the Redmen's house, so they dropped where they were. Later he +punctured her calf to simulate snakebite so she could use it in some way as an excuse for not being on time to shake +worms from tobacco leaves. He gave her detailed directions about following the stream as a shortcut back, and saw her +off. When he got to the road it was very light and he had his clothes in his hands. Suddenly from around a bend a wagon +trundled toward him. Its driver, wide-eyed, raised a whip while the woman seated beside him covered her face. But Sixo +had already melted into the woods before the lash could unfurl itself on his indigo behind. +15 +He told the story to Paul F, Halle, Paul A and Paul D in the peculiar way that made them cry-laugh. Sixo went among +trees at night. For dancing, he said, to keep his bloodlines open, he said. +Privately, alone, he did it. None of the rest of them had seen him at it, but they could imagine it, and the picture they +pictured made them eager to laugh at him--in daylight, that is, when it was safe. +But that was before he stopped speaking English because there was no future in it. Because of the Thirty-Mile Woman +Sixo was the only one not paralyzed by yearning for Sethe. Nothing could be as good as the sex with her Paul D had been +imagining off and on for twenty-five years. His foolishness made him smile and think fondly of himself as he turned over +on his side, facing her. Sethe's eyes were +closed, her hair a mess. Looked at this way, minus the polished eyes, her face was not so attractive. So it must have been +her eyes that kept him both guarded and stirred up. Without them her face was manageable--a face he could handle. +Maybe if she would keep them closed like that... But no, there was her mouth. Nice. Halle never knew what he had. +Although her eyes were closed, Sethe knew his gaze was on her face, and a paper picture of just how bad she must look +raised itself up before her mind's eye. Still, there was no mockery coming from his gaze. Soft. It felt soft in a waiting kind +of way. He was not judging her--or rather he was judging but not comparing her. Not since Halle had a man looked at +her that way: not loving or passionate, but interested, as though he were examining an ear of corn for quality. +Halle was more like a brother than a husband. His care suggested a family relationship rather than a man's laying +claim. For years they saw each other in full daylight only on Sundays. The rest of the time they spoke or touched or ate +in darkness. Predawn darkness and the afterlight of sunset. So looking at each other intently was a Sunday morning +pleasure and Halle examined her as though storing up what he saw in sunlight for the shadow he saw the rest of the +week. And he had so little time. After his Sweet Home work and on Sunday afternoons was the debt work he owed +for his mother. When he asked her to be his wife, Sethe happily agreed and then was stuck not knowing the next step. +There should be a ceremony, shouldn't there? A preacher, some dancing, a party, a something. She and Mrs. +Garner were the only women there, so she decided to ask her. +"Halle and me want to be married, Mrs. Garner." +"So I heard." She smiled. "He talked to Mr. Garner about it. Are you already expecting?" +"No, ma'am." +"Well, you will be. You know that, don't you?" +"Yes, ma'am." +"Halle's nice, Sethe. He'll be good to you." +"But I mean we want to get married." +"You just said so. And I said all right." +"Is there a wedding?" +Mrs. Garner put down her cooking spoon. Laughing a little, she touched Sethe on the head, saying, "You are one sweet +child." And then no more. +Sethe made a dress on the sly and Halle hung his hitching rope from a nail on the wall of her cabin. And there on top +of a mattress on top of the dirt floor of the cabin they coupled for the third time, the first two having been in the tiny +cornfield Mr. Garner kept because it was a crop animals could use as well as humans. Both Halle and Sethe were under +the impression that they were hidden. +Scrunched down among the stalks they couldn't see anything, including the corn tops waving over their heads and +16 +visible to everyone else. +Sethe smiled at her and Halle's stupidity. Even the crows knew and came to look. Uncrossing her ankles, she managed +not to laugh aloud. +The jump, thought Paul D, from a calf to a girl wasn't all that mighty. Not the leap Halle believed it would be. And taking +her in the corn rather than her quarters, a yard away from the cabins of the others who had lost out, was a gesture +of tenderness. Halle wanted privacy for her and got public display. Who could miss a ripple in a cornfield on a quiet +cloudless day? He, Sixo and both of the Pauls sat under Brother pouring water from a gourd over their heads, and +through eyes streaming with well water, they watched the confusion of tassels in the field below. It had been hard, hard, +hard sitting there erect as dogs, watching corn stalks dance at noon. The water running over their heads made it worse. +Paul D sighed and turned over. Sethe took the opportunity afforded by his movement to shift as well. Looking at Paul +D's back, she remembered that some of the corn stalks broke, folded down over Halle's back, and among the things her +fingers clutched were husk and cornsilk hair. +How loose the silk. How jailed down the juice. +The jealous admiration of the watching men melted with the feast of new corn they allowed themselves that night. +Plucked from the broken stalks that Mr. Garner could not doubt was the fault of the raccoon. Paul F wanted his roasted; +Paul A wanted his boiled and now Paul D couldn't remember how finally they'd cooked those ears too young to eat. +What he did remember was parting the hair to get to the tip, the edge of his fingernail just under, so as not to graze a +single kernel. +The pulling down of the tight sheath, the ripping sound always convinced her it hurt. +As soon as one strip of husk was down, the rest obeyed and the ear yielded up to him its shy rows, exposed at last. How +loose the silk. How quick the jailed-up flavor ran free. +No matter what all your teeth and wet fingers anticipated, there was no accounting for the way that simple joy could +shake you. +How loose the silk. How fine and loose and free. +Chapter 3 +DENVER'S SECRETS were sweet. Accompanied every time by wild veronica until she discovered cologne. The first bottle +was a gift, the next she stole from her mother and hid among boxwood until it froze and cracked. That was the year +winter came in a hurry at suppertime and stayed eight months. One of the +War years when Miss Bodwin, the whitewoman, brought Christmas cologne for her mother and herself, oranges for the +boys and another good wool shawl for Baby Suggs. Talking of a war full of dead people, she looked happy--flush-faced, +and although her voice was heavy as a man's, she smelled like a roomful of flowers--excitement that Denver could have +all for herself in the boxwood. Back beyond 1x4 was a narrow field that stopped itself at a wood. On the yonder side of +these woods, a stream. +In these woods, between the field and the stream, hidden by post oaks, five boxwood bushes, planted in a ring, had +started stretching toward each other four feet off the ground to form a round, empty room seven feet high, its walls fifty +inches of murmuring leaves. +Bent low, Denver could crawl into this room, and once there she could stand all the way up in emerald light. +It began as a little girl's houseplay, but as her desires changed, so did the play. Quiet, primate and completely secret +except for the noisome cologne signal that thrilled the rabbits before it confused them. First a playroom (where the +silence was softer), then a refuge (from her brothers' fright), soon the place became the point. In that bower, closed +17 +off from the hurt of the hurt world, Denver's imagination produced its own hunger and its own food, which she badly +needed because loneliness wore her out. Wore her out. Veiled and protected by the live green walls, she felt ripe and +clear, and salvation was as easy as a wish. +Once when she was in the boxwood, an autumn long before Paul D moved into the house with her mother, she was +made suddenly cold by a combination of wind and the perfume on her skin. She dressed herself, bent down to leave +and stood up in snowfall: a thin and whipping snow very like the picture her mother had painted as she described the +circumstances of Denver's birth in a canoe straddled by a whitegirl for whom she was named. +Shivering, Denver approached the house, regarding it, as she always did, as a person rather than a structure. A person +that wept, sighed, trembled and fell into fits. Her steps and her gaze were the cautious ones of a child approaching a +nervous, idle relative (someone dependent but proud). A breastplate of darkness hid all the windows except one. Its +dim glow came from Baby Suggs' room. When Denver looked in, she saw her mother on her knees in prayer, which was +not unusual. What was unusual (even for a girl who had lived all her life in a house peopled by the living activity of the +dead) was that a white dress knelt down next to her mother and had its sleeve around her mother's waist. And it was +the tender embrace of the dress sleeve that made Denver remember the details of her birth--that and the thin, whipping +snow she was standing in, like the fruit of common flowers. The dress and her mother together looked like two friendly +grown-up women--one (the dress) helping out the other. +And the magic of her birth, its miracle in fact, testified to that friendliness as did her own name. +Easily she stepped into the told story that lay before her eyes on the path she followed away from the window. There +was only one door to the house and to get to it from the back you had to walk all the way around to the front of 124, +past the storeroom, past the cold house, the privy, the shed, on around to the porch. And to get to the part of the story +she liked best, she had to start way back: hear +the birds in the thick woods, the crunch of leaves underfoot; see her mother making her way up into the hills where no +houses were likely to be. How Sethe was walking on two feet meant for standing still. How they were so swollen she +could not see her arch or feel her ankles. Her leg shaft ended in a loaf of flesh scalloped by five toenails. But she could +not, would not, stop, for when she did the little antelope rammed her with horns and pawed the ground of her womb +with impatient hooves. While she was walking, it seemed to graze, quietly--so she walked, on two feet meant, in this +sixth month of pregnancy, for standing still. Still, near a kettle; still, at the churn; still, at the tub and ironing board. Milk, +sticky and sour on her dress, attracted every small flying thing from gnats to grasshoppers. +By the time she reached the hill skirt she had long ago stopped waving them off. The clanging in her head, begun as a +churchbell heard from a distance, was by then a tight cap of pealing bells around her ears. She sank and had to look +down to see whether she was in a hole or kneeling. Nothing was alive but her nipples and the little antelope. Finally, she +was horizontal--or must have been because blades of wild onion were scratching her temple and her cheek. Concerned +as she was for the life of her children's mother, Sethe told Denver, she remembered thinking: "Well, at least I don't have +to take another step." A dying thought if ever there was one, and she waited for the little antelope to protest, and why +she thought of an antelope Sethe could not imagine since she had never seen one. She guessed it must have been an +invention held on to from before Sweet Home, when she was very young. Of that place where she was born (Carolina +maybe? or was it Louisiana?) she remembered only song and dance. Not even her own mother, who was pointed out +to her by the eight-year-old child who watched over the young ones--pointed out as the one among many backs turned +away from her, stooping in a watery field. Patiently Sethe waited for this particular back to gain the row's end and stand. +What she saw was a cloth hat as opposed to a straw one, singularity enough in that world of cooing women each of +whom was called Ma'am. +"Seth--thuh." +"Ma'am." +"Hold on to the baby." +"Yes, Ma'am." +18 +"Seth--thuh." +"Ma'am." +"Get some kindlin in here." +"Yes, Ma'am." +Oh but when they sang. And oh but when they danced and sometimes they danced the antelope. The men as well as +the ma'ams, one of whom was certainly her own. They shifted shapes and became something other. Some unchained, +demanding other whose feet knew her pulse better than she did. Just like this one in her stomach. +"I believe this baby's ma'am is gonna die in wild onions on the bloody side of the Ohio River." That's what was on her +mind and what she told Denver. Her exact words. And it didn't seem such a bad idea, all in all, in view of the step she +would not have to take, but the thought of herself stretched out dead while the little antelope lived on--an hour? a day? +a day and a night?--in her lifeless body grieved her so she made the groan that made the person walking on a path not +ten yards away halt and stand right still. Sethe had not heard the walking, but suddenly she heard the standing still and +then she smelled the hair. The voice, saying, "Who's in there?" was all she needed to know that she was about to be +discovered by a white boy. That he too had mossy teeth, an appetite. That on a ridge of pine near the Ohio River, trying +to get to her three children, one of whom was starving for the food she carried; that after her husband had disappeared; +that after her milk had been stolen, her back pulped, her children orphaned, she was not to have an easeful death. No. +She told Denver that a something came up out of the earth into her--like a freezing, but moving too, like jaws +inside. "Look like I was just cold jaws grinding," she said. Suddenly she was eager for his eyes, to bite into them; to gnaw +his cheek. +"I was hungry," she told Denver, "just as hungry as I could be for his eyes. I couldn't wait." +So she raised up on her elbow and dragged herself, one pull, two, three, four, toward the young white voice talking +about "Who that back in there?" +" 'Come see,' I was thinking. 'Be the last thing you behold,' and sure enough here come the feet so I thought well that's +where I'll have to start God do what He would, I'm gonna eat his feet off. I'm laughing now, but it's true. I wasn't just set +to do it. I was hungry to do it. Like a snake. All jaws and hungry. +"It wasn't no whiteboy at all. Was a girl. The raggediest-looking trash you ever saw saying, 'Look there. A nigger. If that +don't beat all.' " +And now the part Denver loved the best: Her name was Amy and she needed beef and pot liquor like nobody in this +world. Arms like cane stalks and enough hair for four or five heads. Slow-moving eyes. She didn't look at anything quick. +Talked so much it wasn't clear how she could breathe at the same time. And those cane-stalk arms, as it turned out, +were as strong as iron. +"You 'bout the scariest-looking something I ever seen. What you doing back up in here?" +Down in the grass, like the snake she believed she was, Sethe opened her mouth, and instead of fangs and a split +tongue, out shot the truth. +"Running," Sethe told her. It was the first word she had spoken all day and it came out thick because of her tender +tongue. +"Them the feet you running on? My Jesus my." She squatted down and stared at Sethe's feet. "You got anything on you, +gal, pass for food?" +"No." Sethe tried to shift to a sitting position but couldn t. +19 +"I like to die I'm so hungry." The girl moved her eyes slowly, examining the greenery around her. "Thought there'd be +huckleberries. +Look like it. That's why I come up in here. Didn't expect to find no nigger woman. If they was any, birds ate em. You like +huckleberries?" +"I'm having a baby, miss." +Amy looked at her. "That mean you don't have no appetite? Well I got to eat me something." +Combing her hair with her fingers, she carefully surveyed the landscape once more. Satisfied nothing edible was around, +she stood up to go and Sethe's heart stood up too at the thought of being left alone in the grass without a fang in her +head. +"Where you on your way to, miss?" +She turned and looked at Sethe with freshly lit eyes. "Boston. Get me some velvet. It's a store there called Wilson. I seen +the pictures of it and they have the prettiest velvet. They don't believe I'm a get it, but I am." +Sethe nodded and shifted her elbow. "Your ma'am know you on the lookout for velvet?" +The girl shook her hair out of her face. "My mama worked for these here people to pay for her passage. But then she +had me and since she died right after, well, they said I had to work for em to pay it off. I did, but now I want me some +velvet." +They did not look directly at each other, not straight into the eyes anyway. Yet they slipped effortlessly into yard chat +about nothing in particular--except one lay on the ground. +"Boston," said Sethe. "Is that far?" +"Ooooh, yeah. A hundred miles. Maybe more." +"Must be velvet closer by." +"Not like in Boston. Boston got the best. Be so pretty on me. +You ever touch it?" +"No, miss. I never touched no velvet." Sethe didn't know if it was the voice, or Boston or velvet, but while the whitegirl +talked, the baby slept. Not one butt or kick, so she guessed her luck had turned. +"Ever see any?" she asked Sethe. "I bet you never even seen any." +"If I did I didn't know it. What's it like, velvet?" +Amy dragged her eyes over Sethe's face as though she would never give out so confidential a piece of information as +that to a perfect stranger. +"What they call you?" she asked. +However far she was from Sweet Home, there was no point in giving out her real name to the first person she saw. "Lu," +said Sethe. +"They call me Lu." +"Well, Lu, velvet is like the world was just born. Clean and new and so smooth. The velvet I seen was brown, but in +Boston they got all colors. Carmine. That means red but when you talk about velvet you got to say 'carmine.' " She raised +her eyes to the sky and then, as though she had wasted enough time away from Boston, she moved off saying, "I gotta +20 +go." +Picking her way through the brush she hollered back to Sethe, "What you gonna do, just lay there and foal?" +"I can't get up from here," said Sethe. +"What?" She stopped and turned to hear. +"I said I can't get up." +Amy drew her arm across her nose and came slowly back to where Sethe lay. "It's a house back yonder," she said. +"A house?" +"Mmmmm. I passed it. Ain't no regular house with people in it though. A lean-to, kinda." +"How far?" +"Make a difference, does it? You stay the night here snake get you." +"Well he may as well come on. I can't stand up let alone walk and God help me, miss, I can't crawl." +"Sure you can, Lu. Come on," said Amy and, with a toss of hair enough for five heads, she moved toward the path. +So she crawled and Amy walked alongside her, and when Sethe needed to rest, Amy stopped too and talked some more +about Boston and velvet and good things to eat. The sound of that voice, like a sixteen-year-old boy's, going on and on +and on, kept the little antelope quiet and grazing. During the whole hateful crawl to the lean to, it never bucked once. +Nothing of Sethe's was intact by the time they reached it except the cloth that covered her hair. Below her bloody +knees, there was no feeling at all; her chest was two cushions of pins. It was the voice full of velvet and Boston and good +things to eat that urged her along and made her think that maybe she wasn't, after all, just a crawling graveyard for a +six-month baby's last hours. +The lean-to was full of leaves, which Amy pushed into a pile for Sethe to lie on. Then she gathered rocks, covered them +with more leaves and made Sethe put her feet on them, saying: "I know a woman had her feet cut off they was so +swole." And she made sawing gestures with the blade of her hand across Sethe's ankles. "Zzz Zzz Zzz Zzz." +"I used to be a good size. Nice arms and everything. Wouldn't think it, would you? That was before they put me in the +root cellar. +I was fishing off the Beaver once. Catfish in Beaver River sweet as chicken. Well I was just fishing there and a nigger +floated right by me. I don't like drowned people, you? Your feet remind me of him. +All swole like." +Then she did the magic: lifted Sethe's feet and legs and massaged them until she cried salt tears. +"It's gonna hurt, now," said Amy. "Anything dead coming back to life hurts." +A truth for all times, thought Denver. Maybe the white dress holding its arm around her mother's waist was in pain. If so, +it could mean the baby ghost had plans. When she opened the door, Sethe was just leaving the keeping room. +"I saw a white dress holding on to you," Denver said. +"White? Maybe it was my bedding dress. Describe it to me." +"Had a high neck. Whole mess of buttons coming down the back." +21 +"Buttons. Well, that lets out my bedding dress. I never had a button on nothing." +"Did Grandma Baby?" +Sethe shook her head. "She couldn't handle them. Even on her shoes. What else?" +"A bunch at the back. On the sit-down part." +"A bustle? It had a bustle?" +"I don't know what it's called." +"Sort of gathered-like? Below the waist in the back?" +"Um hm." +"A rich lady's dress. Silk?" +"Cotton, look like." +"Lisle probably. White cotton lisle. You say it was holding on to me. How?" +"Like you. It looked just like you. Kneeling next to you while you were praying. Had its arm around your waist." +"Well, I'll be." +"What were you praying for, Ma'am?" +"Not for anything. I don't pray anymore. I just talk." +"What were you talking about?" +"You won't understand, baby." +"Yes, I will." +"I was talking about time. It's so hard for me to believe in it. +Some things go. Pass on. Some things just stay. I used to think it was my rememory. You know. Some things you forget. +Other things you never do. But it's not. Places, places are still there. If a house burns down, it's gone, but the place-- +the picture of it--stays, and not just in my rememory, but out there, in the world. What I remember is a picture floating +around out there outside my head. I mean, even if I don't think it, even if I die, the picture of what I did, or knew, or saw +is still out there. Right in the place where it happened." +"Can other people see it?" asked Denver. +"Oh, yes. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Someday you be walking down the road and you hear something or see something going on. +So clear. +And you think it's you thinking it up. A thought picture. But no. It's when you bump into a rememory that belongs to +somebody else. +Where I was before I came here, that place is real. It's never going away. Even if the whole farm--every tree and grass +blade of it dies. +The picture is still there and what's more, if you go there--you who never was there--if you go there and stand in the +place where it was, it will happen again; it will be there for you, waiting for you. So, Denver, you can't never go there. +Never. Because even though it's all over--over and done with--it's going to always be there waiting for you. That's how +22 +come I had to get all my children out. No matter what." +Denver picked at her fingernails. "If it's still there, waiting, that must mean that nothing ever dies." +Sethe looked right in Denver's face. "Nothing ever does," she said. +"You never told me all what happened. Just that they whipped you and you run off, pregnant. With me." +"Nothing to tell except schoolteacher. He was a little man. Short. +Always wore a collar, even in the fields. A schoolteacher, she said. +That made her feel good that her husband's sister's husband had book learning and was willing to come farm Sweet +Home after Mr. +Garner passed. The men could have done it, even with Paul F sold. +But it was like Halle said. She didn't want to be the only white person on the farm and a woman too. So she was satisfied +when the schoolteacher agreed to come. He brought two boys with him. Sons or nephews. I don't know. They called +him Onka and had pretty man ners, all of em. Talked soft and spit in handkerchiefs. Gentle in a lot of ways. You know, +the kind who know Jesus by His first name, but out of politeness never use it even to His face. A pretty good farmer, +Halle said. Not strong as Mr. Garner but smart enough. He liked the ink I made. It was her recipe, but he preferred how +I mixed it and it was important to him because at night he sat down to write in his book. It was a book about us but we +didn't know that right away. We just thought it was his manner to ask us questions. He commenced to carry round a +notebook and write down what we said. I still think it was them questions that tore Sixo up. Tore him up for all time." +She stopped. +Denver knew that her mother was through with it--for now anyway. The single slow blink of her eyes; the bottom lip +sliding up slowly to cover the top; and then a nostril sigh, like the snuff of a candle flame--signs that Sethe had reached +the point beyond which she would not go. +"Well, I think the baby got plans," said Denver. +"What plans?" +"I don't know, but the dress holding on to you got to mean something." +"Maybe," said Sethe. "Maybe it does have plans." +Whatever they were or might have been, Paul D messed them up for good. With a table and a loud male voice he had +rid 124 of its claim to local fame. Denver had taught herself to take pride in the condemnation Negroes heaped on +them; the assumption that the haunting was done by an evil thing looking for more. None of them knew the downright +pleasure of enchantment, of not suspecting but +knowing the things behind things. Her brothers had known, but it scared them; Grandma Baby knew, but it saddened +her. None could appreciate the safety of ghost company. Even Sethe didn't love it. +She just took it for granted--like a sudden change in the weather. +But it was gone now. Whooshed away in the blast of a hazelnut man's shout, leaving Denver's world flat, mostly, with +the exception of an emerald closet standing seven feet high in the woods. Her mother had secrets--things she wouldn't +tell; things she halfway told. +Well, Denver had them too. And hers were sweet--sweet as lily-of-the-valley cologne. +Sethe had given little thought to the white dress until Paul D came, and then she remembered Denver's interpretation: +23 +plans. The morning after the first night with Paul D, Sethe smiled just thinking about what the word could mean. It was a +luxury she had not had in eighteen years and only that once. Before and since, all her effort was directed not on avoiding +pain but on getting through it as quickly as possible. The one set of plans she had made--getting away from Sweet +Home--went awry so completely she never dared life by making more. +Yet the morning she woke up next to Paul D, the word her daughter had used a few years ago did cross her mind +and she thought about what Denver had seen kneeling next to her, and thought also of the temptation to trust and +remember that gripped her as she stood before the cooking stove in his arms. Would it be all right? Would it be all right +to go ahead and feel? Go ahead and count on something? +She couldn't think clearly, lying next to him listening to his breathing, so carefully, carefully, she had left the bed. +Kneeling in the keeping room where she usually went to talk-think it was clear why Baby Suggs was so starved for color. +There wasn't any except for two orange squares in a quilt that made the absence shout. The walls of the room were +slate-colored, the floor earth-brown, the wooden dresser the color of itself, curtains white, and the dominating feature, +the quilt over an iron cot, was made up of scraps of blue serge, black, brown and gray wool--the full range of the dark +and the muted that thrift and modesty allowed. In that sober field, two patches of orange looked wild--like life in the +raw. +Sethe looked at her hands, her bottle-green sleeves, and thought how little color there was in the house and how +strange that she had not missed it the way Baby did. Deliberate, she thought, it must be deliberate, because the last +color she remembered was the pink chips in the headstone of her baby girl. After that she became as color conscious as +a hen. Every dawn she worked at fruit pies, potato dishes and vegetables while the cook did the soup, meat and all the +rest. And she could not remember remembering a molly apple or a yellow squash. Every dawn she saw the dawn, but +never acknowledged or remarked its color. There was something wrong with that. +It was as though one day she saw red baby blood, another day the pink gravestone chips, and that was the last of it. +124 was so full of strong feeling perhaps she was oblivious to the loss of anything at all. There was a time when she +scanned the fields every morning and every evening for her boys. When she stood at the open window, unmindful of +flies, her head cocked to her left shoulder, her eyes searching to the right for them. Cloud shadow on the road, an old +woman, a wandering goat untethered and gnawing bramble--each one looked at first like Howard--no, Buglar. Little by +little she stopped and their thirteen-year-old faces faded completely into their baby ones, which came to her only in +sleep. When her dreams roamed outside 124, anywhere they wished, she saw them sometimes in beautiful trees, their +little legs barely visible in the leaves. +Sometimes they ran along the railroad track laughing, too loud, apparently, to hear her because they never did turn +around. When she woke the house crowded in on her: there was the door where the soda crackers were lined up in a +row; the white stairs her baby girl loved to climb; the corner where Baby Suggs mended shoes, a pile of which were still +in the cold room; the exact place on the stove where Denver burned her fingers. And of course the spite of the house +itself. There was no room for any other thing or body until Paul D arrived and broke up the place, making room, shifting +it, moving it over to someplace else, then standing in the place he had made. +So, kneeling in the keeping room the morning after Paul D came, she was distracted by the two orange squares that +signaled how barren 124 really was. +He was responsible for that. Emotions sped to the surface in his company. Things became what they were: drabness +looked drab; heat was hot. Windows suddenly had view. And wouldn't you know he'd be a singing man. +Little rice, little bean, +No meat in between. +Hard work ain't easy, +24 +Dry bread ain't greasy. +He was up now and singing as he mended things he had broken the day before. Some old pieces of song he'd learned on +the prison farm or in the War afterward. Nothing like what they sang at Sweet Home, where yearning fashioned every +note. +The songs he knew from Georgia were flat-headed nails for pounding and pounding and pounding. +Lay my bead on the railroad line, +Train come along, pacify my mind. +If I had my weight in lime, +I'd whip my captain till he went stone blind. +Five-cent nickel, Ten-cent dime, +Busting rocks is busting time. +But they didn't fit, these songs. They were too loud, had too much power for the little house chores he was engaged in-- +resetting table legs; glazing. +He couldn't go back to "Storm upon the Waters" that they sang under the trees of Sweet Home, so he contented himself +with mmmmmmmmm, throwing in a line if one occurred to him, and what occurred over and over was "Bare feet and +chamomile sap,/ Took off my shoes; took off my hat." +It was tempting to change the words (Gimme back my shoes; gimme back my hat), because he didn't believe he could +live with a woman--any woman--for over two out of three months. That was about as long as he could abide one place. +After Delaware and before that Alfred, Georgia, where he slept underground and crawled into sunlight for the sole +purpose of breaking rock, walking off when he got ready was the only way he could convince himself that he would no +longer have to sleep, pee, eat or swing a sledge hammer in chains. +But this was not a normal woman in a normal house. As soon as he had stepped through the red light he knew that, +compared to 124, the rest of the world was bald. After Alfred he had shut down a generous portion of his head, +operating on the part that helped him walk, eat, sleep, sing. If he could do those things--with a little work and a little sex +thrown in--he asked for no more, for more required him to dwell on Halle's face and Sixo laughing. To recall trembling +in a box built into the ground. Grateful for the daylight spent doing mule work in a quarry because he did not tremble +when he had a hammer in his hands. The box had done what Sweet Home had not, what working like an ass and living +like a dog had not: drove him crazy so he would not lose his mind. +By the time he got to Ohio, then to Cincinnati, then to Halle Suggs' mother's house, he thought he had seen and felt it +all. Even now as he put back the window frame he had smashed, he could not account for the pleasure in his surprise +at seeing Halle's wife alive, barefoot with uncovered hair--walking around the corner of the house with her shoes and +stockings in her hands. The closed portion of his head opened like a greased lock. +"I was thinking of looking for work around here. What you think?" +"Ain't much. River mostly. And hogs." +"Well, I never worked on water, but I can pick up anything heavy as me, hogs included." +"Whitepeople better here than Kentucky but you may have to scramble some." +"It ain't whether I scramble; it's where. You saying it's all right to scramble here?" +"Better than all right." +25 +"Your girl, Denver. Seems to me she's of a different mind." +"Why you say that?" +"She's got a waiting way about her. Something she's expecting and it ain't me." +"I don't know what it could be." +"Well, whatever it is, she believes I'm interrupting it." +"Don't worry about her. She's a charmed child. From the beginning." +"Is that right?" +"Uh huh. Nothing bad can happen to her. Look at it. Everybody I knew dead or gone or dead and gone. Not her. Not my +Denver. +Even when I was carrying her, when it got clear that I wasn't going to make it--which meant she wasn't going to make it +either--she pulled a whitegirl out of the hill. The last thing you'd expect to help. +And when the schoolteacher found us and came busting in here with the law and a shotgun--" +"Schoolteacher found you?" +"Took a while, but he did. Finally." +"And he didn't take you back?" +"Oh, no. I wasn't going back there. I don't care who found who. +Any life but not that one. I went to jail instead. Denver was just a baby so she went right along with me. Rats bit +everything in there but her." +Paul D turned away. He wanted to know more about it, but jail talk put him back in Alfred, Georgia. +"I need some nails. Anybody around here I can borrow from or should I go to town?" +"May as well go to town. You'll need other things." +One night and they were talking like a couple. They had skipped love and promise and went directly to "You saying it's all +right to scramble here?" +To Sethe, the future was a matter of keeping the past at bay. The "better life" she believed she and Denver were living +was simply not that other one. +The fact that Paul D had come out of "that other one" into her bed was better too; and the notion of a future with him, +or for that matter without him, was beginning to stroke her mind. As for Denver, the job Sethe had of keeping her from +the past that was still waiting for her was all that mattered. +Chapter 4 +PLEASANTLY TROUBLED, Sethe avoided the keeping room and Denver's sidelong looks. As she expected, since life was +like that--it didn't do any good. Denver ran a mighty interference and on the third day flat-out asked Paul D how long he +was going to hang around. +The phrase hurt him so much he missed the table. The coffee cup hit the floor and rolled down the sloping boards +toward the front door. +26 +"Hang around?" Paul D didn't even look at the mess he had made. +"Denver! What's got into you?" Sethe looked at her daughter, feeling more embarrassed than angry. +Paul D scratched the hair on his chin. "Maybe I should make tracks." +"No!" Sethe was surprised by how loud she said it. +"He know what he needs," said Denver. +"Well, you don't," Sethe told her, "and you must not know what you need either. I don't want to hear another word out +of you." +"I just asked if--" +"Hush! You make tracks. Go somewhere and sit down." +Denver picked up her plate and left the table but not before adding a chicken back and more bread to the heap she was +carrying away. +Paul D leaned over to wipe the spilled coffee with his blue handkerchief. +"I'll get that." Sethe jumped up and went to the stove. Behind it various cloths hung, each in some stage of drying. In +silence she wiped the floor and retrieved the cup. Then she poured him another cupful, and set it carefully before him. +Paul D touched its rim but didn't say anything--as though even "thank you" was an obligation he could not meet and the +coffee itself a gift he could not take. +Sethe resumed her chair and the silence continued. Finally she realized that if it was going to be broken she would have +to do it. +"I didn't train her like that." +Paul D stroked the rim of the cup. +"And I'm as surprised by her manners as you are hurt by em." +Paul D looked at Sethe. "Is there history to her question?" +"History? What you mean?" +"I mean, did she have to ask that, or want to ask it, of anybody else before me?" +Sethe made two fists and placed them on her hips. "You as bad as she is." +"Come on, Sethe." +"Oh, I am coming on. I am!" +"You know what I mean." +"I do and I don't like it." +"Jesus," he whispered. +"Who?" Sethe was getting loud again. +"Jesus! I said Jesus! All I did was sit down for supper! and I get cussed out twice. Once for being here and once for asking +why I was cussed in the first place!" +27 +"She didn't cuss." +"No? Felt like it." +"Look here. I apologize for her. I'm real--" +"You can't do that. You can't apologize for nobody. She got to do that." +"Then I'll see that she does." Sethe sighed. +"What I want to know is, is she asking a question that's on your mind too?" +"Oh no. No, Paul D. Oh no." +"Then she's of one mind and you another? If you can call what ever's in her head a mind, that is." +"Excuse me, but I can't hear a word against her. I'll chastise her. +You leave her alone." +Risky, thought Paul D, very risky. For a used-to-be-slave woman to love anything that much was dangerous, especially if +it was her children she had settled on to love. The best thing, he knew, was to love just a little bit; everything, just a little +bit, so when they broke its back, or shoved it in a croaker sack, well, maybe you'd have a little love left over for the next +one. "Why?" he asked her. "Why you think you have to take up for her? Apologize for her? She's grown." +"I don't care what she is. Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. +A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that supposed to mean? In my heart it don't mean a thing." +"It means she has to take it if she acts up. You can't protect her every minute. What's going to happen when you die?" +"Nothing! I'll protect her while I'm live and I'll protect her when I ain't." +"Oh well, I'm through," he said. "I quit." +"That's the way it is, Paul D. I can't explain it to you no better than that, but that's the way it is. If I have to choose--well, +it's not even a choice." +"That's the point. The whole point. I'm not asking you to choose. +Nobody would. I thought--well, I thought you could--there was some space for me." +"She's asking me." +"You can't go by that. You got to say it to her. Tell her it's not about choosing somebody over her--it's making space for +somebody along with her. You got to say it. And if you say it and mean it, then you also got to know you can't gag me. +There's no way I'm going to hurt her or not take care of what she need if I can, but I can't be told to keep my mouth shut +if she's acting ugly. You want me here, don't put no gag on me." +"Maybe I should leave things the way they are," she said. +"How are they?" +"We get along." +"What about inside?" +"I don't go inside." +28 +"Sethe, if I'm here with you, with Denver, you can go anywhere you want. Jump, if you want to, 'cause I'll catch you, +girl. I'll catch you "fore you fall. Go as far inside as you need to, I'll hold your ankles. Make sure you get back out. I'm not +saying this because I need a place to stay. That's the last thing I need. I told you, I'm a walking man, but I been heading in +this direction for seven years. +Walking all around this place. Upstate, downstate, east, west; I been in territory ain't got no name, never staying +nowhere long. But when I got here and sat out there on the porch, waiting for you, well, I knew it wasn't the place I was +heading toward; it was you. We can make a life, girl. A life." +"I don't know. I don't know." +"Leave it to me. See how it goes. No promises, if you don't want to make any. Just see how it goes. All right?" +"All right." +"You willing to leave it to me?" +"Well--some of it." +"Some?" he smiled. "Okay. Here's some. There's a carnival in town. Thursday, tomorrow, is for coloreds and I got two +dollars. +Me and you and Denver gonna spend every penny of it. What you say?" +"No" is what she said. At least what she started out saying (what would her boss say if she took a day off?), but even +when she said it she was thinking how much her eyes enjoyed looking in his face. +The crickets were screaming on Thursday and the sky, stripped of blue, was white hot at eleven in the morning. Sethe +was badly dressed for the heat, but this being her first social outing in eighteen years, she felt obliged to wear her one +good dress, heavy as it was, and a hat. Certainly a hat. She didn't want to meet Lady Jones or Ella with her head wrapped +like she was going to work. The dress, a good-wool castoff, was a Christmas present to Baby Suggs from Miss Bodwin, +the whitewoman who loved her. Denver and Paul D fared better in the heat since neither felt the occasion required +special clothing. Denver's bonnet knocked against her shoulder blades; Paul D wore his vest open, no jacket and his +shirt sleeves rolled above his elbows. They were not holding hands, but their shadows were. Sethe looked to her left +and all three of them were gliding over the dust holding hands. Maybe he was right. A life. Watching their hand holding +shadows, she was embarrassed at being dressed for church. +The others, ahead and behind them, would think she was putting on airs, letting them know that she was different +because she lived in a house with two stories; tougher, because she could do and +survive things they believed she should neither do nor survive. She was glad Denver had resisted her urgings to dress up- +-rebraid her hair at least. +But Denver was not doing anything to make this trip a pleasure. She agreed to go--sullenly--but her attitude +was "Go 'head. Try and make me happy." The happy one was Paul D. He said howdy to everybody within twenty feet. +Made fun of the weather and what it was doing to him, yelled back at the crows, and was the first to smell the doomed +roses. All the time, no matter what they were doing-- whether Denver wiped perspiration from her forehead or stooped +to retie her shoes; whether Paul D kicked a stone or reached over to meddle a child's face leaning on its mother's +shoulder--all the time the three shadows that shot out of their feet to the left held hands. +Nobody noticed but Sethe and she stopped looking after she decided that it was a good sign. A life. Could be. +Up and down the lumberyard fence old roses were dying. The sawyer who had planted them twelve years ago to give +his workplace a friendly feel--something to take the sin out of slicing trees for a living--was amazed by their abundance; +how rapidly they crawled all over the stake-and-post fence that separated the lumberyard from the open field next to +it where homeless men slept, children ran and, once a year, carnival people pitched tents. The closer the roses got to +29 +death, the louder their scent, and everybody who attended the carnival associated it with the stench of the rotten roses. +It made them a little dizzy and very thirsty but did nothing to extinguish the eagerness of the coloredpeople filing down +the road. Some walked on the grassy shoulders, others dodged the wagons creaking down the road's dusty center. All, +like Paul D, were in high spirits, which the smell of dying roses (that Paul D called to everybody's attention) could not +dampen. As they pressed to get to the rope entrance they were lit like lamps. Breathless with the excitement of seeing +white people loose: doing magic, clowning, without heads or with two heads, twenty feet tall or two feet tall, weighing +a ton, completely tattooed, eating glass, swallowing fire, spitting ribbons, twisted into knots, forming pyramids, playing +with snakes and beating each other up. +All of this was advertisement, read by those who could and heard by those who could not, and the fact that none of it +was true did not extinguish their appetite a bit. The barker called them and their children names ("Pickaninnies free!") +but the food on his vest and the hole in his pants rendered it fairly harmless. In any case it was a small price to pay for +the fun they might not ever have again. Two pennies and an insult were well spent if it meant seeing the spectacle of +whitefolks making a spectacle of themselves. So, although the carnival was a lot less than mediocre (which is why it +agreed to a Colored Thursday), it gave the four hundred black people in its audience thrill upon thrill upon thrill. +One-Ton Lady spit at them, but her bulk shortened her aim and they got a big kick out of the helpless meanness in her +little eyes. +Arabian Nights Dancer cut her performance to three minutes instead of the usual fifteen she normally did-earning the +gratitude of the children, who could hardly wait for Abu Snake Charmer, who followed her. +Denver bought horehound, licorice, peppermint and lemonade at a table manned by a little whitegirl in ladies' high- +topped shoes. +Soothed by sugar, surrounded by a crowd of people who did not find her the main attraction, who, in fact, said, "Hey, +Denver," every now and then, pleased her enough to consider the possibility that Paul D wasn't all that bad. In fact there +was something about him-- when the three of them stood together watching Midget dance--that made the stares of +other Negroes kind, gentle, something Denver did not remember seeing in their faces. Several even nodded and smiled +at her mother, no one, apparently, able to withstand sharing the pleasure Paul D. was having. He slapped his knees +when Giant danced with Midget; when Two-Headed Man talked to himself. He bought everything Denver asked for and +much she did not. He teased Sethe into tents she was reluctant to enter. Stuck pieces of candy she didn't want between +her lips. When Wild African Savage shook his bars and said wa wa, Paul D told everybody he knew him back in Roanoke. +Paul D made a few acquaintances; spoke to them about what work he might find. Sethe returned the smiles she got. +Denver was swaying with delight. And on the way home, although leading them now, the shadows of three people still +held hands. +Chapter 5 +A FULLY DRESSED woman walked out of the water. She barely gained the dry bank of the stream before she sat down +and leaned against a mulberry tree. All day and all night she sat there, her head resting on the trunk in a position +abandoned enough to crack the brim in her straw hat. Everything hurt but her lungs most of all. +Sopping wet and breathing shallow she spent those hours trying to negotiate the weight of her eyelids. The day breeze +blew her dress dry; the night wind wrinkled it. Nobody saw her emerge or came accidentally by. If they had, chances +are they would have hesitated before approaching her. Not because she was wet, or dozing or had what sounded like +asthma, but because amid all that she was smiling. +It took her the whole of the next morning to lift herself from the ground and make her way through the woods past a +giant temple of boxwood to the field and then the yard of the slate-gray house. +Exhausted again, she sat down on the first handy place--a stump not far from the steps of 124. By then keeping her eyes +open was less of an effort. She could manage it for a full two minutes or more. +30 +Her neck, its circumference no wider than a parlor-service saucer, kept bending and her chin brushed the bit of lace +edging her dress. +Women who drink champagne when there is nothing to celebrate can look like that: their straw hats with broken brims +are often askew; they nod in public places; their shoes are undone. But their skin is not like that of the woman breathing +near the steps of 124. She had new skin, lineless and smooth, including the knuckles of her hands. +By late afternoon when the carnival was over, and the Negroes were hitching rides home if they were lucky--walking if +they were not--the woman had fallen asleep again. The rays of the sun struck her +full in the face, so that when Sethe, Denver and Paul D rounded the curve in the road all they saw was a black dress, two +unlaced shoes below it, and Here Boy nowhere in sight. +"Look," said Denver. "What is that?" +And, for some reason she could not immediately account for, the moment she got close enough to see the face, Sethe's +bladder filled to capacity. She said, "Oh, excuse me," and ran around to the back of 124. Not since she was a baby +girl, being cared for by the eight year-old girl who pointed out her mother to her, had she had an emergency that +unmanageable. She never made the outhouse. Right in front of its door she had to lift her skirts, and the water she +voided was endless. Like a horse, she thought, but as it went on and on she thought, No, more like flooding the boat +when Denver was born. So much water Amy said, "Hold on, Lu. You going to sink us you keep that up." But there was no +stopping water breaking from a breaking womb and there was no stopping now. She hoped Paul D wouldn't take it upon +himself to come looking for her and be obliged to see her squatting in front of her own privy making a mudhole too deep +to be witnessed without shame. Just about the time she started wondering if the carnival would accept another freak, +it stopped. She tidied herself and ran around to the porch. No one was there. All three were insidePaul D and Denver +standing before the stranger, watching her drink cup after cup of water. +"She said she was thirsty," said Paul D. He took off his cap. +"Mighty thirsty look like." +The woman gulped water from a speckled tin cup and held it out for more. Four times Denver filled it, and four times +the woman drank as though she had crossed a desert. When she was finished a little water was on her chin, but she did +not wipe it away. Instead she gazed at Sethe with sleepy eyes. Poorly fed, thought Sethe, and younger than her clothes +suggested--good lace at the throat, and a rich woman's hat. Her skin was flawless except for three vertical scratches on +her forehead so fine and thin they seemed at first like hair, baby hair before it bloomed and roped into the masses of +black yarn under her hat. +"You from around here?" Sethe asked her. +She shook her head no and reached down to take off her shoes. +She pulled her dress up to the knees and rolled down her stockings. +When the hosiery was tucked into the shoes, Sethe saw that her feet were like her hands, soft and new. She must have +hitched a wagon ride, thought Sethe. Probably one of those West Virginia girls looking for something to beat a life of +tobacco and sorghum. Sethe bent to pick up the shoes. +"What might your name be?" asked Paul D. +"Beloved," she said, and her voice was so low and rough each one looked at the other two. They heard the voice first-- +later the name. +"Beloved. You use a last name, Beloved?" Paul D asked her. +"Last?" She seemed puzzled. Then "No," and she spelled it for them, slowly as though the letters were being formed as +31 +she spoke them. +Sethe dropped the shoes; Denver sat down and Paul D smiled. +He recognized the careful enunciation of letters by those, like himself, who could not read but had memorized the +letters of their name. He was about to ask who her people were but thought better of it. A young coloredwoman drifting +was drifting from ruin. He had been in Rochester four years ago and seen five women arriving with fourteen female +children. All their men--brothers, uncles, fathers, husbands, sons--had been picked off one by one by one. They had a +single piece of paper directing them to a preacher on DeVore Street. +The War had been over four or five years then, but nobody white or black seemed to know it. Odd clusters and strays of +Negroes wandered the back roads and cowpaths from Schenectady to Jackson. +Dazed but insistent, they searched each other out for word of a cousin, an aunt, a friend who once said, "Call on me. +Anytime you get near Chicago, just call on me." Some of them were running from family that could not support them, +some to family; some were running from dead crops, dead kin, life threats, and took-over land. Boys younger than +Buglar and Howard; configurations and blends of families of women and children, while elsewhere, solitary, hunted +and hunting for, were men, men, men. Forbidden public transportation, chased by debt and filthy "talking sheets," they +followed secondary routes, scanned the horizon for signs and counted heavily on each other. Silent, except for social +courtesies, when they met one another they neither described nor asked about the sorrow that drove them from one +place to another. The whites didn't bear speaking on. Everybody knew. +So he did not press the young woman with the broken hat about where from or how come. If she wanted them to know +and was strong enough to get through the telling, she would. What occupied them at the moment was what it might +be that she needed. Underneath the major question, each harbored another. Paul D wondered at the newness of her +shoes. Sethe was deeply touched by her sweet name; the remembrance of glittering headstone made her feel especially +kindly toward her. Denver, however, was shaking. She looked at this sleepy beauty and wanted more. +Sethe hung her hat on a peg and turned graciously toward the girl. "That's a pretty name, Beloved. Take off your hat, +why don't you, and I'll make us something. We just got back from the carnival over near Cincinnati. Everything in there is +something to see." +Bolt upright in the chair, in the middle of Sethe's welcome, Beloved had fallen asleep again. +"Miss. Miss." Paul D shook her gently. "You want to lay down a spell?" +She opened her eyes to slits and stood up on her soft new feet which, barely capable of their job, slowly bore her to +the keeping room. Once there, she collapsed on Baby Suggs' bed. Denver removed her hat and put the quilt with two +squares of color over her feet. +She was breathing like a steam engine. +"Sounds like croup," said Paul D, closing the door. +"Is she feverish? Denver, could you tell?" +"No. She's cold." +"Then she is. Fever goes from hot to cold." +"Could have the cholera," said Paul D. +"Reckon?" +"All that water. Sure sign." +"Poor thing. And nothing in this house to give her for it. She'll just have to ride it out. That's a hateful sickness if ever +32 +there was one." +"She's not sick!" said Denver, and the passion in her voice made them smile. +Four days she slept, waking and sitting up only for water. Denver tended her, watched her sound sleep, listened to +her labored breathing and, out of love and a breakneck possessiveness that charged her, hid like a personal blemish +Beloved's incontinence. She rinsed the sheets secretly, after Sethe went to the restaurant and Paul D went scrounging +for barges to help unload. She boiled the underwear and soaked it in bluing, praying the fever would pass without +damage. +So intent was her nursing, she forgot to eat or visit the emerald closet. +"Beloved?" Denver would whisper. "Beloved?" and when the black eyes opened a slice all she could say was "I'm here. +I'm still here." +Sometimes, when Beloved lay dreamy-eyed for a very long time, saying nothing, licking her lips and heaving deep sighs, +Denver panicked. +"What is it?" she would ask. +"Heavy," murmured Beloved. "This place is heavy." +"Would you like to sit up?" +"No," said the raspy voice. +It took three days for Beloved to notice the orange patches in the darkness of the quilt. Denver was pleased because +it kept her patient awake longer. She seemed totally taken with those faded scraps of orange, even made the effort to +lean on her elbow and stroke them. +An effort that quickly exhausted her, so Denver rearranged the quilt so its cheeriest part was in the sick girl's sight line. +Patience, something Denver had never known, overtook her. As long as her mother did not interfere, she was a model of +compassion, turning waspish, though, when Sethe tried to help. +"Did she take a spoonful of anything today?" Sethe inquired. +"She shouldn't eat with cholera." +"You sure that's it? Was just a hunch of Paul D's." +"I don't know, but she shouldn't eat anyway just yet." +"I think cholera people puke all the time." +"That's even more reason, ain't it?" +"Well she shouldn't starve to death either, Denver." +"Leave us alone, Ma'am. I'm taking care of her." +"She say anything?" +"I'd let you know if she did." +Sethe looked at her daughter and thought, Yes, she has been lonesome. Very lonesome. +"Wonder where Here Boy got off to?" Sethe thought a change of subject was needed. +33 +"He won't be back," said Denver. +"How you know?" +"I just know." Denver took a square of sweet bread off the plate. +Back in the keeping room, Denver was about to sit down when Beloved's eyes flew wide open. Denver felt her heart +race. It wasn't that she was looking at that face for the first time with no trace of sleep in it, or that the eyes were big +and black. Nor was it that the whites of them were much too white--blue-white. It was that deep down in those big black +eyes there was no expression at all. +"Can I get you something?" +Beloved looked at the sweet bread in Denver's hands and Denver held it out to her. She smiled then and Denver's heart +stopped bouncing and sat down---relieved and easeful like a traveler who had made it home. +From that moment and through everything that followed, sugar could always be counted on to please her. It was as +though sweet things were what she was born for. Honey as well as the wax it came in, sugar sandwiches, the sludgy +molasses gone hard and brutal in the can, lemonade, taffy and any type of dessert Sethe brought home from the +restaurant. She gnawed a cane stick to flax and kept the strings in her mouth long after the syrup had been sucked away. +Denver laughed, Sethe smiled and Paul D said it made him sick to his stomach. +Sethe believed it was a recovering body's need---after an illness-- for quick strength. But it was a need that went on +and on into glowing health because Beloved didn't go anywhere. There didn't seem anyplace for her to go. She didn't +mention one, or have much of an idea of what she was doing in that part of the country or where she had been. They +believed the fever had caused her memory to fail just as it kept her slow-moving. A young woman, about nineteen or +twenty, and slender, she moved like a heavier one or an older one, holding on to furniture, resting her head in the palm +of her hand as though it was too heavy for a neck alone. +"You just gonna feed her? From now on?" Paul D, feeling ungenerous, and surprised by it, heard the irritability in his +voice. +"Denver likes her. She's no real trouble. I thought we'd wait till her breath was better. She still sounds a little lumbar to +me." +"Something funny 'bout that gal," Paul D said, mostly to himself. +"Funny how?" +"Acts sick, sounds sick, but she don't look sick. Good skin, bright eyes and strong as a bull." +"She's not strong. She can hardly walk without holding on to something." +"That's what I mean. Can't walk, but I seen her pick up the rocker with one hand." +"You didn't." +"Don't tell me. Ask Denver. She was right there with her." +"Denver! Come in here a minute." +Denver stopped rinsing the porch and stuck her head in the window. +"Paul D says you and him saw Beloved pick up the rocking chair single-handed. That so?" +Long, heavy lashes made Denver's eyes seem busier than they were; deceptive, even when she held a steady gaze as she +34 +did now on Paul D. "No," she said. "I didn't see no such thing." +Paul D frowned but said nothing. If there had been an open latch between them, it would have closed. +Chapter 6 +RAINWATER held on to pine needles for dear life and Beloved could not take her eyes off Sethe. Stooping to shake the +damper, or snapping sticks for kindlin, Sethe was licked, tasted, eaten by Beloved's eyes. Like a familiar, she hovered, +never leaving the room Sethe was in unless required and told to. She rose early in the dark to be there, waiting, in the +kitchen when Sethe came down to make fast bread before she left for work. In lamplight, and over the flames of the +cooking stove, their two shadows clashed and crossed on the ceiling like black swords. She was in the window at two +when Sethe returned, or the doorway; then the porch, its steps, the path, the road, till finally, surrendering to the habit, +Beloved began inching down Bluestone Road further and further each day to meet Sethe and walk her back to 124. It +was as though every afternoon she doubted anew the older woman's return. +Sethe was flattered by Beloved's open, quiet devotion. The same adoration from her daughter (had it been forthcoming) +would have annoyed her; made her chill at the thought of having raised a ridiculously dependent child. But the company +of this sweet, if peculiar, guest pleased her the way a zealot pleases his teacher. +Time came when lamps had to be lit early because night arrived sooner and sooner. Sethe was leaving for work in the +dark; Paul D was walking home in it. On one such evening dark and cool, Sethe cut a rutabaga into four pieces and left +them stewing. She gave Denver a half peck of peas to sort and soak overnight. Then she sat herself down to rest. The +heat of the stove made her drowsy and she was sliding into sleep when she felt Beloved touch her. A touch no heavier +than a feather but loaded, nevertheless, with desire. Sethe stirred and looked around. First at Beloved's soft new hand +on her shoulder, then into her eyes. The longing she saw there was bottomless. Some plea barely in control. Sethe +patted Beloved's fingers and glanced at Denver, whose eyes were fixed on her pea-sorting task. +"Where your diamonds?" Beloved searched Sethe's face. +"Diamonds? What would I be doing with diamonds?" +"On your ears." +"Wish I did. I had some crystal once. A present from a lady I worked for." +"Tell me," said Beloved, smiling a wide happy smile. "Tell me your diamonds." +It became a way to feed her. Just as Denver discovered and relied on the delightful effect sweet things had on Beloved, +Sethe learned the profound satisfaction Beloved got from storytelling. It amazed Sethe (as much as it pleased Beloved) +because every mention of her past life hurt. Everything in it was painful or lost. She and Baby Suggs had agreed without +saying so that it was unspeakable; to Denver's inquiries Sethe gave short replies or rambling incomplete reveries. +Even with Paul D, who had shared some of it and to whom she could talk with at least a measure of calm, the hurt was +always there-like a tender place in the corner of her mouth that the bit left. +But, as she began telling about the earrings, she found herself wanting to, liking it. Perhaps it was Beloved's distance +from the events itself, or her thirst for hearing it--in any case it was an unexpected pleasure. +Above the patter of the pea sorting and the sharp odor of cooking rutabaga, Sethe explained the crystal that once hung +from her ears. +"That lady I worked for in Kentucky gave them to me when I got married. What they called married hack there and back +then. I guess she saw how bad I felt when I found out there wasn't going to be no ceremony, no preacher. Nothing. I +thought there should be something--something to say it was right and true. I didn't want it to be just me moving over +a bit of pallet full of corn husks. Or just me bringing my night bucket into his cabin. I thought there should be some +35 +ceremony. Dancing maybe. A little sweet william in my hair." Sethe smiled. "I never saw a wedding, but I saw Mrs. +Garner's wedding gown in the press, and heard her go on about what it was like. Two pounds of currants in the cake, she +said, and four whole sheep. The people were still eating the next day. That's what I wanted. +A meal maybe, where me and Halle and all the Sweet Home men sat down and ate something special. Invite some of the +other colored people from over by Covington or High Trees--those places Sixo used to sneak off to. But it wasn't going to +be nothing. They said it was all right for us to be husband and wife and that was it. All of it. +"Well, I made up my mind to have at the least a dress that wasn't the sacking I worked in. So I took to stealing fabric, and +wound up with a dress you wouldn't believe. The top was from two pillow cases in her mending basket. The front of the +skirt was a dresser scarf a candle fell on and burnt a hole in, and one of her old sashes we used to test the flatiron on. +Now the back was a problem for the longest time. Seem like I couldn't find a thing that wouldn't be missed right away. +Because I had to take it apart afterwards and put all the pieces back where they were. Now Halle was patient, waiting +for me to finish it. He knew I wouldn't go ahead without having it. +Finally I took the mosquito netting from a nail out the barn. We used it to strain jelly through. I washed it and soaked it +best I could and tacked it on for the back of the skirt. And there I was, in the worst-looking gown you could imagine. Only +my wool shawl kept me from looking like a haint peddling. I wasn't but fourteen years old, so I reckon that's why I was so +proud of myself. +"Anyhow, Mrs. Garner must have seen me in it. I thought I was stealing smart, and she knew everything I did. Even our +honeymoon: going down to the cornfield with Halle. That's where we went first. +A Saturday afternoon it was. He begged sick so he wouldn't have to go work in town that day. Usually he worked +Saturdays and Sundays to pay off Baby Suggs' freedom. But he begged sick and I put on my dress and we walked into +the corn holding hands. I can still smell the ears roasting yonder where the Pauls and Sixo was. Next day Mrs. Garner +crooked her finger at me and took me upstairs to her bedroom. She opened up a wooden box and took out a pair of +crystal earrings. She said, 'I want you to have these, Sethe.' I said, 'Yes, ma'am.' +'Are your ears pierced?' she said. I said, 'No, ma'am.' +'Well do it,' she said, 'so you can wear them. I want you to have them and I want you and Halle to be happy.' I thanked +her but I never did put them on till I got away from there. One day after I walked into this here house Baby Suggs +unknotted my underskirt and took em out. I sat right here by the stove with Denver in my arms and let her punch holes +in my ears for to wear them." +"I never saw you in no earrings," said Denver. "Where are they now?" +"Gone," said Sethe. "Long gone," and she wouldn't say another word. Until the next time when all three of them ran +through the wind back into the house with rainsoaked sheets and petticoats. +Panting, laughing, they draped the laundry over the chairs and table. +Beloved filled herself with water from the bucket and watched while Sethe rubbed Denver's hair with a piece of +toweling. +"Maybe we should unbraid it?" asked Sethe. +"Oh uh. Tomorrow." Denver crouched forward at the thought of a fine-tooth comb pulling her hair. +"Today is always here," said Sethe. "Tomorrow, never." +"It hurts," Denver said. +"Comb it every day, it won't." +36 +"Ouch." +"Your woman she never fix up your hair?" Beloved asked. +Sethe and Denver looked up at her. After four weeks they still had not got used to the gravelly voice and the song that +seemed to lie in it. Just outside music it lay, with a cadence not like theirs. +"Your woman she never fix up your hair?" was clearly a question for sethe, since that's who she was looking at. +"My woman? You mean my mother? If she did, I don't remember. +I didn't see her but a few times out in the fields and once when she was working indigo. By the time I woke up in the +morning, she was in line. If the moon was bright they worked by its light. Sunday she slept like a stick. She must of +nursed me two or three weeks--that's the way the others did. Then she went back in rice and I sucked from another +woman whose job it was. So to answer you, no. I reckon not. She never fixed my hair nor nothing. She didn't even sleep +in the same cabin most nights I remember. Too far from the line-up, I guess. One thing she did do. She picked me up and +carried me behind the smokehouse. Back there she opened up her dress front and lifted her breast and pointed under +it. Right on her rib was a circle and a cross burnt right in the skin. She said, 'This is your ma'am. This,' and she pointed. 'I +am the only one got this mark now. The rest dead. If something happens to me and you can't tell me by my face, you +can know me by this mark.' Scared me so. All I could think of was how important this was and how I needed to have +something important to say back, but I couldn't think of anything so I just said what I thought. 'Yes, Ma'am,' I said. 'But +how will you know me? +How will you know me? Mark me, too,' I said. 'Mark the mark on me too.'" Sethe chuckled. +"Did she?" asked Denver. +"She slapped my face." +"What for?" +"I didn't understand it then. Not till I had a mark of my own." +"What happened to her?" +"Hung. By the time they cut her down nobody could tell whether she had a circle and a cross or not, least of all me and I +did look." +Sethe gathered hair from the comb and leaning back tossed it into the fire. It exploded into stars and the smell infuriated +them. "Oh, my Jesus," she said and stood up so suddenly the comb she had parked in Denver's hair fell to the floor. +"Ma'am? What's the matter with you, Ma'am?" +Sethe walked over to a chair, lifted a sheet and stretched it as wide as her arms would go. Then she folded, refolded +and double folded it. She took another. Neither was completely dry but the folding felt too fine to stop. She had to do +something with her hands because she was remembering something she had forgotten she knew. +Something privately shameful that had seeped into a slit in her mind right behind the slap on her face and the circled +cross. +"Why they hang your ma'am?" Denver asked. This was the first time she had heard anything about her mother's mother. +Baby Suggs was the only grandmother she knew. +"I never found out. It was a lot of them," she said, but what was getting clear and clearer as she folded and refolded +damp laundry was the woman called Nan who took her hand and yanked her away from the pile before she could make +out the mark. Nan was the one she knew best, who was around all day, who nursed babies, cooked, had one good arm +and half of another. And who used different words. +37 +Words Sethe understood then but could neither recall nor repeat now. She believed that must be why she remembered +so little before Sweet Home except singing and dancing and how crowded it was. +What Nan told her she had forgotten, along with the language she told it in. The same language her ma'am spoke, and +which would never come back. But the message--that was and had been there all along. Holding the damp white sheets +against her chest, she was picking meaning out of a code she no longer understood. Nighttime. +Nan holding her with her good arm, waving the stump of the other in the air. "Telling you. I am telling you, small girl +Sethe," and she did that. She told Sethe that her mother and Nan were together from the sea. Both were taken up many +times by the crew. "She threw them all away but you. The one from the crew she threw away on the island. The others +from more whites she also threw away. Without names, she threw them. You she gave the name of the black man. +She put her arms around him. The others she did not put her arms around. Never. Never. Telling you. I am telling you, +small girl Sethe." +As small girl Sethe, she was unimpressed. As grown-up woman Sethe she was angry, but not certain at what. A mighty +wish for Baby Suggs broke over her like surf. In the quiet following its splash, Sethe looked at the two girls sitting by the +stove: her sickly, shallow-minded boarder, her irritable, lonely daughter. They seemed little and far away. +"Paul D be here in a minute," she said. +Denver sighed with relief. For a minute there, while her mother stood folding the wash lost in thought, she clamped her +teeth and prayed it would stop. Denver hated the stories her mother told that did not concern herself, which is why Amy +was all she ever asked about. The rest was a gleaming, powerful world made more so by Denver's absence from it. Not +being in it, she hated it and wanted Beloved to hate it too, although there was no chance of that at all. +Beloved took every opportunity to ask some funny question and get Sethe going. Denver noticed how greedy she was to +hear Sethe talk. +Now she noticed something more. The questions Beloved asked: "Where your diamonds?" +"Your woman she never fix up your hair?" +And most perplexing: Tell me your earrings. +How did she know? +Chapter 7 +BELOVED WAS SHINING and Paul D didn’t like it. Women did what strawberry plants did before they shot out their thin +vines: the quality of the green changed. Then the vine threads came, then the buds. By the time the white petals died +and the mint-colored berry poked out, the leaf shine was gilded fight and waxy. That's how Beloved looked-- gilded +and shining. Paul D took to having Sethe on waking, so that later, when he went down the white stairs where she made +bread under Beloved's gaze, his head was clear. +In the evening when he came home and the three of them were all there fixing the supper table, her shine was so +pronounced he wondered why Denver and Sethe didn't see it. Or maybe they did. +Certainly women could tell, as men could, when one of their number was aroused. Paul D looked carefully at Beloved +to see if she was aware of it but she paid him no attention at all--frequently not even answering a direct question put +to her. She would look at him and not open her mouth. Five weeks she had been with them, and they didn't know any +more about her than they did when they found her asleep on the stump. +They were seated at the table Paul D had broken the day he arrived at 124. Its mended legs stronger than before. The +cabbage was all gone and the shiny ankle bones of smoked pork were pushed in a heap on their plates. Sethe was +38 +dishing up bread pudding, murmuring her hopes for it, apologizing in advance the way veteran cooks always do, when +something in Beloved's face, some petlike adoration that took hold of her as she looked at Sethe, made Paul D speak. +"Ain't you got no brothers or sisters?" +Beloved diddled her spoon but did not look at him. "I don't have nobody." +"What was you looking for when you came here?" he asked her. +"This place. I was looking for this place I could be in." +"Somebody tell you about this house?" +"She told me. When I was at the bridge, she told me." +"Must be somebody from the old days," Sethe said. The days when 124 was a way station where messages came and +then their senders. Where bits of news soaked like dried beans in spring water--until they were soft enough to digest. +"How'd you come? Who brought you?" +Now she looked steadily at him, but did not answer. +He could feel both Sethe and Denver pulling in, holding their stomach muscles, sending out sticky spiderwebs to touch +one another. +He decided to force it anyway. +"I asked you who brought you here?" +"I walked here," she said. "A long, long, long, long way. Nobody bring me. Nobody help me." +"You had new shoes. If you walked so long why don't your shoes show it?" +"Paul D, stop picking on her." +"I want to know," he said, holding the knife handle in his fist like a pole. +"I take the shoes! I take the dress! The shoe strings don't fix!" she shouted and gave him a look so malevolent Denver +touched her arm. +"I'll teach you," said Denver, "how to tie your shoes," and got a smile from Beloved as a reward. +Paul D had the feeling a large, silver fish had slipped from his hands the minute he grabbed hold of its tail. That it was +streaming back off into dark water now, gone but for the glistening marking its route. But if her shining was not for him, +who then? He had never known a woman who lit up for nobody in particular, who just did it as a general announcement. +Always, in his experience, the light appeared when there was focus. Like the Thirty-Mile Woman, dulled to smoke while +he waited with her in the ditch, and starlight when Sixo got there. He never knew himself to mistake it. It was there the +instant he looked at Sethe's wet legs, otherwise he never would have been bold enough to enclose her in his arms that +day and whisper into her back. +This girl Beloved, homeless and without people, beat all, though he couldn't say exactly why, considering the +coloredpeople he had run into during the last twenty years. During, before and after the War he had seen Negroes so +stunned, or hungry, or tired or bereft it was a wonder they recalled or said anything. Who, like him, had hidden in caves +and fought owls for food; who, like him, stole from pigs; who, like him, slept in trees in the day and walked by night; +who, like him, had buried themselves in slop and jumped in wells to avoid regulators, raiders, paterollers, veterans, hill +men, posses and merrymakers. Once he met a Negro about fourteen years old who lived by himself in the woods and +said he couldn't remember living anywhere else. He saw a witless coloredwoman jailed and hanged for stealing ducks +39 +she believed were her own babies. +Move. Walk. Run. Hide. Steal and move on. Only once had it been possible for him to stay in one spot--with a woman, +or a family--for longer than a few months. That once was almost two years with a weaver lady in Delaware, the meanest +place for Negroes he had ever seen outside Pulaski County, Kentucky, and of course the prison camp in Georgia. +From all those Negroes, Beloved was different. Her shining, her new shoes. It bothered him. Maybe it was just the fact +that he didn't bother her. Or it could be timing. She had appeared and been taken in on the very day Sethe and he had +patched up their quarrel, gone out in public and had a right good time--like a family. Denver had come around, so to +speak; Sethe was laughing; he had a promise of steady work, 124 was cleared up from spirits. It had begun to look like a +life. And damn! a water-drinking woman fell sick, got took in, healed, and hadn't moved a peg since. +He wanted her out, but Sethe had let her in and he couldn't put her out of a house that wasn't his. It was one thing to +beat up a ghost, quite another to throw a helpless coloredgirl out in territory infected by the Klan. Desperately thirsty for +black blood, without which it could not live, the dragon swam the Ohio at will. +Sitting at table, chewing on his after-supper broom straw, Paul D decided to place her. Consult with the Negroes in town +and find her her own place. +No sooner did he have the thought than Beloved strangled on one of the raisins she had picked out of the bread +pudding. She fell backward and off the chair and thrashed around holding her throat. +Sethe knocked her on the back while Denver pried her hands away from her neck. Beloved, on her hands and knees, +vomited up her food and struggled for breath. +When she was quiet and Denver had wiped up the mess, she said, "Go to sleep now." +"Come in my room," said Denver. "I can watch out for you up there." +No moment could have been better. Denver had worried herself sick trying to think of a way to get Beloved to share her +room. It was hard sleeping above her, wondering if she was going to be sick again, fall asleep and not wake, or (God, +please don't) get up and wander out of the yard just the way she wandered in. They could have their talks easier there: +at night when Sethe and Paul D were asleep; or in the daytime before either came home. Sweet, crazy conversations full +of half sentences, daydreams and misunderstandings more thrilling than understanding could ever be. +When the girls left, Sethe began to clear the table. She stacked the plates near a basin of water. +"What is it about her vex you so?" +Paul D frowned, but said nothing. +"We had one good fight about Denver. Do we need one about her too?" asked Sethe. +"I just don't understand what the hold is. It's clear why she holds on to you, but just can't see why you holding on to +her." +Sethe turned away from the plates toward him. "what you care who's holding on to who? Feeding her is no trouble. I +pick up a little extra from the restaurant is all. And she's nice girl company for Denver. You know that and I know you +know it, so what is it got your teeth on edge?" +"I can't place it. It's a feeling in me." +"Well, feel this, why don't you? Feel how it feels to have a bed to sleep in and somebody there not worrying you to +death about what you got to do each day to deserve it. Feel how that feels. And if that don't get it, feel how it feels to be +a coloredwoman roaming the roads with anything God made liable to jump on you. Feel that." +"I know every bit of that, Sethe. I wasn't born yesterday and I never mistreated a woman in my life." +40 +"That makes one in the world," Sethe answered. +"Not two?" +"No. Not two." +"What Halle ever do to you? Halle stood by you. He never left you." +"What'd he leave then if not me?" +"I don't know, but it wasn't you. That's a fact." +"Then he did worse; he left his children." +"You don't know that." +"He wasn't there. He wasn't where he said he would be." +"He was there." +"Then why didn't he show himself? Why did I have to pack my babies off and stay behind to look for him?" +"He couldn't get out the loft." +"Loft? What loft?" +"The one over your head. In the barn." +Slowly, slowly, taking all the time allowed, Sethe moved toward the table. +"He saw?" +"He saw." +"He told you?" +"You told me." +"What?" +"The day I came in here. You said they stole your milk. I never knew what it was that messed him up. That was it, I guess. +All I knew was that something broke him. Not a one of them years of Saturdays, Sundays and nighttime extra never +touched him. But whatever he saw go on in that barn that day broke him like a twig." +"He saw?" Sethe was gripping her elbows as though to keep them from flying away. +"He saw. Must have." +"He saw them boys do that to me and let them keep on breathing air? He saw? He saw? He saw?" +"Hey! Hey! Listen up. Let me tell you something. A man ain't a goddamn ax. Chopping, hacking, busting every goddamn +minute of the day. Things get to him. Things he can't chop down because they're inside." +Sethe was pacing up and down, up and down in the lamplight. +"The underground agent said, By Sunday. They took my milk and he saw it and didn't come down? Sunday came and he +didn't. Monday came and no Halle. I thought he was dead, that's why; then I thought they caught him, that's why. Then +I thought, No, he's not dead because if he was I'd know it, and then you come here after all this time and you didn't say +he was dead, because you didn't know either, so I thought, Well, he just found him another better way to live. +41 +Because if he was anywhere near here, he'd come to Baby Suggs, if not to me. But I never knew he saw." +"What does that matter now?" +"If he is alive, and saw that, he won't step foot in my door. Not Halle." +"It broke him, Sethe." Paul D looked up at her and sighed. "You may as well know it all. Last time I saw him he was sitting +by the chum. He had butter all over his face." +Nothing happened, and she was grateful for that. Usually she could see the picture right away of what she heard. +But she could not picture what Paul D said. Nothing came to mind. Carefully, carefully, she passed on to a reasonable +question. +"What did he say?" +"Nothing." +"Not a word?" +"Not a word." +"Did you speak to him? Didn't you say anything to him? Something!" +"I couldn't, Sethe. I just.., couldn't." +"Why!" +"I had a bit in my mouth." +Sethe opened the front door and sat down on the porch steps. +The day had gone blue without its sun, but she could still make out the black silhouettes of trees in the meadow beyond. +She shook her head from side to side, resigned to her rebellious brain. Why was there nothing it reused? No misery, no +regret, no hateful picture too rotten to accept? Like a greedy child it snatched up everything. Just once, could it say, No +thank you? I just ate and can't hold another bite? I am full God damn it of two boys with mossy teeth, one sucking on +my breast the other holding me down, their book-reading teacher watching and writing it up. I am still full of that, God +damn it, I can't go back and add more. Add my husband to it, watching, above me in the loft--hiding close by--the one +place he thought no one would look for him, looking down on what I couldn't look at at all. +And not stopping them--looking and letting it happen. But my greedy brain says, Oh thanks, I'd love more--so I add +more. And no sooner than I do, there is no stopping. There is also my husband squatting by the churn smearing the +butter as well as its clabber all over his face because the milk they took is on his mind. And as far as he is concerned, the +world may as well know it. And if he was that broken then, then he is also and certainly dead now. And if Paul D saw +him and could not save or comfort him because the iron bit was in his mouth, then there is still more that Paul D could +tell me and my brain would go right ahead and take it and never say, No thank you. I don't want to know or have to +remember that. I have other things to do: worry, for example, about tomorrow, about Denver, about Beloved, about age +and sickness not to speak of love. +But her brain was not interested in the future. Loaded with the past and hungry for more, it left her no room to imagine, +let alone plan for, the next day. Exactly like that afternoon in the wild onions-- when one more step was the most she +could see of the future. Other people went crazy, why couldn't she? Other people's brains stopped, turned around and +went on to something new, which is what must have happened to Halle. And how sweet that would have been: the two +of them back by the milk shed, squatting by the churn, smashing cold, lumpy butter into their faces with not a care in +the world. +Feeling it slippery, sticky--rubbing it in their hair, watching it squeeze through their fingers. What a relief to stop it right +42 +there. Close. Shut. +Squeeze the butter. But her three children were chewing sugar teat under a blanket on their way to Ohio and no butter +play would change that. +Paul D stepped through the door and touched her shoulder. +"I didn't plan on telling you that." +"I didn't plan on hearing it." +"I can't take it back, but I can leave it alone," Paul D said. +He wants to tell me, she thought. He wants me to ask him about what it was like for him--about how offended the +tongue is, held down by iron, how the need to spit is so deep you cry for it. She already knew about it, had seen it time +after time in the place before Sweet Home. Men, boys, little +girls, women. The wildness that shot up into the eye the moment the lips were yanked back. Days after it was taken out, +goose fat was rubbed on the corners of the mouth but nothing to soothe the tongue or take the wildness out of the eye. +Sethe looked up into Paul D's eyes to see if there was any trace left in them. +"People I saw as a child," she said, "who'd had the bit always looked wild after that. Whatever they used it on them for, +it couldn't have worked, because it put a wildness where before there wasn't any. When I look at you, I don't see it. +There ain't no wildness in your eye nowhere." +"There's a way to put it there and there's a way to take it out. I know em both and I haven't figured out yet which is +worse." He sat down beside her. Sethe looked at him. In that unlit daylight his face, bronzed and reduced to its bones, +smoothed her heart down. +"You want to tell me about it?" she asked him. +"I don't know. I never have talked about it. Not to a soul. Sang it sometimes, but I never told a soul." +"Go ahead. I can hear it." +"Maybe. Maybe you can hear it. I just ain't sure I can say it. Say it right, I mean, because it wasn't the bit--that wasn't it." +"What then?" Sethe asked. +"The roosters," he said. "Walking past the roosters looking at them look at me." +Sethe smiled. "In that pine?" +"Yeah." Paul D smiled with her. "Must have been five of them perched up there, and at least fifty hens." +"Mister, too?" +"Not right off. But I hadn't took twenty steps before I seen him. +He come down off the fence post there and sat on the tub." +"He loved that tub," said Sethe, thinking, No, there is no stopping now. +"Didn't he? Like a throne. Was me took him out the shell, you know. He'd a died if it hadn't been for me. The hen had +walked on off with all the hatched peeps trailing behind her. There was this one egg left. Looked like a blank, but then +I saw it move so I tapped it open and here come Mister, bad feet and all. I watched that son a bitch grow up and whup +everything in the yard." +43 +"He always was hateful," Sethe said. +"Yeah, he was hateful all right. Bloody too, and evil. Crooked feet flapping. Comb as big as my hand and some kind of +red. He sat right there on the tub looking at me. I swear he smiled. My head was full of what I'd seen of Halle a while +back. I wasn't even thinking about the bit. Just Halle and before him Sixo, but when I saw Mister I knew it was me too. +Not just them, me too. One crazy, one sold, one missing, one burnt and me licking iron with my hands crossed behind +me. The last of the Sweet Home men. +"Mister, he looked so... free. Better than me. Stronger, tougher. +Son a bitch couldn't even get out the shell by hisself but he was still king and I was..." Paul D stopped and squeezed his +left hand with his right. He held it that way long enough for it and the world to quiet down and let him go on. +"Mister was allowed to be and stay what he was. But I wasn't allowed to be and stay what I was. Even if you cooked +him you'd be cooking a rooster named Mister. But wasn't no way I'd ever be Paul D again, living or dead. Schoolteacher +changed me. I was something else and that something was less than a chicken sitting in the sun on a tub." +Sethe put her hand on his knee and rubbed. +Paul D had only begun, what he was telling her was only the beginning when her fingers on his knee, soft and reassuring, +stopped him. Just as well. Just as well. Saying more might push them both to a place they couldn't get back from. He +would keep the rest where it belonged: in that tobacco tin buried in his chest where a red heart used to be. Its lid rusted +shut. He would not pry it loose now in front of this sweet sturdy woman, for if she got a whiff of the contents it would +shame him. And it would hurt her to know that there was no red heart bright as Mister's comb beating in him. +Sethe rubbed and rubbed, pressing the work cloth and the stony curves that made up his knee. She hoped it calmed him +as it did her. +Like kneading bread in the half-light of the restaurant kitchen. Before the cook arrived when she stood in a space no +wider than a bench is long, back behind and to the left of the milk cans. Working dough. +Working, working dough. Nothing better than that to start the day's serious work of beating back the past. +Chapter 8 +UPSTAIRS BELOVED was dancing. A little two-step, two-step, make-a-new-step, slide, slide and strut on down. +Denver sat on the bed smiling and providing the music. +She had never seen Beloved this happy. She had seen her pouty lips open wide with the pleasure of sugar or some piece +of news Denver gave her. She had felt warm satisfaction radiating from Beloved's skin when she listened to her mother +talk about the old days. +But gaiety she had never seen. Not ten minutes had passed since Beloved had fallen backward to the floor, pop-eyed, +thrashing and holding her throat. Now, after a few seconds lying in Denver's bed, she was up and dancing. +"Where'd you learn to dance?" Denver asked her. +"Nowhere. Look at me do this." Beloved put her fists on her hips and commenced to skip on bare feet. Denver laughed. +"Now you. Come on," said Beloved. "You may as well just come on." Her black skirt swayed from side to side. +Denver grew ice-cold as she rose from the bed. She knew she was twice Beloved's size but she floated up, cold and light +as a snowflake. +Beloved took Denver's hand and placed another on Denver's shoulder. They danced then. Round and round the tiny +44 +room and it may have been dizziness, or feeling light and icy at once, that made Denver laugh so hard. A catching laugh +that Beloved caught. The two of them, merry as kittens, swung to and fro, to and fro, until exhausted they sat on the +floor. Beloved let her head fall back on the edge of the bed while she found her breath and Denver saw the tip of the +thing she always saw in its entirety when Beloved undressed to sleep. Looking straight at it she whispered, "Why you call +yourself Beloved?" +Beloved closed her eyes. "In the dark my name is Beloved." +Denver scooted a little closer. "What's it like over there, where you were before? Can you tell me?" +"Dark," said Beloved. "I'm small in that place. I'm like this here." +She raised her head off the bed, lay down on her side and curled up. +Denver covered her lips with her fingers. "Were you cold?" +Beloved curled tighter and shook her head. "Hot. Nothing to breathe down there and no room to move in." +"You see anybody?" +"Heaps. A lot of people is down there. Some is dead." +"You see Jesus? Baby Suggs?" +"I don't know. I don't know the names." She sat up. +"Tell me, how did you get here?" +"I wait; then I got on the bridge. I stay there in the dark, in the daytime, in the dark, in the daytime. It was a long time." +"All this time you were on a bridge?" +"No. After. When I got out." +"What did you come back for?" +Beloved smiled. "To see her face." +"Ma'am's? Sethe?" +"Yes, Sethe." +Denver felt a little hurt, slighted that she was not the main reason for Beloved's return. "Don't you remember we played +together by the stream?" +"I was on the bridge," said Beloved. "You see me on the bridge?" +"No, by the stream. The water back in the woods." +"Oh, I was in the water. I saw her diamonds down there. I could touch them." +"What stopped you?" +"She left me behind. By myself," said Beloved. She lifted her eyes to meet Denver's and frowned, perhaps. Perhaps not. +The tiny scratches on her forehead may have made it seem so. +Denver swallowed. "Don't," she said. "Don't. You won't leave us, will you?" +"No. Never. This is where I am." +45 +Suddenly Denver, who was sitting cross-legged, lurched forward and grabbed Beloved's wrist. "Don't tell her. Don't let +Ma'am know who you are. Please, you hear?" +"Don't tell me what to do. Don't you never never tell me what to do." +"But I'm on your side, Beloved." +"She is the one. She is the one I need. You can go but she is the one I have to have." Her eyes stretched to the limit, +black as the all night sky. +"I didn't do anything to you. I never hurt you. I never hurt anybody," said Denver. +"Me either. Me either." +"What you gonna do?" +"Stay here. I belong here." +"I belong here too." +"Then stay, but don't never tell me what to do. Don't never do that." +"We were dancing. Just a minute ago we were dancing together. +Let's." +"I don't want to." Beloved got up and lay down on the bed. Their quietness boomed about on the walls like birds in +panic. Finally Denver's breath steadied against the threat of an unbearable loss. +"Tell me," Beloved said. "Tell me how Sethe made you in the boat." +"She never told me all of it," said Denver. +"Tell me." +Denver climbed up on the bed and folded her arms under her apron. She had not been in the tree room once since +Beloved sat on their stump after the carnival, and had not remembered that she hadn't gone there until this very +desperate moment. Nothing was out there that this sister-girl did not provide in abundance: a racing heart, dreaminess, +society, danger, beauty. She swallowed twice to prepare for the telling, to construct out of the strings she had heard all +her life a net to hold Beloved. +"She had good hands, she said. The whitegirl, she said, had thin little arms but good hands. She saw that right away, +she said. Hair enough for five heads and good hands, she said. I guess the hands made her think she could do it: get us +both across the river. But the mouth was what kept her from being scared. She said there ain't nothing to go by with +whitepeople. You don't know how they'll jump. Say one thing, do another. But if you looked at the mouth sometimes +you could tell by that. She said this girl talked a storm, but there wasn't no meanness around her mouth. She took +Ma'am to that lean-to and rubbed her feet for her, so that was one thing. +And Ma'am believed she wasn't going to turn her over. You could get money if you turned a runaway over, and she +wasn't sure this girl Amy didn't need money more than anything, especially since all she talked about was getting hold of +some velvet." +"What's velvet?" +"It's a cloth, kind of deep and soft." +"Go ahead." +46 +"Anyway, she rubbed Ma'am's feet back to life, and she cried, she said, from how it hurt. But it made her think she could +make it on over to where Grandma Baby Suggs was and..." +"Who is that?" +"I just said it. My grandmother." +"Is that Sethe's mother?" +"No. My father's mother." +"Go ahead." +"That's where the others was. My brothers and.., the baby girl. +She sent them on before to wait for her at Grandma Baby's. So she had to put up with everything to get there. And this +here girl Amy helped." +Denver stopped and sighed. This was the part of the story she loved. She was coming to it now, and she loved it because +it was all about herself; but she hated it too because it made her feel like a bill was owing somewhere and she, Denver, +had to pay it. But who she owed or what to pay it with eluded her. Now, watching Beloved's alert and hungry face, +how she took in every word, asking questions about the color of things and their size, her downright craving to know, +Denver began to see what she was saying and not just to hear it: there is this nineteen-year-old slave girl--a year older +than her self--walking through the dark woods to get to her children who are far away. She is tired, scared maybe, and +maybe even lost. Most of all she is by herself and inside her is another baby she has to think about too. Behind her dogs, +perhaps; guns probably; and certainly mossy teeth. She is not so afraid at night because she is the color of it, but in the +day every sound is a shot or a tracker's quiet step. +Denver was seeing it now and feeling it--through Beloved. Feeling how it must have felt to her mother. Seeing how it +must have looked. +And the more fine points she made, the more detail she provided, the more Beloved liked it. So she anticipated the +questions by giving blood to the scraps her mother and grandmother had told herwand a heartbeat. The monologue +became, iri fact, a duet as they lay down together, Denver nursing Beloved's interest like a lover whose pleasure was to +overfeed the loved. The dark quilt with two orange patches was there with them because Beloved wanted it near her +when she slept. It was smelling like grass and feeling like hands-- the unrested hands of busy women: dry, warm, prickly. +Denver spoke, Beloved listened, and the two did the best they could to create what really happened, how it really was, +something only Sethe knew because she alone had the mind for it and the time afterward to shape it: the quality of +Amy's voice, her breath like burning wood. The quick-change weather up in those hills---cool at night, hot in the day, +sudden fog. How recklessly she behaved with this whitegirlNa recklessness born of desperation and encouraged by +Amy's fugitive eyes and her tenderhearted mouth. +"You ain't got no business walking round these hills, miss." +"Looka here who's talking. I got more business here 'n you got. +They catch you they cut your head off. Ain't nobody after me but I know somebody after you." Amy pressed her fingers +into the soles of the slavewoman's feet. "Whose baby that?" +Sethe did not answer. +"You don't even know. Come here, Jesus," Amy sighed and shook her head. "Hurt?" +"A touch." +"Good for you. More it hurt more better it is. Can't nothing heal without pain, you know. What you wiggling for?" +47 +Sethe raised up on her elbows. Lying on her back so long had raised a ruckus between her shoulder blades. The fire in +her feet and the fire on her back made her sweat. +"My back hurt me," she said. +"Your back? Gal, you a mess. Turn over here and let me see." +In an effort so great it made her sick to her stomach, Sethe turned onto her right side. Amy unfastened the back of her +dress and said, "Come here, Jesus," when she saw. Sethe guessed it must be bad because after that call to Jesus Amy +didn't speak for a while. In the silence of an Amy struck dumb for a change, Sethe felt the fingers of those good hands +lightly touch her back. She could hear her breathing but still the whitegirl said nothing. Sethe could not move. She +couldn't lie on her stomach or her back, and to keep on her side meant pressure on her screaming feet. Amy spoke at +last in her dreamwalker's voice. +"It's a tree, Lu. A chokecherry tree. See, here's the trunk--it's red and split wide open, full of sap, and this here's the +parting for the branches. You got a mighty lot of branches. Leaves, too, look like, and dern if these ain't blossoms. Tiny +little cherry blossoms, just as white. Your back got a whole tree on it. In bloom. What God have in mind, I wonder. I had +me some whippings, but I don't remember nothing like this. Mr. Buddy had a right evil hand too. Whip you for looking +at him straight. Sure would. I looked right at him one time and he hauled off and threw the poker at me. Guess he knew +what I was a-thinking.'" +Sethe groaned and Amy cut her reverie short--long enough to shift Sethe's feet so the weight, resting on leaf-covered +stones, was above the ankles. +"That better? Lord what a way to die. You gonna die in here, you know. Ain't no way out of it. Thank your Maker I come +along so's you wouldn't have to die outside in them weeds. Snake come along he bite you. Bear eat you up. Maybe you +should of stayed where you was, Lu. I can see by your back why you didn't ha ha. +Whoever planted that tree beat Mr. Buddy by a mile. Glad I ain't you. Well, spiderwebs is 'bout all I can do for you. +What's in here ain't enough. I'll look outside. Could use moss, but sometimes bugs and things is in it. Maybe I ought +to break them blossoms open. Get that pus to running, you think? Wonder what God had in mind. You must of did +something. Don't run off nowhere now." +Sethe could hear her humming away in the bushes as she hunted spiderwebs. A humming she concentrated on because +as soon as Amy ducked out the baby began to stretch. Good question, she was thinking. +What did He have in mind? Amy had left the back of Sethe's dress open and now a tail of wind hit it, taking the pain +down a step. A relief that let her feel the lesser pain of her sore tongue. Amy returned with two palmfuls of web, which +she cleaned of prey and then draped on Sethe's back, saying it was like stringing a tree for Christmas. +"We got a old nigger girl come by our place. She don't know nothing. Sews stuff for Mrs. Buddy--real fine lace but can't +barely stick two words together. She don't know nothing, just like you. You don't know a thing. End up dead, that's what. +Not me. I'm a get to Boston and get myself some velvet. Carmine. You don't even know about that, do you? Now you +never will. Bet you never even sleep with the sun in your face. I did it a couple of times. Most times I'm feeding stock +before light and don't get to sleep till way after dark comes. But I was in the back of the wagon once and fell asleep. +Sleeping with the sun in your face is the best old feeling. Two times I did it. Once when I was little. Didn't nobody bother +me then. Next time, in back of the wagon, it happened again and doggone if the chickens didn't get loose. Mr. Buddy +whipped my tail. Kentucky ain't no good place to be in. Boston's the place to be in. That's where my mother was before +she was give to Mr. Buddy. Joe Nathan said Mr. +Buddy is my daddy but I don't believe that, you?" +Sethe told her she didn't believe Mr. Buddy was her daddy. +"You know your daddy, do you?" +48 +"No," said Sethe. +"Neither me. All I know is it ain't him." She stood up then, having finished her repair work, and weaving about the lean- +to, her slow-moving eyes pale in the sun that lit her hair, she sang: "'When the busy day is done And my weary little one +Rocketh gently to and fro; When the night winds softly blow, And the crickets in the glen Chirp and chirp and chirp again; +Where "pon the haunted green Fairies dance around their queen, Then from yonder misty skies Cometh Lady Button +Eyes." +Suddenly she stopped weaving and rocking and sat down, her skinny arms wrapped around her knees, her good good +hands cupping her elbows. Her slow-moving eyes stopped and peered into the dirt at her feet. "That's my mama's song. +She taught me it." +"Through the muck and mist and glaam To our quiet cozy home, Where to singing sweet and low Rocks a cradle to and +fro. +Where the clock's dull monotone +Telleth of the day that's done, +Where the moonbeams hover o'er +Playthings sleeping on the floor, +Where my weary wee one lies +Cometh Lady Button Eyes. +Layeth she her hands upon +My dear weary little one, +And those white hands overspread +Like a veil the curly head, +Seem to fondle and caress +Every little silken tress. +Then she smooths the eyelids down +Over those two eyes of brown +In such soothing tender wise +Cometh Lady Button Eyes." +Amy sat quietly after her song, then repeated the last line before she stood, left the lean-to and walked off a little ways +to lean against a young ash. When she came back the sun was in the valley below and they were way above it in blue +Kentucky light. +"'You ain't dead yet, Lu? Lu?" +"Not yet." +"Make you a bet. You make it through the night, you make it all the way." Amy rearranged the leaves for comfort and +knelt down to massage the swollen feet again. "Give these one more real good rub," she said, and when Sethe sucked +air through her teeth, she said, "Shut up. You got to keep your mouth shut." +49 +Careful of her tongue, Sethe bit down on her lips and let the good hands go to work to the tune of "So bees, sing soft +and bees, sing low." Afterward, Amy moved to the other side of the lean-to where, seated, she lowered her head toward +her shoulder and braided her hair, saying, "Don't up and die on me +in the night, you hear? I don't want to see your ugly black face hankering over me. If you do die, just go on off +somewhere where I can't see you, hear?" +"I hear," said Sethe. I'll do what I can, miss." +Sethe never expected to see another thing in this world, so when she felt toes prodding her hip it took a while to come +out of a sleep she thought was death. She sat up, stiff and shivery, while Amy looked in on her juicy back. +"Looks like the devil," said Amy. "But you made it through. +Come down here, Jesus, Lu made it through. That's because of me. +I'm good at sick things. Can you walk, you think?" +"I have to let my water some kind of way." +"Let's see you walk on em." +It was not good, but it was possible, so Sethe limped, holding on first to Amy, then to a sapling. +"Was me did it. I'm good at sick things ain't I?" +"Yeah," said Sethe, "you good." +"We got to get off this here hill. Come on. I'll take you down to the river. That ought to suit you. Me, I'm going to the +Pike. Take me straight to Boston. What's that all over your dress?" +"Milk." +"You one mess." +Sethe looked down at her stomach and touched it. The baby was dead. She had not died in the night, but the baby had. +If that was the case, then there was no stopping now. She would get that milk to her baby girl if she had to swim. +"Ain't you hungry?" Amy asked her. +"I ain't nothing but in a hurry, miss." +"Whoa. Slow down. Want some shoes?" +"Say what?" +"I figured how," said Amy and so she had. She tore two pieces from Sethe's shawl, filled them with leaves and tied them +over her feet, chattering all the while. +"How old are you, Lu? I been bleeding for four years but I ain't having nobody's baby. Won't catch me sweating milk +cause..." +"I know," said Sethe. "You going to Boston." +At noon they saw it; then they were near enough to hear it. By late afternoon they could drink from it if they wanted to. +Four stars were visible by the time they found, not a riverboat to stow Sethe away on, or a ferryman willing to take on a +fugitive passenger--nothing like that--but a whole boat to steal. It had one oar, lots of holes and two bird nests. +50 +"There you go, Lu. Jesus looking at you." +Sethe was looking at one mile of dark water, which would have to be split with one oar in a useless boat against a +current dedicated to the Mississippi hundreds of miles away. It looked like home to her, and the baby (not dead in the +least) must have thought so too. +As soon as Sethe got close to the river her own water broke loose to join it. The break, followed by the redundant +announcement of labor, arched her back. +"What you doing that for?" asked Amy. "Ain't you got a brain in your head? Stop that right now. I said stop it, Lu. You the +dumbest thing on this here earth. Lu! Lu!" +Sethe couldn't think of anywhere to go but in. She waited for the sweet beat that followed the blast of pain. On her +knees again, she crawled into the boat. It waddled under her and she had just enough time to brace her leaf-bag feet on +the bench when another rip took her breath away. Panting under four summer stars, she threw her legs over the sides, +because here come the head, as Amy informed her as though she did not know it--as though the rip was a breakup of +walnut logs in the brace, or of lightning's jagged tear through a leather sky. +It was stuck. Face up and drowning in its mother's blood. Amy stopped begging Jesus and began to curse His daddy. +"Push!" screamed Amy. +"Pull," whispered Sethe. +And the strong hands went to work a fourth time, none too soon, for river water, seeping through any hole it chose, +was spreading over Sethe's hips. She reached one arm back and grabbed the rope while Amy fairly clawed at the head. +When a foot rose from the river bed and kicked the bottom of the boat and Sethe's behind, she knew it was done and +permitted herself a short faint. Coming to, she heard no cries, just Amy's encouraging coos. Nothing happened for so +long they both believed they had lost it. Sethe arched suddenly and the afterbirth shot out. Then the baby whimpered +and Sethe looked. +Twenty inches of cord hung from its belly and it trembled in the cooling evening air. Amy wrapped her skirt around it +and the wet sticky women clambered ashore to see what, indeed, God had in mind. +Spores of bluefern growing in the hollows along the riverbank float toward the water in silver-blue lines hard to see +unless you are in or near them, lying right at the river's edge when the sunshots +are low and drained. Often they are mistook for insects--but they are seeds in which the whole generation sleeps +confident of a future. +And for a moment it is easy to believe each one has one--will become all of what is contained in the spore: will live out +its days as planned. +This moment of certainty lasts no longer than that; longer, perhaps, than the spore itself. +On a riverbank in the cool of a summer evening two women struggled under a shower of silvery blue. They never +expected to see each other again in this world and at the moment couldn't care less. +But there on a summer night surrounded by bluefern they did something together appropriately and well. A pateroller +passing would have sniggered to see two throw-away people, two lawless outlaws-- a slave and a barefoot whitewoman +with unpinned hair--wrapping a ten-minute-old baby in the rags they wore. But no pateroller came and no preacher. +The water sucked and swallowed itself beneath them. There was nothing to disturb them at their work. So they did it +appropriately and well. +Twilight came on and Amy said she had to go; that she wouldn't be caught dead in daylight on a busy river with a +runaway. After rinsing her hands and face in the river, she stood and looked down at the baby wrapped and tied to +51 +Sethe's chest. +"She's never gonna know who I am. You gonna tell her? Who brought her into this here world?" She lifted her chin, +looked off into the place where the sun used to be. "You better tell her. You hear? Say Miss Amy Denver. Of Boston." +Sethe felt herself falling into a sleep she knew would be deep. On the lip of it, just before going under, she +thought, "That's pretty. +Denver. Real pretty." +Chapter 9 +IT WAS TIME to lay it all down. Before Paul D came and sat on her porch steps, words whispered in the keeping room +had kept her going. Helped her endure the chastising ghost; refurbished the baby faces of Howard and Buglar and kept +them whole in the world because in her dreams she saw only their parts in trees; and kept her husband shadowy but +there--somewhere. Now Halle's face between the butter press and the churn swelled larger and larger, crowding her +eyes and making her head hurt. She wished for Baby Suggs' fingers molding her nape, reshaping it, saying, "Lay em +down, Sethe. Sword and shield. Down. Down. Both of em down. Down by the riverside. +Sword and shield. Don't study war no more. Lay all that mess down. +Sword and shield." And under the pressing fingers and the quiet instructive voice, she would. Her heavy knives of +defense against misery, regret, gall and hurt, she placed one by one on a bank where dear water rushed on below. +Nine years without the fingers or the voice of Baby Suggs was too much. And words whispered in the keeping room +were too little. +The butter-smeared face of a man God made none sweeter than demanded more: an arch built or a robe sewn. Some +fixing ceremony. +Sethe decided to go to the Clearing, back where Baby Suggs had danced in sunlight. +Before 124 and everybody in it had closed down, veiled over and shut away; before it had become the plaything of +spirits and the home of the chafed, 124 had been a cheerful, buzzing house where Baby Suggs, holy, loved, cautioned, +fed, chastised and soothed. Where not one but two pots simmered on the stove; where the lamp burned all night long. +Strangers rested there while children tried on their shoes. Messages were left there, for whoever needed them was +sure to stop in one day soon. Talk was low and to the point--for Baby Suggs, holy, didn't approve of extra. "Everything +depends on knowing how much," she said, and "Good is knowing when to stop." +It was in front of that 124 that Sethe climbed off a wagon, her newborn tied to her chest, and felt for the first time the +wide arms of her mother-in-law, who had made it to Cincinnati. Who decided that, because slave life had "busted her +legs, back, head, eyes, hands, kidneys, womb and tongue," she had nothing left to make a living with but her heart-- +which she put to work at once. Accepting no title of honor before her name, but allowing a small caress after it, she +became an unchurched preacher, one who visited pulpits and opened her great heart to those who could use it. In +winter and fall she carried it to AME's and Baptists, Holinesses and Sanctifieds, the Church of the Redeemer and the +Redeemed. Uncalled, unrobed, un anointed, she let her great heart beat in their presence. When warm weather came, +Baby Suggs, holy, followed by every black man, woman and child who could make it through, took her great heart to +the Clearing--a wide-open place cut deep in the woods nobody knew for what at the end of a path known only to deer +and whoever cleared the land in the first place. In the heat of every Saturday afternoon, she sat in the clearing while the +people waited among the trees. +After situating herself on a huge flat-sided rock, Baby Suggs bowed her head and prayed silently. The company watched +her from the trees. They knew she was ready when she put her stick down. Then she shouted, "Let the children come!" +52 +and they ran from the trees toward her. +"Let your mothers hear you laugh," she told them, and the woods rang. The adults looked on and could not help smiling. +Then "Let the grown men come," she shouted. They stepped out one by one from among the ringing trees. +"Let your wives and your children see you dance," she told them, and groundlife shuddered under their feet. +Finally she called the women to her. "Cry," she told them. "For the living and the dead. Just cry." And without covering +their eyes the women let loose. +It started that way: laughing children, dancing men, crying women and then it got mixed up. Women stopped crying and +danced; men sat down and cried; children danced, women laughed, children cried until, exhausted and riven, all and +each lay about the Clearing damp and gasping for breath. In the silence that followed, Baby Suggs, holy, offered up to +them her great big heart. +She did not tell them to clean up their lives or to go and sin no more. She did not tell them they were the blessed of the +earth, its inheriting meek or its glorybound pure. +She told them that the only grace they could have was the grace they could imagine. That if they could not see it, they +would not have it. +"Here," she said, "in this here place, we flesh; flesh that weeps, laughs; flesh that dances on bare feet in grass. Love it. +Love it hard. +Yonder they do not love your flesh. They despise it. They don't love your eyes; they'd just as soon pick em out. No more +do they love the skin on your back. Yonder they flay it. And O my people they do not love your hands. Those they only +use, tie, bind, chop off and leave empty. Love your hands! Love them. Raise them up and kiss them. Touch others with +them, pat them together, stroke them on your face 'cause they don't love that either. You got to love it, you! And no, +they ain't in love with your mouth. Yonder, out there, they will see it broken and break it again. What you say out of it +they will not heed. What you scream from it they do not hear. What you put into it to nourish your body they will snatch +away and give you leavins instead. No, they don't love your mouth. You got to love it. +This is flesh I'm talking about here. Flesh that needs to be loved. +Feet that need to rest and to dance; backs that need support; shoulders that need arms, strong arms I'm telling you. And +O my people, out yonder, hear me, they do not love your neck unnoosed and straight. So love your neck; put a hand on +it, grace it, stroke it and hold it up. And all your inside parts that they'd just as soon slop for hogs, you got to love them. +The dark, dark liver--love it, love it, and the beat and beating heart, love that too. More than eyes or feet. +More than lungs that have yet to draw free air. More than your life holding womb and your life-giving private parts, hear +me now, love your heart. For this is the prize." Saying no more, she stood up then and danced with her twisted hip the +rest of what her heart had to say while the others opened their mouths and gave her the music. +Long notes held until the four-part harmony was perfect enough for their deeply loved flesh. +Sethe wanted to be there now. At the least to listen to the spaces that the long-ago singing had left behind. At the most +to get a clue from her husband's dead mother as to what she should do with her sword and shield now, dear Jesus, now +nine years after Baby Suggs, holy, proved herself a liar, dismissed +her great heart and lay in the keeping-room bed roused once in a while by a craving for color and not for another thing. +"Those white things have taken all I had or dreamed," she said, "and broke my heartstrings too. There is no bad luck +in the world but whitefolks." 124 shut down and put up with the venom of its ghost. No more lamp all night long, +or neighbors dropping by. No low conversations after supper. No watched barefoot children playing in the shoes of +strangers. Baby Suggs, holy, believed she had lied. +53 +There was no grace-imaginary or real--and no sunlit dance in a Clearing could change that. Her faith, her love, her +imagination and her great big old heart began to collapse twenty-eight days after her daughter-in-law arrived. +Yet it was to the Clearing that Sethe determined to go--to pay tribute to Halle. Before the light changed, while it was still +the green blessed place she remembered: misty with plant steam and the decay of berries. +She put on a shawl and told Denver and Beloved to do likewise. +All three set out late one Sunday morning, Sethe leading, the girls trotting behind, not a soul in sight. +When they reached the woods it took her no time to find the path through it because big-city revivals were held there +regularly now, complete with food-laden tables, banjos and a tent. The old path was a track now, but still arched over +with trees dropping buckeyes onto the grass below. +There was nothing to be done other than what she had done, but Sethe blamed herself for Baby Suggs' collapse. +However many times Baby denied it, Sethe knew the grief at 124 started when she jumped down off the wagon, her +newborn tied to her chest in the underwear of a whitegirl looking for Boston. +Followed by the two girls, down a bright green corridor of oak and horse chestnut, Sethe began to sweat a sweat just +like the other one when she woke, mud-caked, on the banks of the Ohio. +Amy was gone. Sethe was alone and weak, but alive, and so was her baby. She walked a ways downriver and then +stood gazing at the glimmering water. By and by a flatbed slid into view, but she could not see if the figures on it were +whitepeople or not. She began to sweat from a fever she thanked God for since it would certainly keep her baby warm. +When the flatbed was beyond her sight she stumbled on and found herself near three coloredpeople fishing-- two +boys and an older man. She stopped and waited to be spoken to. One of the boys pointed and the man looked over his +shoulder at her--a quick look since all he needed to know about her he could see in no time. +No one said anything for a while. Then the man said, "Headin' +'cross?" +"Yes, sir," said Sethe. +"Anybody know you coming?" +"Yes, sir." +He looked at her again and nodded toward a rock that stuck out of the ground above him like a bottom lip. Sethe walked +to it and sat down. The stone had eaten the sun's rays but was nowhere near as hot as she was. Too tired to move, she +stayed there, the sun in her eyes making her dizzy. Sweat poured over her and bathed the baby completely. She must +have slept sitting up, because when next she opened her eyes the man was standing in front of her with a smoking-hot +piece of fried eel in his hands. It was an effort to reach for, more to smell, impossible to eat. She begged him for water +and he gave her some of the Ohio in a jar. Sethe drank it all and begged more. The clanging was back in her head but she +refused to believe that she had come all that way, endured all she had, to die on the wrong side of the river. +The man watched her streaming face and called one of the boys over. +"Take off that coat," he told him. +"Sir?" +"You heard me." +The boy slipped out of his jacket, whining, "What you gonna do? What I'm gonna wear?" +The man untied the baby from her chest and wrapped it in the boy's coat, knotting the sleeves in front. +54 +"What I'm gonna wear?" +The old man sighed and, after a pause, said, "You want it back, then go head and take it off that baby. Put the baby +naked in the grass and put your coat back on. And if you can do it, then go on 'way somewhere and don't come back." +The boy dropped his eyes, then turned to join the other. With eel in her hand, the baby at her feet, Sethe dozed, dry- +mouthed and sweaty. Evening came and the man touched her shoulder. +Contrary to what she expected they poled upriver, far away from the rowboat Amy had found. Just when she thought +he was taking her back to Kentucky, he turned the flatbed and crossed the Ohio like a shot. There he helped her up the +steep bank, while the boy without a jacket carried the baby who wore it. The man led her to a brush-covered hutch with +a beaten floor. +"Wait here. Somebody be here directly. Don't move. They'll find you." +"Thank you," she said. "I wish I knew your name so I could remember you right." +"Name's Stamp," he said. "Stamp Paid. Watch out for that there baby, you hear?" +"I hear. I hear," she said, but she didn't. Hours later a woman was right up on her before she heard a thing. A short +woman, young, with a croaker sack, greeted her. +"'Saw the sign a while ago," she said. "But I couldn't get here no quicker." +"What sign?" asked Sethe. +"Stamp leaves the old sty open when there's a crossing. Knots a white rag on the post if it's a child too." +She knelt and emptied the sack. "My name's Ella," she said, taking a wool blanket, cotton cloth, two baked sweet +potatoes and a pair of men's shoes from the sack. "My husband, John, is out yonder a ways. Where you heading?" +Sethe told her about Baby Suggs where she had sent her three children. +Ella wrapped a cloth strip tight around the baby's navel as she listened for the holes--the things the fugitives did not say; +the questions they did not ask. Listened too for the unnamed, unmentioned people left behind. She shook gravel from +the men's shoes and tried to force Sethe's feet into them. They would not go. Sadly, they split them down the heel, sorry +indeed to ruin so valuable an item. Sethe put on the boy's jacket, not daring to ask whether there was any word of the +children. +"They made it," said Ella. "Stamp ferried some of that party. +Left them on Bluestone. It ain't too far." +Sethe couldn't think of anything to do, so grateful was she, so she peeled a potato, ate it, spit it up and ate more in quiet +celebration. +"They be glad to see you," said Ella. "When was this one born?" +"Yesterday," said Sethe, wiping sweat from under her chin. "I hope she makes it." +Ella looked at the tiny, dirty face poking out of the wool blanket and shook her head. "Hard to say," she said. "If +anybody was to ask me I'd say, 'Don't love nothing.' " Then, as if to take the edge off her pronouncement, she smiled at +Sethe. "You had that baby by yourself?" +"No. Whitegirl helped." +"Then we better make tracks." +55 +Baby Suggs kissed her on the mouth and refused to let her see the children. They were asleep she said and Sethe was +too uglylooking to wake them in the night. She took the newborn and handed it to a young woman in a bonnet, telling +her not to clean the eyes till she got the mother's urine. +"Has it cried out yet?" asked Baby. +"A little." +"Time enough. Let's get the mother well." +She led Sethe to the keeping room and, by the light of a spirit lamp, bathed her in sections, starting with her face. Then, +while waiting for another pan of heated water, she sat next to her and stitched gray cotton. Sethe dozed and woke +to the washing of her hands and arms. After each bathing, Baby covered her with a quilt and put another pan on in +the kitchen. Tearing sheets, stitching the gray cotton, she supervised the woman in the bonnet who tended the baby +and cried into her cooking. When Sethe's legs were done, Baby looked at her feet and wiped them lightly. She cleaned +between Sethe's legs with two separate pans of hot water and then tied her stomach and vagina with sheets. Finally she +attacked the unrecognizable feet. +"You feel this?" +"Feel what?" asked Sethe. +"Nothing. Heave up." She helped Sethe to a rocker and lowered her feet into a bucket of salt water and juniper. The rest +of the night Sethe sat soaking. The crust from her nipples Baby softened with lard and then washed away. By dawn the +silent baby woke and took her mother's milk. +"Pray God it ain't turned bad," said Baby. "And when you through, call me." As she turned to go, Baby Suggs caught a +glimpse of something dark on the bed sheet. She frowned and looked at her daughter-in-law bending toward the baby. +Roses of blood blossomed in the blanket covering Sethe's shoulders. Baby Suggs hid her mouth with her hand. When +the nursing was over and the newborn was asleep--its eyes half open, its tongue dream-sucking--wordlessly the older +woman greased the flowering back and pinned a double thickness of cloth to the inside of the newly stitched dress. +It was not real yet. Not yet. But when her sleepy boys and crawl ing-already? girl were brought in, it didn't matter +whether it was real or not. Sethe lay in bed under, around, over, among but especially with them all. The little girl +dribbled clear spit into her face, and Sethe's laugh of delight was so loud the crawling-already? baby blinked. +Buglar and Howard played with her ugly feet, after daring each other to be the first to touch them. She kept kissing +them. She kissed the backs of their necks, the tops of their heads and the centers of their palms, and it was the boys +who decided enough was enough when she liked their shirts to kiss their tight round bellies. She stopped when and +because they said, "Pappie come?" +She didn't cry. She said "soon" and smiled so they would think the brightness in her eyes was love alone. It was some +time before she let Baby Suggs shoo the boys away so Sethe could put on the gray cotton dress her mother-in-law had +started stitching together the night before. Finally she lay back and cradled the crawling already? girl in her arms. She +enclosed her left nipple with two fingers of her right hand and the child opened her mouth. They hit home together. +Baby Suggs came in and laughed at them, telling Sethe how strong the baby girl was, how smart, already crawling. Then +she stooped to gather up the ball of rags that had been Sethe's clothes. +"Nothing worth saving in here," she said. +Sethe liked her eyes. "Wait," she called. "Look and see if there's something still knotted up in the petticoat." +Baby Suggs inched the spoiled fabric through her fingers and came upon what felt like pebbles. She held them out +toward Sethe. "Going away present?" +56 +"Wedding present." +"Be nice if there was a groom to go with it." She gazed into her hand. "What you think happened to him?" +"I don't know," said Sethe. "He wasn't where he said to meet him at. I had to get out. Had to." Sethe watched the +drowsy eyes of the sucking girl for a moment then looked at Baby Suggs' face. "He'll make it. If I made it, Halle sure can." +"Well, put these on. Maybe they'll light his way." Convinced her son was dead, she handed the stones to Sethe. +"I need holes in my ears." +"I'll do it," said Baby Suggs. "Soon's you up to it." +Sethe jingled the earrings for the pleasure of the crawling-already? girl, who reached for them over and over again. +In the Clearing, Sethe found Baby's old preaching rock and remembered the smell of leaves simmering in the sun, +thunderous feet and the shouts that ripped pods off the limbs of the chestnuts. With Baby Suggs' heart in charge, the +people let go. +Sethe had had twenty-eight days--the travel of one whole moon--of unslaved life. From the pure clear stream of spit +that the little girl dribbled into her face to her oily blood was twenty-eight days. Days of healing, ease and real-talk. Days +of company: knowing the names of forty, fifty other Negroes, their views, habits; where they had been and what done; +of feeling their fun and sorrow along with her own, which made it better. One taught her the alphabet; another a stitch. +All taught her how it felt to wake up at dawn and decide what to do with the day. That's how she got through the +waiting for Halle. +Bit by bit, at 124 and in the Clearing, along with the others, she had claimed herself. Freeing yourself was one thing; +claiming ownership of that freed self was another. +Now she sat on Baby Suggs' rock, Denver and Beloved watching her from the trees. There will never be a day, she +thought, when Halle will knock on the door. Not knowing it was hard; knowing it was harder. +Just the fingers, she thought. Just let me feel your fingers again on the back of my neck and I will lay it all down, make +a way out of this no way. Sethe bowed her head and sure enough--they were there. Lighter now, no more than the +strokes of bird feather, but unmistakably caressing fingers. She had to relax a bit to let them do their work, so light was +the touch, childlike almost, more finger kiss than kneading. Still she was grateful for the effort; Baby Suggs' long distance +love was equal to any skin-close love she had known. The desire, let alone the gesture, to meet her needs was good +enough to lift her spirits to the place where she could take the next step: ask for some clarifying word; some advice +about how to keep on with a brain greedy for news nobody could live with in a world happy to provide it. +She knew Paul D was adding something to her life--something she wanted to count on but was scared to. Now he had +added more: new pictures and old rememories that broke her heart. Into the empty space of not knowing about Halle-- +-a space sometimes colored with righteous resentment at what could have been his cowardice, or stupidity or bad luck- +-that empty place of no definite news was filled now with a brand-new sorrow and who could tell how many more on +the way. Years ago--when 124 was alive--she had women friends, men friends from all around to share grief with. Then +there was no one, for they would not visit her while the baby ghost filled the house, and she returned their disapproval +with the potent pride of the mistreated. But now there was someone to share it, and he had beat the spirit away the +very day he entered her house and no sign of it since. A blessing, but in its place he brought another kind of haunting: +Halle's face smeared with butter and the dabber too; his own mouth jammed full of iron, and Lord knows what else he +could tell her if he wanted to. +The fingers touching the back of her neck were stronger now-- the strokes bolder as though Baby Suggs were gathering +strength. +Putting the thumbs at the nape, while the fingers pressed the sides. +57 +Harder, harder, the fingers moved slowly around toward her windpipe, making little circles on the way. Sethe was +actually more surprised than frightened to find that she was being strangled. Or so it seemed. In any case, Baby Suggs' +fingers had a grip on her that would not let her breathe. Tumbling forward from her seat on the rock, she clawed at the +hands that were not there. Her feet were thrashing by the time Denver got to her and then Beloved. +"Ma'am! Ma'am!" Denver shouted. "Ma'ammy!" and turned her mother over on her back. +The fingers left off and Sethe had to swallow huge draughts of air before she recognized her daughter's face next to her +own and Beloved's hovering above. +"You all right?" +"Somebody choked me," said Sethe. +"Who?" +Sethe rubbed her neck and struggled to a sitting position. "Grandma Baby, I reckon. I just asked her to rub my neck, like +she used to and she was doing fine and then just got crazy with it, I guess." +"She wouldn't do that to you, Ma'am. Grandma Baby? Uh uh." +"Help me up from here." +"Look." Beloved was pointing at Sethe's neck. +"What is it? What you see?" asked Sethe. +"Bruises," said Denver. +"On my neck?" +"Here," said Beloved. "Here and here, too." She reached out her hand and touched the splotches, gathering color darker +than Sethe's dark throat, and her fingers were mighty cool. +"That don't help nothing," Denver said, but Beloved was leaning in, her two hands stroking the damp skin that felt like +chamois and looked like taffeta. +Sethe moaned. The girl's fingers were so cool and knowing. Sethe's knotted, private, walk-on-water life gave in a bit, +softened, and it seemed that the glimpse of happiness she caught in the shadows swinging hands on the road to the +carnival was a likelihood--if she could just manage the news Paul D brought and the news he kept to himself. Just +manage it. Not break, fall or cry each time a hateful picture drifted in front of her face. Not develop some permanent +craziness like Baby Suggs' friend, a young woman in a bonnet whose food was full of tears. Like Aunt Phyllis, who slept +with her eyes wide open. Like Jackson Till, who slept under the bed. All she wanted was to go on. As she had. Alone with +her daughter in a haunted house she managed every damn thing. Why now, with Paul D instead of the ghost, was she +breaking up? getting scared? needing Baby? +The worst was over, wasn't it? She had already got through, hadn't she? With the ghost in 124 she could bear, do, solve +anything. Now a hint of what had happened to Halie and she cut out like a rabbit looking for its mother. +Beloved's fingers were heavenly. Under them and breathing evenly again, the anguish rolled down. The peace Sethe had +come there to find crept into her. +We must look a sight, she thought, and closed her eyes to see it: the three women in the middle of the Clearing, at the +base of the rock where Baby Suggs, holy, had loved. One seated, yielding up her throat to the kind hands of one of the +two kneeling before her. +Denver watched the faces of the other two. Beloved watched the work her thumbs were doing and must have loved +58 +what she saw because she leaned over and kissed the tenderness under Sethe's chin. +They stayed that way for a while because neither Denver nor Sethe knew how not to: how to stop and not love the look +or feel of the lips that kept on kissing. Then Sethe, grabbing Beloved's hair +and blinking rapidly, separated herself. She later believed that it was because the girl's breath was exactly like new milk +that she said to her, stern and frowning, "You too old for that." +She looked at Denver, and seeing panic about to become something more, stood up quickly, breaking the tableau apart. +"Come on up! Up!" Sethe waved the girls to their feet. As they left the Clearing they looked pretty much the same +as they had when they had come: Sethe in the lead, the girls a ways back. All silent as before, but with a difference. +Sethe was bothered, not because of the kiss, but because, just before it, when she was feeling so fine letting Beloved +massage away the pain, the fingers she was loving and the ones that had soothed her before they strangled her had +reminded her of something that now slipped her mind. But one thing for sure, Baby Suggs had not choked her as first +she thought. Denver was right, and walking in the dappled tree-light, clearer-headed now-- away from the enchantment +of the Clearing--Sethe remembered the tou ch of those fingers that she knew better than her own. They had bathed her +in sections, wrapped her womb, combed her hair, oiled her nipples, stitched her clothes, cleaned her feet, greased her +back and dropped just about anything they were doing to massage Sethe's nape when, especially in the early days, her +spirits fell down under the weight of the things she remembered and those she did not: schoolteacher writing in ink she +herself had made while his nephews played on her; the face of the woman in a felt hat as she rose to stretch in the field. +If she lay among all the hands in the world, she would know Baby Suggs' just as she did the good hands of the whitegirl +looking for velvet. But for eighteen years she had lived in a house full of touches from the other side. And the thumbs +that pressed her nape were the same. Maybe that was where it had gone to. After Paul D beat it out of 124, maybe it +collected itself in the Clearing. Reasonable, she thought. +Why she had taken Denver and Beloved with her didn't puzzle her now--at the time it seemed impulse, with a vague +wish for protection. +And the girls had saved her, Beloved so agitated she behaved like a two-year-old. +Like a faint smell of burning that disappears when the fire is cut off or the window opened for a breeze, the suspicion +that the girl's touch was also exactly like the baby's ghost dissipated. It was only a tiny disturbance anyway--not strong +enough to divert her from the ambition welling in her now: she wanted Paul D. No matter what he told and knew, she +wanted him in her life. More than commemorating Halle, that is what she had come to the Clearing to figure out, and +now it was figured. Trust and rememory, yes, the way she believed it could be when he cradled her before the cooking +stove. +The weight and angle of him; the true-to-life beard hair on him; arched back, educated hands. His waiting eyes and +awful human power. The mind of him that knew her own. Her story was bearable because it was his as well--to tell, to +refine and tell again. The things neither knew about the other--the things neither had word-shapes for--well, it would +come in time: where they led him off to sucking iron; the perfect death of her crawling-already? baby. +She wanted to get back--fast. Set these idle girls to some work that would fill their wandering heads. Rushing through +the green corridor, cooler now because the sun had moved, it occurred to her that the two were alike as sisters. +Their obedience and absolute reliability shot through with surprise. Sethe understood Denver. Solitude had made +her secretive--self-manipulated. Years of haunting had dulled her in ways you wouldn't believe and sharpened her in +ways you wouldn't believe either. The consequence was a timid but hard-headed daughter Sethe would die to protect. +The other, Beloved, she knew less, nothing, about---except that there was nothing she wouldn't do for Sethe and that +Denver and she liked each other's company. Now she thought she knew why. They spent up or held on to their feelings +in harmonious ways. What one had to give the other was pleased to take. They hung back in the trees that ringed the +Clearing, then rushed into it with screams and kisses when Sethe choked--anyhow that's how she explained it to herself +for she noticed neither competition between the two nor domination by one. On her mind was the supper she wanted +to fix for Paul D--something difficult to do, something she would do just so--to launch her newer, stronger life with a +59 +tender man. Those litty bitty potatoes browned on all sides, heavy on the pepper; snap beans seasoned with rind; yellow +squash sprinkled with vinegar and sugar. Maybe corn cut from the cob and fried with green onions and butter. Raised +bread, even. +Her mind, searching the kitchen before she got to it, was so full of her offering she did not see right away, in the space +under the white stairs, the wooden tub and Paul D sitting in it. She smiled at him and he smiled back. +"Summer must be over," she said. +"Come on in here." +"Uh uh. Girls right behind me." +"I don't hear nobody." +"I have to cook, Paul D." +"Me too." He stood up and made her stay there while he held her in his arms. Her dress soaked up the water from his +body. His jaw was near her ear. Her chin touched his shoulder. +"What you gonna cook?" +"I thought some snap beans." +"Oh, yeah." +"Fry up a little corn?" +"Yeah." +There was no question but that she could do it. Just like the day she arrived at 124--sure enough, she had milk enough +for all. +Beloved came through the door and they ought to have heard her tread, but they didn't. +Breathing and murmuring, breathing and murmuring. Beloved heard them as soon as the door banged shut behind her. +She jumped at the slam and swiveled her head toward the whispers coming from behind the white stairs. She took a +step and felt like crying. She had been so close, then closer. And it was so much better than the anger that ruled when +Sethe did or thought anything that excluded herself. +She could bear the hours---nine or ten of them each day but one--- when Sethe was gone. Bear even the nights when +she was close but out of sight, behind walls and doors lying next to him. But now-- even the daylight time that Beloved +had counted on, disciplined herself to be content with, was being reduced, divided by Sethe's willingness to pay +attention to other things. Him mostly. Him who said something to her that made her run out into the woods and talk to +herself on a rock. Him who kept her hidden at night behind doors. +And him who had hold of her now whispering behind the stairs after Beloved had rescued her neck and was ready now +to put her hand in that woman's own. +Beloved turned around and left. Denver had not arrived, or else she was waiting somewhere outside. Beloved went to +look, pausing to watch a cardinal hop from limb to branch. She followed the blood spot shifting in the leaves until she +lost it and even then she walked on, backward, still hungry for another glimpse. +She turned finally and ran through the woods to the stream. +Standing close to its edge she watched her reflection there. When Denver's face joined hers, they stared at each other in +the water. +60 +"You did it, I saw you," said Denver. +"What?" +"I saw your face. You made her choke." +"I didn't do it." +"You told me you loved her." +"I fixed it, didn't I? Didn't I fix her neck?" +"After. After you choked her neck." +"I kissed her neck. I didn't choke it. The circle of iron choked it." +"I saw you." Denver grabbed Beloved's arm. +"Look out, girl," said Beloved and, snatching her arm away, ran ahead as fast as she could along the stream that sang on +the other side of the woods. +Left alone, Denver wondered if, indeed, she had been wrong. She and Beloved were standing in the trees whispering, +while Sethe sat on the rock. Denver knew that the Clearing used to be where Baby Suggs preached, but that was when +she was a baby. She had never been there herself to remember it .124 and the field behind it were all the world she +knew or wanted. +Once upon a time she had known more and wanted to. Had walked the path leading to a real other house. Had stood +outside the window listening. Four times she did it on her own--crept away from 12 4 early in the afternoon when her +mother and grandmother had their guard down, just before supper, after chores; the blank hour before gears changed +to evening occupations. Denver had walked off looking for the house other children visited but not her. When she found +it she was too timid to go to the front door so she peeped in the window. Lady Jones sat in a straight-backed chair; +several children sat cross-legged on the floor in front of her. Lady Jones had a book. The children had slates. Lady Jones +was saying something too soft for Denver to hear. The children were saying it after her. Four times Denver went to look. +The fifth time Lady Jones caught her and said, "Come in the front door, Miss Denver. This is not a side show." +So she had almost a whole year of the company of her peers and along with them learned to spell and count. She was +seven, and those two hours in the afternoon were precious to her. Especially so because she had done it on her own +and was pleased and surprised by the pleasure and surprise it created in her mother and her brothers. For a nickel a +month, Lady Jones did what whitepeople thought unnecessary if not illegal: crowded her little parlor with the colored +children who had time for and interest in book learning. The nickel, tied to a handkerchief knot, tied to her belt, that she +carried to Lady Jones, thrilled her. The effort to handle chalk expertly and avoid the scream it would make; the capital +w, the little i, the beauty of the letters in her name, the deeply mournful sentences from the Bible Lady Jones used as +a textbook. Denver practiced every morning; starred every afternoon. She was so happy she didn't even know she was +being avoided by her classmates--that they made excuses and altered their pace not to walk with her. It was Nelson +Lord--the boy as smart as she was--who put a stop to it; who asked her the question about her mother that put chalk, +the little i and all the rest that those afternoons held, out of reach forever. She should have laughed when he said it, or +pushed him down, but there was no meanness in his face or his voice. Just curiosity. But the thing that leapt up in her +when he asked it was a thing that had been lying there all along. +She never went back. The second day she didn't go, Sethe asked her why not. Denver didn't answer. She was too scared +to ask her brothers or anyone else Nelson Lord's question because certain odd and terrifying feelings about her mother +were collecting around the thing that leapt up inside her. Later on, after Baby Suggs died, she did not wonder why +Howard and Buglar had run away. She did not agree with Sethe that they left because of the ghost. If so, what took them +so long? They had lived with it as long as she had. But if Nelson Lord was right--no wonder they were sulky, staying away +from home as much as they could. +61 +Meanwhile the monstrous and unmanageable dreams about Sethe found release in the concentration Denver began to +fix on the baby ghost. Before Nelson Lord, she had been barely interested in its antics. +The patience of her mother and grandmother in its presence made her indifferent to it. Then it began to irritate her, +wear her out with its mischief. That was when she walked off to follow the children to Lady Jones' house-school. Now +it held for her all the anger, love and fear she didn't know what to do with. Even when she did muster the courage to +ask Nelson Lord's question, she could not hear Sethe's answer, nor Baby Suggs' words, nor anything at all thereafter. +For two years she walked in a silence too solid for penetration but which gave her eyes a power even she found hard +to believe. The black nostrils of a sparrow sitting on a branch sixty feet above her head, for instance. For two years +she heard nothing at all and then she heard close thunder crawling up the stairs. Baby Suggs thought it was Here Boy +padding into places he never went. Sethe thought it was the India-rubber ball the boys played with bounding down the +stairs. +"Is that damn dog lost his mind?" shouted Baby Suggs. +"He's on the porch," said Sethe. "See for yourself." +"Well, what's that I'm hearing then?" +Sethe slammed the stove lid. "Buglar! Buglar! I told you all not to use that ball in here." She looked at the white stairs +and saw Denver at the top. +"She was trying to get upstairs." +"What?" The cloth she used to handle the stove lid was balled in Sethe's hand. +"The baby," said Denver. "Didn't you hear her crawling?" +What to jump on first was the problem: that Denver heard anything at all or that the crawling-already? baby girl was still +at it but more so, The return of Denver's hearing, cut off by an answer she could not hear to hear, cut on by the sound +of her dead sister trying to climb the stairs, signaled another shift in the fortunes of the people of 124. From then on the +presence was full of spite. Instead of sighs and accidents there was pointed and deliberate abuse. Buglar and Howard +grew furious at the company of the women in the house, and spent in sullen reproach any time they had away from +their odd work in town carrying water and feed at the stables. Until the spite became so personal it drove each off. Baby +Suggs grew tired, went to bed and stayed there until her big old heart quit. Except for an occasional request for color +she said practically nothing--until the afternoon of the last day of her life when she got out of bed, skipped slowly to the +door of the keeping room and announced to Sethe and Denver the lesson she had learned from her sixty years a slave +and ten years free: that there was no bad luck in the world but white people. "They don't know when to stop," she said, +and returned to her bed, pulled up the quilt and left them to hold that thought forever. +Shortly afterward Sethe and Denver tried to call up and reason with the baby ghost, but got nowhere. It took a man, +Paul D, to shout it off, beat it off and take its place for himself. And carnival or no carnival, Denver preferred the +venomous baby to him any day. +During the first days after Paul D moved in, Denver stayed in her emerald closet as long as she could, lonely as a +mountain and almost as big, thinking everybody had somebody but her; thinking even a ghost's company was denied +her. So when she saw the black dress with two unlaced shoes beneath it she trembled with secret thanks. +Whatever her power and however she used it, Beloved was hers. Denver was alarmed by the harm she thought Beloved +planned for Sethe, but felt helpless to thwart it, so unrestricted was her need to love another. The display she witnessed +at the Clearing shamed her because the choice between Sethe and Beloved was without conflict. +Walking toward the stream, beyond her green bush house, she let herself wonder what if Beloved really decided to +choke her mother. +Would she let it happen? Murder, Nelson Lord had said. "Didn't your mother get locked away for murder? Wasn't you in +62 +there with her when she went?" +It was the second question that made it impossible for so long to ask Sethe about the first. The thing that leapt up had +been coiled in just such a place: a darkness, a stone, and some other thing that moved by itself. She went deaf rather +than hear the answer, and like the little four o'clocks that searched openly for sunlight, then closed themselves tightly +when it left, Denver kept watch for the baby and withdrew from everything else. Until Paul D came. But the damage he +did came undone with the miraculous resurrection of Beloved. +Just ahead, at the edge of the stream, Denver could see her silhouette, standing barefoot in the water, liking her black +skirts up above her calves, the beautiful head lowered in rapt attention. +Blinking fresh tears Denver approached her--eager for a word, a sign of forgiveness. +Denver took off her shoes and stepped into the water with her. +It took a moment for her to drag her eyes from the spectacle of Beloved's head to see what she was staring at. +A turtle inched along the edge, turned and climbed to dry ground. +Not far behind it was another one, headed in the same direction. +Four placed plates under a hovering motionless bowl. Behind her in the grass the other one moving quickly, quickly to +mount her. The impregnable strength of him--earthing his feet near her shoulders. +The embracing necks--hers stretching up toward his bending down, the pat pat pat of their touching heads. No height +was beyond her yearning neck, stretched like a finger toward his, risking everything outside the bowl just to touch his +face. The gravity of their shields, clashing, countered and mocked the floating heads touching. +Beloved dropped the folds of her skirt. It spread around her. The hem darkened in the water. +Chapter 10 +OUT OF SIGHT of Mister's sight, away, praise His name, from the smiling boss of roosters, Paul D began to tremble. Not +all at once and not so anyone could tell. When he turned his head, aiming for a last look at Brother, turned it as much as +the rope that connected his neck to the axle of a buckboard allowed, and, later on, when they fastened the iron around +his ankles and clamped the wrists as well, there was no outward sign of trembling at all. Nor eighteen days after that +when he saw the ditches; the one thousand feet of earth--five feet deep, five feet wide, into which wooden boxes had +been fitted. A door of bars that you could lift on hinges like a cage opened into three walls and a roof of scrap lumber +and red dirt. Two feet of it over his head; three feet of open trench in front of him with anything that crawled or scurried +welcome to share that grave calling itself quarters. And there were forty-five more. He was sent there after trying to kill +Brandywine, the man schoolteacher sold him to. +Brandywine was leading him, in a coffle with ten others, through Kentucky into Virginia. He didn't know exactly what +prompted him to try--other than Halle, Sixo, Paul A, Paul F and Mister. But the trembling was fixed by the time he knew +it was there. +Still no one else knew it, because it began inside. A flutter of a kind, in the chest, then the shoulder blades. It felt like +rippling-- gentle at first and then wild. As though the further south they led him the more his blood, frozen like an ice +pond for twenty years, began thawing, breaking into pieces that, once melted, had no choice but to swirl and eddy. +Sometimes it was in his leg. Then again it moved to the base of his spine. By the time they unhitched him from the +wagon and he saw nothing but dogs and two shacks in a world of sizzling grass, the roiling blood was shaking him to and +fro. But no one could tell. The wrists he held out for the bracelets that evening were steady as were the legs he stood +on when chains were attached to the leg irons. But when they shoved him into the box and dropped the cage door +down, his hands quit taking instruction. On their own, they traveled. Nothing could stop them or get their attention. +They would not hold his penis to urinate or a spoon to scoop lumps of lima beans into his mouth. The miracle of their +63 +obedience came with the hammer at dawn. +All forty-six men woke to rifle shot. All forty-six. Three whitemen walked along the trench unlocking the doors one by +one. No one stepped through. When the last lock was opened, the three returned and lifted the bars, one by one. And +one by one the blackmen emerged--promptly and without the poke of a rifle butt if they had been there more than a +day; promptly with the butt if, like Paul D, +they had just arrived. When all forty-six were standing in a line in the trench, another rifle shot signaled the climb out +and up to the ground above, where one thousand feet of the best hand-forged chain in Georgia stretched. Each man +bent and waited. The first man picked up the end and threaded it through the loop on his leg iron. He stood up then, +and, shuffling a little, brought the chain tip to the next prisoner, who did likewise. As the chain was passed on and each +man stood in the other's place, the line of men turned around, facing the boxes they had come out of. Not one spoke to +the other. At least not with words. The eyes had to tell what there was to tell: "Help me this mornin; 's bad"; "I'm a make +it"; "New man"; "Steady now steady." +Chain-up completed, they knelt down. The dew, more likely than not, was mist by then. Heavy sometimes and if the +dogs were quiet and just breathing you could hear doves. Kneeling in the mist they waited for the whim of a guard, or +two, or three. Or maybe all of them wanted it. Wanted it from one prisoner in particular or none-- or all. +"Breakfast? Want some breakfast, nigger?" +"Yes, sir." +"Hungry, nigger?" +"Yes, sir." +"Here you go." +Occasionally a kneeling man chose gunshot in his head as the price, maybe, of taking a bit of foreskin with him to Jesus. +Paul D did not know that then. He was looking at his palsied hands, smelling the guard, listening to his soft grunts so like +the doves', as he stood before the man kneeling in mist on his right. Convinced he was next, Paul D retched--vomiting up +nothing at all. An observing guard smashed his shoulder with the rifle and the engaged one decided to skip the new man +for the time being lest his pants and shoes got soiled by nigger puke. +"Hiiii" +It was the first sound, other than "Yes, sir" a blackman was allowed to speak each morning, and the lead chain gave +it everything he had. "Hiiii!" It was never clear to Paul D how he knew when to shout that mercy. They called him Hi +Man and Paul D thought at first the guards told him when to give the signal that let the prisoners rise up off their knees +and dance two-step to the music of hand forged iron. Later he doubted it. He believed to this day that the "Hiiii!" at +dawn and the "Hoooo!" when evening came were the responsibility Hi Man assumed because he alone knew what was +enough, what was too much, when things were over, when the time had come. +They chain-danced over the fields, through the woods to a trail that ended in the astonishing beauty of feldspar, and +there Paul D's hands disobeyed the furious rippling of his blood and paid attention. +With a sledge hammer in his hands and Hi Man's lead, the men got through. They sang it out and beat it up, garbling the +words so they could not be understood; tricking the words so their syllables yielded up other meanings. They sang the +women they knew; the children they had been; the animals they had tamed themselves or seen others tame. They sang +of bosses and masters and misses; of mules and dogs and the shamelessness of life. They sang lovingly of graveyards and +sisters long gone. Of pork in the woods; meal in the pan; fish on the line; cane, rain and rocking chairs. +And they beat. The women for having known them and no more, no more; the children for having been them but never +again. They killed a boss so often and so completely they had to bring him back to life to pulp him one more time. +Tasting hot mealcake among pine trees, they beat it away. Singing love songs to Mr. Death, they smashed his head. +64 +More than the rest, they killed the flirt whom folks called Life for leading them on. Making them think the next sunrise +would be worth it; that another stroke of time would do it at last. Only when she was dead would they be safe. The +successful ones--the ones who had been there enough years to have maimed, mutilated, maybe even buried her--kept +watch over the others who were still in her cock-teasing hug, caring and looking forward, remembering and looking +back. They were the ones whose eyes said, "Help me, 's bad"; or "Look out," meaning this might be the day I bay or +eat my own mess or run, and it was this last that had to be guarded against, for if one pitched and ran--all, all forty-six, +would be yanked by the chain that bound them and no telling who or how many would be killed. A man could risk his +own life, but not his brother's. So the eyes said, "Steady now," and "Hang by me." +Eighty-six days and done. Life was dead. Paul D beat her butt all day every day till there was not a whimper in her. +Eighty-six days and his hands were still, waiting serenely each rat-rustling night for "Hiiii!" at dawn and the eager clench +on the hammer's shaft. Life rolled over dead. Or so he thought. +It rained. +Snakes came down from short-leaf pine and hemlock. +It rained. +Cypress, yellow poplar, ash and palmetto drooped under five days of rain without wind. By the eighth day the doves +were nowhere in sight, by the ninth even the salamanders were gone. Dogs laid their ears down and stared over their +paws. The men could not work. +Chain-up was slow, breakfast abandoned, the two-step became a slow drag over soupy grass and unreliable earth. +It was decided to lock everybody down in the boxes till it either stopped or lightened up so a whiteman could walk, +damnit, without flooding his gun and the dogs could quit shivering. The chain was threaded through forty-six loops of +the best hand-forged iron in Georgia. +It rained. +In the boxes the men heard the water rise in the trench and looked out for cottonmouths. They squatted in muddy +water, slept above it, peed in it. Paul D thought he was screaming; his mouth was open and there was this loud throat- +splitting sound--but it may have been somebody else. Then he thought he was crying. Something was running down his +cheeks. He lifted his hands to wipe away the tears and saw dark brown slime. Above him rivulets of mud slid through the +boards of the roof. When it come down, he thought, gonna crush me like a tick bug. It happened so quick he had no time +to ponder. +Somebody yanked the chain--once--hard enough to cross his legs and throw him into the mud. He never figured out how +he knew-- how anybody did--but he did know--he did--and he took both hands and yanked the length of chain at his left, +so the next man would know too. The water was above his ankles, flowing over the wooden plank he slept on. And then +it wasn't water anymore. The ditch was caving in and mud oozed under and through the bars. +They waited--each and every one of the forty-six. Not screaming, although some of them must have fought like the devil +not to. The mud was up to his thighs and he held on to the bars. Then it came-- another yank--from the left this time and +less forceful than the first because of the mud it passed through. +It started like the chain-up but the difference was the power of the chain. One by one, from Hi Man back on down the +line, they dove. Down through the mud under the bars, blind, groping. Some had sense enough to wrap their heads in +their shirts, cover their faces with rags, put on their shoes. Others just plunged, simply ducked down and pushed out, +fighting up, reaching for air. Some lost direction and their neighbors, feeling the confused pull of the chain, snatched +them around. For one lost, all lost. The chain that held them would save all or none, and Hi Man was the Delivery. They +talked through that chain like Sam Morse and, Great God, they all came up. Like the unshriven dead, zombies on the +loose, holding the chains in their hands, they trusted the rain and the dark, yes, but mostly Hi Man and each other. +65 +Past the sheds where the dogs lay in deep depression; past the two guard shacks, past the stable of sleeping horses, past +the hens whose bills were bolted into their feathers, they waded. The moon did not help because it wasn't there. The +field was a marsh, the track a trough. All Georgia seemed to be sliding, melting away. Moss wiped their faces as they +fought the live-oak branches that blocked their way. Georgia took up all of Alabama and Mississippi then, so there was +no state line to cross and it wouldn't have mattered anyway. If they had known about it, they would have avoided not +only Alfred and the beautiful feldspar, but Savannah too and headed for the Sea Islands on the river that slid down from +the Blue Ridge Mountains. +But they didn't know. +Daylight came and they huddled in a copse of redbud trees. Night came and they scrambled up to higher ground, +praying the rain would go on shielding them and keeping folks at home. They were hoping for a shack, solitary, some +distance from its big house, where a slave might be making rope or heating potatoes at the grate. What they found was +a camp of sick Cherokee for whom a rose was named. +Decimated but stubborn, they were among those who chose a fugitive life rather than Oklahoma. The illness that swept +them now was reminiscent of the one that had killed half their number two hundred years earlier. In between that +calamity and this, they had visited George III in London, published a newspaper, made baskets, led Oglethorpe through +forests, helped Andrew Jackson fight Creek, cooked maize, drawn up a constitution, petitioned the King of Spain, been +experimented on by Dartmouth, established asylums, wrote their language, resisted settlers, shot bear and translated +scripture. +All to no avail. The forced move to the Arkansas River, insisted upon by the same president they fought for against the +Creek, destroyed another quarter of their already shattered number. +That was it, they thought, and removed themselves from those Cherokee who signed the treaty, in order to retire into +the forest and await the end of the world. The disease they suffered now was a mere inconvenience compared to the +devastation they remembered. +Still, they protected each other as best they could. The healthy were sent some miles away; the sick stayed behind with +the dead--to survive or join them. +The prisoners from Alfred, Georgia, sat down in semicircle near the encampment. No one came and still they sat. Hours +passed and the rain turned soft. Finally a woman stuck her head out of her house. Night came and nothing happened. At +dawn two men with barnacles covering their beautiful skin approached them. No one spoke for a moment, then Hi Man +raised his hand. The Cherokee saw the chains and went away. When they returned each carried a handful of small axes. +Two children followed with a pot of mush cooling and thinning in the rain. +Buffalo men, they called them, and talked slowly to the prisoners scooping mush and tapping away at their chains. +Nobody from a box in Alfred, Georgia, cared about the illness the Cherokee warned them about, so they stayed, all +forty-six, resting, planning their next move. Paul D had no idea of what to do and knew less than anybody, it seemed. +He heard his co-convicts talk knowledgeably of rivers and states, towns and territories. Heard Cherokee men describe +the beginning of the world and its end. Listened to tales of other Buffalo men they knew--three of whom were in the +healthy camp a few miles away. Hi Man wanted to join them; others wanted to join him. Some wanted to leave; some +to stay on. Weeks later Paul D was the only Buffalo man left--without a plan. All he could think of was tracking dogs, +although Hi Man said the rain they left in gave that no chance of success. Alone, the last man with buffalo hair among +the ailing Cherokee, Paul D finally woke up and, admitting his ignorance, asked how he might get North. Free North. +Magical North. Welcoming, benevolent North. The Cherokee smiled and looked around. The flood rains of a month ago +had turned everything to steam and blossoms. +"That way," he said, pointing. "Follow the tree flowers," he said. +"Only the tree flowers. As they go, you go. You will be where you want to be when they are gone." +So he raced from dogwood to blossoming peach. When they thinned out he headed for the cherry blossoms, then +66 +magnolia, chinaberry, pecan, walnut and prickly pear. At last he reached a field of apple trees whose flowers were just +becoming tiny knots of fruit. +Spring sauntered north, but he had to run like hell to keep it as his traveling companion. From February to July he was +on the lookout for blossoms. When he lost them, and found himself without so much as a petal to guide him, he paused, +climbed a tree on a hillock and scanned the horizon for a flash of pink or white in the leaf world that surrounded him. +He did not touch them or stop to smell. He merely followed in their wake, a dark ragged figure guided by the blossoming +plums. +The apple field turned out to be Delaware where the weaver lady lived. She snapped him up as soon as he finished the +sausage she fed him and he crawled into her bed crying. She passed him off as her nephew from Syracuse simply by +calling him that nephew's name. +Eighteen months and he was looking out again for blossoms only this time he did the looking on a dray. +It was some time before he could put Alfred, Georgia, Sixo, schoolteacher, Halle, his brothers, Sethe, Mister, the taste +of iron, the sight of butter, the smell of hickory, notebook paper, one by one, into the tobacco tin lodged in his chest. By +the time he got to 124 nothing in this world could pry it open. +Chapter 11 +SHE MOVED HIM. +Not the way he had beat off the baby's ghost--all bang and shriek with windows smashed and icily iars rolled in a heap. +But she moved him nonetheless, and Paul D didn't know how to stop it because it looked like he was moving himself. +Imperceptibly, downright reasonably, he was moving out of 124. +The beginning was so simple. One day, after supper, he sat in the rocker by the stove, bone-tired, river-whipped, and fell +asleep. +He woke to the footsteps of Sethe coming down the white stairs to make breakfast. +"I thought you went out somewhere," she said. +Paul D moaned, surprised to find himself exactly where he was the last time he looked. +"Don't tell me I slept in this chair the whole night." +Sethe laughed. "Me? I won't say a word to you." +"Why didn't you rouse me?" +"I did. Called you two or three times. I gave it up around midnight and then I thought you went out somewhere." +He stood, expecting his back to fight it. But it didn't. Not a creak or a stiff joint anywhere. In fact he felt refreshed. Some +things are like that, he thought, good-sleep places. The base of certain trees here and there; a wharf, a bench, a rowboat +once, a haystack usually, not always bed, and here, now, a rocking chair, which was strange because in his experience +furniture was the worst place for a good-sleep sleep. +The next evening he did it again and then again. He was accustomed to sex with Sethe just about every day, and to +avoid the confusion Beloved's shining caused him he still made it his business to take her back upstairs in the morning, +or lie down with her after supper. But he found a way and a reason to spend the longest part of the night in the rocker. +He told himself it must be his back-- something supportive it needed for a weakness left over from sleeping in a box in +Georgia. +It went on that way and might have stayed that way but one evening, after supper, after Sethe, he came downstairs, +67 +sat in the rocker and didn't want to be there. He stood up and realized he didn't want to go upstairs either. Irritable +and longing for rest, he opened the door to Baby Suggs' room and dropped off to sleep on the bed the old lady died in. +That settled it--so it seemed. It became his room and Sethe didn't object--her bed made for two had been occupied by +one for eighteen years before Paul D came to call. And maybe it was better this way, with young girls in the house and +him not being her true-to-life husband. In any case, since there was no reduction in his before-breakfast or after-supper +appetites, he never heard her complain. +It went on that way and might have stayed that way, except one evening, after supper, after Sethe, he came downstairs +and lay on Baby Suggs' bed and didn't want to be there. +He believed he was having house-fits, the glassy anger men sometimes feel when a woman's house begins to bind +them, when they want to yell and break something or at least run off. He knew all about that--felt it lots of times--in the +Delaware weaver's house, for instance. But always he associated the house-fit with the woman in it. This nervousness +had nothing to do with the woman, whom he loved a little bit more every day: her hands among vegetables, her mouth +when she licked a thread end before guiding it through a needle or bit it in two when the seam was done, the blood in +her eye when she defended her girls (and Beloved was hers now) or any coloredwoman from a slur. Also in this house- +fit there was no anger, no suffocation, no yearning to be elsewhere. He just could not, would not, sleep upstairs or in the +rocker or, now, in Baby Suggs' bed. So he went to the storeroom. +It went on that way and might have stayed that way except one evening, after supper, after Sethe, he lay on a pallet in +the storeroom and didn't want to be there. Then it was the cold house and it was out there, separated from the main +part of 124, curled on top of two croaker sacks full of sweet potatoes, staring at the sides of a lard can, that he realized +the moving was involuntary. He wasn't being nervous; he was being prevented. +So he waited. Visited Sethe in the morning; slept in the cold room at night and waited. +She came, and he wanted to knock her down. +In Ohio seasons are theatrical. Each one enters like a prima donna, convinced its performance is the reason the world +has people in it. +When Paul D had been forced out of 124 into a shed behind it, summer had been hooted offstage and autumn with its +bottles of blood and gold had everybody's attention. Even at night, when there should have been a restful intermission, +there was none because the voices of a dying landscape were insistent and loud. Paul D packed newspaper under +himself and over, to give his thin blanket some help. But the chilly night was not on his mind. When he heard the door +open behind him he refused to turn and look. +"What you want in here? What you want?" He should have been able to hear her breathing. +"I want you to touch me on the inside part and call me my name." +Paul D never worried about his little tobacco tin anymore. It was rusted shut. So, while she hoisted her skirts and turned +her head over her shoulder the way the turtles had, he just looked at the lard can, silvery in moonlight, and spoke +quietly. +"When good people take you in and treat you good, you ought to try to be good back. You don't... Sethe loves you. +Much as her own daughter. You know that." +Beloved dropped her skirts as he spoke and looked at him with empty eyes. She took a step he could not hear and stood +close behind him. +"She don't love me like I love her. I don't love nobody but her." +"Then what you come in here for?" +"I want you to touch me on the inside part." +68 +"Go on back in that house and get to bed." +"You have to touch me. On the inside part. And you have to call me my name." +As long as his eyes were locked on the silver of the lard can he was safe. If he trembled like Lot's wife and felt some +womanish need to see the nature of the sin behind him; feel a sympathy, perhaps, for the cursing cursed, or want to +hold it in his arms out of respect for the connection between them, he too would be lost. +"Call me my name." +"No." +"Please call it. I'll go if you call it." +"Beloved." He said it, but she did not go. She moved closer with a footfall he didn't hear and he didn't hear the whisper +that the flakes of rust made either as they fell away from the seams of his tobacco tin. So when the lid gave he didn't +know it. What he knew was that when he reached the inside part he was saying, "Red heart. Red heart," over and over +again. Softly and then so loud it woke Denver, then Paul D himself. "Red heart. Red heart. Red heart." +Chapter 12 +TO GO BACK to the original hunger was impossible. Luckily for Denver, looking was food enough to last. But to be looked +at in turn was beyond appetite; it was breaking through her own skin to a place where hunger hadn't been discovered. +It didn't have to happen often, because Beloved seldom looked right at her, or when she did, Denver could tell that +her own face was just the place those eyes stopped while the mind behind it walked on. But sometimes--at moments +Denver could neither anticipate nor create--Beloved rested cheek on knuckles and looked at Denver with attention. +It was lovely. Not to be stared at, not seen, but being pulled into view by the interested, uncritical eyes of the other. +Having her hair examined as a part of her self, not as material or a style. Having her lips, nose, chin caressed as they +might be if she were a moss rose a gardener paused to admire. Denver's skin dissolved under that gaze and became soft +and bright like the lisle dress that had its arm around her mother's waist. She floated near but outside her own body, +feeling vague and intense at the same time. Needing nothing. Being what there was. +At such times it seemed to be Beloved who needed somethingm wanted something. Deep down in her wide black eyes, +back behind the expressionlessness, was a palm held out for a penny which Denver would gladly give her, if only she +knew how or knew enough about her, a knowledge not to be had by the answers to the questions Sethe occasionally put +to her: '"You disremember everything? I never knew my mother neither, but I saw her a couple of times. Did you never +see yours? What kind of whites was they? You don't remember none?" +Beloved, scratching the back of her hand, would say she remembered a woman who was hers, and she remembered +being snatched away from her. Other than that, the clearest memory she had, the one she repeated, was the bridge-- +standing on the bridge looking down. And she knew one whiteman. +Sethe found that remarkable and more evidence to support her conclusions, which she confided to Denver. +"Where'd you get the dress, them shoes?" +Beloved said she took them. +"Who from?" +Silence and a faster scratching of her hand. She didn't know; she saw them and just took them. +"Uh huh," said Sethe, and told Denver that she believed Beloved had been locked up by some whiteman for his own +purposes, and never let out the door. That she must have escaped to a bridge or someplace and rinsed the rest out of +her mind. Something like that had happened to Ella except it was two men---a father and son--- and Ella remembered +69 +every bit of it. For more than a year, they kept her locked in a room for themselves. +"You couldn't think up," Ella had said, "what them two done to me." +Sethe thought it explained Beloved's behavior around Paul D, whom she hated so. +Denver neither believed nor commented on Sethe's speculations, and she lowered her eyes and never said a word about +the cold house. +She was certain that Beloved was the white dress that had knelt with her mother in the keeping room, the true-to-life +presence of the baby that had kept her company most of her life. And to be looked at by her, however briefly, kept her +grateful for the rest of the time when she was merely the looker. Besides, she had her own set of questions which had +nothing to do with the past. The present alone interested Denver, but she was careful to appear uninquisitive about +the things she was dying to ask Beloved, for if she pressed too hard, she might lose the penny that the held-out palm +wanted, and lose, therefore, the place beyond appetite. It was better to feast, to have permission to be the looker, +because the old hunger--the before-Beloved hunger that drove her into boxwood and cologne for just a taste of a life, to +feel it bumpy and not flat--was out of the question. Looking kept it at bay. +So she did not ask Beloved how she knew about the earrings, the night walks to the cold house or the tip of the thing +she saw when Beloved lay down or came undone in her sleep. The look, when it came, came when Denver had been +careful, had explained things, or participated in things, or told stories to keep her occupied when Sethe was at the +restaurant. No given chore was enough to put out the licking fire that seemed always to burn in her. Not when they +wrung out sheets so tight the rinse water ran back up their arms. Not when they shoveled snow from the path to the +outhouse. Or broke three inches of ice from the rain barrel; scoured and boiled last summer's canning jars, packed mud +in the cracks of the hen house and warmed the chicks with their skirts. All the while Denver was obliged to talk about +what they were doing--the how and why of it. About people Denver knew once or had seen, giving them more life than +life had: the sweet-smelling whitewoman who brought her oranges and cologne and good wool skirts; Lady Jones who +taught them songs to spell and count by; a beautiful boy as smart as she was with a birthmark like a nickel on his cheek. +A white preacher who prayed for their souls while Sethe peeled potatoes and Grandma Baby sucked air. And she told +her about Howard and Buglar: the parts of the bed that belonged to each (the top reserved for herself); that before she +transferred to Baby Suggs' bed she never knew them to sleep without holding hands. She described them to Beloved +slowly, to keep her attention, dwelling on their habits, the games they taught her and not the fright that drove them +increasingly out of the house---anywhere--and finally far away. +This day they are outside. It's cold and the snow is hard as packed dirt. Denver has finished singing the counting song +Lady Jones taught her students. Beloved is holding her arms steady while Denver unclasps frozen underwear and towels +from the line. One by one she lays them in Beloved's arms until the pile, like a huge deck of cards, reaches her chin. The +rest, aprons and brown stockings, Denver carries herself. Made giddy by the cold, they return to the house. The clothes +will thaw slowly to a dampness perfect for the pressing iron, which will make them smell like hot rain. Dancing around +the room with Sethe's apron, Beloved wants to know if there are flowers in the dark. Denver adds sticks to the stovefire +and assures her there are. Twirling, her face framed by the neckband, her waist in the apron strings' embrace, she says +she is thirsty. +Denver suggests warming up some cider, while her mind races to something she might do or say to interest and +entertain the dancer. +Denver is a strategist now and has to keep Beloved by her side from the minute Sethe leaves for work until the hour +of her return when Beloved begins to hover at the window, then work her way out the door, down the steps and near +the road. Plotting has changed Denver markedly. Where she was once indolent, resentful of every task, now she is +spry, executing, even extending the assignments Sethe leaves for them. All to be able to say "We got to" and "Ma'am +said for us to." Otherwise Beloved gets private and dreamy, or quiet and sullen, and Denver's chances of being looked +at by her go down to nothing. She has no control over the evenings. When her mother is anywhere around, Beloved +has eyes only for Sethe. At night, in bed, anything might happen. She might want to be told a story in the dark when +Denver can't see her. Or she might get up and go into the cold house where Paul D has begun to sleep. Or she might cry, +70 +silently. She might even sleep like a brick, her breath sugary from fingerfuls of molasses or sand-cookie crumbs. Denver +will turn toward her then, and if Beloved faces her, she will inhale deeply the sweet air from her mouth. If not, she will +have to lean up and over her, every once in a while, to catch a sniff. For anything is better than the original hunger--the +time when, after a year of the wonderful little i, sentences rolling out like pie dough and the company of other children, +there was no sound coming through. Anything is better than the silence when she answered to hands gesturing and +was indifferent to the movement of lips. When she saw every little thing and colors leaped smoldering into view. She +will forgo the most violent of sunsets, stars as fat as dinner plates and all the blood of autumn and settle for the palest +yellow if it comes from her Beloved. +The cider jug is heavy, but it always is, even when empty. Denver can carry it easily, yet she asks Beloved to help her. It is +in the cold house next to the molasses and six pounds of cheddar hard as bone. +A pallet is in the middle of the floor covered with newspaper and a blanket at the foot. It has been slept on for almost a +month, even though snow has come and, with it, serious winter. +It is noon, quite light outside; inside it is not. A few cuts of sun break through the roof and walls but once there they are +too weak to shift for themselves. Darkness is stronger and swallows them like minnows. +The door bangs shut. Denver can't tell where Beloved is standing. +"Where are you?" she whispers in a laughing sort of way. +"Here," says Beloved. +"Where?" +"Come find me," says Beloved. +Denver stretches out her right arm and takes a step or two. She trips and falls down onto the pallet. Newspaper crackles +under her weight. She laughs again. "Oh, shoot. Beloved?" +No one answers. Denver waves her arms and squinches her eyes to separate the shadows of potato sacks, a lard can and +a side of smoked pork from the one that might be human. +"Stop fooling," she says and looks up toward the light to check and make sure this is still the cold house and not +something going on in her sleep. The minnows of light still swim there; they can't make it down to where she is. +"You the one thirsty. You want cider or don't you?" Denver's voice is mildly accusatory. Mildly. She doesn't want to +offend and she doesn't want to betray the panic that is creeping over her like hairs. There is no sight or sound of +Beloved. Denver struggles to her feet amid the crackling newspaper. Holding her palm out, she moves slowly toward +the door. There is no latch or knob--just a loop of wire to catch a nail. She pushes the door open. Cold sunlight displaces +the dark. The room is just as it was when they entered-except Beloved is not there. There is no point in looking further, +for everything in the place can be seen at first sight. Denver looks anyway because the loss is ungovernable. She steps +back into the shed, allowing the door to close quickly behind her. Darkness or not, she moves rapidly around, reaching, +touching cobwebs, cheese, slanting shelves, the pallet interfering with each step. If she stumbles, she is not aware of +it because she does not know where her body stops, which part of her is an arm, a foot or a knee. She feels like an ice +cake torn away from the solid surface of the stream, floating on darkness, thick and crashing against the edges of things +around it. +Breakable, meltable and cold. +It is hard to breathe and even if there were light she wouldn't be able to see anything because she is crying. Just as she +thought it might happen, it has. Easy as walking into a room. A magical appearance on a stump, the face wiped out by +sunlight, and a magical disappearance in a shed, eaten alive by the dark. +"Don't," she is saying between tough swallows. "Don't. Don't go back." +71 +This is worse than when Paul D came to 124 and she cried helplessly into the stove. This is worse. Then it was for herself. +Now she is crying because she has no self. Death is a skipped meal compared to this. She can feel her thickness thinning, +dissolving into nothing. She grabs the hair at her temples to get enough to uproot it and halt the melting for a while. +Teeth clamped shut, Denver brakes her sobs. She doesn't move to open the door because there is no world out there. +She decides to stay in +the cold house and let the dark swallow her like the minnows of light above. She won't put up with another leaving, +another trick. Waking up to find one brother then another not at the bottom of the bed, his foot jabbing her spine. +Sitting at the table eating turnips and saving the liquor for her grandmother to drink; her mother's hand on the keeping- +room door and her voice saying, "Baby Suggs is gone, Denver." And when she got around to worrying about what +would be the case if Sethe died or Paul D took her away, a dream-come-true comes true just to leave her on a pile of +newspaper in the dark. +No footfall announces her, but there she is, standing where before there was nobody when Denver looked. And smiling. +Denver grabs the hem of Beloved's skirt. "I thought you left me. +I thought you went back." +Beloved smiles, "I don't want that place. This the place I am." +She sits down on the pallet and, laughing, lies back looking at the cracklights above. +Surreptitiously, Denver pinches a piece of Beloved's skirt between her fingers and holds on. A good thing she does +because suddenly Beloved sits up. +"What is it?" asks Denver. +"Look," she points to the sunlit cracks. +"What? I don't see nothing." Denver follows the pointing finger. +Beloved drops her hand. "I'm like this." +Denver watches as Beloved bends over, curls up and rocks. Her eyes go to no place; her moaning is so small Denver can +hardly hear it. +"You all right? Beloved?" +Beloved focuses her eyes. "Over there. Her face." +Denver looks where Beloved's eyes go; there is nothing but darkness there. +"Whose face? Who is it?" +"Me. It's me." +She is smiling again. +Chapter 13 +THE LAST of the Sweet Home men, so named and called by one who would know, believed it. The other four believed it +too, once, but they were long gone. The sold one never returned, the lost one never found. One, he knew, was dead for +sure; one he hoped was, because butter and clabber was no life or reason to live it. He grew up thinking that, of all the +Blacks in Kentucky, only the five of them were men. Allowed, encouraged to correct Garner, even defy him. +72 +To invent ways of doing things; to see what was needed and attack it without permission. To buy a mother, choose a +horse or a wife, handle guns, even learn reading if they wanted to--but they didn't want to since nothing important to +them could be put down on paper. +Was that it? Is that where the manhood lay? In the naming done by a whiteman who was supposed to know? Who gave +them the privilege not of working but of deciding how to? No. In their relationship with Garner was true metal: they +were believed and trusted, but most of all they were listened to. +He thought what they said had merit, and what they felt was serious. Deferring to his slaves' opinions did not deprive +him of authority or power. It was schoolteacher who taught them otherwise. +A truth that waved like a scarecrow in rye: they were only Sweet Home men at Sweet Home. One step off that ground +and they were trespassers among the human race. Watchdogs without teeth; steer bulls without horns; gelded +workhorses whose neigh and whinny could not be translated into a language responsible humans spoke. +His strength had lain in knowing that schoolteacher was wrong. Now he wondered. There was Alfred, Georgia, there +was Delaware, there was Sixo and still he wondered. If schoolteacher was right it explained how he had come to be a +rag doll--picked up and put back down anywhere any time by a girl young enough to be his daughter. Fucking her when +he was convinced he didn't want to. Whenever she turned her behind up, the calves of his youth (was that it?) cracked +his resolve. But it was more than appetite that humiliated him and made him wonder if schoolteacher was right. It was +being moved, placed where she wanted him, and there was nothing he was able to do about it. For his life he could not +walk up the glistening white stairs in the evening; for his life he could not stay in the kitchen, in the keeping room, in the +storeroom at night. And he tried. Held his breath the way he had when he ducked into the mud; steeled his heart the +way he had when the trembling began. But it was worse than that, worse than the blood eddy he had controlled with +a sledge hammer. When he stood up from the supper table at 124 and turned toward the stairs, nausea was first, then +repulsion. He, he. He who had eaten raw meat barely dead, who under plum trees bursting with blossoms had crunched +through a dove's breast before its heart stopped beating. Because he was a man and a man could do what he would: be +still for six hours in a dry well while night dropped; fight raccoon with his hands and win; watch another man, whom he +loved better than his brothers, roast without a tear just so the roasters would know what a man was like. And it was he, +that man, who had walked from Georgia to Delaware, who could not go or stay put where he wanted to in 124--shame. +Paul D could not command his feet, but he thought he could still talk and he made up his mind to break out that way. +He would tell Sethe about the last three weeks: catch her alone coming from work at the beer garden she called a +restaurant and tell it all. +He waited for her. The winter afternoon looked like dusk as he stood in the alley behind Sawyer's Restaurant. +Rehearsing, imagining her face and letting the words flock in his head like kids before lining up to follow the leader. +"Well, ah, this is not the, a man can't, see, but aw listen here, it ain't that, it really ain't, Ole Garner, what I mean is, it +ain't a weak- ness, the kind of weakness I can fight 'cause 'cause something is happening to me, that girl is doing it, I +know you think I never liked her nohow, but she is doing it to me. Fixing me. Sethe, she's fixed me and I can't break it." +What? A grown man fixed by a girl? But what if the girl was not a girl, but something in disguise? A lowdown something +that looked like a sweet young girl and fucking her or not was not the point, it was not being able to stay or go where +he wished in 124, and the danger was in losing Sethe because he was not man enough to break out, so he needed her, +Sethe, to help him, to know about it, and it shamed him to have to ask the woman he wanted to protect to help him do +it, God damn it to hell. +Paul D blew warm breath into the hollow of his cupped hands. +The wind raced down the alley so fast it sleeked the fur of four kitchen dogs waiting for scraps. He looked at the dogs. +The dogs looked at him. +Finally the back door opened and Sethe stepped through holding a scrap pan in the crook of her arm. When she saw +him, she said Oh, and her smile was both pleasure and surprise. +73 +Paul D believed he smiled back but his face was so cold he wasn't sure. +"Man, you make me feel like a girl, coming by to pick me up after work. Nobody ever did that before. You better watch +out, I might start looking forward to it." She tossed the largest bones into the dirt rapidly so the dogs would know there +was enough and not fight each other. Then she dumped the skins of some things, heads of other things and the insides +of still more things--what the restaurant could not use and she would not--in a smoking pile near the animals' feet. +"Got to rinse this out," she said, "and then I'll be right with you." +He nodded as she returned to the kitchen. +The dogs ate without sound and Paul D thought they at least got what they came for, and if she had enough for them-- +The cloth on her head was brown wool and she edged it down over her hairline against the wind. +"You get off early or what?" +"I took off early." +"Anything the matter?" +"In a way of speaking," he said and wiped his lips. +"Not cut back?" +"No, no. They got plenty work. I just--" +"Hm?" +"Sethe, you won't like what I'm 'bout to say." +She stopped then and turned her face toward him and the hateful wind. Another woman would have squinted or at +least teared if the wind whipped her face as it did Sethe's. Another woman might have shot him a look of apprehension, +pleading, anger even, because what he said sure sounded like part one of Goodbye, I'm gone. +Sethe looked at him steadily, calmly, already ready to accept, release or excuse an in-need-or-trouble man. Agreeing, +saying okay, all right, in advance, because she didn't believe any of them--over the long haul--could measure up. And +whatever the reason, it was all right. No fault. Nobody's fault. +He knew what she was thinking and even though she was wrong-- he was not leaving her, wouldn't ever--the thing he +had in mind to tell her was going to be worse. So, when he saw the diminished expectation in her eyes, the melancholy +without blame, he could not say it. He could not say to this woman who did not squint in the wind, "I am not a man." +"Well, say it, Paul D, whether I like it or not." +Since he could not say what he planned to, he said something he didn't know was on his mind. "I want you pregnant, +Sethe. Would you do that for me?" +Now she was laughing and so was he. +"You came by here to ask me that? You are one crazy-headed man. You right; I don't like it. Don't you think I'm too old +to start that all over again?" She slipped her fingers in his hand for all the world like the hand-holding shadows on the +side of the road. +"Think about it," he said. And suddenly it was a solution: a way to hold on to her, document his manhood and break out +of the girl's spell--all in one. He put the tips of Sethe's fingers on his cheek. +Laughing, she pulled them away lest somebody passing the alley see them misbehaving in public, in daylight, in the +74 +wind. +Still, he'd gotten a little more time, bought it, in fact, and hoped the price wouldn't wreck him. Like paying for an +afternoon in the coin of life to come. +They left off playing, let go hands and hunched forward as they left the alley and entered the street. The wind was +quieter there but the dried-out cold it left behind kept pedestrians fast-moving, stiff inside their coats. No men leaned +against door frames or storefront windows. The wheels of wagons delivering feed or wood screeched as though +they hurt. Hitched horses in front of the saloons shivered and closed their eyes. Four women, walking two abreast, +approached, their shoes loud on the wooden walkway. Paul D touched Sethe's elbow to guide her as they stepped from +the slats to the dirt to let the women pass. +Half an hour later, when they reached the city's edge, Sethe and Paul D resumed catching and snatching each other's +fingers, stealing quick pats on the behind. Joyfully embarrassed to be that grownup and that young at the same time. +Resolve, he thought. That was all it took, and no motherless gal was going to break it up. No lazy, stray pup of a woman +could turn him around, make him doubt himself, wonder, plead or confess. +Convinced of it, that he could do it, he threw his arm around Sethe's shoulders and squeezed. She let her head touch his +chest, and since the moment was valuable to both of them, they stopped and stood that way--not breathing, not even +caring if a passerby passed them by. The winter light was low. Sethe closed her eyes. Paul D looked at the black trees +lining the roadside, their defending arms raised against attack. Softly, suddenly, it began to snow, like a present come +down from the sky. Sethe opened her eyes to it and said, "Mercy." +And it seemed to Paul D that it was--a little mercy--something given to them on purpose to mark what they were feeling +so they would remember it later on when they needed to. +Down came the dry flakes, fat enough and heavy enough to crash like nickels on stone. It always surprised him, how +quiet it was. Not like rain, but like a secret. +"Run!" he said. +"You run," said Sethe. "I been on my feet all day." +"Where I been? Sitting down?" and he pulled her along. +"Stop! Stop!" she said. "I don't have the legs for this." +"Then give em to me," he said and before she knew it he had backed into her, hoisted her on his back and was running +down the road past brown fields turning white. +Breathless at last, he stopped and she slid back down on her own two feet, weak from laughter. +"You need some babies, somebody to play with in the snow." +Sethe secured her headcloth. +Paul D smiled and warmed his hands with his breath. "I sure would like to give it a try. Need a willing partner though." +"I'll say," she answered. "Very, very willing." +It was nearly four o'clock now and 124 was half a mile ahead. +Floating toward them, barely visible in the drifting snow, was a figure, and although it was the same figure that had been +meeting Sethe for four months, so complete was the attention she and Paul D were paying to themselves they both felt +a jolt when they saw her close in. +75 +Beloved did not look at Paul D; her scrutiny was for Sethe. She had no coat, no wrap, nothing on her head, but she held +in her hand a long shawl. Stretching out her arms she tried to circle it around Sethe. +"Crazy girl," said Sethe. "You the one out here with nothing on." And stepping away and in front of Paul D, Sethe took +the shawl and wrapped it around Beloved's head and shoulders. Saying, "You got to learn more sense than that," she +enclosed her in her left arm. +Snowflakes stuck now. Paul D felt icy cold in the place Sethe had been before Beloved came. Trailing a yard or so behind +the women, he fought the anger that shot through his stomach all the way home. +When he saw Denver silhouetted in the lamplight at the window, he could not help thinking, "And whose ally you?" +It was Sethe who did it. Unsuspecting, surely, she solved everything with one blow. +"Now I know you not sleeping out there tonight, are you, Paul D?" She smiled at him, and like a friend in need, the +chimney coughed against the rush of cold shooting into it from the sky. Window sashes shuddered in a blast of winter +air. +Paul D looked up from the stew meat. +"You come upstairs. Where you belong," she said, "... and stay there." +The threads of malice creeping toward him from Beloved's side of the table were held harmless in the warmth of Sethe's +smile. +Once before (and only once) Paul D had been grateful to a woman. +Crawling out of the woods, cross-eyed with hunger and loneliness, he knocked at the first back door he came to in the +colored section of Wilmington. He told the woman who opened it that he'd appreciate doing her woodpile, if she could +spare him something to eat. +She looked him up and down. +"A little later on," she said and opened the door wider. She fed him pork sausage, the worst thing in the world for a +starving man, but neither he nor his stomach objected. Later, when he saw pale cotton sheets and two pillows in her +bedroom, he had to wipe his eyes quickly, quickly so she would not +see the thankful tears of a man's first time. Soil, grass, mud, shucking, leaves, hay, cobs, sea shells---all that he'd slept +on. White cotton sheets had never crossed his mind. He fell in with a groan and the woman helped him pretend he was +making love to her and not her bed linen. He vowed that night, full of pork, deep in luxury, that he would never leave +her. +She would have to kill him to get him out of that bed. Eighteen months later, when he had been purchased by +Northpoint Bank and Railroad Company, he was still thankful for that introduction to sheets. +Now he was grateful a second time. He felt as though he had been plucked from the face of a cliff and put down on sure +ground. +In Sethe's bed he knew he could put up with two crazy girls---as long as Sethe made her wishes known. Stretched out +to his full length, watching snowflakes stream past the window over his feet, it was easy to dismiss the doubts that took +him to the alley behind the restaurant: his expectations for himself were high, too high. What he might call cowardice +other people called common sense. +Tucked into the well of his arm, Sethe recalled Paul D's face in the street when he asked her to have a baby for him. +Although she laughed and took his hand, it had frightened her. She thought quickly of how good the sex would be if that +is what he wanted, but mostly she was frightened by the thought of having a baby once more. +76 +Needing to be good enough, alert enough, strong enough, that caring--again. Having to stay alive just that much longer. +O Lord, she thought, deliver me. Unless carefree, motherlove was a killer. What did he want her pregnant for? To hold +on to her? have a sign that he passed this way? He probably had children everywhere anyway. +Eighteen years of roaming, he would have to have dropped a few. +No. He resented the children she had, that's what. Child, she corrected herself. Child plus Beloved whom she thought of +as her own, and that is what he resented. Sharing her with the girls. Hearing the three of them laughing at something he +wasn't in on. The code they used among themselves that he could not break. Maybe even the time spent on their needs +and not his. They were a family somehow and he was not the head of it. +Can you stitch this up for me, baby? +Um hm. Soon's I finish this petticoat. She just got the one she came here in and everybody needs a change. +Any pie left? +I think Denver got the last of it. +And not complaining, not even minding that he slept all over and around the house now, which she put a stop to this +night out of courtesy. +Sethe sighed and placed her hand on his chest. She knew she was building a case against him in order to build a case +against getting pregnant, and it shamed her a little. But she had all the children she needed. If her boys came back one +day, and Denver and Beloved stayed on--well, it would be the way it was supposed to be, no? +Right after she saw the shadows holding hands at the side of the road hadn't the picture altered? And the minute she +saw the dress and shoes sitting in the front yard, she broke water. Didn't even have to see the face burning in the +sunlight. She had been dreaming it for years. +Paul D's chest rose and fell, rose and fell under her hand. +Chapter 14 +DENVER FINISHED washing the dishes and sat down at the table. +Beloved, who had not moved since Sethe and Paul D left the room, sat sucking her forefinger. Denver watched her face +awhile and then said, "She likes him here." +Beloved went on probing her mouth with her finger. "Make him go away," she said. +"She might be mad at you if he leaves." +Beloved, inserting a thumb in her mouth along with the forefinger, pulled out a back tooth. There was hardly any blood, +but Denver said, "Ooooh, didn't that hurt you?" +Beloved looked at the tooth and thought, This is it. Next would be her arm, her hand, a toe. Pieces of her would drop +maybe one at a time, maybe all at once. Or on one of those mornings before Denver woke and after Sethe left she +would fly apart. It is difficult keeping her head on her neck, her legs attached to her hips when she is by herself. Among +the things she could not remember was when she first knew that she could wake up any day and find herself in pieces. +She had two dreams: exploding, and being swallowed. When her tooth came out--an odd fragment, last in the row--she +77 +thought it was starting. +"Must be a wisdom," said Denver. "Don't it hurt?" +"Yes." +"Then why don't you cry?" +"What?" +"If it hurts, why don't you cry?" +And she did. Sitting there holding a small white tooth in the palm of her smooth smooth hand. Cried the way she wanted +to when turtles came out of the water, one behind the other, right after the blood-red bird disappeared back into the +leaves. The way she wanted to when Sethe went to him standing in the tub under the stairs. With the tip of her tongue +she touched the salt water that slid to the corner of her mouth and hoped Denver's arm around her shoulders would +keep them from falling apart. +The couple upstairs, united, didn't hear a sound, but below them, outside, all around 124 the snow went on and on and +on. Piling itself, burying itself. Higher. Deeper. +Chapter 15 +AT THE BACK of Baby Suggs' mind may have been the thought that if Halle made it, God do what He would, it would be a +cause for celebration. If only this final son could do for himself what he had done for her and for the three children John +and Ella delivered to her door one summer night. When the children arrived and no Sethe, she was afraid and grateful. +Grateful that the part of the family that survived was her own grandchildren--the first and only she would know: two +boys and a little girl who was crawling already. But she held her heart still, afraid to form questions: What about Sethe +and Halle; why the delay? Why didn't Sethe get on board too? Nobody could make it alone. Not only because trappers +picked them off like buzzards or netted them like rabbits, but also because you couldn't run if you didn't know how to +go. You could be lost forever, if there wasn't nobody to show you the way. +So when Sethe arrived--all mashed up and split open, but with another grandchild in her arms--the idea of a whoop +moved closer to the front of her brain. But since there was still no sign of Halle and Sethe herself didn't know what had +happened to him, she let the whoop lie-not wishing to hurt his chances by thanking God too soon. +It was Stamp Paid who started it. Twenty days after Sethe got to 124 he came by and looked at the baby he had tied +up in his nephew's jacket, looked at the mother he had handed a piece of fried eel to and, for some private reason of +his own, went off with two buckets to a place near the river's edge that only he knew about where blackberries grew, +tasting so good and happy that to eat them was like being in church. Just one of the berries and you felt anointed. +He walked six miles to the riverbank; did a slide-run-slide down into a ravine made almost inaccessible by brush. +He reached through brambles lined with blood-drawing thorns thick as knives that cut through his shirt sleeves and +trousers. All the while suffering mosquitoes, bees, hornets, wasps and the meanest lady spiders in the state. Scratched, +raked and bitten, he maneuvered through and took hold of each berry with fingertips so gentle not a single one was +bruised. Late in the afternoon he got back to 124 and put two full buckets down on the porch. When Baby Suggs saw his +shredded clothes, bleeding hands, welted face and neck she sat down laughing out loud. +Buglar, Howard, the woman in the bonnet and Sethe came to look and then laughed along with Baby Suggs at the sight +of the sly, steely old black man: agent, fisherman, boatman, tracker, savior, spy, standing in broad daylight whipped +finally by two pails of blackberries. +Paying them no mind he took a berry and put it in the three week-old Denver's mouth. The women shrieked. +"She's too little for that, Stamp." +78 +"Bowels be soup." +"Sickify her stomach." +But the baby's thrilled eyes and smacking lips made them follow suit, sampling one at a time the berries that tasted like +church. Finally Baby Suggs slapped the boys' hands away from the bucket and sent Stamp around to the pump to rinse +himself. She had decided to do something with the fruit worthy of the man's labor and his love. +That's how it began. +She made the pastry dough and thought she ought to tell Ella and John to stop on by because three pies, maybe four, +were too much to keep for one's own. Sethe thought they might as well back it up with a couple of chickens. Stamp +allowed that perch and catfish were jumping into the boat--didn't even have to drop a line. +From Denver's two thrilled eyes it grew to a feast for ninety people .124 shook with their voices far into the night. Ninety +people who ate so well, and laughed so much, it made them angry. They woke up the next morning and remembered +the meal-fried perch that Stamp Paid handled with a hickory twig, holding his left palm out against the spit and pop of +the boiling grease; the corn pudding made with cream; tired, overfed children asleep in the grass, tiny bones of roasted +rabbit still in their hands--and got angry. +Baby Suggs' three (maybe four) pies grew to ten (maybe twelve). +Sethe's two hens became five turkeys. The one block of ice brought all the way from Cincinnati---over which they poured +mashed watermelon mixed with sugar and mint to make a punch--became a wagonload of ice cakes for a washtub full of +strawberry shrug, 124, rocking with laughter, goodwill and food for ninety, made them angry. Too much, they thought. +Where does she get it all, Baby Suggs, holy? Why is she and hers always the center of things? How come she always +knows exactly what to do and when? Giving advice; passing messages; healing the sick, hiding fugitives, loving, cooking, +cooking, loving, preaching, singing, dancing and loving everybody like it was her job and hers alone. +Now to take two buckets of blackberries and make ten, maybe twelve, pies; to have turkey enough for the whole town +pretty near, new peas in September, fresh cream but no cow, ice and sugar, batter bread, bread pudding, raised bread, +shortbread--it made them mad. +Loaves and fishes were His powers--they did not belong to an ex slave who had probably never carried one hundred +pounds to the scale, or picked okra with a baby on her back. Who had never been lashed by a ten-year-old whiteboy as +God knows they had. Who had not even escaped slavery--had, in fact, been bought out of it by a doting son and driven +to the Ohio River in a wagon--free papers folded between her breasts (driven by the very man who had been her master, +who also paid her resettlement fee--name of Garner), and rented a house with two floors and a well from the Bodwins- +- the white brother and sister who gave Stamp Paid, Ella and John clothes, goods and gear for runaways because they +hated slavery worse than they hated slaves. +It made them furious. They swallowed baking soda, the morning after, to calm the stomach violence caused by the +bounty, the reckless generosity on display at 124. Whispered to each other in the yards about fat rats, doom and +uncalled-for pride. +The scent of their disapproval lay heavy in the air. Baby Suggs woke to it and wondered what it was as she boiled hominy +for her grandchildren. Later, as she stood in the garden, chopping at the tight soil over the roots of the pepper plants, +she smelled it again. +She lifted her head and looked around. Behind her some yards to the left Sethe squatted in the pole beans. Her +shoulders were distorted by the greased flannel under her dress to encourage the healing of her back. Near her in a +bushel basket was the three-week-old baby. +Baby Suggs, holy, looked up. The sky was blue and clear. Not one touch of death in the definite green of the leaves. She +could hear birds and, faintly, the stream way down in the meadow. The puppy, Here Boy, was burying the last bones +79 +from yesterday's party. From somewhere at the side of the house came the voices of Buglar, Howard and the crawling +girl. Nothing seemed amiss--yet the smell of disapproval was sharp. Back beyond the vegetable garden, closer to the +stream but in full sun, she had planted corn. Much as they'd picked for the party, there were still ears ripening, which +she could see from where she stood. Baby Suggs leaned back into the peppers and the squash vines with her hoe. +Carefully, with the blade at just the right angle, she cut through a stalk of insistent rue. Its flowers she stuck through a +split in her hat; the rest she tossed aside. The quiet clok clok clok of wood splitting reminded her that Stamp was doing +the chore he promised to the night before. She sighed at her work and, a moment later, straightened up to sniff the +disapproval once again. +Resting on the handle of the hoe, she concentrated. She was accustomed to the knowledge that nobody prayed for her- +-but this free floating repulsion was new. It wasn't whitefolks--that much she could tell--so it must be colored ones. And +then she knew. Her friends and neighbors were angry at her because she had overstepped, given too much, offended +them by excess. +Baby closed her eyes. Perhaps they were right. Suddenly, behind the disapproving odor, way way back behind it, she +smelled another thing. Dark and coming. Something she couldn't get at because the other odor hid it. +She squeezed her eyes tight to see what it was but all she could make out was high-topped shoes she didn't like the look +of. +Thwarted yet wondering, she chopped away with the hoe. What could it be? This dark and coming thing. What was left +to hurt her now? News of Halle's death? No. She had been prepared for that better than she had for his life. The last of +her children, whom she barely glanced at when he was born because it wasn't worth the trouble to try to learn features +you would never see change into adulthood anyway. Seven times she had done that: held a little foot; examined the fat +fingertips with her own--fingers she never saw become the male or female hands a mother would recognize anywhere. +She didn't know to this day what their permanent teeth looked like; or how they held their heads when they walked. Did +Patty lose her lisp? What color did Famous' skin finally take? Was that a cleft in Johnny's chin or just a dimple that would +disappear soon's his jawbone changed? Four girls, and the last time she saw them there was no hair under their arms. +Does Ardelia still love the burned bottom of bread? All seven were gone or dead. What would be the point of looking +too hard at that youngest one? But for some reason they let her keep him. He was with her--everywhere. +When she hurt her hip in Carolina she was a real bargain (costing less than Halle, who was ten then) for Mr. Garner, who +took them both to Kentucky to a farm he called Sweet Home. Because of the hip she jerked like a three-legged dog when +she walked. But at Sweet Home there wasn't a rice field or tobacco patch in sight, and nobody, but nobody, knocked her +down. Not once. Lillian Garner called her Jenny for some reason but she never pushed, hit or called her mean names. +Even when she slipped in cow dung and broke every egg in her apron, nobody said you-blackbitchwhat'sthematterwith- +you and nobody knocked her down. +Sweet Home was tiny compared to the places she had been. Mr. +Garner, Mrs. Garner, herself, Halle, and four boys, over half named Paul, made up the entire population. Mrs. Garner +hummed when she worked; Mr. Garner acted like the world was a toy he was supposed to have fun with. Neither +wanted her in the field--Mr. +Garner's boys, including Halle, did all of that--which was a blessing since she could not have managed it anyway. What +she did was stand beside the humming Lillian Garner while the two of them cooked, preserved, washed, ironed, made +candles, clothes, soap and cider; fed chickens, pigs, dogs and geese; milked cows, churned butter, rendered fat, laid +fires.... Nothing to it. And nobody knocked her down. +Her hip hurt every single day--but she never spoke of it. Only Halle, who had watched her movements closely for the last +four years, knew that to get in and out of bed she had to lift her thigh with both hands, which was why he spoke to Mr. +Garner about buying her out of there so she could sit down for a change. Sweet boy. The one person who did something +hard for her: gave her his work, his life and now his children, whose voices she could just make out as she stood in the +garden wondering what was the dark and coming thing behind the scent of disapproval. Sweet Home was a marked +80 +improvement. No question. And no matter, for the sadness was at her center, the desolated center where the self that +was no self made its home. Sad as it was that she did not know where her children were buried or what they looked like +if alive, fact was she knew more about them than she knew about herself, having never had the map to discover what +she was like. +Could she sing? (Was it nice to hear when she did?) Was she pretty? Was she a good friend? Could she have been a +loving mother? +A faithful wife? Have I got a sister and does she favor me? If my mother knew me would she like me? +In Lillian Garner's house, exempted from the field work that broke her hip and the exhaustion that drugged her mind; in +Lillian Garner's house where nobody knocked her down (or up), she listened to the whitewoman humming at her work; +watched her face light up when Mr. Garner came in and thought, It's better here, but I'm not. The Garners, it seemed to +her, ran a special kind of slavery, treating them like paid labor, listening to what they said, teaching what they wanted +known. And he didn't stud his boys. Never brought them to her cabin with directions to "lay down with her," like they +did in Carolina, or rented their sex out on other farms. It surprised and pleased her, but worried her too. Would he pick +women for them or what did he think was going to happen when those boys ran smack into their nature? Some danger +he was courting and he surely knew it. In fact, his order for them not to leave Sweet Home, except in his company, was +not so much because of the law, but the danger of men-bred slaves on the loose. +Baby Suggs talked as little as she could get away with because what was there to say that the roots of her tongue could +manage? +So the whitewoman, finding her new slave excellent if silent help, hummed to herself while she worked. +When Mr. Garner agreed to the arrangements with Halle, and when Halle looked like it meant more to him that she +go free than anything in the world, she let herself be taken 'cross the river. Of the two hard thingsstanding on her feet +till she dropped or leaving her last and probably only living child--she chose the hard thing that made him happy, and +never put to him the question she put to herself: What for? What does a sixty-odd-year-old slavewoman who walks like +a three-legged dog need freedom for? And when she stepped foot on free ground she could not believe that Halle knew +what she didn't; that Halle, who had never drawn one free breath, knew that there was nothing like it in this world. It +scared her. +Something's the matter. What's the matter? What's the matter? she asked herself. She didn't know what she looked +like and was not curious. But suddenly she saw her hands and thought with a clarity as simple as it was dazzling, "These +hands belong to me. These my hands." Next she felt a knocking in her chest and discovered something else new: her +own heartbeat. Had it been there all along? This pounding thing? She felt like a fool and began to laugh out loud. +Mr. Garner looked over his shoulder at her with wide brown eyes and smiled himself. "What's funny, Jenny?" +She couldn't stop laughing. "My heart's beating," she said. +And it was true. +Mr. Garner laughed. "Nothing to be scared of, Jenny. Just keep your same ways, you'll be all right." +She covered her mouth to keep from laughing too loud. +"These people I'm taking you to will give you what help you need. Name of Bodwin. A brother and a sister. Scots. I been +knowing them for twenty years or more." +Baby Suggs thought it was a good time to ask him something she had long wanted to know. +"Mr. Garner," she said, "why you all call me Jenny?" +'"Cause that what's on your sales ticket, gal. Ain't that your name? What you call yourself?" +81 +"Nothings" she said. "I don't call myself nothing." +Mr. Garner went red with laughter. "When I took you out of Carolina, Whitlow called you Jenny and Jenny Whitlow is +what his bill said. Didn't he call you Jenny?" +"No, sir. If he did I didn't hear it." +"What did you answer to?" +"Anything, but Suggs is what my husband name." +"You got married, Jenny? I didn't know it." +"Manner of speaking." +"You know where he is, this husband?" +"No, sir." +"Is that Halle's daddy?" +"No, sir." +"why you call him Suggs, then? His bill of sale says Whitlow too, just like yours." +"Suggs is my name, sir. From my husband. He didn't call me Jenny." +"What he call you?" +"Baby." +"Well," said Mr. Garner, going pink again, "if I was you I'd stick to Jenny Whitlow. Mrs. Baby Suggs ain't no name for a +freed Negro." +Maybe not, she thought, but Baby Suggs was all she had left of the "husband" she claimed. A serious, melancholy man +who taught her how to make shoes. The two of them made a pact: whichever one got a chance to run would take it; +together if possible, alone if not, and no looking back. He got his chance, and since she never heard otherwise she +believed he made it. Now how could he find or hear tell of her if she was calling herself some bill-of-sale name? +She couldn't get over the city. More people than Carolina and enough whitefolks to stop the breath. Two-story buildings +everywhere, and walkways made of perfectly cut slats of wood. Roads wide as Garner's whole house. +"This is a city of water," said Mr. Garner. "Everything travels by water and what the rivers can't carry the canals take. +A queen of a city, Jenny. Everything you ever dreamed of, they make it right here. Iron stoves, buttons, ships, shirts, +hairbrushes, paint, steam engines, books. A sewer system make your eyes bug out. Oh, this is a city, all right. If you have +to live in a city--this is it." +The Bodwins lived right in the center of a street full of houses and trees. Mr. Garner leaped out and tied his horse to a +solid iron post. +"Here we are." +Baby picked up her bundle and with great difficulty, caused by her hip and the hours of sitting in a wagon, climbed +down. Mr. +Garner was up the walk and on the porch before she touched ground, but she got a peep at a Negro girl's face at the +open door before she followed a path to the back of the house. She waited what seemed a long time before this same +girl opened the kitchen door and offered her a seat by the window. +82 +"Can I get you anything to eat, ma'am?" the girl asked. +"No, darling. I'd look favorable on some water though." The girl went to the sink and pumped a cupful of water. She +placed it in Baby Suggs' hand. "I'm Janey, ma'am." +Baby, marveling at the sink, drank every drop of water although it tasted like a serious medicine. "Suggs," she said, +blotting her lips with the back of her hand. "Baby Suggs." +"Glad to meet you, Mrs. Suggs. You going to be staying here?" +"I don't know where I'll be. Mr. Garner--that's him what brought me here--he say he arrange something for me." And +then, "I'm free, you know." +Janey smiled. "Yes, ma'am." +"Your people live around here?" +"Yes, ma'am. All us live out on Bluestone." +"We scattered," said Baby Suggs, "but maybe not for long." +Great God, she thought, where do I start? Get somebody to write old Whitlow. See who took Patty and Rosa Lee. +Somebody name Dunn got Ardelia and went West, she heard. No point in trying for Tyree or John. They cut thirty years +ago and, if she searched too hard and they were hiding, finding them would do them more harm than good. Nancy +and Famous died in a ship off the Virginia coast before it set sail for Savannah. That much she knew. The overseer at +Whitlow's place brought her the news, more from a wish to have his way with her than from the kindness of his heart. +The captain waited three weeks in port, to get a full cargo before setting off. Of the slaves in the hold who didn't make +it, he said, two were Whitlow pickaninnies name of... +But she knew their names. She knew, and covered her ears with her fists to keep from hearing them come from his +mouth. +Janey heated some milk and poured it in a bowl next to a plate of cornbread. After some coaxing, Baby Suggs came to +the table and sat down. She crumbled the bread into the hot milk and discovered she was hungrier than she had ever +been in her life and that was saying something. +"They going to miss this?" +"No," said Janey. "Eat all you want; it's ours." +"Anybody else live here?" +"Just me. Mr. Woodruff, he does the outside chores. He comes by two, three days a week." +"Just you two?" +"Yes, ma'am. I do the cooking and washing." +"Maybe your people know of somebody looking for help." +"I be sure to ask, but I know they take women at the slaughterhouse." +"Doing what?" +"I don't know." +"Something men don't want to do, I reckon." +83 +"My cousin say you get all the meat you want, plus twenty-five cents the hour. She make summer sausage." +Baby Suggs lifted her hand to the top of her head. Money? Money? +They would pay her money every single day? Money? +"Where is this here slaughterhouse?" she asked. +Before Janey could answer, the Bodwins came in to the kitchen with a grinning Mr. Garner behind. Undeniably brother +and sister, both dressed in gray with faces too young for their snow-white hair. +"Did you give her anything to eat, Janey?" asked the brother. +"Yes, sir." +"Keep your seat, Jenny," said the sister, and that good news got better. +When they asked what work she could do, instead of reeling off the hundreds of tasks she had performed, she asked +about the slaughterhouse. +She was too old for that, they said. +"She's the best cobbler you ever see," said Mr. Garner. +"Cobbler?" Sister Bodwin raised her black thick eyebrows. "Who taught you that?" +"Was a slave taught me," said Baby Suggs. +"New boots, or just repair?" +"New, old, anything." +"Well," said Brother Bodwin, "that'll be something, but you'll need more." +"What about taking in wash?" asked Sister Bodwin. +"Yes, ma'am." +"Two cents a pound." +"Yes, ma'am. But where's the in?" +"What?" +"You said 'take in wash.' Where is the 'in'? Where I'm going to be." +"Oh, just listen to this, Jenny," said Mr. Garner. "These two angels got a house for you. Place they own out a ways." +It had belonged to their grandparents before they moved in town. +Recently it. had been rented out to a whole parcel of Negroes, who had left the state. It was too big a house for Jenny +alone, they said (two rooms upstairs, two down), but it was the best and the only thing they could do. In return for +laundry, some seamstress work, a little canning and so on (oh shoes, too), they would permit her to stay there. Provided +she was clean. The past parcel of colored wasn't. +Baby Suggs agreed to the situation, sorry to see the money go but excited about a house with stepsnever mind she +couldn't climb them. Mr. Garner told the Bodwins that she was a right fine cook as well as a fine cobbler and showed his +belly and the sample on his feet. Everybody laughed. +84 +"Anything you need, let us know," said the sister. "We don't hold with slavery, even Garner's kind." +"Tell em, Jenny. You live any better on any place before mine?" +"No, sir," she said. "No place." +"How long was you at Sweet Home?" +"Ten year, I believe." +"Ever go hungry?" +"No, sir." +"Cold?" +"No, sir." +"Anybody lay a hand on you?" +"No, sir." +"Did I let Halle buy you or not?" +"Yes, sir, you did," she said, thinking, But you got my boy and I'm all broke down. You be renting him out to pay for me +way after I'm gone to Glory. +Woodruff, they said, would carry her out there, they said, and all three disappeared through the kitchen door. +"I have to fix the supper now," said Janey. +"I'll help," said Baby Suggs. "You too short to reach the fire." +It was dark when Woodruff clicked the horse into a trot. He was a young man with a heavy beard and a burned place on +his jaw the beard did not hide. +"You born up here?" Baby Suggs asked him. +"No, ma'am. Virginia. Been here a couple years." +"I see." +"You going to a nice house. Big too. A preacher and his family was in there. Eighteen children." +"Have mercy. Where they go?" +"Took off to Illinois. Bishop Allen gave him a congregation up there. Big." +"What churches around here? I ain't set foot in one in ten years." +"How come?" +"Wasn't none. I dislike the place I was before this last one, but I did get to church every Sunday some kind of way. I bet +the Lord done forgot who I am by now." +"Go see Reverend Pike, ma'am. He'll reacquaint you." +"I won't need him for that. I can make my own acquaintance. +85 +What I need him for is to reacquaint me with my children. He can read and write, I reckon?" +"Sure." +"Good, 'cause I got a lot of digging up to do." But the news they dug up was so pitiful she quit. After two years of +messages written by the preacher's hand, two years of washing, sewing, canning, cobbling, gardening, and sitting in +churches, all she found out was that the Whitlow place was gone and that you couldn't write to "a man named Dunn" if +all you knew was that he went West. The good news, however, was that Halle got married and had a baby coming. +She fixed on that and her own brand of preaching, having made up her mind about what to do with the heart that +started beating the minute she crossed the Ohio River. And it worked out, worked out just fine, until she got proud and +let herself be overwhelmed by the sight of her daughter-in-law and Halle's children--one of whom was born on the way- +-and have a celebration of blackberries that put Christmas to shame. Now she stood in the garden smelling disapproval, +feeling a dark and coming thing, and seeing high-topped shoes that she didn't like the look of at all. At all. +Chapter 16 +WHEN THE four horsemen came--schoolteacher, one nephew, one slave catcher and a sheriff--the house on Bluestone +Road was so quiet they thought they were too late. Three of them dismounted, one stayed in the saddle, his rifle ready, +his eyes trained away from the house to the left and to the right, because likely as not the fugitive would make a dash +for it. Although sometimes, you could never tell, you'd find them folded up tight somewhere: beneath floorboards, in +a pantry--once in a chimney. Even then care was taken, because the quietest ones, the ones you pulled from a press, a +hayloft, or, that once, from a chimney, would go along nicely for two or three seconds. +Caught red-handed, so to speak, they would seem to recognize the futility of outsmarting a whiteman and the +hopelessness of outrunning a rifle. Smile even, like a child caught dead with his hand in the jelly jar, and when you +reached for the rope to tie him, well, even then you couldn't tell. The very nigger with his head hanging and a little jelly- +jar smile on his face could all of a sudden roar, like a bull or some such, and commence to do disbelievable things. Grab +the rifle at its mouth; throw himself at the one holding it--anything. So you had to keep back a pace, leave the tying to +another. Otherwise you ended up killing what you were paid to bring back alive. Unlike a snake or a bear, a dead nigger +could not be skinned for profit and was not worth his own dead weight in coin. +Six or seven Negroes were walking up the road toward the house: two boys from the slave catcher's left and some +women from his right. He motioned them still with his rifle and they stood where they were. The nephew came back +from peeping inside the house, and after touching his lips for silence, pointed his thumb to say that what they were +looking for was round back. The slave catcher dismounted then and joined the others. Schoolteacher and the nephew +moved to the left of the house; himself and the sheriff to the right. +A crazy old nigger was standing in the woodpile with an ax. You could tell he was crazy right off because he was +grunting--making low, cat noises like. About twelve yards beyond that nigger was another one--a woman with a flower +in her hat. Crazy too, probably, because she too was standing stock-still--but fanning her hands as though pushing +cobwebs out of her way. Both, however, were staring at the same place--a shed. Nephew walked over to the old nigger +boy and took the ax from him. Then all four started toward the shed. +Inside, two boys bled in the sawdust and dirt at the feet of a nigger woman holding a blood-soaked child to her chest +with one hand and an infant by the heels in the other. She did not look at them; she simply swung the baby toward the +wall planks, missed and tried to connect a second time, when out of nowheremin the ticking time the men spent staring +at what there was to stare the old nigger boy, still mewing, ran through the door behind them and snatched the baby +from the arch of its mother's swing. +Right off it was clear, to schoolteacher especially, that there was nothing there to claim. The three (now four--because +she'd had the one coming when she cut) pickaninnies they had hoped were alive and well enough to take back to +Kentucky, take back and raise properly to do the work Sweet Home desperately needed, were not. +86 +Two were lying open-eyed in sawdust; a third pumped blood down the dress of the main one--the woman schoolteacher +bragged about, the one he said made fine ink, damn good soup, pressed his collars the way he liked besides having at +least ten breeding years left. But now she'd gone wild, due to the mishandling of the nephew who'd overbeat her and +made her cut and run. Schoolteacher had chastised that nephew, telling him to think--just think--what would his own +horse do if you beat it beyond the point of education. Or Chipper, or Samson. Suppose you beat the hounds past that +point thataway. +Never again could you trust them in the woods or anywhere else. +You'd be feeding them maybe, holding out a piece of rabbit in your hand, and the animal would revert--bite your hand +clean off. So he punished that nephew by not letting him come on the hunt. Made him stay there, feed stock, feed +himself, feed Lillian, tend crops. See how he liked it; see what happened when you overbear creatures God had given +you the responsibility of--the trouble it was, and the loss. The whole lot was lost now. Five. He could claim the baby +struggling in the arms of the mewing old man, but who'd tend her? +Because the woman--something was wrong with her. She was looking at him now, and if his other nephew could see +that look he would learn the lesson for sure: you just can't mishandle creatures and expect success. +The nephew, the one who had nursed her while his brother held her down, didn't know he was shaking. His uncle had +warned him against that kind of confusion, but the warning didn't seem to be taking. What she go and do that for? On +account of a beating? Hell, he'd been beat a million times and he was white. Once it hurt so bad and made him so mad +he'd smashed the well bucket. Another time he took it out on Samson--a few tossed rocks was all. But no beating ever +made him... I mean no way he could have... What she go and do that for? And that is what he asked the sheriff, who was +standing there, amazed like the rest of them, but not shaking. He was swallowing hard, over and over again. "What she +want to go and do that for?" +The sheriff turned, then said to the other three, "You all better go on. Look like your business is over. Mine's started +now." +Schoolteacher beat his hat against his thigh and spit before leaving the woodshed. Nephew and the catcher backed out +with him. They didn't look at the woman in the pepper plants with the flower in her hat. And they didn't look at the +seven or so faces that had edged closer in spite of the catcher's rifle warning. Enough nigger eyes for now. Little nigger- +boy eyes open in sawdust; little nigger-girl eyes staring between the wet fingers that held her face so her head wouldn't +fall off; little nigger-baby eyes crinkling up to cry in the arms of the old nigger whose own eyes were nothing but slivers +looking down at his feet. But the worst ones were those of the nigger woman who looked like she didn't have any. Since +the whites in them had disappeared and since they were as black as her skin, she looked blind. +They unhitched from schoolteacher's horse the borrowed mule that was to carry the fugitive woman back to where +she belonged, and tied it to the fence. Then, with the sun straight up over their heads, they trotted off, leaving the +sheriff behind among the damnedest bunch of coons they'd ever seen. All testimony to the results of a little so-called +freedom imposed on people who needed every care and guidance in the world to keep them from the cannibal life they +preferred. +The sheriff wanted to back out too. To stand in the sunlight outside of that place meant for housing wood, coal, +kerosene--fuel for cold Ohio winters, which he thought of now, while resisting the urge to run into the August sunlight. +Not because he was afraid. Not at all. He was just cold. And he didn't want to touch anything. The baby in the old man's +arms was crying, and the woman's eyes with no whites were gazing straight ahead. They all might have remained that +way, frozen till Thursday, +except one of the boys on the floor sighed. As if he were sunk in the pleasure of a deep sweet sleep, he sighed the sigh +that flung the sheriff into action. +"I'll have to take you in. No trouble now. You've done enough to last you. Come on now." +She did not move. +87 +"You come quiet, hear, and I won't have to tie you up." +She stayed still and he had made up his mind to go near her and some kind of way bind her wet red hands when a +shadow behind him in the doorway made him turn. The nigger with the flower in her hat entered. +Baby Suggs noticed who breathed and who did not and went straight to the boys lying in the dirt. The old man moved to +the woman gazing and said, "Sethe. You take my armload and gimme yours." +She turned to him, and glancing at the baby he was holding, made a low sound in her throat as though she'd made a +mistake, left the salt out of the bread or something. +"I'm going out here and send for a wagon," the sheriff said and got into the sunlight at last. +But neither Stamp Paid nor Baby Suggs could make her put her crawling-already? girl down. Out of the shed, back in +the house, she held on. Baby Suggs had got the boys inside and was bathing their heads, rubbing their hands, lifting +their lids, whispering, "Beg your pardon, I beg your pardon," the whole time. She bound their wounds and made them +breathe camphor before turning her attention to Sethe. She took the crying baby from Stamp Paid and carried it on her +shoulder for a full two minutes, then stood in front of its mother. +"It's time to nurse your youngest," she said. +Sethe reached up for the baby without letting the dead one go. +Baby Suggs shook her head. "One at a time," she said and traded the living for the dead, which she carried into the +keeping room. +When she came back, Sethe was aiming a bloody nipple into the baby's mouth. Baby Suggs slammed her fist on the table +and shouted, "Clean up! Clean yourself up!" +They fought then. Like rivals over the heart of the loved, they fought. Each struggling for the nursing child. Baby Suggs +lost when she slipped in a red puddle and fell. So Denver took her mother's milk right along with the blood of her sister. +And that's the way they were when the sheriff returned, having commandeered a neighbor's cart, and ordered Stamp to +drive it. +Outside a throng, now, of black faces stopped murmuring. Holding the living child, Sethe walked past them in their +silence and hers. +She climbed into the cart, her profile knife-clean against a cheery blue sky. A profile that shocked them with its clarity. +Was her head a bit too high? Her back a little too straight? Probably. Otherwise the singing would have begun at once, +the moment she appeared in the doorway of the house on Bluestone Road. Some cape of sound would have quickly +been wrapped around her, like arms to hold and steady her on the way. As it was, they waited till the cart turned about, +headed west to town. And then no words. Humming. No words at all. +Baby Suggs meant to run, skip down the porch steps after the cart, screaming, No. No. Don't let her take that last one +too. She meant to. Had started to, but when she got up from the floor and reached the yard the cart was gone and a +wagon was rolling up. A red-haired boy and a yellow-haired girl jumped down and ran through the crowd toward her. +The boy had a half-eaten sweet pepper in one hand and a pair of shoes in the other. +"Mama says Wednesday." He held them together by their tongues. +"She says you got to have these fixed by Wednesday." +Baby Suggs looked at him, and then at the woman holding a twitching lead horse to the road. +"She says Wednesday, you hear? Baby? Baby?" +She took the shoes from him--high-topped and muddy--saying, "I beg your pardon. Lord, I beg your pardon. I sure do." +88 +Out of sight, the cart creaked on down Bluestone Road. Nobody in it spoke. The wagon rock had put the baby to sleep. +The hot sun dried Sethe's dress, stiff, like rigor morris. +Chapter 17 +THAT AIN'T her mouth. +Anybody who didn't know her, or maybe somebody who just got a glimpse of her through the peephole at the +restaurant, might think it was hers, but Paul D knew better. Oh well, a little something around the forehead--a +quietness--that kind of reminded you of her. +But there was no way you could take that for her mouth and he said so. Told Stamp Paid, who was watching him +carefully. +"I don't know, man. Don't look like it to me. I know Sethe's mouth and this ain't it." He smoothed the clipping with +his fingers and peered at it, not at all disturbed. From the solemn air with which Stamp had unfolded the paper, the +tenderness in the old man's fingers as he stroked its creases and flattened it out, first on his knees, then on the split top +of the piling, Paul D knew that it ought to mess him up. That whatever was written on it should shake him. +Pigs were crying in the chute. All day Paul D, Stamp Paid and twenty more had pushed and prodded them from canal to +shore to chute to slaughterhouse. Although, as grain farmers moved west, St. +Louis and Chicago now ate up a lot of the business, Cincinnati was still pig port in the minds of Ohioans. Its main job was +to receive, slaughter and ship up the river the hogs that Northerners did not want to live without. For a month or so in +the winter any stray man had work, if he could breathe the stench of offal and stand up for twelve hours, skills in which +Paul D was admirably trained. +A little pig shit, rinsed from every place he could touch, remained on his boots, and he was conscious of it as he stood +there with a light smile of scorn curling his lips. Usually he left his boots in the shed and put his walking shoes on along +with his day clothes in the corner before he went home. A route that took him smack dab through the middle of a +cemetery as old as sky, rife with the agitation of dead Miami no longer content to rest in the mounds that covered them. +Over their heads walked a strange people; through their earth pillows roads were cut; wells and houses nudged them +out of eternal rest. Outraged more by their folly in believing land was holy than by the disturbances of their peace, they +growled on the banks of Licking River, sighed in the trees on Catherine Street and rode the wind above the pig yards. +Paul D heard them but he stayed on because all in all it wasn't a bad job, especially in winter when Cincinnati reassumed +its status of slaughter and riverboat capital. The craving for pork was growing into a mania in every city in the country. +Pig farmers were cashing in, provided they could raise enough and get them sold farther and farther away. And the +Germans who flooded southern Ohio brought and developed swine cooking to its highest form. Pig boats jammed the +Ohio River, and their captains' hollering at one another over the grunts of the stock was as common a water sound as +that of the ducks flying over their heads. Sheep, cows and fowl too floated up and down that river, and all a Negro had +to do was show up and there was work: poking, killing, cutting, skinning, case packing and saving offal. +A hundred yards from the crying pigs, the two men stood behind a shed on Western Row and it was clear why +Stamp had been eyeing Paul D this last week of work; why he paused when the evening shift came on, to let Paul D's +movements catch up to his own. He had made up his mind to show him this piece of paper--newspaper-- with a picture +drawing of a woman who favored Sethe except that was not her mouth. Nothing like it. +Paul D slid the clipping out from under Stamp's palm. The print meant nothing to him so he didn't even glance at it. +He simply looked at the face, shaking his head no. No. At the mouth, you see. And no at whatever it was those black +scratches said, and no to whatever it was Stamp Paid wanted him to know. Because there was no way in hell a black face +89 +could appear in a newspaper if the story was about something anybody wanted to hear. A whip of fear broke through +the heart chambers as soon as you saw a Negro's face in a paper, since the face was not there because the person had +a healthy baby, or outran a street mob. Nor was it there because the person had been killed, or maimed or caught or +burned or jailed or whipped or evicted or stomped or raped or cheated, since that could hardly qualify as news in a +newspaper. It would have to be something out of the ordinary--something whitepeople +would find interesting, truly different, worth a few minutes of teeth sucking if not gasps. And it must have been hard to +find news about Negroes worth the breath catch of a white citizen of Cincinnati. +So who was this woman with a mouth that was not Sethe's, but whose eyes were almost as calm as hers? Whose head +was turned on her neck in the manner he loved so well it watered his eye to see it. +And he said so. "This ain't her mouth. I know her mouth and this ain't it." Before Stamp Paid could speak he said it and +even while he spoke Paul D said it again. Oh, he heard all the old man was saying, but the more he heard, the stranger +the lips in the drawing became. +Stamp started with the party, the one Baby Suggs gave, but stopped and backed up a bit to tell about the berries--where +they were and what was in the earth that made them grow like that. +"They open to the sun, but not the birds, 'cause snakes down in there and the birds know it, so they just grow--fat and +sweet--with nobody to bother em 'cept me because don't nobody go in that piece of water but me and ain't too many +legs willing to glide down that bank to get them. Me neither. But I was willing that day. Somehow or 'nother I was +willing. And they whipped me, I'm telling you. Tore me up. But I filled two buckets anyhow. And took em over to Baby +Suggs' house. It was on from then on. Such a cooking you never see no more. We baked, fried and stewed everything +God put down here. +Everybody came. Everybody stuffed. Cooked so much there wasn't a stick of kirdlin left for the next day. I volunteered to +do it. And next morning I come over, like I promised, to do it." +"But this ain't her mouth," Paul D said. "This ain't it at all." +Stamp Paid looked at him. He was going to tell him about how restless Baby Suggs was that morning, how she had a +listening way about her; how she kept looking down past the corn to the stream so much he looked too. In between +ax swings, he watched where Baby was watching. Which is why they both missed it: they were looking the wrong +way--toward water--and all the while it was coming down the road. Four. Riding close together, bunched-up like, and +righteous. He was going to tell him that, because he thought it was important: why he and Baby Suggs both missed +it. And about the party too, because that explained why nobody ran on ahead; why nobody sent a fleet-footed son to +cut 'cross a field soon as they saw the four horses in town hitched for watering while the riders asked questions. Not +Ella, not John, not anybody ran down or to Bluestone Road, to say some new whitefolks with the Look just rode in. +The righteous Look every Negro learned to recognize along with his ma'am's tit. Like a flag hoisted, this righteousness +telegraphed and announced the faggot, the whip, the fist, the lie, long before it went public. Nobody warned them, and +he'd always believed it wasn't the exhaustion from a long day's gorging that dulled them, but some other thing--like, +well, like meanness--that let them stand aside, or not pay attention, or tell themselves somebody else was probably +bearing the news already to the house on Bluestone Road where a pretty woman had been living for almost a month. +Young and deft with four children one of which she delivered herself the day before she got there and who now had +the full benefit of Baby Suggs' bounty and her big old heart. Maybe they just wanted to know if Baby really was special, +blessed in some way they were not. He was going to tell him that, but Paul D was laughing, saying, "Uh uh. No way. A +little semblance round the forehead maybe, but this ain't her mouth." +So Stamp Paid did not tell him how she flew, snatching up her children like a hawk on the wing; how her face beaked, +how her hands worked like claws, how she collected them every which way: one on her shoulder, one under her arm, +one by the hand, the other shouted forward into the woodshed filled with just sunlight and shavings now because there +wasn't any wood. The party had used it all, which is why he was chopping some. Nothing was in that shed, he knew, +having been there early that morning. Nothing but sunlight. +90 +Sunlight, shavings, a shovel. The ax he himself took out. Nothing else was in there except the shovel--and of course the +saw. +"You forgetting I knew her before," Paul D was saying. "Back in Kentucky. When she was a girl. I didn't just make her +acquaintance a few months ago. I been knowing her a long time. And I can tell you for sure: this ain't her mouth. May +look like it, but it ain't." +So Stamp Paid didn't say it all. Instead he took a breath and leaned toward the mouth that was not hers and slowly read +out the words Paul D couldn't. And when he finished, Paul D said with a vigor fresher than the first time, "I'm sorry, +Stamp. It's a mistake somewhere 'cause that ain't her mouth." +Stamp looked into Paul D's eyes and the sweet conviction in them almost made him wonder if it had happened at all, +eighteen years ago, that while he and Baby Suggs were looking the wrong way, a pretty little slavegirl had recognized a +hat, and split to the woodshed to kill her children. +Chapter 18 +"SHE WAS crawling already when I got here. One week, less, and the baby who was sitting up and turning over when I +put her on the wagon was crawling already. Devil of a time keeping her off the stairs. Nowadays babies get up and walk +soon's you drop em, but twenty years ago when I was a girl, babies stayed babies longer. +Howard didn't pick up his own head till he was nine months. Baby Suggs said it was the food, you know. If you ain't got +nothing but milk to give em, well they don't do things so quick. Milk was all I ever had. I thought teeth meant they was +ready to chew. Wasn't nobody to ask. Mrs. Garner never had no children and we was the only women there." +She was spinning. Round and round the room. Past the jelly cupboard, past the window, past the front door, another +window, the sideboard, the keeping-room door, the dry sink, the stove--back to the jelly cupboard. Paul D sat at the +table watching her drift into view then disappear behind his back, turning like a slow but steady wheel. Sometimes she +crossed her hands behind her back. Other times she held her ears, covered her mouth or folded her arms across her +breasts. Once in a while she rubbed her hips as she turned, but the wheel never stopped. +"Remember Aunt Phyllis? From out by Minnoveville? Mr. Garner sent one a you all to get her for each and every one of +my babies. +That'd be the only time I saw her. Many's the time I wanted to get over to where she was. Just to talk. My plan was +to ask Mrs. Garner to let me off at Minnowville whilst she went to meeting. Pick me up on her way back. I believe she +would a done that if I was to ask her. +I never did, 'cause that's the only day Halle and me had with sunlight in it for the both of us to see each other by. So +there wasn't nobody. +To talk to, I mean, who'd know when it was time to chew up a little something and give it to em. Is that what make the +teeth come on out, or should you wait till the teeth came and then solid food? Well, I know now, because Baby Suggs +fed her right, and a week later, when I got here she was crawling already. No stopping her either. +She loved those steps so much we painted them so she could see her way to the top." +Sethe smiled then, at the memory of it. The smile broke in two and became a sudden suck of air, but she did not +shudder or close her eyes. She wheeled. +"I wish I'd a known more, but, like I say, there wasn't nobody to talk to. Woman, I mean. So I tried to recollect what I'd +seen back where I was before Sweet Home. How the women did there. Oh they knew all about it. How to make that +thing you use to hang the babies in the trees--so you could see them out of harm's way while you worked the fields. Was +a leaf thing too they gave em to chew on. +91 +Mint, I believe, or sassafras. Comfrey, maybe. I still don't know how they constructed that basket thing, but I didn't need +it anyway, because all my work was in the barn and the house, but I forgot what the leaf was. I could have used that. I +tied Buglar when we had all that pork to smoke. Fire everywhere and he was getting into everything. +I liked to lost him so many times. Once he got up on the well, right on it. I flew. Snatched him just in time. So when I +knew we'd be rendering and smoking and I couldn't see after him, well, I got a rope and tied it round his ankle. Just long +enough to play round a little, but not long enough to reach the well or the fire. I didn't like the look of it, but I didn't +know what else to do. It's hard, you know what I mean? by yourself and no woman to help you get through. +Halle was good, but he was debt-working all over the place. And when he did get down to a little sleep, I didn't want to +be bothering him with all that. Sixo was the biggest help. I don't 'spect you rememory this, but Howard got in the milk +parlor and Red Cora I believe it was mashed his hand. Turned his thumb backwards. When I got to him, she was getting +ready to bite it. I don't know to this day how I got him out. Sixo heard him screaming and come running. +Know what he did? Turned the thumb right back and tied it cross his palm to his little finger. See, I never would have +thought of that. +Never. Taught me a lot, Sixo." +It made him dizzy. At first he thought it was her spinning. Circling him the way she was circling the subject. Round and +round, never changing direction, which might have helped his head. Then he thought, No, it's the sound of her voice; +it's too near. Each turn she made was at least three yards from where he sat, but listening to her was like having a child +whisper into your ear so close you could feel its lips form the words you couldn't make out because they were too close. +He caught only pieces of what +she said--which was fine, because she hadn't gotten to the main part--the answer to the question he had not asked +outright, but which lay in the clipping he showed her. And lay in the smile as well. Because he smiled too, when +he showed it to her, so when she burst out laughing at the joke--the mix-up of her face put where some other +coloredwoman's ought to be--well, he'd be ready to laugh right along with her. "Can you beat it?" he would ask. +And "Stamp done lost his mind," she would giggle. +"Plumb lost it." +But his smile never got a chance to grow. It hung there, small and alone, while she examined the clipping and then +handed it back. +Perhaps it was the smile, or maybe the ever-ready love she saw in his eyes--easy and upfront, the way colts, evangelists +and children look at you: with love you don't have to deserve--that made her go ahead and tell him what she had +not told Baby Suggs, the only person she felt obliged to explain anything to. Otherwise she would have said what the +newspaper said she said and no more. Sethe could recognize only seventy-five printed words (half of which appeared in +the newspaper clipping), but she knew that the words she did not understand hadn't any more power than she had to +explain. It was the smile and the upfront love that made her try. +"I don't have to tell you about Sweet Home--what it was--but maybe you don't know what it was like for me to get away +from there." +Covering the lower half of her face with her palms, she paused to consider again the size of the miracle; its flavor. +"I did it. I got us all out. Without Halle too. Up till then it was the only thing I ever did on my own. Decided. And it came +off right, like it was supposed to. We was here. Each and every one of my babies and me too. I birthed them and I got +em out and it wasn't no accident. I did that. I had help, of course, lots of that, but still it was me doing it; me saying, Go +on, and Now. Me having to look out. +Me using my own head. But it was more than that. It was a kind of selfishness I never knew nothing about before. It felt +good. Good and right. I was big, Paul D, and deep and wide and when I stretched out my arms all my children could get +92 +in between. I was that wide. +Look like I loved em more after I got here. Or maybe I couldn't love em proper in Kentucky because they wasn't mine +to love. But when I got here, when I jumped down off that wagon--there wasn't nobody in the world I couldn't love if I +wanted to. You know what I mean?" +Paul D did not answer because she didn't expect or want him to, but he did know what she meant. Listening to the +doves in Alfred, Georgia, and having neither the right nor the permission to enjoy it because in that place mist, doves, +sunlight, copper dirt, moon---every thing belonged to the men who had the guns. Little men, some of them, big men too, +each one of whom he could snap like a twig if he wanted to. Men who knew their manhood lay in their guns and were +not even embarrassed by the knowledge that without gunshot fox would laugh at them. And these "men" who made +even vixen laugh could, if you let them, stop you from hearing doves or loving moonlight. So you protected yourself and +loved small. Picked the tiniest stars out of the sky to own; lay down with head twisted in order to see the loved one over +the rim of the trench before you slept. +Stole shy glances at her between the trees at chain-up. Grass blades, salamanders, spiders, woodpeckers, beetles, a +kingdom of ants. Anything bigger wouldn't do. A woman, a child, a brother--a big love like that would split you wide +open in Alfred, Georgia. He knew exactly what she meant: to get to a place where you could love anything you chose-- +not to need permission for desire--well now, that was freedom. +Circling, circling, now she was gnawing something else instead of getting to the point. +"There was this piece of goods Mrs. Garner gave me. Calico. +Stripes it had with little flowers in between. 'Bout a yard--not enough for more 'n a head tie. But I been wanting to make +a shift for my girl with it. Had the prettiest colors. I don't even know what you call that color: a rose but with yellow in +it. For the longest time I been meaning to make it for her and do you know like a fool I left it behind? No more than a +yard, and I kept putting it off because I was tired or didn't have the time. So when I got here, even before they let me +get out of bed, I stitched her a little something from a piece of cloth Baby Suggs had. Well, all I'm saying is that's a selfish +pleasure I never had before. I couldn't let all that go back to where it was, and I couldn't let her nor any of em live under +schoolteacher. +That was out." +Sethe knew that the circle she was making around the room, him, the subject, would remain one. That she could never +close in, pin it down for anybody who had to ask. If they didn't get it right off-- she could never explain. Because the +truth was simple, not a long drawn-out record of flowered shifts, tree cages, selfishness, ankle ropes and wells. Simple: +she was squatting in the garden and when she saw them coming and recognized schoolteacher's hat, she heard wings. +Little hummingbirds stuck their needle beaks right through her headcloth into her hair and beat their wings. And if she +thought anything, it was No. No. Nono. Nonono. Simple. She just flew. +Collected every bit of life she had made, all the parts of her that were precious and fine and beautiful, and carried, +pushed, dragged them through the veil, out, away, over there where no one could hurt them. +Over there. Outside this place, where they would be safe. And the hummingbird wings beat on. Sethe paused in her +circle again and looked out the window. She remembered when the yard had a fence with a gate that somebody was +always latching and unlatching in the. time when 124 was busy as a way station. She did not see the whiteboys who +pulled it down, yanked up the posts and smashed the gate leaving 124 desolate and exposed at the very hour when +everybody stopped dropping by. The shoulder weeds of Bluestone Road were all that came toward the house. +When she got back from the jail house, she was glad the fence was gone. That's where they had hitched their horses-- +where she saw, floating above the railing as she squatted in the garden, school- +teacher's hat. By the time she faced him, looked him dead in the eye, she had something in her arms that stopped him in +93 +his tracks. He took a backward step with each jump of the baby heart until finally there were none. +"I stopped him," she said, staring at the place where the fence used to be. "I took and put my babies where they'd be +safe." +The roaring in Paul D's head did not prevent him from hearing the pat she gave to the last word, and it occurred to him +that what she wanted for her children was exactly what was missing in 124: safety. Which was the very first message +he got the day he walked through the door. He thought he had made it safe, had gotten rid of the danger; beat the shit +out of it; run it off the place and showed it and everybody else the difference between a mule and a plow. And because +she had not done it before he got there her own self, he thought it was because she could not do it. That she lived with +124 in helpless, apologetic resignation because she had no choice; that minus husband, sons, mother-in-law, she and her +slow-witted daughter had to live there all alone making do. The prickly, mean-eyed Sweet Home girl he knew as Halle's +girl was obedient (like Halle), shy (like Halle), and work-crazy (like Halle). He was wrong. This here Sethe was new. The +ghost in her house didn't bother her for the very same reason a room-and-board witch with new shoes was welcome. +This here Sethe talked about love like any other woman; talked about baby clothes like any other woman, but what she +meant could cleave the bone. This here Sethe talked about safety with a handsaw. +This here new Sethe didn't know where the world stopped and she began. Suddenly he saw what Stamp Paid wanted +him to see: more important than what Sethe had done was what she claimed. It scared him. +"Your love is too thick," he said, thinking, That bitch is looking at me; she is right over my head looking down through the +floor at me. +"Too thick?" she said, thinking of the Clearing where Baby Suggs' commands knocked the pods off horse +chestnuts. "Love is or it ain't. +Thin love ain't love at all." +"Yeah. It didn't work, did it? Did it work?" he asked. +"It worked," she said. +"How? Your boys gone you don't know where. One girl dead, the other won't leave the yard. How did it work?" +"They ain't at Sweet Home. Schoolteacher ain't got em." +"Maybe there's worse." +"It ain't my job to know what's worse. It's my job to know what is and to keep them away from what I know is terrible. I +did that." +"What you did was wrong, Sethe." +"I should have gone on back there? Taken my babies back there?" +"There could have been a way. Some other way." +"What way?" +"You got two feet, Sethe, not four," he said, and right then a forest sprang up between them; trackless and quiet. +Later he would wonder what made him say it. The calves of his youth? or the conviction that he was being observed +through the ceiling? How fast he had moved from his shame to hers. From his cold-house secret straight to her too-thick +love. +Meanwhile the forest was locking the distance between them, giving it shape and heft. +94 +He did not put his hat on right away. First he fingered it, deciding how his going would be, how to make it an exit not +an escape. And it was very important not to leave without looking. He stood up, turned and looked up the white stairs. +She was there all right. Standing straight as a line with her back to him. He didn't rush to the door. He moved slowly and +when he got there he opened it before asking Sethe to put supper aside for him because he might be a little late getting +back. Only then did he put on his hat. +Sweet, she thought. He must think I can't bear to hear him say it. That after all I have told him and after telling me how +many feet I have, "goodbye" would break me to pieces. Ain't that sweet. +"So long," she murmured from the far side of the trees. +Book Two +Chapter 19 +124 WAS LOUD. Stamp Paid could hear it even from the road. +He walked toward the house holding his head as high as possible so nobody looking could call him a sneak, although +his worried mind made him feel like one. Ever since he showed that newspaper clipping to Paul D and learned that he'd +moved out of 124 that very day, Stamp felt uneasy. Having wrestled with the question of whether or not to tell a man +about his woman, and having convinced +himself that he should, he then began to worry about Sethe. Had he stopped the one shot she had of the happiness a +good man could bring her? +Was she vexed by the loss, the free and unasked-for revival of gossip by the man who had helped her cross the river and +who was her friend as well as Baby Suggs'? +"I'm too old," he thought, "for clear thinking. I'm too old and I seen too much." He had insisted on privacy during the +revelation at the slaughter yard--now he wondered whom he was protecting. +Paul D was the only one in town who didn't know. How did information that had been in the newspaper become a +secret that needed to be whispered in a pig yard? A secret from whom? Sethe, that's who. He'd gone behind her back, +like a sneak. But sneaking was his job--his life; though always for a clear and holy purpose. Before the War all he did +was sneak: runaways into hidden places, secret information to public places. Underneath his legal vegetables were the +contraband humans that he ferried across the river. Even the pigs he worked in the spring served his purposes. Whole +families lived on the bones and guts he distributed to them. He wrote their letters and read to them the ones they +received. He knew who had dropsy and who needed stovewood; which children had a gift and which needed correction. +He knew the secrets of the Ohio River and its banks; empty houses and full; the best dancers, the worst speakers, those +with beautiful voices and those who could not carry a tune. There was nothing interesting between his legs, but he +remembered when there had been--when that drive drove the driven--and that was why he considered long and hard +before opening his wooden box and searching for the eighteen-year-old clipping to show Paul D as proof. +Afterward--not before--he considered Sethe's feelings in the matter. +And it was the lateness of this consideration that made him feel so bad. Maybe he should have left it alone; maybe +Sethe would have gotten around to telling him herself; maybe he was not the high minded Soldier of Christ he thought +he was, but an ordinary, plain meddler who had interrupted something going along just fine for the sake of truth and +forewarning, things he set much store by. Now 124 was back like it was before Paul D came to town--worrying Sethe and +Denver with a pack of haunts he could hear from the road. +Even if Sethe could deal with the return of the spirit, Stamp didn't believe her daughter could. Denver needed somebody +normal in her life. By luck he had been there at her very birth almost--before she knew she was alive--and it made him +partial to her. It was seeing her, alive, don't you know, and looking healthy four weeks later that pleased him so much he +95 +gathered all he could carry of the best blackberries in the county and stuck two in her mouth first, before he presented +the difficult harvest to Baby Suggs. To this day he believed his berries (which sparked the feast and the wood chopping +that followed) were the reason Denver was still alive. Had he not been there, chopping firewood, Sethe would have +spread her baby brains on the planking. Maybe he should have thought of Denver, if not Sethe, before he gave Paul +D the news that ran him off, the one normal somebody in the girl's life since Baby Suggs died. And right there was the +thorn. +Deeper and more painful than his belated concern for Denver or Sethe, scorching his soul like a silver dollar in a fool's +pocket, was the memory of Baby Suggs--the mountain to his sky. It was the memory of her and the honor that was her +due that made him walk straight-necked into the yard of 124, although he heard its voices from the road. +He had stepped foot in this house only once after the Misery (which is what he called Sethe's rough response to the +Fugitive Bill) and that was to carry Baby Suggs, holy, out of it. When he picked her up in his arms, she looked to him like +a gift, and he took the pleasure she would have knowing she didn't have to grind her hipbone anymore--that at last +somebody carried bar. Had she waited just a little she would have seen the end of the War, its short, flashy results. They +could have celebrated together; gone to hear the great sermons preached on the occasion. As it was, he went alone +from house to joyous house drinking what was offered. But she hadn't waited and he attended her funeral more put out +with her than bereaved. Sethe and her daughter were dry-eyed on that occasion. +Sethe had no instructions except "Take her to the Clearing," which he tried to do, but was prevented by some rule the +whites had invented about where the dead should rest. Baby Suggs went down next to the baby with its throat cut--a +neighborliness that Stamp wasn't sure had Baby Suggs' approval. +The setting-up was held in the yard because nobody besides himself would enter 124--an injury Sethe answered with +another by refusing to attend the service Reverend Pike presided over. She went instead to the gravesite, whose silence +she competed with as she stood there not joining in the hymns the others sang with all their hearts. +That insult spawned another by the mourners: back in the yard of 124, they ate the food they brought and did not touch +Sethe's, who did not touch theirs and forbade Denver to. So Baby Suggs, holy, having devoted her freed life to harmony, +was buried amid a regular dance of pride, fear, condemnation and spite. Just about everybody in town was longing for +Sethe to come on difficult times. Her outrageous claims, her self-sufficiency seemed to demand it, and Stamp Paid, who +had not felt a trickle of meanness his whole adult life, wondered if some of the "pride goeth before a fall" expectations +of the townsfolk had rubbed off on him anyhow--which would explain why he had not considered Sethe's feelings or +Denver's needs when he showed Paul D the clipping. +He hadn't the vaguest notion of what he would do or say when and if Sethe opened the door and turned her eyes on +his. He was willing to offer her help, if she wanted any from him, or receive her anger, if she harbored any against him. +Beyond that, he trusted his instincts to right what he may have done wrong to Baby Suggs' kin, and to guide him in and +through the stepped-up haunting 124 was subject to, as evidenced by the voices he heard from the road. Other than +that, he would rely on the power of Jesus Christ to deal with things older, but not stronger, than He Himself was. +What he heard, as he moved toward the porch, he didn't understand. +Out on Bluestone Road he thought he heard a conflagration of hasty voices--loud, urgent, all speaking at once so he +could not make out what they were talking about or to whom. The speech wasn't +nonsensical, exactly, nor was it tongues. But something was wrong with the order of the words and he couldn't describe +or cipher it to save his life. All he could make out was the word mine. The rest of it stayed outside his mind's reach. Yet +he went on through. +When he got to the steps, the voices drained suddenly to less than a whisper. It gave him pause. They had become +an occasional mutter-- like the interior sounds a woman makes when she believes she is alone and unobserved at her +work: a sth when she misses the needle's eye; a soft moan when she sees another chip in her one good platter; the low, +friendly argument with which she greets the hens. Nothing fierce or startling. Just that eternal, private conversation that +takes place between women and their tasks. +96 +Stamp Paid raised his fist to knock on the door he had never knocked on (because it was always open to or for him) and +could not do it. Dispensing with that formality was all the pay he expected from Negroes in his debt. Once Stamp Paid +brought you a coat, got the message to you, saved your life, or fixed the cistern he took the liberty of walking in your +door as though it were his own. Since all his visits were beneficial, his step or holler through a doorway got a bright +welcome. Rather than forfeit the one privilege he claimed for himself, he lowered his hand and left the porch. +Over and over again he tried it: made up his mind to visit Sethe; broke through the loud hasty voices to the mumbling +beyond it and stopped, trying to figure out what to do at the door. Six times in as many days he abandoned his normal +route and tried to knock at 124. But the coldness of the gesture--its sign that he was indeed a stranger at the gate-- +overwhelmed him. Retracing his steps in the snow, he sighed. Spirit willing; flesh weak. +While Stamp Paid was making up his mind to visit 124 for Baby Suggs' sake, Sethe was trying to take her advice: to lay +it all down, sword and shield. Not just to acknowledge the advice Baby Suggs gave her, but actually to take it. Four +days after Paul D reminded her of how many feet she had, Sethe rummaged among the shoes of strangers to find the +ice skates she was sure were there. Digging in the heap she despised herself for having been so trusting, so quick to +surrender at the stove while Paul D kissed her back. She should have known that he would behave like everybody else +in town once he knew. The twenty-eight days of having women friends, a mother in-law, and all her children together; +of being part of a neighborhood; of, in fact, having neighbors at all to call her own--all that was long gone and would +never come back. No more dancing in the Clearing or happy feeds. No more discussions, stormy or quiet, about the true +meaning of the Fugitive Bill, the Settlement Fee, God's Ways and Negro pews; antislavery, manumission, skin voting, +Republicans, Dred Scott, book learning, Sojourner's high-wheeled buggy, the Colored Ladies of Delaware, Ohio, and +the other weighty issues that held them in chairs, scraping the floorboards or pacing them in agony or exhilaration. No +anxious wait for the North Star or news of a beat-off. No sighing at a new betrayal or handclapping at a small victory. +Those twenty-eight happy days were followed by eighteen years of disapproval and a solitary life. Then a few months +of the sun splashed life that the shadows holding hands on the road promised her; tentative greetings from other +coloredpeople in Paul D's company; a bed life for herself. Except for +Denver's friend, every bit of it had disappeared. Was that the pattern? she wondered. Every eighteen or twenty years +her unlivable life would be interrupted by a short-lived glory? +Well, if that's the way it was--that's the way it was. +She had been on her knees, scrubbing the floor, Denver trailing her with the drying rags, when Beloved appeared +saying, "What these do?" On her knees, scrub brush in hand, she looked at the girl and the skates she held up. Sethe +couldn't skate a lick but then and there she decided to take Baby Suggs' advice: lay it all down. She left the bucket where +it was. Told Denver to get out the shawls and started searching for the other skates she was certain were in that heap +somewhere. Anybody feeling sorry for her, anybody wandering by to peep in and see how she was getting on (including +Paul D) would discover that the woman junkheaped for the third time because she loved her children--that woman was +sailing happily on a frozen creek. +Hurriedly, carelessly she threw the shoes about. She found one blade--a man's. +"Well," she said. "We'll take turns. Two skates on one; one skate on one; and shoe slide for the other." +Nobody saw them falling. +Holding hands, bracing each other, they swirled over the ice. +Beloved wore the pair; Denver wore one, step-gliding over the treacherous ice. Sethe thought her two shoes would hold +and anchor her. +She was wrong. Two paces onto the creek, she lost her balance and landed on her behind. The girls, screaming with +laughter, joined her on the ice. Sethe struggled to stand and discovered not only that she could do a split, but that it +hurt. Her bones surfaced in unexpected places and so did laughter. Making a circle or a line, the three of them could not +97 +stay upright for one whole minute, but nobody saw them falling. +Each seemed to be helping the other two stay upright, yet every tumble doubled their delight. The live oak and soughing +pine on the banks enclosed them and absorbed their laughter while they fought gravity for each other's hands. Their +skirts flew like wings and their skin turned pewter in the cold and dying light. +Nobody saw them falling. +Exhausted finally they lay down on their backs to recover breath. +The sky above them was another country. Winter stars, close enough to lick, had come out before sunset. For a +moment, looking up, Sethe entered the perfect peace they offered. Then Denver stood up and tried for a long, +independent glide. The tip of her single skate hit an ice bump, and as she fell, the flapping of her arms was so wild and +hopeless that all three--Sethe, Beloved and Denver herself--laughed till they coughed. Sethe rose to her hands and +knees, laughter still shaking her chest, making +her eyes wet. She stayed that way for a while, on all fours. But when her laughter died, the tears did not and it was some +time before Beloved or Denver knew the difference. When they did they touched her lightly on the shoulders. +Walking back through the woods, Sethe put an arm around each girl at her side. Both of them had an arm around her +waist. Making their way over hard snow, they stumbled and had to hold on tight, but nobody saw them fall. +Inside the house they found out they were cold. They took off their shoes, wet stockings, and put on dry woolen +ones. Denver fed the fire. Sethe warmed a pan of milk and stirred cane syrup and vanilla into it. Wrapped in quilts and +blankets before the cooking stove, they drank, wiped their noses, and drank again. +"We could roast some taters," said Denver. +"Tomorrow," said Sethe. "Time to sleep." +She poured them each a bit more of the hot sweet milk. The stovefire roared. +"You finished with your eyes?" asked Beloved. +Sethe smiled. "Yes, I'm finished with my eyes. Drink up. Time for bed." +But none of them wanted to leave the warmth of the blankets, the fire and the cups for the chill of an unheated bed. +They went on sipping and watching the fire. +When the click came Sethe didn't know what it was. Afterward it was clear as daylight that the click came at the very +beginning-- a beat, almost, before it started; before she heard three notes; before the melody was even clear. Leaning +forward a little, Beloved was humming softly. +It was then, when Beloved finished humming, that Sethe recalled the click--the settling of pieces into places designed +and made especially for them. No milk spilled from her cup because her hand was not shaking. She simply turned her +head and looked at Beloved's profile: the chin, mouth, nose, forehead, copied and exaggerated in the huge shadow the +fire threw on the wall behind her. Her hair, which Denver had braided into twenty or thirty plaits, curved toward her +shoulders like arms. From where she sat Sethe could not examine it, not the hairline, nor the eyebrows, the lips, nor... +"All I remember," Baby Suggs had said, "is how she loved the burned bottom of bread. Her little hands I wouldn't know +em if they slapped me." +.. the birthmark, nor the color of the gums, the shape of her ears, nor... +"Here. Look here. This is your ma'am. If you can't tell me by my face, look here." +.. the fingers, nor their nails, nor even... +98 +But there would be time. The click had clicked; things were where they ought to be or poised and ready to glide in. +"I made that song up," said Sethe. "I made it up and sang it to my children. Nobody knows that song but me and my +children." +Beloved turned to look at Sethe. "I know it," she said. +A hobnail casket of jewels found in a tree hollow should be fondled before it is opened. Its lock may have rusted or +broken away from the clasp. Still you should touch the nail heads, and test its weight. No smashing with an ax head +before it is decently exhumed from the grave that has hidden it all this time. No gasp at a miracle that is truly miraculous +because the magic lies in the fact that you knew it was there for you all along. +Sethe wiped the white satin coat from the inside of the pan, brought pillows from the keeping room for the girls' heads. +There was no tremor in her voice as she instructed them to keep the fire--- if not, come on upstairs. +With that, she gathered her blanket around her elbows and asc. ended the lily-white stairs like a bride. Outside, snow +solidified itself into graceful forms. The peace of winter stars seemed permanent. +Fingering a ribbon and smelling skin, Stamp Paid approached 12 4 again. +"My marrow is tired," he thought. "I been tired all my days, bone-tired, but now it's in the marrow. Must be what Baby +Suggs felt when she lay down and thought about color for the rest of her life." When she told him what her aim was, he +thought she was ashamed and too shamed to say so. Her authority in the pulpit, her dance in the Clearing, her powerful +Call (she didn't deliver sermons or preach--insisting she was too ignorant for that--she called and the hearing heard)- +-all that had been mocked and rebuked by the bloodspill in her backyard. God puzzled her and she was too ashamed +of Him to say so. Instead she told Stamp she was going to bed to think about the colors of things. He tried to dissuade +her. Sethe was in jail with her nursing baby, the one he had saved. Her sons were holding hands in the yard, terrified of +letting go. Strangers and familiars were stopping by to hear how it went one more time, and suddenly Baby declared +peace. She just up and quit. By the time Sethe was released she had exhausted blue and was well on her way to yellow. +At first he would see her in the yard occasionally, or delivering food to the jail, or shoes in town. Then less and less. He +believed then that shame put her in the bed. Now, eight years after her contentious funeral and eighteen years after +the Misery, he changed his mind. Her marrow was tired and it was a testimony to the heart that fed it that it took eight +years to meet finally the color she was hankering after. The onslaught of her fatigue, like his, was sudden, but lasted for +years. After sixty years of losing children to the people who chewed up her life and spit it out like a fish bone; after five +years of freedom given to her by her last child, who bought her future with his, exchanged it, so to speak, so she could +have one whether he did or not--to lose him too; to acquire a daughter and grandchildren and see that daughter slay the +children (or try to); to belong to a community of other free Negroes--to love and +be loved by them, to counsel and be counseled, protect and be protected, feed and be fed--and then to have that +community step back and hold itself at a distance---well, it could wear out even a Baby Suggs, holy. +"Listen here, girl," he told her, "you can't quit the Word. It's given to you to speak. You can't quit the Word, I don't care +what all happen to you." +They were standing in Richmond Street, ankle deep in leaves. +Lamps lit the downstairs windows of spacious houses and made the early evening look darker than it was. The odor +of burning leaves was brilliant. Quite by chance, as he pocketed a penny tip for a delivery, he had glanced across the +street and recognized the skipping woman as his old friend. He had not seen her in weeks. Quickly he crossed the street, +scuffing red leaves as he went. When he stopped her with a greeting, she returned it with a face knocked clean of +interest. She could have been a plate. A carpetbag full of shoes in her hand, she waited for him to begin, lead or share a +conversation. +If there had been sadness in her eyes he would have understood it; but indifference lodged where sadness should have +99 +been. +"You missed the Clearing three Saturdays running," he told her. +She turned her head away and scanned the houses along the street. +"Folks came," he said. +"Folks come; folks go," she answered. +"Here, let me carry that." He tried to take her bag from her but she wouldn't let him. +"I got a delivery someplace long in here," she said. "Name of Tucker." +"Yonder," he said. "Twin chestnuts in the yard. Sick, too." +They walked a bit, his pace slowed to accommodate her skip. +"Well?" +"Well, what?" +"Saturday coming. You going to Call or what?" +"If I call them and they come, what on earth I'm going to say?" +"Say the Word!" He checked his shout too late. Two whitemen burning leaves turned their heads in his direction. +Bending low he whispered into her ear, "The Word. The Word." +"That's one other thing took away from me," she said, and that was when he exhorted her, pleaded with her not to quit, +no matter what. The Word had been given to her and she had to speak it. +Had to. +They had reached the twin chestnuts and the white house that stood behind them. +"See what I mean?" he said. "Big trees like that, both of em together ain't got the leaves of a young birch." +"I see what you mean," she said, but she peered instead at the white house. +"You got to do it," he said. "You got to. Can't nobody Call like you. You have to be there." +"What I have to do is get in my bed and lay down. I want to fix on something harmless in this world." +"What world you talking about? Ain't nothing harmless down here." +"Yes it is. Blue. That don't hurt nobody. Yellow neither." +"You getting in the bed to think about yellow?" +"I likes yellow." +"Then what? When you get through with blue and yellow, then what?" +"Can't say. It's something can't be planned." +"You blaming God," he said. "That's what you doing." +"No, Stamp. I ain't." +100 +"You saying the whitefolks won? That what you saying?" +"I'm saying they came in my yard." +"You saying nothing counts." +"I'm saying they came in my yard." +"Sethe's the one did it." +"And if she hadn't?" +"You saying God give up? Nothing left for us but pour out our own blood?" +"I'm saying they came in my yard." +"You punishing Him, ain't you." +"Not like He punish me." +"You can't do that, Baby. It ain't right." +"Was a time I knew what that was." +"You still know." +"What I know is what I see: a nigger woman hauling shoes." +"Aw, Baby." He licked his lips searching with his tongue for the words that would turn her around, lighten her load. "We +have to be steady. 'These things too will pass.' What you looking for? A miracle?" +"No," she said. "I'm looking for what I was put here to look for: the back door," and skipped right to it. They didn't let her +in. +They took the shoes from her as she stood on the steps and she rested her hip on the railing while the whitewoman +went looking for the dime. +Stamp Paid rearranged his way. Too angry to walk her home and listen to more, he watched her for a moment and +turned to go before the alert white face at the window next door had come to any conclusion. +Trying to get to 124 for the second time now, he regretted that conversation: the high tone he took; his refusal to see +the effect of marrow weariness in a woman he believed was a mountain. Now, too late, he understood her. The heart +that pumped out love, the mouth that spoke the Word, didn't count. They came in her yard anyway and she could not +approve or condemn Sethe's rough choice. +One or the other might have saved her, but beaten up by the claims of both, she went to bed. The whitefolks had tired +her out at last. +And him. Eighteen seventy-four and whitefolks were still on the loose. Whole towns wiped clean of Negroes; eighty- +seven lynchings in one year alone in Kentucky; four colored schools burned to the ground; grown men whipped like +children; children whipped like adults; black women raped by the crew; property taken, necks broken. +He smelled skin, skin and hot blood. The skin was one thing, but human blood cooked in a lynch fire was a whole other +thing. +The stench stank. Stank up off the pages of the North Star, out of the mouths of witnesses, etched in crooked +handwriting in letters delivered by hand. Detailed in documents and petitions full of whereas and presented to any +legal body who'd read it, it stank. But none of that had worn out his marrow. None of that. It was the ribbon. Tying his +101 +flatbed up on the bank of the Licking River, securing it the best he could, he caught sight of something red on its bottom. +Reaching for it, he thought it was a cardinal feather stuck to his boat. He tugged and what came loose in his hand was a +red ribbon knotted around a curl of wet woolly hair, clinging still to its bit of scalp. He untied the ribbon and put it in his +pocket, dropped the curl in the weeds. On the way home, he stopped, short of breath and dizzy. He +waited until the spell passed before continuing on his way. A moment later, his breath left him again. This time he sat +down by a fence. +Rested, he got to his feet, but before he took a step he turned to look back down the road he was traveling and said, to +its frozen mud and the river beyond, "What are these people? You tell me, Jesus. What are they?" +When he got to his house he was too tired to eat the food his sister and nephews had prepared. He sat on the porch in +the cold till way past dark and went to his bed only because his sister's voice calling him was getting nervous. He kept +the ribbon; the skin smell nagged him, and his weakened marrow made him dwell on Baby Suggs' wish to consider what +in the world was harmless. He hoped she stuck to blue, yellow, maybe green, and never fixed on red. +Mistaking her, upbraiding her, owing her, now he needed to let her know he knew, and to get right with her and her kin. +So, in spite of his exhausted marrow, he kept on through the voices and tried once more to knock at the door of 124. +This time, although he couldn't cipher but one word, he believed he knew who spoke them. +The people of the broken necks, of fire-cooked blood and black girls who had lost their ribbons. +What a roaring. +Sethe had gone to bed smiling, eager to lie down and unravel the proof for the conclusion she had already leapt to. +Fondle the day and circumstances of Beloved's arrival and the meaning of that kiss in the Clearing. She slept instead +and woke, still smiling, to a snow bright morning, cold enough to see her breath. She lingered a moment to collect the +courage to throw off the blankets and hit a chilly floor. +For the first time, she was going to be late for work. +Downstairs she saw the girls sleeping where she'd left them, but back to back now, each wrapped tight in blankets, +breathing into their pillows. The pair and a half of skates were lying by the front door, the stockings hung on a nail +behind the cooking stove to dry had not. +Sethe looked at Beloved's face and smiled. +Quietly, carefully she stepped around her to wake the fire. First a bit of paper, then a little kindlin--not too much--just a +taste until it was strong enough for more. She fed its dance until it was wild and fast. When she went outside to collect +more wood from the shed, she did not notice the man's frozen footprints. She crunched around to the back, to the cord +piled high with snow. After scraping it clean, she filled her arms with as much dry wood as she could. She even looked +straight at the shed, smiling, smiling at the things she would not have to remember now. Thinking, "She ain't even mad +with me. +Not a bit." +Obviously the hand-holding shadows she had seen on the road were not Paul D, Denver and herself, but "us three." +The three holding on to each other skating the night before; the three sipping flavored milk. And since that was so-- +if her daughter could come back home from the timeless place--certainly her sons could, and would, come back from +wherever they had gone to. +Sethe covered her front teeth with her tongue against the cold. +Hunched forward by the burden in her arms, she walked back around the house to the porch--not once noticing the +frozen tracks she stepped in. +102 +Inside, the girls were still sleeping, although they had changed positions while she was gone, both drawn to the fire. +Dumping the armload into the woodbox made them stir but not wake. Sethe started the cooking stove as quietly as she +could, reluctant to wake the sisters, happy to have them asleep at her feet while she made breakfast. Too bad she would +be late for work---too, too bad. Once in sixteen years? +That's just too bad. +She had beaten two eggs into yesterday's hominy, formed it into patties and fried them with some ham pieces before +Denver woke completely and groaned. +"Back stiff?" +"Ooh yeah." +"Sleeping on the floor's supposed to be good for you." +"Hurts like the devil," said Denver. +"Could be that fall you took." +Denver smiled. "That was fun." She turned to look down at +Beloved snoring lightly. "Should I wake her?" +"No, let her rest." +"She likes to see you off in the morning." +I'll make sure she does," said Sethe, and thought, Be nice to think first, before I talk to her, let her know I know. Think +about all I ain't got to remember no more. Do like Baby said: Think on it then lay it down--for good. Paul D convinced me +there was a world out there and that I could live in it. Should have known better. Did know better. Whatever is going on +outside my door ain't for me. +The world is in this room. This here's all there is and all there needs to be. +They ate like men, ravenous and intent. Saying little, content with the company of the other and the opportunity to look +in her eyes. +When Sethe wrapped her head and bundled up to go to town, it was already midmorning. And when she left the house +she neither saw the prints nor heard the voices that ringed 124 like a noose. +Trudging in the ruts left earlier by wheels, Sethe was excited to giddiness by the things she no longer had to remember. +I don't have to remember nothing. I don't even have to explain. +She understands it all. I can forget how Baby Suggs' heart collapsed; how we agreed it was consumption without a sign +of it in the world. +Her eyes when she brought my food, I can forget that, and how she told me that Howard and Buglar were all right +but wouldn't let go each other's hands. Played that way: stayed that way especially in their sleep. She handed me +the food from a basket; things wrapped small enough to get through the bars, whispering news: Mr. Bodwin going +to see the judge--in chambers, she kept on saying, in chambers, like I knew what it meant or she did. The Colored +Ladies of Delaware, Ohio, had drawn up a petition to keep me from being hanged. That two white preachers had come +round and wanted to talk to me, pray for me. That a newspaperman came too. She told me the news and I told her I +needed something for the rats. She wanted Denver out and slapped her palms when I wouldn't let her go. "Where your +earrings?" she said. I'll hold em for you." I told her the jailer took them, to protect me from myself. He thought I could +do some harm with the wire. Baby Suggs covered her mouth with her hand. "Schoolteacher left town," she said. "Filed a +103 +claim and rode on off. They going to let you out for the burial," she said, "not the funeral, just the burial," and they did. +The sheriff came with me and looked away when I fed Denver in the wagon. Neither Howard nor Buglar would let me +near them, not even to touch their hair. I believe a lot of folks were there, but I just saw the box. Reverend Pike spoke +in a real loud voice, but I didn't catch a word---except the first two, and three months later when Denver was ready for +solid food and they let me out for good, I went and got you a gravestone, but I didn't have money enough for the carving +so I exchanged (bartered, you might say) what I did have and I'm sorry to this day I never thought to ask him for the +whole thing: all I heard of what Reverend Pike said. +Dearly Beloved, which is what you are to me and I don't have to be sorry about getting only one word, and I don't +have to remember the slaughterhouse and the Saturday girls who worked its yard. I can forget that what I did changed +Baby Suggs' life. No Clearing, no company. Just laundry and shoes. I can forget it all now because as soon as I got the +gravestone in place you made your presence known in the house and worried us all to distraction. I didn't understand it +then. I thought you were mad with me. And now I know that if you was, you ain't now because you came back here to +me and I was right all along: there is no world outside my door. I only need to know one thing. How bad is the scar? +As Sethe walked to work, late for the first time in sixteen years and wrapped in a timeless present, Stamp Paid fought +fatigue and the habit of a lifetime. Baby Suggs refused to go to the Clearing because she believed they had won; he +refused to acknowledge any such victory. Baby had no back door; so he braved the cold and a wall of talk to knock on +the one she did have. He clutched the red ribbon in his pocket for strength. Softly at first, then harder. At the last he +banged furiously-disbelieving it could happen. That the door of a house with coloredpeople in it did not fly open in his +presence. +He went to the window and wanted to cry. Sure enough, there they were, not a one of them heading for the door. +Worrying his scrap of ribbon to shreds, the old man turned and went down the steps. +Now curiosity joined his shame and his debt. Two backs curled away from him as he looked in the window. One had +a head he recognized; the other troubled him. He didn't know her and didn't know anybody it could be. Nobody, but +nobody visited that house. +After a disagreeable breakfast he went to see Ella and John to find out what they knew. Perhaps there he could find +out if, after all these years of clarity, he had misnamed himself and there was yet another debt he owed. Born Joshua, +he renamed himself when he handed over his wife to his master's son. Handed her over in the sense that he did not +kill anybody, thereby himself, because his wife demanded he stay alive. Otherwise, she reasoned, where and to whom +could she return when the boy was through? With that gift, he decided that he didn't owe anybody anything. Whatever +his obligations were, that act paid them off. He thought it would make him rambunctious, renegade--a drunkard even, +the debtlessness, and in a way it did. +But there was nothing to do with it. Work well; work poorly. Work a little; work not at all. Make sense; make none. +Sleep, wake up; like somebody, dislike others. It didn't seem much of a way to live and it brought him no satisfaction. So +he extended this debtlessness to other people by helping them pay out and off whatever they owed in misery. Beaten +runaways? He ferried them and rendered them paid for; gave them their own bill of sale, so to speak. "You paid it; now +life owes you." And the receipt, as it were, was a welcome door that he never had to knock on, like John and Ella's in +front of which he stood and said, "Who in there?" only once and she was pulling on the hinge. +"where you been keeping yourself? I told John must be cold if Stamp stay inside." +"Oh, I been out." He took off his cap and massaged his scalp. +"Out where? Not by here." Ella hung two suits of underwear on a line behind the stove. +"Was over to Baby Suggs' this morning." +"What you want in there?" asked Ella. "Somebody invite you in?" +"That's Baby's kin. I don't need no invite to look after her people." +104 +"Sth." Ella was unmoved. She had been Baby Suggs' friend and Sethe's too till the rough time. Except for a nod at the +carnival, she hadn't given Sethe the time of day. +"Somebody new in there. A woman. Thought you might know who is she." +"Ain't no new Negroes in this town I don't know about," she said. "what she look like? You sure that wasn't Denver?" +"I know Denver. This girl's narrow." +"You sure?" +"I know what I see." +"Might see anything at all at 124." +"True." +"Better ask Paul D," she said. +"Can't locate him," said Stamp, which was the truth although his efforts to find Paul D had been feeble. He wasn't ready +to confront the man whose life he had altered with his graveyard information. +"He's sleeping in the church," said Ella. +"The church!" Stamp was shocked and very hurt. +"Yeah. Asked Reverend Pike if he could stay in the cellar." +"It's cold as charity in there!" +"I expect he knows that." +"What he do that for?" +"Hes a touch proud, seem like." +"He don't have to do that! Any number'll take him in." +Ella turned around to look at Stamp Paid. "Can't nobody read minds long distance. All he have to do is ask somebody." +"Why? Why he have to ask? Can't nobody offer? What's going on? Since when a blackman come to town have to sleep +in a cellar like a dog?" +"Unrile yourself, Stamp." +"Not me. I'm going to stay riled till somebody gets some sense and leastway act like a Christian." +"It's only a few days he been there." +"Shouldn't be no days! You know all about it and don't give him a hand? That don't sound like you, Ella. Me and you +been pulling coloredfolk out the water more'n twenty years. Now you tell me you can't offer a man a bed? A working +man, too! A man what can pay his own way." +"He ask, I give him anything." +"Why's that necessary all of a sudden?" +"I don't know him all that well." +105 +"You know he's colored!" +"Stamp, don't tear me up this morning. I don't feel like it." +"It's her, ain't it?" +"Her who?" +"Sethe. He took up with her and stayed in there and you don't want nothing to--" +"Hold on. Don't jump if you can't see bottom." +"Girl, give it up. We been friends too long to act like this." +"Well, who can tell what all went on in there? Look here, I don't know who Sethe is or none of her people." +"What?!" +"All I know is she married Baby Suggs' boy and I ain't sure I know that. Where is he, huh? Baby never laid eyes on her till +John carried her to the door with a baby I strapped on her chest." +"I strapped that baby! And you way off the track with that wagon. +Her children know who she was even if you don't." +"So what? I ain't saying she wasn't their ma'ammy, but who's to say they was Baby Suggs' grandchildren? How she get +on board and her husband didn't? And tell me this, how she have that baby in the woods by herself? Said a whitewoman +come out the trees and helped her. Shoot. You believe that? A whitewoman? Well, I know what kind of white that was." +"Aw, no, Ella." +"Anything white floating around in the woods---if it ain't got a shotgun, it's something I don't want no part of!" +"You all was friends." +"Yeah, till she showed herself." +"Ella." +"I ain't got no friends take a handsaw to their own children." +"You in deep water, girl." +"Uh uh. I'm on dry land and I'm going to stay there. You the one wet." +"What's any of what you talking got to do with Paul D?" +"What run him off? Tell me that." +"I run him off." +"You?" +"I told him about--I showed him the newspaper, about the-- what Sethe did. Read it to him. He left that very day." +"You didn't tell me that. I thought he knew." +"He didn't know nothing. Except her, from when they was at that place Baby Suggs was at." +106 +"He knew Baby Suggs?" +"Sure he knew her. Her boy Halle too." +"And left when he found out what Sethe did?" +"Look like he might have a place to stay after all." +"What you say casts a different light. I thought--" +But Stamp Paid knew what she thought. +"You didn't come here asking about him," Ela said. "You came about some new girl." +"That's so." +"Well, Paul D must know who she is. Or what she is." +"Your mind is loaded with spirits. Everywhere you look you see one." +"You know as well as I do that people who die bad don't stay in the ground." +He couldn't deny it. Jesus Christ Himself didn't, so Stamp ate a piece of Ella's head cheese to show there were no bad +feelings and set out to find Paul D. He found him on the steps of Holy Redeemer, holding his wrists between his knees +and looking red-eyed. +Sawyer shouted at her when she entered the kitchen, but she just turned her back and reached for her apron. There was +no entry now. +No crack or crevice available. She had taken pains to keep them out, but knew full well that at any moment they could +rock her, rip her from her moorings, send the birds twittering back into her hair. Drain her mother's milk, they had +already done. Divided her back into plant life--that too. Driven her fat-bellied into the woods--they had done that. All +news of them was rot. They buttered Halle's face; gave Paul D iron to eat; crisped Sixo; hanged her own mother. She +didn't want any more news about +whitefolks; didn't want to know what Ella knew and John and Stamp Paid, about the world done up the way whitefolks +loved it. All news of them should have stopped with the birds in her hair. +Once, long ago, she was soft, trusting. She trusted Mrs. Garner and her husband too. She knotted the earrings into her +underskirt to take along, not so much to wear but to hold. Earrings that made her believe she could discriminate among +them. That for every schoolteacher there would be an Amy; that for every pupil there was a Garner, or Bodwin, or even +a sheriff, whose touch at her elbow was gentle and who looked away when she nursed. But she had come to believe +every one of Baby Suggs' last words and buried all recollection of them and luck. Paul D dug it up, gave her back her +body, kissed her divided back, stirred her rememory and brought her more news: of clabber, of iron, of roosters' smiling, +but when he heard her news, he counted her feet and didn't even say goodbye. +"Don't talk to me, Mr. Sawyer. Don't say nothing to me this morning." +"What? What? What? You talking back to me?" +"I'm telling you don't say nothing to me." +"You better get them pies made." +Sethe touched the fruit and picked up the paring knife. +When pie juice hit the bottom of the oven and hissed, Sethe was well into the potato salad. Sawyer came in and +107 +said, "Not too sweet. +You make it too sweet they don't eat it." +"Make it the way I always did." +"Yeah. Too sweet." +None of the sausages came back. The cook had a way with them and Sawyer's Restaurant never had leftover sausage. If +Sethe wanted any, she put them aside soon as they were ready. But there was some passable stew. Problem was, all her +pies were sold too. Only rice pudding left and half a pan of gingerbread that didn't come out right. +Had she been paying attention instead of daydreaming all morning, she wouldn't be picking around looking for her +dinner like a crab. +She couldn't read clock time very well, but she knew when the hands were closed in prayer at the top of the face she +was through for the day. She got a metal-top jar, filled it with stew and wrapped the gingerbread in butcher paper. +These she dropped in her outer skirt pockets and began washing up. None of it was anything like what the cook and +the two waiters walked off with. Mr. Sawyer included midday dinner in the terms of the job--along with $3 .4o a week- +- and she made him understand from the beginning she would take her dinner home. But matches, sometimes a bit of +kerosene, a little salt, butter too--these things she took also, once in a while, and felt ashamed because she could afford +to +buy them; she just didn't want the embarrassment of waiting out back of Phelps store with the others till every white in +Ohio was served before the keeper turned to the cluster of Negro faces looking through a hole in his back door. She was +ashamed, too, because it was stealing and Sixo's argument on the subject amused her but didn't change the way she +felt; just as it didn't change schoolteacher's mind. +"Did you steal that shoat? You stole that shoat." Schoolteacher was quiet but firm, like he was just going through the +motions--not expecting an answer that mattered. Sixo sat there, not even getting up to plead or deny. He just sat +there, the streak-of-lean in his hand, the gristle clustered in the tin plate like gemstones---rough, unpolished, but loot +nevertheless. +"You stole that shoat, didn't you?" +"No. Sir." said Sixo, but he had the decency, to keep his eyes on the meat. +"You telling me you didn't steal it, and I'm looking right at you?" +"No, sir. I didn't steal it." +Schoolteacher smiled. "Did you kill it?" +"Yes, sir. I killed it." +"Did you butcher it?" +"Yes, sir." +"Did you cook it?" +"Yes, sir." +"Well, then. Did you eat it?" +"Yes, sir. I sure did." +108 +"And you telling me that's not stealing?" +"No, sir. It ain't." +"What is it then?" +"Improving your property, sir." +"What?" +"Sixo plant rye to give the high piece a better chance. Sixo take and feed the soil, give you more crop. Sixo take and feed +Sixo give you more work." +Clever, but schoolteacher beat him anyway to show him that definitions belonged to the definers--not the defined. After +Mr. Garner died with a hole in his ear that Mrs. Garner said was an +exploded ear drum brought on by stroke and Sixo said was gunpowder, everything they touched was looked on as +stealing. Not just a rifle of corn, or two yard eggs the hen herself didn't even remember, everything. +Schoolteacher took away the guns from the Sweet Home men and, deprived of game to round out their diet of bread, +beans, hominy, vegetables and a little extra at slaughter time, they began to pilfer in earnest, and it became not only +their right but their obligation. +Sethe understood it then, but now with a paying job and an employer who was kind enough to hire an ex-convict, she +despised herself for the pride that made pilfering better than standing in line at the window of the general store with +all the other Negroes. She didn't want to jostle them or be jostled by them. Feel their judgment or their pity, especially +now. She touched her forehead with the back of her wrist and blotted the perspiration. The workday had come to a +close and already she was feeling the excitement. Not since that other escape had she felt so alive. Slopping the alley +dogs, watching their frenzy, she pressed her lips. Today would be a day she would accept a lift, if anybody on a wagon +offered it. No one would, and for sixteen years her pride had not let her ask. But today. Oh, today. +Now she wanted speed, to skip over the long walk home and be there. +When Sawyer warned her about being late again, she barely heard him. He used to be a sweet man. Patient, tender in +his dealings with his help. But each year, following the death of his son in the War, he grew more and more crotchety. As +though Sethe's dark face was to blame. +"Un huh," she said, wondering how she could hurry tine along and get to the no-time waiting for her. +She needn't have worried. Wrapped tight, hunched forward, as she started home her mind was busy with the things she +could forget. +Thank God I don't have to rememory or say a thing because you know it. All. You know I never would a left you. Never. It +was all I could think of to do. When the train came I had to be ready. +Schoolteacher was teaching us things we couldn't learn. I didn't care nothing about the measuring string. We all laughed +about that-- except Sixo. He didn't laugh at nothing. But I didn't care. Schoolteacher'd wrap that string all over my +head, 'cross my nose, around my behind. Number my teeth. I thought he was a fool. And the questions he asked was the +biggest foolishness of all. +Then me and your brothers come up from the second patch. The first one was close to the house where the quick things +grew: beans, onions, sweet peas. The other one was further down for long-lasting things, potatoes, pumpkin, okra, pork +salad. Not much was up yet down there. It was early still. Some young salad maybe, but that was all. We pulled weeds +and hoed a little to give everything a good start. +After that we hit out for the house. The ground raised up from the second patch. Not a hill exactly but kind of. Enough +109 +for Buglar and Howard to run up and roll down, run up and roll down. That's +the way I used to see them in my dreams, laughing, their short fat legs running up the hill. Now all I see is their backs +walking down the railroad tracks. Away from me. Always away from me. But that day they was happy, running up and +rolling down. It was early still-- the growing season had took hold but not much was up. I remember the peas still had +flowers. The grass was long though, full of white buds and those tall red blossoms people call Diane and something there +with the leastest little bit of blue---light, like a cornflower but pale, pale. Real pale. I maybe should have hurried because +I left you back at the house in a basket in the yard. Away from where the chickens scratched but you never know. +Anyway I took my time getting back but your brothers didn't have patience with me staring at flowers and sky every +two or three steps. They ran on ahead and I let em. Something sweet lives in the air that time of year, and if the breeze +is right, it's hard to stay indoors. When I got back I could hear Howard and Buglar laughing down by the quarters. I put +my hoe down and cut across the side yard to get to you. The shade moved so by the time I got back the sun was shining +right on you. +Right in your face, but you wasn't woke at all. Still asleep. I wanted to pick you up in my arms and I wanted to look at you +sleeping too. +Didn't know which; you had the sweetest face. Yonder, not far, was a grape arbor Mr. Garner made. Always full of big +plans, he wanted to make his own wine to get drunk off. Never did get more than a kettle of jelly from it. I don't think +the soil was right for grapes. Your daddy believed it was the rain, not the soil. Sixo said it was bugs. +The grapes so little and tight. Sour as vinegar too. But there was a little table in there. So I picked up your basket and +carried you over to the grape arbor. Cool in there and shady. I set you down on the little table and figured if I got a piece +of muslin the bugs and things wouldn't get to you. And if Mrs. Garner didn't need me right there in the kitchen, I could +get a chair and you and me could set out there while I did the vegetables. I headed for the back door to get the clean +muslin we kept in the kitchen press. The grass felt good on my feet. +I got near the door and I heard voices. Schoolteacher made his pupils sit and learn books for a spell every afternoon. If it +was nice enough weather, they'd sit on the side porch. All three of em. He'd talk and they'd write. Or he would read and +they would write down what he said. I never told nobody this. Not your pap, not nobody. I almost told Mrs. Garner, but +she was so weak then and getting weaker. This is the first time I'm telling it and I'm telling it to you because it might help +explain something to you although I know you don't need me to do it. To tell it or even think over it. You don't have to +listen either, if you don't want to. But I couldn't help listening to what I heard that day. He was talking to his pupils and I +heard him say, "Which one are you doing?" And one of the boys said, "Sethe." +That's when I stopped because I heard my name, and then I took a few steps to where I could see what they was doing. +Schoolteacher was standing over one of them with one hand behind his back. He licked a forefinger a couple of times +and turned a few pages. Slow. +I was about to turn around and keep on my way to where the muslin was, when I heard him say, "No, no. That's not the +way. I told you to put her human characteristics on the left; her animal ones on +the right. And don't forget to line them up." I commenced to walk backward, didn't even look behind me to find out +where I was headed. +I just kept lifting my feet and pushing back. When I bumped up against a tree my scalp was prickly. One of the dogs was +licking out a pan in the yard. I got to the grape arbor fast enough, but I didn't have the muslin. Flies settled all over your +face, rubbing their hands. +My head itched like the devil. Like somebody was sticking fine needles in my scalp. I never told Halle or nobody. But that +very day I asked Mrs. Garner a part of it. She was low then. Not as low as she ended up, but failing. A kind of bag grew +under her jaw. It didn't seem to hurt her, but it made her weak. First she'd be up and spry in the morning and by the +second milking she couldn't stand up. Next she took to sleeping late. The day I went up there she was in bed the whole +day, and I thought to carry her some bean soup and ask her then. When I opened the bedroom door she looked at me +from underneath her nightcap. Already it was hard to catch life in her eyes. Her shoes and stockings were on the floor so +110 +I knew she had tried to get dressed. +"I brung you some bean soup," I said. +She said, "I don't think I can swallow that." +"Try a bit," I told her. +"Too thick. I'm sure it's too thick." +"Want me to loosen it up with a little water?" +"No. Take it away. Bring me some cool water, that's all." +"Yes, ma'am. Ma'am? Could I ask you something?" +"What is it, Sethe?" +"What do characteristics mean?" +"What?" +"A word. Characteristics." +"Oh." She moved her head around on the pillow. "Features. Who taught you that?" +"I heard the schoolteacher say it." +"Change the water, Sethe. This is warm." +"Yes, ma'am. Features?" +"Water, Sethe. Cool water." +I put the pitcher on the tray with the white bean soup and went downstairs. When I got back with the fresh water I held +her head while she drank. It took her a while because that lump made it hard to swallow. She laid back and wiped her +mouth. The drinking seemed to satisfy her but she frowned and said, "I don't seem able to wake up, Sethe. All I seem to +want is sleep." +"Then do it," I told her. "I'm take care of things." +Then she went on: what about this? what about that? Said she knew Halle was no trouble, but she wanted to know if +schoolteacher was handling the Pauls all right and Sixo. +"Yes, ma'am," I said. "Look like it." +"Do they do what he tells them?" +"They don't need telling." +"Good. That's a mercy. I should be back downstairs in a day or two. I just need more rest. Doctor's due back. Tomorrow, +is it?" +"You said features, ma'am?" +"What?" +"Features?" +111 +"Umm. Like, a feature of summer is heat. A characteristic is a feature. A thing that's natural to a thing." +"Can you have more than one?" +"You can have quite a few. You know. Say a baby sucks its thumb. That's one, but it has others too. Keep Billy away +from Red Corn. Mr. Garner never let her calve every other year. Sethe, you hear me? Come away from that window and +listen." +"Yes, ma'am." +"Ask my brother-in-law to come up after supper." +"Yes, ma'am." +"If you'd wash your hair you could get rid of that lice." +"Ain't no lice in my head, ma'am." +"Whatever it is, a good scrubbing is what it needs, not scratching. +Don't tell me we're out of soap." +"No, ma'am." +"All right now. I'm through. Talking makes me tired." +"Yes, ma'am." +"And thank you, Sethe." +"Yes, ma'am." +You was too little to remember the quarters. Your brothers slept under the window. Me, you and your daddy slept by +the wall. The night after I heard why schoolteacher measured me, I had trouble sleeping. When Halle came in I asked +him what he thought about schoolteacher. He said there wasn't nothing to think about. Said, He's white, ain't he? I said, +But I mean is he like Mr. Garner? +"What you want to know, Sethe?" +"Him and her," I said, "they ain't like the whites I seen before. +The ones in the big place I was before I came here." +"How these different?" he asked me. +"Well," I said, "they talk soft for one thing." +"It don't matter, Sethe. What they say is the same. Loud or soft." +"Mr. Garner let you buy out your mother," I said. +"Yep. He did." +"Well?" +"If he hadn't of, she would of dropped in his cooking stove." +"Still, he did it. Let you work it off." +112 +"Uh huh." +"Wake up, Halle." +"I said, Uh huh." +"He could of said no. He didn't tell you no." +"No, he didn't tell me no. She worked here for ten years. If she worked another ten you think she would've made it out? +I pay him for her last years and in return he got you, me and three more coming up. I got one more year of debt work; +one more. Schoolteacher in there told me to quit it. Said the reason for doing it don't hold. I should do the extra but +here at Sweet Home." +"Is he going to pay you for the extra?" +"Nope." +"Then how you going to pay it off? How much is it?" +"$123 .7o." +"Don't he want it back?" +"He want something." +"What?" +"I don't know. Something, But he don't want me off Sweet Home no more. Say it don't pay to have my labor somewhere +else while the boys is small." +"What about the money you owe?" +"He must have another way of getting it." +"What way?" +"I don't know, Sethe." +"Then the only question is how? How he going get it?" +"No. That's one question. There's one more." +"What's that?" +He leaned up and turned over, touching my cheek with his knuckles. +"The question now is, Who's going buy you out? Or me? Or her?" He pointed over to where you was laying. +"What?" +"If all my labor is Sweet Home, including the extra, what I got left to sell?" +He turned over then and went back to sleep and I thought I wouldn't but I did too for a while. Something he said, maybe, +or something he didn't say woke me. I sat up like somebody hit me, and you woke up too and commenced to cry. I +rocked you some, but there wasn't much room, so I stepped outside the door to walk you. Up and down I went. Up and +down. Everything dark but lamplight in the top window of the house. She must've been up still. I couldn't get out of my +head the thing that woke me up: "While the boys is small." That's what he said and it snapped me awake. They tagged +after me the whole day weeding, milking, getting firewood. +113 +For now. For now. +That's when we should have begun to plan. But we didn't. I don't know what we thought--but getting away was a money +thing to us. +Buy out. Running was nowhere on our minds. All of us? Some? +Where to? How to go? It was Sixo who brought it up, finally, after Paul F. Mrs. Garner sold him, trying to keep things +up. Already she lived two years off his price. But it ran out, I guess, so she wrote schoolteacher to come take over. Four +Sweet Home men and she still believed she needed her brother-in-law and two boys 'cause people said she shouldn't be +alone out there with nothing but Negroes. So he came with a big hat and spectacles and a coach box full of paper. +Talking soft and watching hard. He beat Paul A. Not hard and not long, but it was the first time anyone had, because Mr. +Garner disallowed it. Next time I saw him he had company in the prettiest trees you ever saw. Sixo started watching the +sky. He was the only one who crept at night and Halle said that's how he learned about the train. +"That way." Halle was pointing over the stable. "Where he took my ma'am. Sixo say freedom is that way. A whole train is +going and if we can get there, don't need to be no buyout." +"Train? What's that?" I asked him. +They stopped talking in front of me then. Even Halle. But they whispered among themselves and Sixo watched the sky. +Not the high part, the low part where it touched the trees. You could tell his mind was gone from Sweet Home. +The plan was a good one, but when it came time, I was big with Denver. So we changed it a little. A little. Just enough to +butter Halle's face, so Paul D tells me, and make Sixo laugh at last. +But I got you out, baby. And the boys too. When the signal for the train come, you all was the only ones ready. I couldn't +find Halle or nobody. I didn't know Sixo was burned up and Paul D dressed in a collar you wouldn't believe. Not till +later. So I sent you all to the wagon with the woman who waited in the corn. Ha ha. No notebook for my babies and +no measuring string neither. What I had to get through later I got through because of you. Passed right by those boys +hanging in the trees. One had Paul A's shirt on but not his feet or his head. I walked right on by because only me had +your milk, and God do what He would, I was going to get it to you. You remember that, don't you; that I did? That when I +got here I had milk enough for all? +One more curve in the road, and Sethe could see her chimney; it wasn't lonely-looking anymore. The ribbon of smoke +was from a fire that warmed a body returned to her--just like it never went away, never needed a headstone. And the +heart that beat inside it had not for a single moment stopped in her hands. +She opened the door, walked in and locked it tight behind her. +The day Stamp Paid saw the two backs through the window and then hurried down the steps, he believed the +undecipherable language clamoring around the house was the mumbling of the black and angry dead. Very few had died +in bed, like Baby Suggs, and none that he knew of, including Baby, had lived a livable life. Even the educated colored: the +long-school people, the doctors, the teachers, the paper-writers and businessmen had a hard row to hoe. In addition to +having to use their heads to get ahead, they had the weight of the whole race sitting there. You needed two heads for +that. Whitepeople believed that whatever the manners, under every dark skin was a jungle. Swift unnavigable waters, +swinging screaming baboons, sleeping snakes, red gums ready for their sweet white blood. In a way, he thought, they +were right. The more coloredpeople spent their strength trying to convince them how gentle they were, how clever and +loving, how human, the more they used themselves up to persuade whites of something Negroes believed could not be +questioned, the deeper and more tangled the jungle grew inside. But it wasn't the jungle blacks brought with them to +this place from the other (livable) place. +It was the jungle whitefolks planted in them. And it grew. It spread. +In, through and after life, it spread, until it invaded the whites who had made it. Touched them every one. Changed and +114 +altered them. +Made them bloody, silly, worse than even they wanted to be, so scared were they of the jungle they had made. The +screaming baboon lived under their own white skin; the red gums were their own. +Meantime, the secret spread of this new kind of whitefolks' jungle was hidden, silent, except once in a while when you +could hear its mumbling in places like 124. +Stamp Paid abandoned his efforts to see about Sethe, after the pain of knocking and not gaining entrance, and when he +did, 124 was left to its own devices. When Sethe locked the door, the women inside were free at last to be what they +liked, see whatever they saw and say whatever was on their minds. +Almost. Mixed in with the voices surrounding the house, recognizable but undecipherable to Stamp Paid, were the +thoughts of the women of 124, unspeakable thoughts, unspoken. +Chapter 20 +BELOVED, she my daughtyer. She mine. See. She come back to me of her own free will and I don't have to explain a +thing. I didn't have time to explain before because it had to be done quick. Quick. She had to be safe and I put her where +she would be. But my love was tough and she back now. I knew she would be. Paul D ran her off so she had no choice +but to come back to me in the flesh. I bet you Baby Suggs, on the other side, helped. I won't never let her go. I'll explain +to her, even though I don't have to. Why I did it. How if I hadn't killed her she would have died and that is something I +could not bear to happen to her. When I explain it she'll understand, because she understands everything already. I'll +tend her as no mother ever tended a child, a daughter. Nobody will ever get my milk no more except my own children. +I never had to give it to nobody else-- and the one time I did it was took from me--they held me down and took it. +Milk that belonged to my baby. Nan had to nurse whitebabies and me too because Ma'am was in the rice. The little +whitebabies got it first and I got what was left. Or none. There was no nursing milk to call my own. I know what it is to +be without the milk that belongs to you; to have to fight and holler for it, and to have so little left. i'll tell Beloved about +that; she'll +understand. She my daughter. The one I managed to have milk for and to get it to her even after they stole it; after they +handled me like I was the cow, no, the goat, back behind the stable because it was too nasty to stay in with the horses. +But I wasn't too nasty to cook their food or take care of Mrs. Garner. I tended her like I would have tended my own +mother if she needed me. If they had let her out the rice field, because I was the one she didn't throw away. I couldn't +have done more for that woman than I would my own ma'am if she was to take sick and need me and I'd have stayed +with her till she got well or died. +And I would have stayed after that except Nan snatched me back. +Before I could check for the sign. It was her all right, but for a long time I didn't believe it. I looked everywhere for that +hat. Stuttered after that. Didn't stop it till I saw Halle. Oh, but that's all over now. +I'm here. I lasted. And my girl come home. Now I can look at things again because she's here to see them too. After the +shed, I stopped. +Now, in the morning, when I light the fire I mean to look out the window to see what the sun is doing to the day. Does +it hit the pump handle first or the spigot? See if the grass is gray-green or brown or what. Now I know why Baby Suggs +pondered color her last years. +She never had time to see, let alone enjoy it before. Took her a long time to finish with blue, then yellow, then green. +She was well into pink when she died. I don't believe she wanted to get to red and I understand why because me and +Beloved outdid ourselves with it. +Matter of fact, that and her pinkish headstone was the last color I recall. Now I'll be on the lookout. Think what spring +will he for us! +115 +I'll plant carrots just so she can see them, and turnips. Have you ever seen one, baby? A prettier thing God never made. +White and purple with a tender tail and a hard head. Feels good when you hold it in your hand and smells like the creek +when it floods, bitter but happy. +We'll smell them together, Beloved. Beloved. Because you mine and I have to show you these things, and teach you +what a mother should. +Funny how you lose sight of some things and memory others. I never will forget that whitegirl's hands. Amy. But I forget +the color of all that hair on her head. Eyes must have been gray, though. Seem like I do rememory that. Mrs. Garner's +was light brown--while she was well. Got dark when she took sick. A strong woman, used to be. +And when she talked off her head, she'd say it. "I used to be strong as a mule, Jenny." Called me "Jenny" when she was +babbling, and I can bear witness to that. Tall and strong. The two of us on a cord of wood was as good as two men. +Hurt her like the devil not to be able to raise her head off the pillow. Still can't figure why she thought she needed +schoolteacher, though. I wonder if she lasted, like I did. +Last time I saw her she couldn't do nothing but cry, and I couldn't do a thing for her but wipe her face when I told her +what they done to me. Somebody had to know it. Hear it. Somebody. Maybe she lasted. Schoolteacher wouldn't treat +her the way he treated me. First beating I took was the last. Nobody going to keep me from my children. Hadn't been for +me taking care of her maybe I would have known what happened. Maybe Halle was trying to get to me. I stood by her +bed waiting for her to finish with the slop jar. Then I got her back in the bed she said she was cold. Hot as blazes and she +wanted quilts. Said to shut the window. I told her no. She needed the cover; I needed the breeze. Long as those yellow +curtains flapped, I was all right. Should have heeded her. Maybe what sounded like shots really was. Maybe I would have +seen somebody or something. +Maybe. Anyhow I took my babies to the corn, Halle or no. Jesus. then I heard that woman's rattle. She said, Any more? I +told her I didn't know. She said, I been here all night. Can't wait. I tried to make her. She said, Can't do it. Come on. Hoo! +Not a man around. +Boys scared. You asleep on my back. Denver sleep in my stomach. +Felt like I was split in two. I told her to take you all; I had to go back. In case. She just looked at me. Said, Woman? Bit a +piece of my tongue off when they opened my back. It was hanging by a shred. +I didn't mean to. Clamped down on it, it come right off. I thought, Good God, I'm going to eat myself up. They dug a hole +for my stomach so as not to hurt the baby. Denver don't like for me to talk about it. She hates anything about Sweet +Home except how she was born. But you was there and even if you too young to memory it, I can tell it to you. The +grape arbor. You memory that? I ran so fast. +Flies beat me to you. I would have known right away who you was when the sun blotted out your face the way it did +when I took you to the grape arbor. I would have known at once when my water broke. The minute I saw you sitting +on the stump, it broke. And when I did see your face it had more than a hint of what you would look like after all +these years. I would have known who you were right away because the cup after cup of water you drank proved and +connected to the fact that you dribbled clear spit on my face the day I got to 124. I would have known right off, but Paul +D distracted me. Otherwise I would have seen my fingernail prints right there on your forehead for all the world to see. +From when I held your head up, out in the shed. And later on, when you asked me about the earrings I used to dangle +for you to play with, I would have recognized you right off, except for Paul D. Seems to me he wanted you out from the +beginning, but I wouldn't let him. What you think? And look how he ran when he found out about me and you in the +shed. +Too rough for him to listen to. Too thick, he said. My love was too thick. What he know about it? Who in the world is he +willing to die for? Would he give his privates to a stranger in return for a carving? +Some other way, he said. There must have been some other way. Let schoolteacher haul us away, I guess, to measure +your behind before he tore it up? I have felt what it felt like and nobody walking or stretched out is going to make +116 +you feel it too. Not you, not none of mine, and when I tell you you mine, I also mean I'm yours I wouldn't draw breath +without my children. I told Baby Suggs that and +she got down on her knees to beg God's pardon for me. Still, it's so. My plan was to take us all to the other side where +my own ma'am is. +They stopped me from getting us there, but they didn't stop you from getting here. Ha ha. You came right on back like +a good girl, like a daughter which is what I wanted to be and would have been if my ma'am had been able to get out of +the rice long enough before they hanged her and let me be one. You know what? She'd had the bit so many times she +smiled. When she wasn't smiling she smiled, and I never saw her own smile. I wonder what they was doing when they +was caught. Running, you think? No. Not that. Because she was my ma'am and nobody's ma'am would run off and leave +her daughter, would she? Would she, now? Leave her in the yard with a one-armed woman? Even if she hadn't been +able to suckle the daughter for more than a week or two and had to turn her over to another woman's tit that never had +enough for all. They said it was the bit that made her smile when she didn't want to. Like the Saturday girls working the +slaughterhouse yard. When I came out of jail I saw them plain. +They came when the shift changed on Saturday when the men got paid and worked behind the fences, back of the +outhouse. Some worked standing up, leaning on the toolhouse door. They gave some of their nickels and dimes to the +foreman as they left but by then their smiles was over. Some of them drank liquor to keep from feeling what they felt. +Some didn't drink a drop--just beat it on over to Phelps to pay for what their children needed, or their ma'ammies. +Working a pig yard. That has got to be something for a woman to do, and I got close to it myself when I got out of jail +and bought, so to speak, your name. But the Bodwins got me the cooking job at Sawyer's and left me able to smile on +my own like now when I think about you. +But you know all that because you smart like everybody said because when I got here you was crawling already. +Trying to get up the stairs. Baby Suggs had them painted white so you could see your way to the top in the dark where +lamplight didn't reach. Lord, you loved the stairsteps. +I got close. I got close. To being a Saturday girl. I had already worked a stone mason's shop. A step to the slaughterhouse +would have been a short one. When I put that headstone up I wanted to lay in there with you, put your head on my +shoulder and keep you warm, and I would have if Buglar and Howard and Denver didn't need me, because my mind was +homeless then. I couldn't lay down with you then. No matter how much I wanted to. I couldn't lay down nowhere in +peace, back then. Now I can. I can sleep like the drowned, have mercy. She come back to me, my daughter, and she is +mine. +Chapter 21 +BELOVED is my sister. I swallowed her blood right along with my mother's milk. The first thing I heard after not hearing +anything was the sound of her crawling up the stairs. She was my secret company until Paul D came. He threw her out. +Ever since I was little she was my company and she helped me wait for my daddy. Me and her waited for him. I love my +mother but I know she killed one of her own daughters, and tender as she is with me, I'm scared of her because of it. +She missed killing my brothers and they knew it. They told me die-witch! stories to show me the way to do it, if ever I +needed to. +Maybe it was getting that close to dying made them want to fight the War. That's what they told me they were going +to do. I guess they rather be around killing men than killing women, and there sure is something in her that makes it all +right to kill her own. All the time, I'm afraid the thing that happened +that made it all right for my mother to kill my sister could happen again. I don't know what it is, I don't know who it is, +but maybe there is something else terrible enough to make her do it again. I need to know what that thing might be, but +I don't want to. Whatever it is, it comes from outside this house, outside the yard, and it can come right on in the yard if +it wants to. So I never leave this house and I watch over the yard, so it can't happen again and my mother won't have to +kill me too. +117 +Not since Miss Lady Jones' house have I left 124 by myself. Never. +The only other times--two times in all--I was with my mother. Once to see Grandma Baby put down next to Beloved, +she's my sister. The other time Paul D went too and when we came back I thought the house would still be empty from +when he threw my sister's ghost out. But no. When I came back to 124, there she was. Beloved. +Waiting for me. Tired from her long journey back. Ready to be taken care of; ready for me to protect her. This time I +have to keep my mother away from her. That's hard, but I have to. It's all on me. +I've seen my mother in a dark place, with scratching noises. A smell coming from her dress. I have been with her where +something little watched us from the corners. And touched. Sometimes they touched. +I didn't remember it for a long time until Nelson Lord made me. I asked her if it was true but couldn't hear what she said +and there was no point in going back to Lady Jones if you couldn't hear what anybody said. So quiet. Made me have to +read faces and learn how to figure out what people were thinking, so I didn't need to hear what they said. That's how +come me and Beloved could play together. +Not talking. On the porch. By the creek. In the secret house. It's all on me, now, but she can count on me. I thought she +was trying to kill her that day in the Clearing. Kill her back. But then she kissed her neck and I have to warn her about +that. Don't love her too much. +Don't. Maybe it's still in her the thing that makes it all right to kill her children. I have to tell her. I have to protect her. +She cut my head off every night. Buglar and Howard told me she would and she did. Her pretty eyes looking at me like I +was a stranger. +Not mean or anything, but like I was somebody she found and felt sorry for. Like she didn't want to do it but she had +to and it wasn't going to hurt. That it was just a thing grown-up people do--like pull a splinter out your hand; touch the +corner of a towel in your eye if you get a cinder in it. She looks over at Buglar and Howard--see if they all right. Then she +comes over to my side. I know she'll be good at it, careful. That when she cuts it off it'll be done right; it won't hurt. After +she does it I lie there for a minute with just my head. +Then she carries it downstairs to braid my hair. I try not to cry but it hurts so much to comb it. When she finishes the +combing and starts the braiding, I get sleepy. I want to go to sleep but I know if I do I won't wake up. So I have to stay +awake while she finishes my hair, then I can sleep. The scary part is +waiting for her to come in and do it. Not when she does it, but when I wait for her to. Only place she can't get to me in +the night is Grandma Baby's room. The room we sleep in upstairs used to be where the help slept when whitepeople +lived here. They had a kitchen outside, too. But Grandma Baby turned it into a woodshed and toolroom when she +moved in. +And she boarded up the back door that led to it because she said she didn't want to make that journey no more. She +built around it to make a storeroom, so if you want to get in 124 you have to come by her. Said she didn't care what +folks said about her fixing a two story house up like a cabin where you cook inside. She said they told her visitors with +nice dresses don't want to sit in the same room with the cook stove and the peelings and the grease and the smoke. +She wouldn't pay them no mind, she said. I was safe at night in there with her. All I could hear was me breathing but +sometimes in the day I couldn't tell whether it was me breathing or somebody next to me. I used to watch Here Boy's +stomach go in and out, in and out, to see if it matched mine, holding my breath to get off his rhythm, releasing it to +get on. Just to see whose it was--that sound like when you blow soft in a bottle only regular, regular. Am I making that +sound? Is Howard? Who is? That was when everybody was quiet and I couldn't hear anything they said. I didn't care +either because the quiet let me dream my daddy better. I always knew he was coming. Something was holding him +up. He had a problem with the horse. The river flooded; the boat sank and he had to make a new one. Sometimes it +was a lynch mob or a windstorm. He was coming and it was a secret. I spent all of my outside self loving Ma'am so she +wouldn't kill me, loving her even when she braided my head at night. I never let her know my daddy was coming for me. +Grandma Baby thought he was coming, too. For a while she thought so, then she stopped. I never did. Even when Buglar +118 +and Howard ran away. +Then Paul D came in here. I heard his voice downstairs, and Ma'am laughing, so I thought it was him, my daddy. Nobody +comes to this house anymore. But when I got downstairs it was Paul D and he didn't come for me; he wanted my +mother. At first. Then he wanted my sister, too, but she got him out of here and I'm so glad he's gone. +Now it's just us and I can protect her till my daddy gets here to help me watch out for Ma'am and anything come in the +yard. +My daddy do anything for runny fried eggs. Dip his bread in it. +Grandma used to tell me his things. She said anytime she could make him a plate of soft fried eggs was Christmas, made +him so happy. +She said she was always a little scared of my daddy. He was too good, she said. From the beginning, she said, he was too +good for the world. Scared her. She thought, He'll never make it through nothing. Whitepeople must have thought so +too, because they never got split up. So she got the chance to know him, look after him, and he scared her the way he +loved things. Animals and tools and crops and the alphabet. He could count on paper. The boss taught him. +Offered to teach the other boys but only my daddy wanted it. She said the other boys said no. One of them with a +number for a name said it would change his mind--make him forget things he +shouldn't and memorize things he shouldn't and he didn't want his mind messed up. But my daddy said, If you can't +count they can cheat you. If you can't read they can beat you. They thought that was funny. Grandma said she didn't +know, but it was because my daddy could count on paper and figure that he bought her away from there. And she said +she always wished she could read the Bible like real preachers. So it was good for me to learn how, and I did until it got +quiet and all I could hear was my own breathing and one other who knocked over the milk jug while it was sitting on the +table. Nobody near it. Ma'am whipped Buglar but he didn't touch it. Then it messed up all the ironed clothes and put its +hands in the cake. Look like I was the only one who knew right away who it was. Just like when she came back I knew +who she was too. Not right away, but soon as she spelled her name--not her given name, but the one Ma'am paid the +stonecutter for--I knew. And when she wondered about Ma'am's earrings--something I didn't know about--well, that just +made the cheese more binding: my sister come to help me wait for my daddy. +My daddy was an angel man. He could look at you and tell where you hurt and he could fix it too. He made a hanging +thing for Grandma Baby, so she could pull herself up from the floor when she woke up in the morning, and he made a +step so when she stood up she was level. Grandma said she was always afraid a whiteman would knock her down in +front of her children. She behaved and did everything right in front of her children because she didn't want them to see +her knocked down. She said it made children crazy to see that. +At Sweet Home nobody did or said they would, so my daddy never saw it there and never went crazy and even now I +bet he's trying to get here. If Paul D could do it my daddy could too. Angel man. We should all be together. Me, him and +Beloved. Ma'am could stay or go off with Paul D if she wanted to. Unless Daddy wanted her himself, but I don't think he +would now, since she let Paul D in her bed. +Grandma Baby said people look down on her because she had eight children with different men. Coloredpeople and +whitepeople both look down on her for that. Slaves not supposed to have pleasurable feelings on their own; their bodies +not supposed to be like that, but they have to have as many children as they can to please whoever owned them. Still, +they were not supposed to have pleasure deep down. She said for me not to listen to all that. That I should always listen +to my body and love it. +The secret house. When she died I went there. Ma'am wouldn't let me go outside in the yard and eat with the others. +We stayed inside. That hurt. I know Grandma Baby would have liked the party and the people who came to it, because +she got low not seeing anybody or going anywhere--just grieving and thinking about colors and how she made a mistake. +That what she thought about what the heart and the body could do was wrong. The whitepeople came anyway. In her +yard. She had done everything right and they came in her yard anyway. And she didn't know what to think. All she had +119 +left was her heart and they busted it so even the War couldn't rouse her. +She told me all my daddy's things. How hard he worked to buy her. After the cake was ruined and the ironed clothes all +messed up, and after I heard my sister crawling up the stairs to get back to her bed, she told me my things too. That I +was charmed. My birth was and I got saved all the time. And that I +shouldn't be afraid of the ghost. It wouldn't harm me because I tasted its blood when Ma'am nursed me. She said the +ghost was after Ma'am and her too for not doing anything to stop it. But it would never hurt me. I just had to watch out +for it because it was a greedy ghost and needed a lot of love, which was only natural, considering. And I do. Love her. I +do. +She played with me and always came to be with me whenever I needed her. She's mine, Beloved. She's mine. +Chapter 22 +I am Beloved and she is mine. I see her take flowers away from leaves she puts them in a round basket the leaves are not +for her she fills the basket she opens the grass I would help her but the clouds are in the way how can I say things that +are pictures I am not separate from her there is no place where I stop her face is my own and I want to be there in the +place where her face is and to be looking at it too a hot thing All of it is now it is always now there will never be a time +when I am not crouching and watching others who are crouching too I am always crouching the man on my face is dead +his face is not mine his mouth smells sweet but his eyes are locked some who eat nasty themselves I do not eat the men +without skin bring us their morning water to drink we have none at night I cannot see the dead man on my face daylight +comes through the cracks and I can see his locked eyes I am not big small rats do not wait for us to sleep someone is +thrashing but there is no room to do it in if we had more to drink we could make tears we cannot make sweat or +morning water so the men without skin bring us theirs one time they bring us sweet rocks to suck we are all trying to +leave our bodies behind the man on my face has done it it is hard to make yourself die forever you sleep short and then +return in the beginning we could vomit now we do not now we cannot his teeth are pretty white points someone is +trembling I can feel it over here he is fighting hard to leave his body which is a small bird trembling there is no room to +tremble so he is not able to die my own dead man is pulled away from my face I miss his pretty white points We are not +crouching now we are standing but my legs are like my dead man's eyes I cannot fall because there is no room to the +men without skin are making loud noises I am not dead the bread is sea-colored I am too hungry to eat it the sun closes +my eyes those able to die are in a pile I cannot find my man the one whose teeth I have loved a hot thing the little hill of +dead people a hot thing the men without skin push them through with poles the woman is there with the face I want the +face that is mine they fall into the sea which is the color of the bread she has nothing in her ears if I had the teeth of the +man who died on my face I would bite the circle around her neck bite it away I know she does not like it now there is +room to crouch and to watch the crouching others it is the crouching that is now always now inside the woman with my +face is in the sea a hot thing In the beginning I could see her I could not help her because the clouds were in the way in +the beginning I could see her the shining in her ears she does not like the circle around her neck I know this I look hard at +her so she will know that the clouds are in the way I am sure she saw me I am looking at her see me she empties out her +eyes I am there in the place where her face is and telling her the noisy clouds were in my way she wants her earrings she +wants her round basket I want her face a hot thing in the beginning the women are away from the men and the men are +away from the women storms rock us and mix the men into the women and the women into the men that is when I +begin to be on the back of the man for a long time I see only his neck and his wide shoulders above me I am small I love +him because he has a song when he turned around to die I see the teeth he sang through his singing was soft his singing +is of the place where a woman takes flowers away from their leaves and puts them in a round basket before the clouds +she is crouching near us but I do not see her until he locks his eyes and dies on my face we are that way there is no +breath +coming from his mouth and the place where breath should be is sweet-smelling the others do not know he is dead I +know his song is gone now I love his pretty little teeth instead I cannot lose her again my dead man was in the way like +the noisy clouds when he dies on my face I can see hers she is going to smile at me she is going to her sharp earrings are +120 +gone the men without skin are making loud noises they push my own man through they do not push the woman with +my face through she goes in they do not push her she goes in the little hill is gone she was going to smile at me she was +going to a hot thing They are not crouching now we are they are floating on the water they break up the little hill and +push it through I cannot find my pretty teeth I see the dark face that is going to smile at me it is my dark face that is +going to smile at me the iron circle is around our neck she does not have sharp earrings in her ears or a round basket she +goes in the water with my face I am standing in the rain falling the others are taken I am not taken I am falling like the +rain is I watch him eat inside I am crouching to keep from falling with the rain I am going to be in pieces he hurts where I +sleep he puts his finger there I drop the food and break into pieces she took my face away there is no one to want me to +say me my name I wait on the bridge because she is under it there is night and there is day again again night day night +day I am waiting no iron circle is around my neck no boats go on this water no men without skin my dead man is not +floating here his teeth are down there where the blue is and the grass so is the face I want the face that is going to smile +at me it is going to in the day diamonds are in the water where she is and turtles in the night I hear chewing and +swallowing and laughter it belongs to me she is the laugh I am the laugher I see her face which is mine it is the face that +was going to smile at me in the place where we crouched now she is going to her face comes through the water a hot +thing her face is mine she is not smiling she is chewing and swallowing I have to have my face I go in the grass opens she +opens it I am in the water and she is coming there is no round basket no iron circle around her neck she goes up where +the diamonds are I follow her we are in the diamonds which are her earrings now my face is coming I have to have it I +am looking for the join I am loving my face so much my dark face is close to me I want to join she whispers to me she +whispers I reach for her chewing and swallowing she touches me she knows I want to join she chews and swallows me I +am gone now I am her face my own face has left me I see me swim away a hot thing I see the bottoms of my feet I am +alone I want to be the two of us I want the join I come out of blue water after the bottoms of my feet swim away from +me I come up I need to find a place to be the air is heavy I am not dead I am not there is a house there is what she +whispered to me I am where she told me I am not dead I sit the sun closes my eyes when I open them I see the face I lost +Sethe's is the face that lef me Sethe sees me see her and I see the smile her smiling face is the place for me it is the face I +lost she is my face smiling at me doing it at last a hot thing now we can join a hot thing +Chapter 23 +I AM BELOVED and she is mine. Sethe is the one that picked flowers, yellow flowers in the place before the crouching. +Took them away from their green leaves. They are on the quilt now where we sleep. +She was about to smile at me when the men without skin came and took us up into the sunlight with the dead and +shoved them into the sea. Sethe went into the sea. She went there. They did not push her. +She went there. She was getting ready to smile at me and when she saw the dead people pushed into the sea she went +also and left me there with no face or hers. Sethe is the face I found and lost in the water under the bridge. When I went +in, I saw her face coming to me and it was my face too. I +wanted to join. I tried to join, but she went up into the pieces of light at the top of the water. I lost her again, but I found +the house she whispered to me and there she was, smiling at last. It's good, but I cannot lose her again. All I want to +know is why did she go in the water in the place where we crouched? +Why did she do that when she was just about to smile at me? I wanted to join her in the sea but I could not move; I +wanted to help her when she was picking the flowers, but the clouds of gunsmoke blinded me and I lost her. Three +times I lost her: once with the flowers because of the noisy clouds of smoke; once when she went into the sea instead +of smiling at me; once under the bridge when I went in to j oin her and she came toward me but did not smile. She +whispered to me, chewed me, and swam away. Now I have found her in this house. She smiles at me and it is my own +face smiling. I will not lose her again. She is mine. +Tell me the truth. Didn't you come from the other side? +121 +Yes. I was on the other side. +You came back because of me? +Yes. +You rememory me? +Yes. I remember you. +You never forgot me? +Your face is mine. +Do you forgive me? Will you stay? You safe here now. +Where are the men without skin? +Out there. Way off. +Can they get in here? +No. They tried that once, but I stopped them. They won't ever come back. +One of them was in the house I was in. He hurt me. +They can't hurt us no more. +Where are your earrings? +They took them from me. +The men without skin took them? +Yes. +I was going to help you but the clouds got in the way. +There're no clouds here. +If they put an iron circle around your neck I will bite it away. +Beloved. +I will make you a round basket. +You're back. You're back. +Will we smile at me? +Can't you see I'm smiling? +I love your face. +We played by the creek. +I was there in the water. +In the quiet time, we played. +122 +The clouds were noisy and in the way. +When I needed you, you came to be with me. +I needed her face to smile. +I could only hear breathing. +The breathing is gone; only the teeth are left. +She said you wouldn't hurt me. +She hurt me. +I will protect you. +I want her face. +Don't love her too much. +I am loving her too much. +Watch out for her; she can give you dreams. +She chews and swallows. +Don't fall asleep when she braids your hair. +She is the laugh; I am the laughter. +I watch the house; I watch the yard. +She left me. +Daddy is coming for us. +A hot thing. +Beloved +You are my sister +You are my daughter +You are my face; you are me +I have found you again; you have come back to me +You are my Beloved +You are mine +You are mine +You are mine +I have your milk +I have your smile +123 +I will take care of you +You are my face; I am you. Why did you leave me who am you? +I will never leave you again +Don't ever leave me again +You will never leave me again +You went in the water +I drank your blood +I brought your milk +You forgot to smile +I loved you +You hurt me +You came back to me +You left me +I waited for you +You are mine +You are mine +You are mine +Chapter 24 +IT WAS a tiny church no bigger than a rich man's parlor. The pews had no backs, and since the congregation was also the +choir, it didn't need a stall. Certain members had been assigned the construction of a platform to raise the preacher a +few inches above his congregation, but it was a less than urgent task, since the major elevation, a white oak cross, had +already taken place. Before it was the Church of the Holy Redeemer, it was a dry-goods shop that had no use for side +windows, just front ones for display. These were papered over while members considered whether to paint or curtain +them--how to have privacy without losing the little light that might want to shine on them. In the summer the doors +were left open for ventilation. In winter an iron stove in the aisle did what it could. At the front of the church was a +sturdy porch where customers used to sit, and children laughed at the boy who got his head stuck between the railings. +On a sunny and windless day in January it was actually warmer out there than inside, if the iron stove was cold. The +damp cellar was fairly warm, but there was no light lighting the pallet or the washbasin or the nail from which a man's +clothes could be hung. +And a oil lamp in a cellar was sad, so Paul D sat on the porch steps and got additional warmth from a bottle of liquor +jammed in his coat pocket. Warmth and red eyes. He held his wrist between his knees, not to keep his hands still but +because he had nothing else to hold on to. His tobacco tin, blown open, spilled contents that floated freely and made +him their play and prey. +He couldn't figure out why it took so long. He may as well have jumped in the fire with Sixo and they both could have +had a good laugh. Surrender was bound to come anyway, why not meet it with a laugh, shouting Seven-O! Why not? +Why the delay? He had already seen his brother wave goodbye from the back of a dray, fried chicken in his pocket, tears +124 +in his eyes. Mother. Father. Didn't remember the one. Never saw the other. He was the youngest of three half-brothers +(same mother--different fathers) sold to Garner and kept there, forbidden to leave the farm, for twenty years. Once, in +Maryland, he met four families of slaves who had all been together for a hundred years: great-grands, grands, mothers, +fathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, children. Half white, part white, all black, mixed with Indian. He watched them with awe +and envy, and each time he discovered large families of black people he made them identify over and over who each +was, what relation, who, in fact, belonged to who. +"That there's my auntie. This here's her boy. Yonder is my pap's cousin. My ma'am was married twice--this my half-sister +and these her two children. Now, my wife..." +Nothing like that had ever been his and growing up at Sweet Home he didn't miss it. He had his brothers, two friends, +Baby Suggs in the kitchen, a boss who showed them how to shoot and listened to what they had to say. A mistress who +made their soap and never raised her voice. For twenty years they had all lived in that cradle, until Baby left, Sethe +came, and Halle took her. He made a family with her, and Sixo was hell-bent to make one with the Thirty-Mile Woman. +When Paul D waved goodbye to his oldest brother, the boss was dead, the mistress nervous and the cradle already split. +Sixo said the doctor made Mrs. Garner sick. Said he was giving her to drink what stallions got when they broke a leg +and no gunpowder could be spared, and had it not been for schoolteacher's new rules, he would have told her so. They +laughed at him. Sixo had a knowing tale about everything. Including Mr. Garner's stroke, which he said was a shot in his +ear put there by a jealous neighbor. +"where's the blood?" they asked him. +There was no blood. Mr. Garner came home bent over his mare's neck, sweating and blue-white. Not a drop of blood. +Sixo grunted, the only one of them not sorry to see him go. Later, however, he was mighty sorry; they all were. +"Why she call on him?" Paul D asked. "Why she need the schoolteacher?" +"She need somebody can figure," said Halle. +"You can do figures." +"Not like that." +"No, man," said Sixo. "She need another white on the place." +"What for?" +"What you think? What you think?" +Well, that's the way it was. Nobody counted on Garner dying. +Nobody thought he could. How 'bout that? Everything rested on Garner being alive. Without his life each of theirs fell to +pieces. Now ain't that slavery or what is it? At the peak of his strength, taller than tall men, and stronger than most, they +clipped him, Paul D. +First his shotgun, then his thoughts, for schoolteacher didn't take advice from Negroes. The information they offered +he called backtalk and developed a variety of corrections (which he recorded in his notebook) to reeducate them. He +complained they ate too much, rested too much, talked too much, which was certainly true compared to him, because +schoolteacher ate little, spoke less and rested not at all. Once he saw them playing--a pitching game--and his look +of deeply felt hurt was enough to make Paul D blink. He was as hard on his pupils as he was on them--except for the +corrections. +For years Paul D believed schoolteacher broke into children what Garner had raised into men. And it was that that +made them run off. Now, plagued by the contents of his tobacco tin, he wondered how much difference there really +was between before schoolteacher and after. Garner called and announced them men--but only on Sweet Home, and +by his leave. Was he naming what he saw or creating what he did not? That was the wonder of Sixo, and even Halle; it +125 +was always clear to Paul D that those two were men whether Garner said so or not. It troubled him that, concerning his +own manhood, he could not satisfy himself on that point. Oh, he did manly things, but was that Garner's gift or his own +will? What would he have been anyway--before Sweet Home--without Garner? In Sixo's country, or his mother's? Or, +God help him, on the boat? Did a whiteman saying it make it so? Suppose Garner woke up one morning and changed +his mind? Took the word away. Would they have run then? And if he didn't, would the Pauls have stayed there all their +lives? Why did the brothers need the one whole night to decide? To discuss whether they would join Sixo and Halle. +Because they had been isolated in a wonderful lie, dismissing Halle's and Baby Suggs' life before Sweet Home as bad +luck. Ignorant of or amused by Sixo's dark stories. Protected and convinced they were special. +Never suspecting the problem of Alfred, Georgia; being so in love with the look of the world, putting up with anything +and everything, just to stay alive in a place where a moon he had no right to was nevertheless there. Loving small and in +secret. His little love was a tree, of course, but not like Brother--old, wide and beckoning. +In Alfred, Georgia, there was an aspen too young to call sapling. +Just a shoot no taller than his waist. The kind of thing a man would cut to whip his horse. Song-murder and the aspen. +He stayed alive to sing songs that murdered life, and watched an aspen that confirmed it, and never for a minute did he +believe he could escape. Until it rained. Afterward, after the Cherokee pointed and sent him running toward blossoms, +he wanted simply to move, go, pick up one day and be somewhere else the next. Resigned to life without aunts, cousins, +children. Even a woman, until Sethe. +And then she moved him. Just when doubt, regret and every single unasked question was packed away, long after he +believed he had willed himself into being, at the very time and place he wanted to take root--she moved him. From +room to room. Like a rag doll. +Sitting on the porch of a dry-goods church, a little bit drunk and nothing much to do, he could have these thoughts. +Slow, what-if thoughts that cut deep but struck nothing solid a man could hold on to. So he held his wrists. Passing by +that woman's life, getting in it and letting it get in him had set him up for this fall. Wanting to live out his life with a +whole woman was new, and losing the feeling of it made him want to cry and think deep thoughts that struck nothing +solid. When he was drifting, thinking only about the next meal and night's sleep, when everything was packed tight in his +chest, he had no sense of failure, of things not working out. Anything that worked at all worked out. Now he wondered +what-all went wrong, and starting with the Plan, everything had. It was a good plan, too. +Worked out in detail with every possibility of error eliminated. +Sixo, hitching up the horses, is speaking English again and tells Halle what his Thirty-Mile Woman told him. That seven +Negroes on her place were joining two others going North. That the two others had done it before and knew the way. +That one of the two, a woman, would wait for them in the corn when it was high--one night and half of the next day she +would wait, and if they came she would take them to the caravan, where the others would be hidden. +That she would rattle, and that would be the sign. Sixo was going, his woman was going, and Halle was taking his whole +family. The two Pauls say they need time to think about it. Time to wonder where they will end up; how they will live. +What work; who will take them in; should they try to get to Paul F, whose owner, they remember, lived in something +called the "trace"? It takes them one evening's conversation to decide. +Now all they have to do is wait through the spring, till the corn is as high as it ever got and the moon as fat. +And plan. Is it better to leave in the dark to get a better start, or go at daybreak to be able to see the way better? Sixo +spits at the suggestion. Night gives them more time and the protection of color. +He does not ask them if they are afraid. He manages some dry runs to the corn at night, burying blankets and two knives +near the creek. +Will Sethe be able to swim the creek? they ask him. It will be dry, he says, when the corn is tall. There is no food to put +by, but Sethe says she will get a jug of cane syrup or molasses, and some bread when it is near the time to go. She only +126 +wants to be sure the blankets are where they should be, for they will need them to tie her baby on her back and to cover +them during the journey. There are no clothes other than what they wear. And of course no shoes. The knives will help +them eat, but they bury rope and a pot as well. A good plan. +They watch and memorize the comings and goings of schoolteacher and his pupils: what is wanted when and where; +how long it takes. Mrs. Garner, restless at night, is sunk in sleep all morning. +Some days the pupils and their teacher do lessons until breakfast. +One day a week they skip breakfast completely and travel ten miles to church, expecting a large dinner upon their +return. Schoolteacher writes in his notebook after supper; the pupils clean, mend or sharpen tools. Sethe's work is the +most uncertain because she is on call for Mrs. Garner anytime, including nighttime when the pain or the weakness or +the downright loneliness is too much for her. So: Sixo and the Pauls will go after supper and wait in the creek for the +Thirty Mile Woman. Halle will bring Sethe and the three children before dawn--before the sun, before the chickens and +the milking cow need attention, so by the time smoke should be coming from the cooking stove, they will be in or near +the creek with the others. That way, if Mrs. Garner needs Sethe in the night and calls her, Sethe will be there to answer. +They only have to wait through the spring. +But. Sethe was pregnant in the spring and by August is so heavy with child she may not be able to keep up with the men, +who can carry the children but not her. +But. Neighbors discouraged by Garner when he was alive now feel free to visit Sweet Home and might appear in the +right place at the wrong time. +But. Sethe's children cannot play in the kitchen anymore, so she is dashing back and forth between house and quarters- +fidgety and frustrated trying to watch over them. They are too young for men's work and the baby girl is nine months +old. Without Mrs. Garner's help her work increases as do schoolteacher's demands. +But. After the conversation about the shoat, Sixo is tied up with the stock at night, and locks are put on bins, pens, +sheds, coops, the tackroom and the barn door. There is no place to dart into or congregate. +Sixo keeps a nail in his mouth now, to help him undo the rope when he has to. +But. Halle is told to work his extra on Sweet Home and has no call to be anywhere other than where schoolteacher tells +him. Only Sixo, who has been stealing away to see his woman, and Halle, who has been hired away for years, know what +lies outside Sweet Home and how to get there. +It is a good plan. It can be done right under the watchful pupils and their teacher. +But. They had to alter it--just a little. First they change the leaving. +They memorize the directions Halle gives them. Sixo, needing time to untie himself, break open the door and not disturb +the horses, will leave later, joining them at the creek with the Thirty-Mile Woman. +All four will go straight to the corn. Halle, who also needs more time now, because of Sethe, decides to bring her and +the children at night; not wait till first light. They will go straight to the corn and not assemble at the creek. The corn +stretches to their shoulders--it will never be higher. The moon is swelling. They can hardly harvest, or chop, or clear, +or pick, or haul for listening for a rattle that is not bird or snake. Then one midmorning, they hear it. Or Halle does and +begins to sing it to the others: +"Hush, hush. Somebody's calling my name. Hush, hush. Somebody's calling my name. O my Lord, O my Lord, what shall I +do?" +On his dinner break he leaves the field. He has to. He has to tell Sethe that he has heard the sign. For two successive +nights she has been with Mrs. Garner and he can't chance it that she will not know that this night she cannot be. The +Pauls see him go. From underneath Brother's shade where they are chewing corn cake, they see him, swinging along. +127 +The bread tastes good. They lick sweat from their lips to give it a saltier flavor. Schoolteacher and his pupils are already +at the house eating dinner. Halle swings along. He is not singing now. +Nobody knows what happened. Except for the churn, that was the last anybody ever saw of Halle. What Paul D knew +was that Halle disappeared, never told Sethe anything, and was next seen squatting in butter. Maybe when he got to +the gate and asked to see Sethe, schoolteacher heard a tint of anxiety in his voice--the tint that would make him pick +up his ever-ready shotgun. Maybe Halle made the mistake of saying "my wife" in some way that would put a light in +schoolteacher's eye. Sethe says now that she heard shots, but did not look out the window of Mrs. Garner's bedroom. +But Halle was not killed or wounded that day because Paul D saw him later, after she had run off with no one's help; +after Sixo laughed and his brother disappeared. Saw him greased and flat-eyed as a fish. Maybe schoolteacher shot after +him, shot at his feet, to remind him of the trespass. +Maybe Halle got in the barn, hid there and got locked in with the rest of schoolteacher's stock. Maybe anything. He +disappeared and everybody was on his own. +Paul A goes back to moving timber after dinner. They are to meet at quarters for supper. He never shows up. Paul D +leaves for the creek on time, believing, hoping, Paul A has gone on ahead; certain schoolteacher has learned something. +Paul D gets to the creek and it is as dry as Sixo promised. He waits there with the Thirty-Mile Woman for Sixo and Paul A. +Only Sixo shows up, his wrists bleeding, his tongue licking his lips like a flame. +"You see Paul A?" +"No." +"Halle?" +"No." +"No sign of them?" +"No sign. Nobody in quarters but the children." +"Sethe?" +"Her children sleep. She must be there still." +"I can't leave without Paul A." +"I can't help you." +"Should I go back and look for them?" +"I can't help you." +"What you think?" +"I think they go straight to the corn." +Sixo turns, then, to the woman and they clutch each other and whisper. She is lit now with some glowing, some shining +that comes from inside her. Before when she knelt on creek pebbles with Paul D, she was nothing, a shape in the dark +breathing lightly. +Sixo is about to crawl out to look for the knives he buried. He hears something. He hears nothing. Forget the knives. +Now. The three of them climb up the bank and schoolteacher, his pupils and four other whitemen move toward them. +With lamps. Sixo pushes the Thirty-Mile Woman and she runs further on in the creekbed. +Paul D and Sixo run the other way toward the woods. Both are surrounded and tied. +128 +The air gets sweet then. Perfumed by the things honeybees love. +Tied like a mule, Paul D feels how dewy and inviting the grass is. +He is thinking about that and where Paul A might be when Sixo turns and grabs the mouth of the nearest pointing rifle. +He begins to sing. Two others shove Paul D and tie him to a tree. Schoolteacher is saying, "Alive. Alive. I want him alive." +Sixo swings and cracks the ribs of one, but with bound hands cannot get the weapon in position to use it in any other +way. All the whitemen have to do is wait. For his song, perhaps, to end? Five guns are trained on him while they listen. +Paul D cannot see them when they step away from lamplight. Finally one of them hits Sixo in the head with his rifle, and +when he comes to, a hickory fire is in front of him and he is tied at the waist to a tree. Schoolteacher has changed his +mind: "This one will never be suitable." The song must have convinced him. +The fire keeps failing and the whitemen are put out with themselves at not being prepared for this emergency. They +came to capture, not kill. What they can manage is only enough for cooking hominy. +Dry faggots are scarce and the grass is slick with dew. +By the light of the hominy fire Sixo straightens. He is through with his song. He laughs. A rippling sound like Sethe's sons +make when they tumble in hay or splash in rainwater. His feet are cooking; the cloth of his trousers smokes. He laughs. +Something is funny. Paul D guesses what it is when Sixo interrupts his laughter to call out, "Seven-O! Seven-O!" +Smoky, stubborn fire. They shoot him to shut him up. Have to. +Shackled, walking through the perfumed things honeybees love, Paul D hears the men talking and for the first time +learns his worth. +He has always known, or believed he did, his value--as a hand, a laborer who could make profit on a farm--but now he +discovers his worth, which is to say he learns his price. The dollar value of his weight, his strength, his heart, his brain, his +penis, and his future. +As soon as the whitemen get to where they have tied their horses and mount them, they are calmer, talking among +themselves about the difficulty they face. The problems. Voices remind schoolteacher about the spoiling these particular +slaves have had at Garner's hands. +There's laws against what he done: letting niggers hire out their own time to buy themselves. He even let em have +guns! And you think he mated them niggers to get him some more? Hell no! He planned for them to marry! if that don't +beat all! Schoolteacher sighs, and says doesn't he know it? He had come to put the place aright. Now it faced greater +ruin than what Garner left for it, because of the loss of two niggers, at the least, and maybe three because he is not +sure they will find the one called Halle. The sister-in-law is too weak to help out and doggone if now there ain't a full- +scale stampede on his hands. He would have to trade this here one for $900 if he could get it, and set out to secure the +breeding one, her foal and the other one, if he found him. With the money from "this here one" he could get two young +ones, twelve or fifteen years old. And maybe with the breeding one, her three pickaninnies and whatever the foal might +be, he and his nephews would have seven niggers and Sweet Home would be worth the trouble it was causing him. +"Look to you like Lillian gonna make it?" +"Touch and go. Touch and go." +"You was married to her sister-in-law, wasn't you?" +"I was." +"She frail too?" +"A bit. Fever took her." +129 +"Well, you don't need to stay no widower in these parts." +"My cogitation right now is Sweet Home." +"Can't say as I blame you. That's some spread." +They put a three-spoke collar on him so he can't lie down and they chain his ankles together. The number he heard with +his ear is now in his head. Two. Two? Two niggers lost? Paul D thinks his heart is jumping. They are going to look for +Halle, not Paul A. They must have found Paul A and if a whiteman finds you it means you are surely lost. +Schoolteacher looks at him for a long time before he closes the door of the cabin. Carefully, he looks. Paul D does not +look back. +It is sprinkling now. A teasing August rain that raises expectations it cannot fill. He thinks he should have sung along. +Loud something loud and rolling to go with Sixo's tune, but the words put him off-- he didn't understand the words. +Although it shouldn't have mattered because he understood the sound: hatred so loose it was juba. +The warm sprinkle comes and goes, comes and goes. He thinks he hears sobbing that seems to come from Mrs. Garner's +window, but it could be anything, anyone, even a she-cat making her yearning known. Tired of holding his head up, he +lets his chin rest on the collar and speculates on how he can hobble over to the grate, boil a little water and throw in a +handful of meal. That's what he is doing when Sethe comes in, rain-wet and big-bellied, saying she is going to cut. She +has just come back from taking her children to the corn. +The whites were not around. She couldn't find Halle. Who was caught? Did Sixo get away? Paul A? +He tells her what he knows: Sixo is dead; the Thirty-Mile Woman ran, and he doesn't know what happened to Paul A or +Halle. "Where could he be?" she asks. +Paul D shrugs because he can't shake his head. +"You saw Sixo die? You sure?" +"I'm sure." +"Was he woke when it happened? Did he see it coming?" +"He was woke. Woke and laughing." +"Sixo laughed?" +"You should have heard him, Sethe." +Sethe's dress steams before the little fire over which he is boiling water. It is hard to move about with shackled ankles +and the neck jewelry embarrasses him. In his shame he avoids her eyes, but when he doesn't he sees only black in them- +-no whites. She says she is going, and he thinks she will never make it to the gate, but he doesn't dissuade her. He knows +he will never see her again, and right then and there his heart stopped. +The pupils must have taken her to the barn for sport right afterward, and when she told Mrs. Garner, they took down +the cowhide. +Who in hell or on this earth would have thought that she would cut anyway? They must have believed, what with her +belly and her back, that she wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't surprised to learn +that they had tracked her down in Cincinnati, because, when he thought about it now, her price was greater than his; +property that reproduced itself without cost. +Remembering his own price, down to the cent, that schoolteacher was able to get for him, he wondered what Sethe's +130 +would have been. +What had Baby Suggs' been? How much did Halle owe, still, besides his labor? What did Mrs. Garner get for Paul F? +More than nine hundred dollars? How much more? Ten dollars? Twenty? Schoolteacher would know. He knew the +worth of everything. It accounted for the real sorrow in his voice when he pronounced Sixo unsuitable. +Who could be fooled into buying a singing nigger with a gun? Shouting Seven-O! Seven-O! because his Thirty-Mile +Woman got away with his blossoming seed. What a laugh. So rippling and full of glee it put out the fire. And it was Sixo's +laughter that was on his mind, not the bit in his mouth, when they hitched him to the buckboard. +Then he saw Halle, then the rooster, smiling as if to say, You ain't seen nothing yet. How could a rooster know about +Alfred, Georgia? +Chapter 25 +"HOWDY." +Stamp Paid was still fingering the ribbon and it made a little motion in his pants pocket. +Paul D looked up, noticed the side pocket agitation and snorted. +"I can't read. You got any more newspaper for me, just a waste of time." +Stamp withdrew the ribbon and sat down on the steps. +"No. This here's something else." He stroked the red cloth between forefinger and thumb. "Something else." +Paul D didn't say anything so the two men sat in silence for a few moments. +"This is hard for me," said Stamp. "But I got to do it. Two things I got to say to you. I'm a take the easy one first." +Paul D chuckled. "If it's hard for you, might kill me dead." +"No, no. Nothing like that. I come looking for you to ask your pardon. Apologize." +"For what?" Paul D reached in his coat pocket for his bottle. +"You pick any house, any house where colored live. In all of Cincinnati. Pick any one and you welcome to stay there. I'm +apologizing because they didn't offer or tell you. But you welcome anywhere you want to be. My house is your house +too. John and Ella, Miss Lady, Able Woodruff, Willie Pike-- +anybody. You choose. You ain't got to sleep in no cellar, and I apologize for each and every night you did. I don't know +how that preacher let you do it. I knowed him since he was a boy." +"Whoa, Stamp. He offered." +"Did? Well?" +"Well. I wanted, I didn't want to, I just wanted to be off by myself a spell. He offered. Every time I see him he offers +again." +"That's a load off. I thought everybody gone crazy." +Paul D shook his head. "Just me." +"You planning to do anything about it?" +131 +"Oh, yeah. I got big plans." He swallowed twice from the bottle. +Any planning in a bottle is short, thought Stamp, but he knew from personal experience the pointlessness of telling a +drinking man not to. He cleared his sinuses and began to think how to get to the second thing he had come to say. Very +few people were out today. +The canal was frozen so that traffic too had stopped. They heard the dop of a horse approaching. Its rider sat a high +Eastern saddle but everything else about him was Ohio Valley. As he rode by he looked at them and suddenly reined his +horse, and came up to the path leading to the church. He leaned forward. +"Hey," he said. +Stamp put his ribbon in his pocket. "Yes, sir?" +"I'm looking for a gal name of Judy. Works over by the slaughterhouse." +"Don't believe I know her. No, sir." +"Said she lived on Plank Road." +"Plank Road. Yes, sir. That's up a ways. Mile, maybe." +"You don't know her? Judy. Works in the slaughterhouse." +"No, sir, but I know Plank Road. 'Bout a mile up thataway." +Paul D lifted his bottle and swallowed. The rider looked at him and then back at Stamp Paid. Loosening the right rein, he +turned his horse toward the road, then changed his mind and came back. +"Look here," he said to Paul D. "There's a cross up there, so I guess this here's a church or used to be. Seems to me like +you ought to show it some respect, you follow me?" +"Yes, sir," said Stamp. "You right about that. That's just what I come over to talk to him about. Just that." +The rider clicked his tongue and trotted off. Stamp made small circles in the palm of his left hand with two fingers of his +right. "You got to choose," he said. "Choose anyone. They let you be if you want em to. My house. Ella. Willie Pike. None +of us got much, but all of us got room for one more. Pay a little something when you can, don't when you can't. Think +about it. You grown. I can't make you do what you won't, but think about it." +Paul D said nothing. +"If I did you harm, I'm here to rectify it." +"No need for that. No need at all." +A woman with four children walked by on the other side of the road. She waved, smiling. "Hoo-oo. I can't stop. See you +at meeting." +"I be there," Stamp returned her greeting. "There's another one," he said to Paul D. "Scripture Woodruff, Able's sister. +Works at the brush and tallow factory. You'll see. Stay around here long enough, you'll see ain't a sweeter bunch +of colored anywhere than what's right here. Pride, well, that bothers em a bit. They can get messy when they think +somebody's too proud, but when it comes right down to it, they good people and anyone will take you in." +"What about Judy? She take me in?" +"Depends. What you got in mind?" +"You know Judy?" +132 +"Judith. I know everybody." +"Out on Plank Road?" +"Everybody." +"Well? She take me in?" +Stamp leaned down and untied his shoe. Twelve black buttonhooks, six on each side at the bottom, led to four pairs +of eyes at the top. He loosened the laces all the way down, adjusted the tongue carefully and wound them back again. +When he got to the eyes he rolled the lace tips with his fingers before inserting them. +"Let me tell you how I got my name." The knot was tight and so was the bow. "They called me Joshua," he said. "I +renamed myself," he said, "and I'm going to tell you why I did it," and he told him about Vashti. "I never touched her all +that time. Not once. +Almost a year. We was planting when it started and picking when it stopped. Seemed longer. I should have killed him. +She said no, but I should have. I didn't have the patience I got now, but I figured maybe somebody else didn't have much +patience either--his own wife. Took it in my head to see if she was taking it any better than I was. Vashti and me was +in the fields together in the day and every now and then she be gone all night. I never touched her and damn me if I +spoke three words to her a day. I took any chance I had to get near the great house to see her, the young master's wife. +Nothing but a boy. Seventeen, twenty maybe. I caught sight of her finally, standing in the backyard by the fence with a +glass of water. She was drinking out of it and just gazing out over the yard. I went over. +Stood back a ways and took off my hat. I said, 'Scuse me, miss. Scuse me?' She turned to look. I'm smiling. 'Scuse me. +You seen Vashti? +My wife Vashti?' A little bitty thing, she was. Black hair. Face no bigger than my hand. She said, "What? Vashti?' I +say, 'Yes'm, Vashti. +My wife. She say she owe you all some eggs. You know if she brung em? You know her if you see her. Wear a black +ribbon on her neck.' +She got rosy then and I knowed she knowed. He give Vashti that to wear. A cameo on a black ribbon. She used to put it +on every time she went to him. I put my hat back on. 'You see her tell her I need her. Thank you. Thank you, ma'am.' I +backed off before she could say something. I didn't dare look back till I got behind some trees. +She was standing just as I left her, looking in her water glass. I thought it would give me more satisfaction than it did. I +also thought she might stop it, but it went right on. Till one morning Vashti came in and sat by the window. A Sunday. +We worked our own patches on Sunday. She sat by the window looking out of it. 'I'm back,' she said. +'I'm back, Josh.' I looked at the back of her neck. She had a real small neck. I decided to break it. You know, like a twig-- +just snap it. I been low but that was as low as I ever got." +"Did you? Snap it?" +"Uh uh. I changed my name." +"How you get out of there? How you get up here?" +"Boat. On up the Mississippi to Memphis. Walked from Memphis to Cumberland." +"Vashti too?" +"No. She died." +"Aw, man. Tie your other shoe!" +133 +"What?" +"Tie your goddamn shoe! It's sitting right in front of you! +Tie it!" +"That make you feel better?" +"No." Paul D tossed the bottle on the ground and stared at the golden chariot on its label. No horses. Just a golden coach +draped in blue cloth. +"I said I had two things to say to you. I only told you one. I have to tell you the other." +"I don't want to know it. I don't want to know nothing. Just if Judy will take me in or won't she." +"I was there, Paul D." +"You was where?" +"There in the yard. When she did it." +"Judy?" +"Sethe." +"Jesus." +"It ain't what you think." +"You don't know what I think." +"She ain't crazy. She love those children. She was trying to out hurt the hurter." +"Leave off." +"And spread it." +"Stamp, let me off. I knew her when she was a girl. She scares me and I knew her when she was a girl." +"You ain't scared of Sethe. I don't believe you." +"Sethe scares me. I scare me. And that girl in her house scares me the most." +"Who is that girl? Where she come from?" +"I don't know. Just shot up one day sitting on a stump." +"Huh. Look like you and me the only ones outside 124 lay eyes on her." +"She don't go nowhere. Where'd you see her?" +"Sleeping on the kitchen floor. I peeped in." +"First minute I saw her I didn't want to be nowhere around her. +Something funny about her. Talks funny. Acts funny." Paul D dug his fingers underneath his cap and rubbed the scalp +over his temple. +"She reminds me of something. Something, look like, I'm supposed to remember." +134 +"She never say where she was from? Where's her people?" +"She don't know, or says she don't. All I ever heard her say was something about stealing her clothes and living on a +bridge." +"What kind of bridge?" +"Who you asking?" +"No bridges around here I don't know about. But don't nobody live on em. Under em neither. How long she been over +there with Sethe?" +"Last August. Day of the carnival." +"That's a bad sign. Was she at the carnival?" +"No. When we got back, there she was--'sleep on a stump. Silk dress. Brand-new shoes. Black as oil." +"You don't say? Huh. Was a girl locked up in the house with a whiteman over by Deer Creek. Found him dead last +summer and the girl gone. Maybe that's her. Folks say he had her in there since she was a pup." +"Well, now she's a bitch." +"Is she what run you off? Not what I told you 'bout Sethe?" +A shudder ran through Paul D. A bone-cold spasm that made him clutch his knees. He didn't know if it was bad whiskey, +nights in the cellar, pig fever, iron bits, smiling roosters, fired feet, laughing dead men, hissing grass, rain, apple +blossoms, neck jewelry, Judy in the slaughterhouse, Halle in the butter, ghost-white stairs, chokecherry trees, cameo +pins, aspens, Paul A's face, sausage or the loss of a red, red heart. +"Tell me something, Stamp." Paul D's eyes were rheumy. "Tell me this one thing. How much is a nigger supposed to +take? Tell me. +How much?" +"All he can," said Stamp Paid. "All he can." +"why? Why? Why? Why? Why?" +Book Three +Chapter 26 +124 WAS QUIET. Denver, who thought she knew all about silence, was surprised to learn hunger could do that: quiet +you down and wear you out. Neither Sethe nor Beloved knew or cared about it one way or another. They were too busy +rationing their strength to fight each other. So it was she who had to step off the edge of the world and die because if +she didn't, they all would. The flesh between her mother's forefinger and thumb was thin as china silk and there wasn't +a piece of clothing in the house that didn't sag on her. Beloved held her head up with the palms of her hands, slept +wherever she happened to be, and whined for sweets although she was getting bigger, plumper by the day. Everything +was gone except two laying hens, and somebody would soon have to decide whether an egg every now and then was +135 +worth more than two fried chickens. The hungrier they got, the weaker; the weaker they got, the quieter they were-- +which was better than the furious arguments, the poker slammed up against the wall, all the shouting and crying that +followed that one happy January when they played. Denver had joined in the play, holding back a bit out of habit, even +though it was the most fun she had ever known. +But once Sethe had seen the scar, the tip of which Denver had been looking at whenever Beloved undressed--the little +curved shadow of a smile in the kootchy-kootchy-coo place under her chin--once Sethe saw it, fingered it and closed +her eyes for a long time, the two of them cut Denver out of the games. The cooking games, the sewing games, the hair +and dressing-up games. Games her mother loved so well she took to going to work later and later each day until the +predictable happened: Sawyer told her not to come back. And instead of looking for another job, Sethe played all the +harder with Beloved, who never got enough of anything: lullabies, new stitches, the bottom of the cake bowl, the top +of the milk. If the hen had only two eggs, she got both. It was as though her mother had lost her mind, like Grandma +Baby calling for pink and not doing the things she used to. But different because, unlike Baby Suggs, she cut Denver out +completely. Even the song that she used to sing to Denver she sang for Beloved alone: "High Johnny, wide Johnny, don't +you leave my side, Johnny." +At first they played together. A whole month and Denver loved it. From the night they ice-skated under a star-loaded +sky and drank sweet milk by the stove, to the string puzzles Sethe did for them in afternoon light, and shadow pictures +in the gloaming. In the very teeth of winter and Sethe, her eyes fever bright, was plotting a garden of vegetables and +flowers--talking, talking about what colors it would have. She played with Beloved's hair, braiding, puffing, tying, oiling it +until it made Denver nervous to watch her They changed beds and exchanged clothes. Walked arm in arm and smiled all +the time. +When the weather broke, they were on their knees in the backyard designing a garden in dirt too hard to chop. The +thirty-eight dollars of life savings went to feed themselves with fancy food and decorate themselves with ribbon and +dress goods, which Sethe cut and sewed like they were going somewhere in a hurry. Bright clothes--with blue stripes +and sassy prints. She walked the four miles to John Shillito's to buy yellow ribbon, shiny buttons and bits of black lace. +By the end of March the three of them looked like carnival women with nothing to do. When it became clear that they +were only interested in each other, Denver began to drift from the play, but she watched it, alert for any sign that +Beloved was in danger. Finally convinced there was none, and seeing her mother that happy, that smiling--how could it +go wrong?--she let down her guard and it did. Her problem at first was trying to find out who was to blame. Her eye was +on her mother, for a signal that the thing that was in her was out, and she would kill again. But it was Beloved who made +demands. +Anything she wanted she got, and when Sethe ran out of things to give her, Beloved invented desire. She wanted +Sethe's company for hours to watch the layer of brown leaves waving at them from the bottom of the creek, in the same +place where, as a little girl, Denver played in the silence with her. Now the players were altered. As soon as the thaw +was complete Beloved gazed at her gazing face, rippling, folding, spreading, disappearing into the leaves below. She +flattened herself on the ground, dirtying her bold stripes, and touched the rocking faces with her own. She filled basket +after basket with the first things warmer weather let loose in the ground--dandelions, violets, forsythia--presenting +them to Sethe, who arranged them, stuck them, wound them all over the house. Dressed in Sethe's dresses, she stroked +her skin with the palm of her hand. She imitated Sethe, talked the way she did, laughed her laugh and used her body +the same way down to the walk, the way Sethe moved her hands, sighed through her nose, held her head. Sometimes +coming upon them making men and women cookies or tacking scraps of cloth on Baby Suggs' old quilt, it was difficult for +Denver to tell who was who. +Then the mood changed and the arguments began. Slowly at first. +A complaint from Beloved, an apology from Sethe. A reduction of pleasure at some special effort the older woman +made. Wasn't it too cold to stay outside? Beloved gave a look that said, So what? Was it past bedtime, the light no good +for sewing? Beloved didn't move; said, "Do it," and Sethe complied. She took the best of everything--first. The best chair, +the biggest piece, the prettiest plate, the brightest ribbon for her hair, and the more she took, the more Sethe began +to talk, explain, describe how much she had suffered, been through, for her children, waving away flies in grape arbors, +crawling on her knees to a lean-to. None of which made the impression it was supposed to. Beloved accused her of +136 +leaving her behind. Of not being nice to her, not smiling at her. She said they were the same, had the same face, how +could she have left her? And Sethe cried, saying she never did, or meant to---that she had to get them out, away, that +she had the milk all the time and had the money too for the stone but not enough. That her plan was always that they +would all be together on the other side, forever. Beloved wasn't interested. She said when she cried there was no one. +That dead men lay on top of her. That she had nothing to eat. Ghosts without skin stuck their fingers in her and said +beloved in the dark and bitch in the light. Sethe pleaded for forgiveness, counting, listing again and again her reasons: +that Beloved was more important, meant more to her than her own life. +That she would trade places any day. Give up her life, every minute and hour of it, to take back just one of Beloved's +tears. Did she know it hurt her when mosquitoes bit her baby? That to leave her on the ground to run into the big house +drove her crazy? That before leaving Sweet Home Beloved slept every night on her chest or curled on her back? Beloved +denied it. Sethe never came to her, never said a word to her, never smiled and worst of all never waved goodbye or +even looked her way before running away from her. +When once or twice Sethe tried to assert herself--be the unquestioned mother whose word was law and who knew +what was best--Beloved slammed things, wiped the table clean of plates, threw salt on the floor, broke a windowpane. +She was not like them. She was wild game, and nobody said, Get on out of here, girl, and come back when you get some +sense. Nobody said, You raise your hand to me and I will knock you into the middle of next week. Ax the trunk, the limb +will die. Honor thy mother and father that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. I will +wrap you round that doorknob, don't nobody work for you and God don't love ugly ways. +No, no. They mended the plates, swept the salt, and little by little it dawned on Denver that if Sethe didn't wake up +one morning and pick up a knife, Beloved might. Frightened as she was by the thing in Sethe that could come out, it +shamed her to see her mother serving a girl not much older than herself. When she saw her carrying out Beloved's night +bucket, Denver raced to relieve her of it. But the pain was unbearable when they ran low on food, and Denver watched +her mother go without--pick-eating around the edges of the table and stove: the hominy that stuck on the bottom; the +crusts and rinds and peelings of things. Once she saw her run her longest finger deep in an empty jam jar before rinsing +and putting it away. +They grew tired, and even Beloved, who was getting bigger, seemed nevertheless as exhausted as they were. In any case +she substituted a snarl or a tooth-suck for waving a poker around and 124 was quiet. +Listless and sleepy with hunger Denver saw the flesh between her mother's forefinger and thumb fade. Saw Sethe's eyes +bright but dead, alert but vacant, paying attention to everything about Beloved--her lineless palms, her forehead, the +smile under her jaw, crooked and much too long--everything except her basket-fat stomach. She also saw the sleeves +of her own carnival shirtwaist cover her fingers; hems that once showed her ankles now swept the floor. She saw +themselves beribboned, decked-out, limp and starving but locked in a love that wore everybody out. Then Sethe spit up +something she had not eaten and it rocked Denver like gunshot. The job she started out with, protecting Beloved from +Sethe, changed to protecting her mother from Beloved. Now it was obvious that her mother could die and leave them +both and what would Beloved do then? Whatever was happening, it only worked with three--not two--and since neither +Beloved nor Sethe seemed to care what the next day might bring (Sethe happy when Beloved was; Beloved lapping +devotion like cream), Denver knew it was on her. She would have to leave the yard; step off the edge of the world, leave +the two behind and go ask somebody for help. +Who would it be? Who could she stand in front of who wouldn't shame her on learning that her mother sat around like a +rag doll, broke down, finally, from trying to take care of and make up for. +Denver knew about several people, from hearing her mother and grandmother talk. But she knew, personally, only two: +an old man with white hair called Stamp and Lady Jones. Well, Paul D, of course. +And that boy who told her about Sethe. But they wouldn't do at all. +Her heart kicked and an itchy burning in her throat made her swallow all her saliva away. She didn't even know which +way to go. When Sethe used to work at the restaurant and when she still had money to shop, she turned right. Back +137 +when Denver went to Lady Jones' school, it was left. +The weather was warm; the day beautiful. It was April and everything alive was tentative. Denver wrapped her hair and +her shoulders. +In the brightest of the carnival dresses and wearing a stranger's shoes, she stood on the porch of 124 ready to be +swallowed up in the world beyond the edge of the porch. Out there where small things scratched and sometimes +touched. Where words could be spoken that would close your ears shut. Where, if you were alone, feeling could +overtake you and stick to you like a shadow. Out there where there were places in which things so bad had happened +that when you went near them it would happen again. Like Sweet Home where time didn't pass and where, like her +mother said, the bad was waiting for her as well. How would she know these places? What was more--much more- +--out there were whitepeople and how could you tell about them? Sethe said the mouth and sometimes the hands. +Grandma Baby said there was no defense--they could prowl at will, change from one mind to another, and even when +they thought they were behaving, it was a far cry from what real humans did. +"They got me out of jail," Sethe once told Baby Suggs. +"They also put you in it," she answered. +"They drove you 'cross the river." +"On my son's back." +"They gave you this house." +"Nobody gave me nothing." +"I got a job from them." +"He got a cook from them, girl." +"Oh, some of them do all right by us." +"And every time it's a surprise, ain't it?" +"You didn't used to talk this way." +"Don't box with me. There's more of us they drowned than there is all of them ever lived from the start of time. Lay +down your sword. +This ain't a battle; it's a rout." +Remembering those conversations and her grandmother's last and final words, Denver stood on the porch in the sun +and couldn't leave it. Her throat itched; her heart kicked--and then Baby Suggs laughed, clear as anything. "You mean I +never told you nothing about Carolina? +About your daddy? You don't remember nothing about how come I walk the way I do and about your mother's feet, not +to speak of her back? I never told you all that? Is that why you can't walk down the steps? My Jesus my." +But you said there was no defense. +"There ain't." +Then what do I do? +"Know it, and go on out the yard. Go on." +* * * +138 +It came back. A dozen years had passed and the way came back. +Four houses on the right, sitting close together in a line like wrens. +The first house had two steps and a rocking chair on the porch; the second had three steps, a broom propped on the +porch beam, two broken chairs and a clump of forsythia at the side. No window at the front. A little boy sat on the +ground chewing a stick. The third house had yellow shutters on its two front windows and pot after pot of green leaves +with white hearts or red. Denver could hear chickens and the knock of a badly hinged gate. At the fourth house the +buds of a sycamore tree had rained down on the roof and made the yard look as though grass grew there. A woman, +standing at the open door, lifted her hand halfway in greeting, then froze it near her shoulder as she leaned forward to +see whom she waved to. Denver lowered her head. Next was a tiny fenced plot with a cow in it. She remembered the +plot but not the cow. Under her headcloth her scalp was wet with tension. Beyond her, voices, male voices, floated, +coming closer with each step she took. Denver kept her eyes on the road in case they were whitemen; in case she was +walking where they wanted to; in case they said something and she would have to answer them. Suppose they flung out +at her, grabbed her, tied her. They were getting closer. Maybe she should cross the road--now. Was the woman who half +waved at her still there in the open door? Would she come to her rescue, or, angry at Denver for not waving back, would +she +withhold her help? Maybe she should turn around, get closer to the waving woman's house. Before she could make up +her mind, it was too late--they were right in front of her. Two men, Negro. Denver breathed. Both men touched their +caps and murmured, "Morning. Morning." Denver believed her eyes spoke gratitude but she never got her mouth open +in time to reply. They moved left of her and passed on. +Braced and heartened by that easy encounter, she picked up speed and began to look deliberately at the neighborhood +surrounding her. +She was shocked to see how small the big things were: the boulder by the edge of the road she once couldn't see over +was a sitting-on rock. Paths leading to houses weren't miles long. Dogs didn't even reach her knees. Letters cut into +beeches and oaks by giants were eye level now. +She would have known it anywhere. The post and scrap-lumber fence was gray now, not white, but she would have +known it anywhere. +The stone porch sitting in a skirt of ivy, pale yellow curtains at the windows; the laid brick path to the front door and +wood planks leading around to the back, passing under the windows where she had stood on tiptoe to see above the sill. +Denver was about to do it again, when she realized how silly it would be to be found once more staring into the parlor +of Mrs. Lady Jones. The pleasure she felt at having found the house dissolved, suddenly, in doubt. Suppose she didn't +live there anymore? Or remember her former student after all this time? What would she say? Denver shivered inside, +wiped the perspiration from her forehead and knocked. +Lady Jones went to the door expecting raisins. A child, probably, from the softness of the knock, sent by its mother with +the raisins she needed if her contribution to the supper was to be worth the trouble. There would be any number of +plain cakes, potato pies. She had reluctantly volunteered her own special creation, but said she didn't have raisins, so +raisins is what the president said would be provided--early enough so there would be no excuses. Mrs. Jones, dreading +the fatigue of beating batter, had been hoping she had forgotten. Her bake oven had been cold all week--getting +it to the right temperature would be awful. Since her husband died and her eyes grew dim, she had let up-to-snuff +housekeeping fall away. She was of two minds about baking something for the church. On the one hand, she wanted to +remind everybody of what she was able to do in the cooking line; on the other, she didn't want to have to. +When she heard the tapping at the door, she sighed and went to it hoping the raisins had at least been cleaned. +She was older, of course, and dressed like a chippy, but the girl was immediately recognizable to Lady Jones. Everybody's +child was in that face: the nickel-round eyes, bold yet mistrustful; the large powerful teeth between dark sculptured lips +that did not cover them. +139 +Some vulnerability lay across the bridge of the nose, above the cheeks. +And then the skin. Flawless, economical--just enough of it to cover the bone and not a bit more. She must be eighteen or +nineteen by now, thought Lady Jones, looking at the face young enough to be twelve. Heavy eyebrows, thick baby lashes +and the unmistakable love call that shimmered around children until they learned better. +"Why, Denver," she said. "Look at you." +Lady Jones had to take her by the hand and pull her in, because the smile seemed all the girl could manage. Other +people said this child was simple, but Lady Jones never believed it. Having taught her, watched her eat up a page, a rule, +a figure, she knew better. +When suddenly she had stopped coming, Lady Jones thought it was the nickel. She approached the ignorant +grandmother one day on the road, a woods preacher who mended shoes, to tell her it was all right if the money was +owed. The woman said that wasn't it; the child was deaf, and deaf Lady Jones thought she still was until she offered her +a seat and Denver heard that. +"It's nice of you to come see me. What brings you?" +Denver didn't answer. +"Well, nobody needs a reason to visit. Let me make us some tea." +Lady Jones was mixed. Gray eyes and yellow woolly hair, every strand of which she hated--though whether it was the +color or the texture even she didn't know. She had married the blackest man she could find, had five rainbow-colored +children and sent them all to Wilberforce, after teaching them all she knew right along with the others who sat in her +parlor. Her light skin got her picked for a coloredgirls', normal school in Pennsylvania and she paid it back by teaching +the unpicked. The children who played in dirt until they were old enough for chores, these she taught. The colored +population of Cincinnati had two graveyards and six churches, but since no school or hospital was obliged to serve them, +they learned and died at home. She believed in her heart that, except for her husband, the whole world (including her +children) despised her and her hair. She had been listening to "all that yellow gone to waste" and "white nigger" since +she was a girl in a houseful of silt-black children, so she disliked everybody a little bit because she believed they hated +her hair as much as she did. With that education pat and firmly set, she dispensed with rancor, was indiscriminately +polite, saving her real affection for the unpicked children of Cincinnati, one of whom sat before her in a dress so loud it +embarrassed the needlepoint chair seat. +"Sugar?" +"Yes. Thank you." Denver drank it all down. +"More?" +"No, ma'am." +"Here. Go ahead." +"Yes, ma'am." +"How's your family, honey?" +Denver stopped in the middle of a swallow. There was no way to tell her how her family was, so she said what was at the +top of her mind. +"I want work, Miss Lady." +"Work?" +140 +"Yes, ma'am. Anything." +Lady Jones smiled. "What can you do?" +"I can't do anything, but I would learn it for you if you have a little extra." +"Extra?" +"Food. My ma'am, she doesn't feel good." +"Oh, baby," said Mrs. Jones. "Oh, baby." +Denver looked up at her. She did not know it then, but it was the word "baby," said softly and with such kindness, +that inaugurated her life in the world as a woman. The trail she followed to get to that sweet thorny place was made +up of paper scraps containing the handwritten names of others. Lady Jones gave her some rice, four eggs and some +tea. Denver said she couldn't be away from home long because of her mother's condition. Could she do chores in the +morning? Lady Jones told her that no one, not herself, not anyone she knew, could pay anybody anything for work they +did themselves. +"But if you all need to eat until your mother is well, all you have to do is say so." She mentioned her church's committee +invented so nobody had to go hungry. That agitated her guest who said, "No, no," as though asking for help from +strangers was worse than hunger. +Lady Jones said goodbye to her and asked her to come back anytime. +"Anytime at all." +Two days later Denver stood on the porch and noticed something lying on the tree stump at the edge of the yard. She +went to look and found a sack of white beans. Another time a plate of cold rabbit meat. One morning a basket of eggs +sat there. As she lifted it, a slip of paper fluttered down. She picked it up and looked at it. +"M. Lucille Williams" was written in big crooked letters. On the back was a blob of flour-water paste. So Denver paid a +second visit to the world outside the porch, although all she said when she returned the basket was "Thank you." +"Welcome," said M. Lucille Williams. +Every now and then, all through the spring, names appeared near or in gifts of food. Obviously for the return of the pan +or plate or basket; but also to let the girl know, if she cared to, who the donor was, because some of the parcels were +wrapped in paper, and though there was nothing to return, the name was nevertheless there. Many had X's with designs +about them, and Lady Jones tried to identify the plate or pan or the covering towel. When she could only guess, Denver +followed her directions and went to say thank you anywaym whether she had the right benefactor or not. When she was +wrong, when the person said, "No, darling. That's not my bowl. Mine's got a blue ring on it," a small conversation took +place. All of them knew her grandmother and some had even danced with her in the Clearing. +Others remembered the days when 124 was a way station, the place they assembled to catch news, taste oxtail soup, +leave their children, cut out a skirt. One remembered the tonic mixed there that cured a relative. One showed her the +border of a pillowslip, the stamens of its pale blue flowers French-knotted in Baby Suggs' kitchen by the light of an oil +lamp while arguing the Settlement Fee. They remembered the party with twelve turkeys and tubs of strawberry smash. +One said she wrapped Denver when she was a single day old and cut shoes to fit her mother's blasted feet. Maybe they +were sorry for her. Or for Sethe. Maybe they were sorry for the years of their own disdain. Maybe they were simply +nice people who could hold meanness toward each other for just so long and when trouble rode bareback among them, +quickly, easily they did what they could to trip him up. In any case, the personal pride, the arrogant claim staked out +at 124 seemed to them to have run its course. They whispered, naturally, wondered, shook their heads. Some even +laughed outright at Denver's clothes of a hussy, but it didn't stop them caring whether she ate and it didn't stop the +pleasure they took in her soft "Thank you." +141 +At least once a week, she visited Lady Jones, who perked up enough to do a raisin loaf especially for her, since Denver +was set on sweet things. She gave her a book of Bible verse and listened while she mumbled words or fairly shouted +them. By June Denver had read and memorized all fifty-two pages--one for each week of the year. +As Denver's outside life improved, her home life deteriorated. If the whitepeople of Cincinnati had allowed Negroes into +their lunatic asylum they could have found candidates in 124. Strengthened by the gifts of food, the source of which +neither Sethe nor Beloved questioned, the women had arrived at a doomsday truce designed by the devil. Beloved sat +around, ate, went from bed to bed. Sometimes she screamed, "Rain! Rain!" and clawed her throat until rubies of blood +opened there, made brighter by her midnight skin. Then Sethe shouted, "No!" and knocked over chairs to get to her and +wipe the jewels away. Other times Beloved curled up on the floor, her wrists between her knees, and stayed there for +hours. Or she would go to the creek, stick her feet in the water and whoosh it up her legs. +Afrerward she would go to Sethe, run her fingers over the woman's teeth while tears slid from her wide black eyes. Then +it seemed to Denver the thing was done: Beloved bending over Sethe looked the mother, Sethe the teething child, for +other than those times when Beloved needed her, Sethe confined herself to a corner chair. The bigger Beloved got, the +smaller Sethe became; the brighter +Beloved's eyes, the more those eyes that used never to look away became slits of sleeplessness. Sethe no longer +combed her hair or splashed her face with water. She sat in the chair licking her lips like a chastised child while Beloved +ate up her life, took it, swelled up with it, grew taller on it. And the older woman yielded it up without a murmur. +Denver served them both. Washing, cooking, forcing, cajoling her mother to eat a little now and then, providing sweet +things for Beloved as often as she could to calm her down. It was hard to know what she would do from minute to +minute. When the heat got hot, she might walk around the house naked or wrapped in a sheet, her belly protruding like +a winning watermelon. +Denver thought she understood the connection between her mother and Beloved: Sethe was trying to make up for +the handsaw; Beloved was making her pay for it. But there would never be an end to that, and seeing her mother +diminished shamed and infuriated her. Yet she knew Sethe's greatest fear was the same one Denver had in the +beginning--that Beloved might leave. That before Sethe could make her understand what it meant--what it took to drag +the teeth of that saw under the little chin; to feel the baby blood pump like oil in her hands; to hold her face so her head +would stay on; to squeeze her so she could absorb, still, the death spasms that shot through that adored body, plump +and sweet with life--Beloved might leave. Leave before Sethe could make her realize that worse than that--far worse- +- was what Baby Suggs died of, what Ella knew, what Stamp saw and what made Paul D tremble. That anybody white +could take your whole self for anything that came to mind. Not just work, kill, or maim you, but dirty you. Dirty you so +bad you couldn't like yourself anymore. Dirty you so bad you forgot who you were and couldn't think it up. And though +she and others lived through and got over it, she could never let it happen to her own. The best thing she was, was her +children. Whites might dirty bet all right, but not her best thing, her beautiful, magical best thing--the part of her that +was cl ean. No undreamable dreams about whether the headless, feetless torso hanging in the tree with a sign on it was +her husband or Paul A; whether the bubbling-hot girls in the colored-school fire set by patriots included her daughter; +whether a gang of whites invaded her daughter's private parts, soiled her daughter's thighs and threw her daughter out +of the wagon. She might have to work the slaughterhouse yard, but not her daughter. +And no one, nobody on this earth, would list her daughter's characteristics on the animal side of the paper. No. Oh no. +Maybe Baby Suggs could worry about it, live with the likelihood of it; Sethe had refused--and refused still. +This and much more Denver heard her say from her corner chair, trying to persuade Beloved, the one and only person +she felt she had to convince, that what she had done was right because it came from true love. +Beloved, her fat new feet propped on the seat of a chair in front of the one she sat in, her unlined hands resting on +her stomach, looked at her. Uncomprehending everything except that Sethe was the woman who took her face away, +leaving her crouching in a dark, dark place, forgetting to smile. +Her father's daughter after all, Denver decided to do the necessary. +142 +Decided to stop relying on kindness to leave something on the stump. She would hire herself out somewhere, and +although she was afraid to leave Sethe and Beloved alone all day not knowing what calamity either one of them would +create, she came to realize that her presence in that house had no influence on what either woman did. She kept them +alive and they ignored her. Growled when they chose; sulked, explained, demanded, strutted, cowered, cried and +provoked each other to the edge of violence, then over. She had begun to notice that even when Beloved was quiet, +dreamy, minding her own business, Sethe got her going again. Whispering, muttering some justification, some bit of +clarifying information to Beloved to explain what it had been like, and why, and how come. It was as though Sethe didn't +really want forgiveness given; she wanted it refused. And Beloved helped her out. +Somebody had to be saved, but unless Denver got work, there would be no one to save, no one to come home to, and +no Denver either. It was a new thought, having a self to look out for and preserve. +And it might not have occurred to her if she hadn't met Nelson Lord leaving his grandmother's house as Denver entered +it to pay a thank you for half a pie. All he did was smile and say, "Take care of yourself, Denver," but she heard it as +though it were what language was made for. The last time he spoke to her his words blocked up her ears. +Now they opened her mind. Weeding the garden, pulling vegetables, cooking, washing, she plotted what to do and how. +The Bodwins were most likely to help since they had done it twice. Once for Baby Suggs and once for her mother. Why +not the third generation as well? +She got lost so many times in the streets of Cincinnati it was noon before she arrived, though she started out at sunrise. +The house sat back from the sidewalk with large windows looking out on a noisy, busy street. The Negro woman who +answered the front door said, "Yes?" +"May I come in?" +"What you want?" +"I want to see Mr. and Mrs. Bodwin." +"Miss Bodwin. They brother and sister." +"Oh." +"What you want em for?" +"I'm looking for work. I was thinking they might know of some." +"You Baby Suggs' kin, ain't you?" +"Yes, ma'am." +"Come on in. You letting in flies." She led Denver toward the kitchen, saying, "First thing you have to know is what door +to knock on." But Denver only half heard her because she was stepping on something soft and blue. All around her was +thick, soft and blue. +Glass cases crammed full of glistening things. Books on tables and shelves. Pearl-white lamps with shiny metal bottoms. +And a smell like the cologne she poured in the emerald house, only better. +"Sit down," the woman said. "You know my name?" +"No, ma'am." +"Janey. Janey Wagon." +"How do you do?" +143 +"Fairly. I heard your mother took sick, that so?" +"Yes, ma'am." +"Who's looking after her?" +"I am. But I have to find work." +Janey laughed. "You know what? I've been here since I was fourteen, and I remember like yesterday when Baby Suggs, +holy, came here and sat right there where you are. Whiteman brought her. That's how she got that house you all live in. +Other things, too." +"Yes, ma'am." +"What's the trouble with Sethe?" Janey leaned against an indoor sink and folded her arms. +It was a little thing to pay, but it seemed big to Denver. Nobody was going to help her unless she told it--told all of it. It +was clear Janey wouldn't and wouldn't let her see the Bodwins otherwise. So Denver told this stranger what she hadn't +told Lady Jones, in return for which Janey admitted the Bodwins needed help, although they didn't know it. She was +alone there, and now that her employers were getting older, she couldn't take care of them like she used to. +More and more she was required to sleep the night there. Maybe she could talk them into letting Denver do the night +shift, come right after supper, say, maybe get the breakfast. That way Denver could care for Sethe in the day and earn a +little something at night, how's that? +Denver had explained the girl in her house who plagued her mother as a cousin come to visit, who got sick too and +bothered them both. Janey seemed more interested in Sethe's condition, and from what Denver told her it seemed the +woman had lost her mind. +That wasn't the Sethe she remembered. This Sethe had lost her wits, finally, as Janey knew she would--trying to do it +all alone with her nose in the air. Denver squirmed under the criticism of her mother, shifting in the chair and keeping +her eyes on the inside sink. Janey Wagon went on about pride until she got to Baby Suggs, for whom she had nothing +but sweet words. "I never went to those woodland services she had, but she was always nice to me. Always. Never be +another like her." +"I miss her too," said Denver. +"Bet you do. Everybody miss her. That was a good woman." +Denver didn't say anything else and Janey looked at her face for a while. "Neither one of your brothers ever come back +to see how you all was?" +"No, ma'am." +"Ever hear from them?" +"No, ma'am. Nothing." +"Guess they had a rough time in that house. Tell me, this here woman in your house. The cousin. She got any lines in her +hands?" +"No," said Denver. +"Well," said Janey. "I guess there's a God after all." +The interview ended with Janey telling her to come back in a few days. She needed time to convince her employers what +they needed: night help because Janey's own family needed her. "I don't want to quit these people, but they can't have +144 +all my days and nights too." +What did Denver have to do at night? +"Be here. In case." +In case what? +Janey shrugged. "In case the house burn down." She smiled then. +"Or bad weather slop the roads so bad I can't get here early enough for them. Case late guests need serving or cleaning +up after. Anything. +Don't ask me what whitefolks need at night." +"They used to be good whitefolks." +"Oh, yeah. They good. Can't say they ain't good. I wouldn't trade them for another pair, tell you that." +With those assurances, Denver left, but not before she had seen, sitting on a shelf by the back door, a blackboy's mouth +full of money. +His head was thrown back farther than a head could go, his hands were shoved in his pockets. Bulging like moons, two +eyes were all the face he had above the gaping red mouth. His hair was a cluster of raised, widely spaced dots made of +nail heads. And he was on his knees. His mouth, wide as a cup, +held the coins needed to pay for a delivery or some other small service, but could just as well have held buttons, pins or +crab-apple jelly. Painted across the pedestal he knelt on were the words "At Yo Service." +The news that Janey got hold of she spread among the other coloredwomen. Sethe's dead daughter, the one whose +throat she cut, had come back to fix her. Sethe was worn down, speckled, dying, spinning, changing shapes and +generally bedeviled. That this daughter beat her, tied her to the bed and pulled out all her hair. It took them days to +get the story properly blown up and themselves agitated and then to calm down and assess the situation. They fell into +three groups: those that believed the worst; those that believed none of it; and those, like Ella, who thought it through. +"Ella. What's all this I'm hearing about Sethe?" +"Tell me it's in there with her. That's all I know." +"The daughter? The killed one?" +"That's what they tell me." +"How they know that's her?" +"It's sitting there. Sleeps, eats and raises hell. Whipping Sethe every day." +"I'll be. A baby?" +"No. Grown. The age it would have been had it lived." +"You talking about flesh?" +"I'm talking about flesh." +"whipping her?" +"Like she was batter." +145 +"Guess she had it coming." +"Nobody got that coming." +"But, Ella--" +"But nothing. What's fair ain't necessarily right." +"You can't just up and kill your children." +"No, and the children can't just up and kill the mama." +It was Ella more than anyone who convinced the others that rescue was in order. She was a practical woman who +believed there was a root either to chew or avoid for every ailment. Cogitation, as she called it, clouded things and +prevented action. Nobody loved her and she wouldn't have liked it if +they had, for she considered love a serious disability. Her puberty was spent in a house where she was shared by father +and son, whom she called "the lowest yet." It was "the lowest yet" who gave her a disgust for sex and against whom +she measured all atrocities. A killing, a kidnap, a rape--whatever, she listened and nodded. Nothing compared to "the +lowest yet." She understood Sethe's rage in the shed twenty years ago, but not her reaction to it, which Ella thought was +prideful, misdirected, and Sethe herself too complicated. When she got out of jail and made no gesture toward anybody, +and lived as though she were alone, Ella junked her and wouldn't give her the time of day. +The daughter, however, appeared to have some sense after all. +At least she had stepped out the door, asked or the help she needed and wanted work. When Ella heard 124 was +occupied by something or-other beating up on Sethe, it infuriated her and gave her another opportunity to measure +what could very well be the devil himself against "the lowest yet." There was also something very personal in her fury. +Whatever Sethe had done, Ella didn't like the idea of past errors taking possession of the present. Sethe's crime was +staggering and her pride outstripped even that; but she could not countenance the possibility of sin moving on in the +house, unleashed and sassy. +Daily life took as much as she had. The future was sunset; the past something to leave behind. And if it didn't stay +behind, well, you might have to stomp it out. Slave life; freed life--every day was a test and a trial. Nothing could be +counted on in a world where even when you were a solution you were a problem. "Sufficient unto the day is the evil +thereof," and nobody needed more; nobody needed a grown-up evil sitting at the table with a grudge. As long as the +ghost showed out from its ghostly place--shaking stuff, crying, smashing and such--Ella respected it. But if it took flesh +and came in her world, well, the shoe was on the other foot. She didn't mind a little communication between the two +worlds, but this was an invasion. +"Shall we pray?" asked the women. +"Uh huh," said Ella. "First. Then we got to get down to business." +The day Denver was to spend her first night at the Bodwins', Mr. +Bodwin had some business on the edge of the city and told Janey he would pick the new girl up before supper. Denver +sat on the porch steps with a bundle in her lap, her carnival dress sun-faded to a quieter rainbow. She was looking to the +right, in the direction Mr. +Bodwin would be coming from. She did not see the women approaching, accumulating slowly in groups of twos +and threes from the left. Denver was looking to the right. She was a little anxious about whether she would prove +satisfactory to the Bodwins, and uneasy too because she woke up crying from a dream about a running pair of shoes. +The sadness of the dream she hadn't been able to shake, and the heat oppressed her as she went about the chores. Far +too early she wrapped a nightdress and hairbrush into a bundle. Nervous, she fidgeted the knot and looked to the right. +146 +Some brought what they could and what they believed would work. Stuffed in apron pockets, strung around their necks, +lying in the space between their breasts. Others brought Christian faith--as shield and sword. Most brought a little of +both. They had no idea what they would do once they got there. They just started out, walked down Bluestone Road and +came together at the agreed-upon time. +The heat kept a few women who promised to go at home. Others who believed the story didn't want any part of the +confrontation and wouldn't have come no matter what the weather. And there were those like Lady Jones who didn't +believe the story and hated the ignorance of those who did. So thirty women made up that company and walked slowly, +slowly toward 124. +It was three in the afternoon on a Friday so wet and hot Cincinnati's stench had traveled to the country: from the canal, +from hanging meat and things rotting in jars; from small animals dead in the fields, town sewers and factories. The +stench, the heat, the moisture--- trust the devil to make his presence known. Otherwise it looked almost like a regular +workday. They could have been going to do the laundry at the orphanage or the insane asylum; corn shucking at the +mill; or to dean fish, rinse offal, cradle whitebabies, sweep stores, scrape hog skin, press lard, case-pack sausage or hide +in tavern kitchens so whitepeople didn't have to see them handle their food. But not today. +When they caught up with each other, all thirty, and arrived at 12 4, the first thing they saw was not Denver sitting on +the steps, but themselves. Younger, stronger, even as little girls lying in the grass asleep. Catfish was popping grease in +the pan and they saw themselves scoop German potato salad onto the plate. Cobbler oozing purple syrup colored their +teeth. They sat on the porch, ran down to the creek, teased the men, hoisted children on their hips or, if they were the +children, straddled the ankles of old men who held their little hands while giving them a horsey ride. Baby Suggs laughed +and skipped among them, urging more. Mothers, dead now, moved their shoulders to mouth harps. The fence they had +leaned on and climbed over was gone. The stump of the butternut had split like a fan. But there they were, young and +happy, playing in Baby Suggs' yard, not feeling the envy that surfaced the next day. +Denver heard mumbling and looked to the left. She stood when she saw them. They grouped, murmuring and +whispering, but did not step foot in the yard. Denver waved. A few waved back but came no closer. Denver sat back +down wondering what was going on. A woman dropped to her knees. Half of the others did likewise. Denver saw +lowered heads, but could not hear the lead prayer--only the earnest syllables of agreement that backed it: Yes, yes, yes, +oh yes. +Hear me. Hear me. Do it, Maker, do it. Yes. Among those not on their knees, who stood holding 124 in a fixed glare, was +Ella, trying to see through the walls, behind the door, to what was really in there. +Was it true the dead daughter come back? Or a pretend? Was it whipping Sethe? Ella had been beaten every way but +down. She remembered the bottom teeth she had lost to the brake and the scars from the bell were thick as rope +around her waist. She had delivered, but would not nurse, a hairy white thing, fathered by "the lowest yet." It lived +five days never making a sound. The idea of that pup coming back to whip her too set her jaw working, and then Ella +hollered. +Instantly the kneelers and the standers joined her. They stopped praying and took a step back to the beginning. In the +beginning there were no words. In the beginning was the sound, and they all knew what that sound sounded like. +Edward Bodwin drove a cart down Bluestone Road. It displeased him a bit because he preferred his figure astride +Princess. Curved over his own hands, holding the reins made him look the age he was. +But he had promised his sister a detour to pick up a new girl. He didn't have to think about the way--he was headed for +the house he was born in. Perhaps it was his destination that turned his thoughts to time--the way it dripped or ran. +He had not seen the house for thirty years. Not the butternut in front, the stream at the rear nor the block house in +between. Not even the meadow across the road. +Very few of the interior details did he remember because he was three years old when his family moved into town. +But he did remember that the cooking was done behind the house, the well was forbidden to play near, and that +women died there: his mother, grandmother, an aunt and an older sister before he was born. The men (his father and +147 +grandfather) moved with himself and his baby sister to Court Street sixty-seven years ago. The land, of course, eighty +acres of it on both sides of Bluestone, was the central thing, but he felt something sweeter and deeper about the house +which is why he rented it for a little something if he could get it, but it didn't trouble him to get no rent at all since the +tenants at least kept it from the disrepair total abandonment would permit. +There was a time when he buried things there. Precious things he wanted to protect. As a child every item he owned +was available and accountable to his family. Privacy was an adult indulgence, but when he got to be one, he seemed not +to need it. +The horse trotted along and Edward Bodwin cooled his beautiful mustache with his breath. It was generally agreed +upon by the women in the Society that, except for his hands, it was the most attractive feature he had. Dark, velvety, its +beauty was enhanced by his strong clean-shaven chin. But his hair was white, like his sister's--and had been since he was +a young man. It made him the most visible and memorable person at every gathering, and cartoonists had fastened onto +the theatricality of his white hair and big black mustache whenever they depicted local political antagonism. Twenty +years ago when the Society was at its height in opposing slavery, it was as though his coloring was itself the heart of the +matter. The "bleached nigger" was what his enemies called him, and on a trip to Arkansas, some Mississippi rivermen, +enraged by the Negro boatmen they competed with, had caught him and shoe-blackened his face and his hair. Those +heady days were gone now; what remained was the sludge of ill will; dashed hopes and difficulties beyond repair. A +tranquil Republic? +Well, not in his lifetime. +Even the weather was getting to be too much for him. He was either too hot or freezing, and this day was a blister. He +pressed his hat down to keep the sun from his neck, where heatstroke was a real possibility. Such thoughts of mortality +were not new to him (he was over seventy now), but they still had the power to annoy. As he drew closer to the old +homestead, the place that continued to surface in +his dreams, he was even more aware of the way time moved. Measured by the wars he had lived through but not fought +in (against the Miami, the Spaniards, the Secessionists), it was slow. But measured by the burial of his private things it +was the blink of an eye. +Where, exactly, was the box of tin soldiers? The watch chain with no watch? And who was he hiding them from? His +father, probably, a deeply religious man who knew what God knew and told everybody what it was. Edward Bodwin +thought him an odd man, in so many ways, yet he had one clear directive: human life is holy, all of it. And that his son +still believed, although he had less and less reason to. +Nothing since was as stimulating as the old days of letters, petitions, meetings, debates, recruitment, quarrels, rescue +and downright sedition. +Yet it had worked, more or less, and when it had not, he and his sister made themselves available to circumvent +obstacles. As they had when a runaway slavewoman lived in his homestead with her mother-in-law and got herself into +a world of trouble. The Society managed to turn infanticide and the cry of savagery around, and build a further case for +abolishing slavery. Good years, they were, full of spit and conviction. Now he just wanted to know where his soldiers +were and his watchless chain. That would be enough for this day of unbearable heat: bring back the new girl and recall +exactly where his treasure lay. Then home, supper, and God willing, the sun would drop once more to give him the +blessing of a good night's sleep. +The road curved like an elbow, and as he approached it he heard the singers before he saw them. +When the women assembled outside 124, Sethe was breaking a lump of ice into chunks. She dropped the ice pick into +her apron pocket to scoop the pieces into a basin of water. When the music entered the window she was wringing a cool +cloth to put on Beloved's forehead. Beloved, sweating profusely, was sprawled on the bed in the keeping room, a salt +rock in her hand. Both women heard it at the same time and both lifted their heads. As the voices grew louder, Beloved +sat up, licked the salt and went into the bigger room. Sethe and she exchanged glances and started toward the window. +They saw Denver sitting on the steps and beyond her, where the yard met the road, they saw the rapt faces of thirty +148 +neighborhood women. +Some had their eyes closed; others looked at the hot, cloudless sky. +Sethe opened the door and reached for Beloved's hand. Together they stood in the doorway. For Sethe it was as though +the Clearing had come to her with all its heat and simmering leaves, where the voices of women searched for the right +combination, the key, the code, the sound that broke the back of words. Building voice upon voice until they found it, +and when they did it was a wave of sound wide enough to sound deep water and knock the pods off chestnut trees. It +broke over Sethe and she trembled like the baptized in its wash. +The singing women recognized Sethe at once and surprised themselves by their absence of fear when they saw what +stood next to her. The devil-child was clever, they thought. And beautiful. It had taken the shape of a pregnant woman, +naked and smiling in the heat of the afternoon sun. Thunderblack and glistening, she stood on long straight legs, her +belly big and tight. Vines of hair twisted all over her head. Jesus. Her smile was dazzling. +Sethe feels her eyes burn and it may have been to keep them clear that she looks up. The sky is blue and clear. Not one +touch of death in the definite green of the leaves. It is when she lowers her eyes to look again at the loving faces before +her that she sees him. Guiding the mare, slowing down, his black hat wide-brimmed enough to hide his face but not +his purpose. He is coming into her yard and he is coming for her best thing. She hears wings. Little hummingbirds stick +needle beaks right through her headcloth into her hair and beat their wings. And if she thinks anything, it is no. No no. +Nonono. She flies. +The ice pick is not in her hand; it is her hand. +Standing alone on the porch, Beloved is smiling. But now her hand is empty. Sethe is running away from her, running, +and she feels the emptiness in the hand Sethe has been holding. Now she is running into the faces of the people out +there, joining them and leaving Beloved behind. Alone. Again. Then Denver, running too. +Away from her to the pile of people out there. They make a hill. A hill of black people, falling. And above them all, rising +from his place with a whip in his hand, the man without skin, looking. He is looking at her. +Chapter 27 +Bare feet and chamomile sap. +Took off my shoes; took off my hat. +Bare feet and chamomile sap +Gimme back my shoes; gimme back my hat. +Lay my head on a potato sack, +Devil sneak up behind my back. +Steam engine got a lonesome whine; +Love that woman till you go stone blind. +Stone blind; stone blind. +Sweet Home gal make you lose your mind. +HIS COMING is the reverse route of his going. First the cold house, the storeroom, then the kitchen before he tackles +149 +the beds. Here Boy, feeble and shedding his coat in patches, is asleep by the pump, so Paul D knows Beloved is truly +gone. Disappeared, some say, exploded right before their eyes. Ella is not so sure. "Maybe," she says, "maybe not. Could +be hiding in the trees waiting for another chance." But when Paul D sees the ancient dog, eighteen years if a day, he is +certain 124 is clear of her. But he opens the door to the cold house halfway expecting to hear her. "Touch me. Touch +me. On the inside part and call me my name." +There is the pallet spread with old newspapers gnawed at the edges by mice. The lard can. The potato sacks too, but +empty now, they lie on the dirt floor in heaps. In daylight he can't imagine it in darkness with moonlight seeping through +the cracks. Nor the desire that drowned him there and forced him to struggle up, up into that girl like she was the clear +air at the top of the sea. Coupling with her wasn't even fun. It was more like a brainless urge to stay alive. +Each time she came, pulled up her skirts, a life hunger overwhelmed him and he had no more control over it than over +his lungs. And afterward, beached and gobbling air, in the midst of repulsion and personal shame, he was thankful too +for having been escorted to some ocean-deep place he once belonged to. +Sifting daylight dissolves the memory, turns it into dust motes floating in light. Paul D shuts the door. He looks toward +the house and, surprisingly, it does not look back at him. Unloaded, 124 is just another weathered house needing repair. +Quiet, just as Stamp Paid said. +"Used to be voices all round that place. Quiet, now," Stamp said. +"I been past it a few times and I can't hear a thing. Chastened, I reckon, 'cause Mr. Bodwin say he selling it soon's he +can." +"That the name of the one she tried to stab? That one?" +"Yep. His sister say it's full of trouble. Told Janey she was going to get rid of it." +"And him?" asked Paul D. +"Janey say he against it but won't stop it." +"Who they think want a house out there? Anybody got the money don't want to live out there." +"Beats me," Stamp answered. "It'll be a spell, I guess, before it get took off his hands." +"He don't plan on taking her to the law?" +"Don't seem like it. Janey say all he wants to know is who was the naked blackwoman standing on the porch. He was +looking at her so hard he didn't notice what Sethe was up to. All he saw was some coloredwomen fighting. He thought +Sethe was after one of them, Janey say." +"Janey tell him any different?" +"No. She say she so glad her boss ain't dead. If Ella hadn't clipped her, she say she would have. Scared her to death have +that woman kill her boss. She and Denver be looking for a job." +"Who Janey tell him the naked woman was?" +"Told him she didn't see none." +"You believe they saw it?" +"Well, they saw something. I trust Ella anyway, and she say she looked it in the eye. It was standing right next to Sethe. +But from the way they describe it, don't seem like it was the girl I saw in there. +The girl I saw was narrow. This one was big. She say they was holding hands and Sethe looked like a little girl beside it." +150 +"Little girl with a ice pick. How close she get to him?" +"Right up on him, they say. Before Denver and them grabbed her and Ella put her fist in her jaw." +"He got to know Sethe was after him. He got to." +"Maybe. I don't know. If he did think it, I reckon he decided not to. That be just like him, too. He's somebody never +turned us down. +Steady as a rock. I tell you something, if she had got to him, it'd be the worst thing in the world for us. You know, don't +you, he's the main one kept Sethe from the gallows in the first place." +"Yeah. Damn. That woman is crazy. Crazy." +"Yeah, well, ain't we all?" +They laughed then. A rusty chuckle at first and then more, louder and louder until Stamp took out his pocket +handkerchief and wiped his eyes while Paul D pressed the heel of his hand in his own. As the scene neither one had +witnessed took shape before them, its seriousness and its embarrassment made them shake with laughter. +"Every time a whiteman come to the door she got to kill somebody?" +"For all she know, the man could be coming for the rent." +"Good thing they don't deliver mail out that way." +"Wouldn't nobody get no letter." +"Except the postman." +"Be a mighty hard message." +"And his last." +When their laughter was spent, they took deep breaths and shook their heads. +"And he still going to let Denver spend the night in his house? +Ha!" +"Aw no. Hey. Lay off Denver, Paul D. That's my heart. I'm proud of that girl. She was the first one wrestle her mother +down. Before anybody knew what the devil was going on." +"She saved his life then, you could say." +"You could. You could," said Stamp, thinking suddenly of the leap, the wide swing and snatch of his arm as he rescued +the little curly-headed baby from within inches of a split skull. "I'm proud of her. She turning out fine. Fine." +It was true. Paul D saw her the next morning when he was on his way to work and she was leaving hers. Thinner, steady +in the eyes, she looked more like Halle than ever. +She was the first to smile. "Good morning, Mr. D." +"Well, it is now." Her smile, no longer the sneer he remembered, had welcome in it and strong traces of Sethe's mouth. +Paul D touched his cap. "How you getting along?" +"Don't pay to complain." +151 +"You on your way home?" +She said no. She had heard about an afternoon job at the shirt factory. She hoped that with her night work at the +Bodwins' and another one, she could put away something and help her mother too. +When he asked her if they treated her all right over there, she said more than all right. Miss Bodwin taught her stuff. He +asked her what stuff and she laughed and said book stuff. "She says I might go to Oberlin. She's experimenting on me." +And he didn't say, "Watch out. Watch out. Nothing in the world more dangerous than a white schoolteacher." Instead +he nodded and asked the question he wanted to. +"Your mother all right?" +"No," said Denver. "No. No, not a bit all right." +"You think I should stop by? Would she welcome it?" +"I don't know," said Denver. "I think I've lost my mother, Paul D." +They were both silent for a moment and then he said, "Uh, that girl. You know. Beloved?" +"Yes?" +"You think she sure 'nough your sister?" +Denver looked at her shoes. "At times. At times I think she was-- more." She fiddled with her shirtwaist, rubbing a spot +of something. +Suddenly she leveled her eyes at his. "But who would know that better than you, Paul D? I mean, you sure 'nough knew +her." +He licked his lips. "Well, if you want my opinion--" +"I don't," she said. "I have my own." +"You grown," he said. +"Yes, sir." +"Well. Well, good luck with the job." +"Thank you. And, Paul D, you don't have to stay 'way, but be careful how you talk to my ma'am, hear?" +"Don't worry," he said and left her then, or rather she left him because a young man was running toward her, +saying, "Hey, Miss Denver. Wait up." +She turned to him, her face looking like someone had turned up the gas jet. +He left her unwillingly because he wanted to talk more, make sense out of the stories he had been hearing: whiteman +came to take Denver to work and Sethe cut him. Baby ghost came back evil and sent Sethe out to get the man who kept +her from hanging. One point of agreement is: first they saw it and then they didn't. When they got Sethe down on the +ground and the ice pick out of her hands and looked back to the house, it was gone. Later, a little boy put it out how he +had been looking for bait back of 124, down by the stream, and saw, cutting through the woods, a naked woman with +fish for hair. +As a matter of fact, Paul D doesn't care how It went or even why. He cares about how he left and why. Then he looks at +himself through Garner's eyes, he sees one thing. Through Sixo's, another. +One makes him feel righteous. One makes him feel ashamed. Like the time he worked both sides of the War. Running +152 +away from the Northpoint Bank and Railway to join the 44th Colored Regiment in Tennessee, he thought he had made +it, only to discover he had arrived at another colored regiment forming under a commander in New Jersey. He stayed +there four weeks. The regiment fell apart before it got started on the question of whether the soldiers should have +weapons or not. Not, it was decided, and the white commander had to figure out what to command them to do instead +of kill other white men. Some of the ten thousand stayed there to clean, haul and build things; others drifted away to +another regiment; most were abandoned, left to their own devices with bitterness for pay. He was trying to make up +his mind what to do when an agent from Northpoint Bank caught up with him and took him back to Delaware, where +he slave-worked a year. Then Northpoint took $300 in exchange for his services in Alabama, where he worked for the +Rebellers, first sorting the dead and then smelting iron. When he and his group combed the battlefields, their job was +to pull the Confederate wounded away from the Confederate dead. Care, they told them. Take good care. Coloredmen +and white, their faces wrapped to their eyes, picked their way through the meadows with lamps, listening in the dark for +groans of life in the indifferent silence of the dead. Mostly young men, some children, and it shamed him a little to feel +pity for what he imagined were the sons of the guards in Alfred, Georgia. +In five tries he had not had one permanent success. Every one of his escapes (from Sweet Home, from Brandywine, +from Alfred, Georgia, from Wilmington, from Northpoint) had been frustrated. Alone, undisguised, with visible skin, +memorable hair and no whiteman to protect him, he never stayed uncaught. The longest had been when he ran with +the convicts, stayed with the Cherokee, followed their advice and lived in hiding with the weaver woman in Wilmington, +Delaware: three years. And in all those escapes he could not help being astonished by the beauty of this land that was +not his. He hid in its breast, fingered its earth for food, clung to its banks to lap water and tried not to love it. On nights +when the sky was personal, weak with the weight of its own stars, he made himself not love it. Its graveyards and low- +lying rivers. Or just a house---solitary under a chinaberry tree; maybe a mule tethered and the light hitting its hide just +so. Anything could stir him and he tried hard not to love it. +After a few months on the battlefields of Alabama, he was impressed to a foundry in Selma along with three hundred +captured, lent or taken coloredmen. That's where the War's end found him, and leaving Alabama when he had been +declared free should have been a snap. He should have been able to walk from the foundry in Selma straight to +Philadelphia, taking the main roads, a train if he wanted to, or passage on a boat. But it wasn't like that. When he and +two colored soldiers (who had been captured from the 44th he had looked for) walked from Selma to Mobile, they saw +twelve dead blacks in the first eighteen miles. Two were women, four were little boys. He thought this, for sure, would +be the walk of his life. +The Yankees in control left the Rebels out of control. They got to the outskirts of Mobile, where blacks were putting +down tracks for the Union that, earlier, they had torn up for the Rebels. One of the men with him, a private called +Keane, had been with the Massachusetts 54th. He told Paul D they had been paid less than white soldiers. It was a sore +point with him that, as a group, they had refused the offer Massachusetts made to make up the difference in pay. Paul D +was so impressed by the idea of being paid money to fight he looked at the private with wonder and envy. +Keane and his friend, a Sergeant Rossiter, confiscated a skiff and the three of them floated in Mobile Bay. There the +private hailed a Union gunboat, which took all three aboard. Keane and Rossiter disembarked at Memphis to look for +their commanders. The captain of the gunboat let Paul D stay aboard all the way to Wheeling, West Virginia. He made +his own way to New Jersey. +By the time he got to Mobile, he had seen more dead people than living ones, but when he got to Trenton the crowds +of alive people, neither hunting nor hunted, gave him a measure of free life so tasty he never forgot it. Moving down +a busy street full of whitepeople who needed no explanation for his presence, the glances he got had to do with his +disgusting clothes and unforgivable hair. Still, nobody raised an alarm. Then came the miracle. Standing in a street in +front of a row of brick houses, he heard a whiteman call him ("Say there! +Yo!") to help unload two trunks from a coach cab. Afterward the whiteman gave him a coin. Paul D walked around with +it for hours-- not sure what it could buy (a suit? a meal? a horse?) and if anybody would sell him anything. Finally he saw +a greengrocer selling vegetables from a wagon. Paul D pointed to a bunch of turnips. The grocer handed them to him, +took his one coin and gave him several more. Stunned, he backed away. Looking around, he saw that nobody seemed +interested in the "mistake" or him, so he walked along, happily chewing turnips. Only a few women looked vaguely +153 +repelled as they passed. His first earned purchase made him glow, never mind the turnips were withered dry. That was +when he decided that to eat, walk and sleep anywhere was life as good as it got. And he did it for seven years till he +found himself in southern Ohio, where an old woman and a girl he used to know had gone. +Now his coming is the reverse of his going. First he stands in the back, near the cold house, amazed by the riot of +late-summer flowers where vegetables should be growing. Sweet william, morning glory, chrysanthemums. The odd +placement of cans jammed with the rotting stems of things, the blossoms shriveled like sores. Dead ivy twines around +bean poles and door handles. Faded newspaper pictures are nailed to the outhouse and on trees. A rope too short for +anything but skip-jumping lies discarded near the washtub; and jars and jars of dead lightning bugs. Like a child's house; +the house of a very tall child. +He walks to the front door and opens it. It is stone quiet. In the place where once a shaft of sad red light had bathed +him, locking him where he stood, is nothing. A bleak and minus nothing. More like absence, but an absence he had +to get through with the same determination he had when he trusted Sethe and stepped through the pulsing light. He +glances quickly at the lightning-white stairs. The entire railing is wound with ribbons, bows, bouquets. Paul D steps +inside. The outdoor breeze he brings with him stirs the ribbons. +Carefully, not quite in a hurry but losing no time, he climbs the luminous stairs. He enters Sethe's room. She isn't there +and the bed looks so small he wonders how the two of them had lain there. It has no sheets, and because the roof +windows do not open the room is stifling. Brightly colored clothes lie on the floor. Hanging from a wall peg is the dress +Beloved wore when he first saw her. A pair of ice skates nestles in a basket in the corner. He turns his eyes back to the +bed and keeps looking at it. It seems to him a place he is not. +With an effort that makes him sweat he forces a picture of himself lying there, and when he sees it, it lifts his spirit. He +goes to the other bedroom. Denver's is as neat as the other is messy. But still no Sethe. +Maybe she has gone back to work, gotten better in the days since he talked to Denver. He goes back down the stairs, +leaving the image of himself firmly in place on the narrow bed. At the kitchen table he sits down. Something is missing +from 124. Something larger than the people who lived there. Something more than Beloved or the red light. He can't put +his finger on it, but it seems, for a moment, that just beyond his knowing is the glare of an outside thing that embraces +while it accuses. +To the right of him, where the door to the keeping room is ajar, he hears humming. Someone is humming a tune. +Something soft and sweet, like a lullaby. Then a few words. Sounds like "high Johnny, wide Johnny. Sweet William bend +down low." Of course, he thinks. +That's where she is--and she is. Lying under a quilt of merry colors. +Her hair, like the dark delicate roots of good plants, spreads and curves on the pillow. Her eyes, fixed on the window, are +so expressionless he is not sure she will know who he is. There is too much light here in this room. Things look sold. +"Jackweed raise up high," she sings. "Lambswool over my shoulder, buttercup and clover fly." She is fingering a long +clump of her hair. +Paul D clears his throat to interrupt her. "Sethe?" +She turns her head. "Paul D." +"Aw, Sethe." +"I made the ink, Paul D. He couldn't have done it if I hadn't made the ink." +"What ink? Who?" +"You shaved." +154 +"Yeah. Look bad?" +"No. You looking good." +"Devil's confusion. What's this I hear about you not getting out of bed?" +She smiles, lets it fade and turns her eyes back to the window. +"I need to talk to you," he tells her. +She doesn't answer. +"I saw Denver. She tell you?" +"She comes in the daytime. Denver. She's still with me, my Denver." +"You got to get up from here, girl." He is nervous. This reminds him of something. +"I'm tired, Paul D. So tired. I have to rest a while." +Now he knows what he is reminded of and he shouts at her, "Don't you die on me! This is Baby Suggs' bed! Is that what +you planning?" He is so angry he could kill her. He checks himself, remembering Denver's warning, and whispers, "What +you planning, Sethe?" +"Oh, I don't have no plans. No plans at all." +"Look," he says, "Denver be here in the day. I be here in the night. I'm a take care of you, you hear? Starting now. First +off, you don't smell right. Stay there. Don't move. Let me heat up some water." He stops. "Is it all right, Sethe, if I heat up +some water?" +"And count my feet?" she asks him. +He steps closer. "Rub your feet." +Sethe closes her eyes and presses her lips together. She is thinking: No. This little place by a window is what I want. And +rest. There's nothing to rub now and no reason to. Nothing left to bathe, assuming he even knows how. Will he do it in +sections? First her face, then her hands, her thighs, her feet, her back? Ending with her exhausted breasts? And if he +bathes her in sections, will the parts hold? She opens her eyes, knowing the danger of looking at him. She looks at him. +The peachstone skin, the crease between his ready, waiting eyes and sees it--the thing in him, the blessedness, that has +made him the kind of man who can walk in a house and make the women cry. +Because with him, in his presence, they could. Cry and tell him things they only told each other: that time didn't stay put; +that she called, but Howard and Buglar walked on down the railroad track and couldn't hear her; that Amy was scared +to stay with her because her feet were ugly and her back looked so bad; that her ma'am had hurt her feelings and she +couldn't find her hat anywhere and "Paul D?" +"What, baby?" +"She left me." +"Aw, girl. Don't cry." +"She was my best thing." +Paul D sits down in the rocking chair and examines the quilt patched in carnival colors. His hands are limp between his +knees. +There are too many things to feel about this woman. His head hurts. +155 +Suddenly he remembers Sixo trying to describe what he felt about the Thirty-Mile Woman. "She is a friend of my mind. +She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It's good, you +know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind." +He is staring at the quilt but he is thinking about her wrought iron back; the delicious mouth still puffy at the corner from +Ella's fist. The mean black eyes. The wet dress steaming before the fire. +Her tenderness about his neck jewelry--its three wands, like attentive baby rattlers, curving two feet into the air. How +she never mentioned or looked at it, so he did not have to feel the shame of being collared like a beast. Only this woman +Sethe could have left him his manhood like that. He wants to put his story next to hers. +"Sethe," he says, "me and you, we got more yesterday than anybody. +We need some kind of tomorrow." +He leans over and takes her hand. With the other he touches her face. "You your best thing, Sethe. You are." His holding +fingers are holding hers. +"Me? Me?" +Chapter 28 +THERE IS a loneliness that can be rocked. Arms crossed, knees drawn up; holding, holding on, this motion, unlike a ship's, +smooths and contains the rocker. It's an inside kind--wrapped tight like skin. +Then there is a loneliness that roams. No rocking can hold it down. +It is alive, on its own. A dry and spreading thing that makes the sound of one's own feet going seem to come from a far- +off place. +Everybody knew what she was called, but nobody anywhere knew her name. Disremembered and unaccounted for, she +cannot be lost because no one is looking for her, and even if they were, how can they call her if they don't know her +name? Although she has claim, she is not claimed. In the place where long grass opens, the girl who waited to be loved +and cry shame erupts into her separate parts, to make it easy for the chewing laughter to swallow her all away. +It was not a story to pass on. +They forgot her like a bad dream. After they made up their tales, shaped and decorated them, those that saw her that +day on the porch quickly and deliberately forgot her. It took longer for those who had spoken to her, lived with her, +fallen in love with her, to forget, until they realized they couldn't remember or repeat a single thing she said, and began +to believe that, other than what they themselves +were thinking, she hadn't said anything at all. So, in the end, they forgot her too. Remembering seemed unwise. They +never knew where or why she crouched, or whose was the underwater face she needed like that. Where the memory of +the smile under her chin might have been and was not, a latch latched and lichen attached its apple-green bloom to the +metal. What made her think her fingernails could open locks the rain rained on? +It was not a story to pass on. +So they forgot her. Like an unpleasant dream during a troubling sleep. Occasionally, however, the rustle of a skirt hushes +when they wake, and the knuckles brushing a cheek in sleep seem to belong to the sleeper. Sometimes the photograph +of a close friend or relative--looked at too long--shifts, and something more familiar than the dear face itself moves +there. They can touch it if they like, but don't, because they know things will never be the same if they do. +This is not a story to pass on. +156 +Down by the stream in back of 124 her footprints come and go, come and go. They are so familiar. Should a child, an +adult place his feet in them, they will fit. Take them out and they disappear again as though nobody ever walked there. +By and by all trace is gone, and what is forgotten is not only the footprints but the water too and what it is down there. +The rest is weather. Not the breath of the disremembered and unaccounted for, but wind in the eaves, or spring ice +thawing too quickly. Just weather. +Certainly no clamor for a kiss. +Beloved. +THE END \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/model/data/myth_of_sisyphus.txt b/model/data/myth_of_sisyphus.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e7cc65d --- /dev/null +++ b/model/data/myth_of_sisyphus.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4941 @@ +The Myth Of Sisyphus +An Absurd Reasoning +Absurdity and Suicide +There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that +is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to +answering the fundamental question of philosophy. All the rest— +whether or not the world has three dimensions, whether the mind +has nine or twelve categories—comes afterwards. These are +games; one must first answer. And if it is true, as Nietzsche claims, +that a philosopher, to deserve our respect, must preach by example, +you can appreciate the importance of that reply, for it will precede +the definitive act. These are facts the heart can feel; yet they call +for careful study before they become clear to the intellect. +If I ask myself how to judge that this question is more urgent +than that, I reply that one judges by the actions it entails. I have +never seen anyone die for the ontologi-cal argument. Galileo, who +held a scientific truth of great importance, abjured it with the +greatest ease as soon as it endangered his life. In a certain sense, he +did right.[1] That truth was not worth the stake. Whether the earth +or the sun revolves around the other is a matter of profound +indifference. To tell the truth, it is a futile question. On the other +hand, I see many people die because they judge that life is not +worth living. I see others paradoxically getting killed for the ideas +or illusions that give them a reason for living (what is called a +reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying). I therefore +conclude that the meaning of life is the most urgent of questions. +How to answer it? On all essential problems (I mean thereby those +that run the risk of leading to death or those that intensify the +passion of living) there are probably but two methods of thought: +the method of La Palisse and the method of Don Quixote. Solely +the balance between evidence and lyricism can allow us to achieve +simultaneously emotion and lucidity. In a subject at once so +humble and so heavy with emotion, the learned and classical +dialectic must yield, one can see, to a more modest attitude of mind +deriving at one and the same time from common sense and +understanding. +Suicide has never been dealt with except as a social +phenomenon. On the contrary, we are concerned here, at the outset, +with the relationship between individual thought and suicide. An +act like this is prepared within the silence of the heart, as is a great +work of art. The man himself is ignorant of it. One evening he +pulls the trigger or jumps. Of an apartment-building manager who +had killed himself I was told that he had lost his daughter five +years before, that be bad changed greatly since, and that that +experience had “undermined” him. A more exact word cannot be +imagined. Beginning to think is beginning to be undermined. +Society has but little connection with such beginnings. The worm +is in man’s heart. That is where it must be sought. One must follow +and understand this fatal game that leads from lucidity in the face +of existence to flight from light. +There are many causes for a suicide, and generally the most +obvious ones were not the most powerful. Rarely is suicide +committed (yet the hypothesis is not excluded) through reflection. +What sets off the crisis is almost always unverifiable. Newspapers +often speak of “personal sorrows” or of “incurable illness.” These +explanations are plausible. But one would have to know whether a +friend of the desperate man had not that very day addressed him +indifferently. He is the guilty one. For that is enough to precipitate +all the rancors and all the boredom still in suspension.[2] +But if it is hard to fix the precise instant, the subtle step when +the mind opted for death, it is easier to deduce from the act itself +the consequences it implies. In a sense, and as in melodrama, +killing yourself amounts to confessing. It is confessing that life is +too much for you or that you do not understand it. Let’s not go too +far in such analogies, however, but rather return to everyday +words. It is merely confessing that that “is not worth the trouble.” +Living, naturally, is never easy. You continue making the gestures +commanded by existence for many reasons, the first of which is +habit. Dying voluntarily implies that you have recognized, even +instinc— +tively, the ridiculous character of that habit, the absence of any +profound reason for living, the insane character of that daily +agitation, and the uselessness of suffering. +What, then, is that incalculable feeling that deprives the mind +of the sleep necessary to life? A world that can be explained even +with bad reasons is a familiar world. But, on the other hand, in a +universe suddenly divested of illusions and lights, man feels an +alien, a stranger. His exile is without remedy since he is deprived +of the memory of a lost home or the hope of a promised land. This +divorce between man and this life, the actor and his setting, is +properly the feeling of absurdity. All healthy men having thought +of their own suicide, it can be seen, without further explanation, +that there is a direct connection between this feeling and the +longing for death. +The subject of this essay is precisely this relationship between +the absurd and suicide, the exact degree to which suicide is a +solution to the absurd. The principle can be established that for a +man who does not cheat, what he believes to be true must +determine his action. Belief in the absurdity of existence must then +dictate his conduct. It is legitimate to wonder, clearly and without +false pathos, whether a conclusion of this importance requires +forsaking as rapidly as possible an incomprehensible condition. I +am speaking, of course, of men inclined to be in harmony with +themselves. +Stated clearly, this problem may seem both simple and +insoluble. But it is wrongly assumed that simple questions involve +answers that are no less simple and that evidence implies evidence. +A priori and reversing the terms of the problem, just as one does or +does not kill oneself, it seems that there are but two philosophical +solutions, either yes or no. This would be too easy. But allowance +must be made for those who, without concluding, continue +questioning. Here I am only slightly indulging in irony: this is the +majority. I notice also that those who answer “no” act as if they +thought “yes.” As a matter of fact, if I accept the Nietzschean +criterion, they think “yes” in one way or another. On the other +hand, it often happens that those who commit suicide were assured +of the meaning of life. These contradictions are constant. It may +even be said that they have never been so keen as on this point +where, on the contrary, logic seems so desirable. It is a +commonplace to compare philosophical theories and the behavior +of those who profess them. But it must be said that of the thinkers +who refused a meaning to life none except Kirilov who belongs to +literature, Peregrinos who is born of legend,[3] and Jules Lequier +who belongs to hypothesis, admitted his logic to the point of +refusing that life. Schopenhauer is often cited, as a fit subject for +laughter, because he praised suicide while seated at a well-set +table. This is no subject for joking. That way of not taking the +tragic seriously is not so grievous, but it helps to judge a man. +In the face of such contradictions and obscurities must we +conclude that there is no relationship between the opinion one has +about life and the act one commits to leave it? Let us not +exaggerate in this direction. In a man’s attachment to life there is +something stronger than all the ills in the world. The body’s +judgment is as good as the mind’s and the body shrinks from +annihilation. We get into the habit of living before acquiring the +habit of thinking. In that race which daily hastens us toward death, +the body maintains its irreparable lead. In short, the essence of that +contradiction lies in what I shall call the act of eluding because it is +both less and more than diversion in the Pascalian sense. Eluding is +the invariable game. The typical act of eluding, the fatal evasion +that constitutes the third theme of this essay, is hope. Hope of +another life one must “deserve” or trickery of those who live not +for life itself but for some great idea that will transcend it, refine it, +give it a meaning, and betray it. +Thus everything contributes to spreading confusion. +Hitherto, and it has not been wasted effort, people have played +on words and pretended to believe that refusing to grant a meaning +to life necessarily leads to declaring that it is not worth living. In +truth, there is no necessary common measure between these two +judgments. One merely has to refuse to he misled by the +confusions, divorces, and inconsistencies previously pointed out. +One must brush everything aside and go straight to the real +problem. One kills oneself because life is not worth living, that is +certainly a truth yet an unfruitful one because it is a truism. But +does that insult to existence, that flat denial in which it is plunged +come from the fact that it has no meaning? Does its absurdity +require one to escape it through hope or suicide—this is what must +be clarified, hunted down, and elucidated while brushing aside all +the rest. Does the Absurd dictate death? This problem must be +given priority over others, outside all methods of thought and all +exercises of the disinterested mind. Shades of meaning, +contradictions, the psychology that an “objective” mind can always +introduce into all problems have no place in this pursuit and this +passion. It calls simply for an unjust—in other words, logical— +thought. That is not easy. It is always easy to be logical. It is +almost impossible to be logical to the bitter end. Men who die by +their own hand consequently follow to its conclusion their +emotional inclination. Reflection on suicide gives me an +opportunity to raise the only problem to interest me: is there a logic +to the point of death? I cannot know unless I pursue, without +reckless passion, in the sole light of evidence, the reasoning of +which I am here suggesting the source. This is what I call an +absurd reasoning. Many have begun it. I do not yet know whether +or not they kept to it. +When Karl Jaspers, revealing the impossibility of constituting +the world as a unity, exclaims: “This limitation leads me to myself, +where I can no longer withdraw behind an objective point of view +that I am merely representing, where neither I myself nor the +existence of others can any longer become an object for me,” he is +evoking after many others those waterless deserts where thought +reaches its confines. After many others, yes indeed, but how eager +they were to get out of them! At that last crossroad where thought +hesitates, many men have arrived and even some of the humblest. +They then abdicated what was most precious to them, their life. +Others, princes of the mind, abdicated likewise, but they initiated +the suicide of their thought in its purest revolt. The real effort is to +stay there, rather, in so far as that is possible, and to examine +closely the odd vegetation of those distant regions. Tenacity and +acumen are privileged spectators of this inhuman show in which +absurdity, hope, and death carry on their dialogue. The mind can +then analyze the figures of that elementary yet subtle dance before +illustrating them and reliving them itself. +Absurd Walls +Like great works, deep feelings always mean more than they +are conscious of saying. The regularity of an impulse or a repulsion +in a soul is encountered again in habits of doing or thinking, is +reproduced in consequences of which the soul itself knows +nothing. Great feelings take with them their own universe, splendid +or abject. They light up with their passion an exclusive world in +which they recognize their climate. There is a universe of jealousy, +of ambition, of selfishness, or of generosity. A universe in other +words, a metaphysic and an attitude of mind. What is true of +already specialized feelings will be even more so of emotions +basically as indeterminate, simultaneously as vague and as +“definite,” as remote and as “present” as those furnished us by +beauty or aroused by absurdity. +At any streetcorner the feeling of absurdity can strike any man +in the face. As it is, in its distressing nudity, in its light without +effulgence, it is elusive. But that very difficulty deserves reflection. +It is probably true that a man remains forever unknown to us and +that there is in him something irreducible that escapes us. But +practically I know men and recognize them by their behavior, by +the totality of their deeds, by the consequences caused in life by +their presence. Likewise, all those irrational feelings which offer +no purchase to analysis. I can define them practically, appreciate +them practically, by gathering together the sum of their +consequences in the domain of the intelligence, by seizing and +noting all their aspects, by outlining their universe. It is certain that +apparently, though I have seen the same actor a hundred times, I +shall not for that reason know him any better personally. Yet if I +add up the heroes he has personified and if I say that I know him a +little better at the hundredth character counted off, this will be felt +to contain an element of truth. For this apparent paradox is also an +apologue. There is a moral to it. It teaches that a man defines +himself by his make-believe as well as by his sincere impulses. +There is thus a lower key of feelings, inaccessible in the heart but +partially disclosed by the acts they imply and the attitudes of mind +they assume. It is clear that in this way I am defining a method. +But it is also evident that that method is one of analysis and not of +knowledge. For methods imply metaphysics; unconsciously they +disclose conclusions that they often claim not to know yet. +Similarly, the last pages of a book are already contained in the first +pages. Such a link is inevitable. The method defined here +acknowledges the feeling that all true knowledge is impossible. +Solely appearances can be enumerated and the climate make itself +felt. +Perhaps we shall be able to overtake that elusive feeling of +absurdity in the different but closely related worlds of intelligence, +of the art of living, or of art itself. The climate of absurdity is in the +beginning. The end is the absurd universe and that attitude of mind +which lights the world with its true colors to bring out the +privileged and implacable visage which that attitude has discerned +in it. +* * * +All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous +beginning. Great works are often born on a street-corner or in a +restaurant’s revolving door. So it is with absurdity. The absurd +world more than others derives its nobility from that abject birth. +In certain situations, replying “nothing” when asked what one is +thinking about may be pretense in a man. Those who are loved are +well aware of this. But if that reply is sincere, if it symbolizes that +odd state of soul in which the void be-comes eloquent, in which +the chain of daily gestures is broken, in which the heart vainly +seeks the link that will connect it again, then it is as it were the first +sign of absurdity. +It happens that the stage sets collapse. Rising, streetcar, four +hours in the office or the factory, meal, streetcar, four hours of +work, meal, sleep, and Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday +Friday and Saturday accord— +ing to the same rhythm—this path is easily followed most of +the time. But one day the “why” arises and everything begins in +that weariness tinged with amazement. “Begins”—this is +important. Weariness comes at the end of the acts of a mechanical +life, but at the same time it inaugurates the impulse of +consciousness. It awakens consciousness and provokes what +follows. What follows is the gradual return into the chain or it is +the definitive awakening. At the end of the awakening comes, in +time, the consequence: suicide or recovery. In itself weariness has +something sickening about it. Here, I must conclude that it is good. +For everything be-gins with consciousness and nothing is worth +anything except through it. There is nothing original about these +remarks. But they are obvious; that is enough for a while, during a +sketchy reconnaissance in the origins of the absurd. Mere +“anxiety,” as Heidegger says, is at the source of everything. +Likewise and during every day of an unillustrious life, time +carries us. But a moment always comes when we have to carry it. +We live on the future: “tomorrow,” “later on,” “when you have +made your way,” “you will understand when you are old enough.” +Such irrelevan-cies are wonderful, for, after all, it’s a matter of +dying. Yet a day comes when a man notices or says that he is +thirty. Thus he asserts his youth. But simultaneously he situates +himself in relation to time. He takes his place in it. He admits that +he stands at a certain point on a curve that he acknowledges having +to travel to its end. He belongs to time, and by the horror that +seizes him, he recognizes his worst enemy. Tomorrow, he was +longing for tomorrow, whereas everything in him ought to reject it. +That revolt of the flesh is the absurd.[4] +A step lower and strangeness creeps in: perceiving that the +world is “dense,” sensing to what a degree a stone is foreign and +irreducible to us, with what intensity nature or a landscape can +negate us. At the heart of all beauty lies something inhuman, and +these hills, the softness of the sky, the outline of these trees at this +very minute lose the illusory meaning with which we had clothed +them, henceforth more remote than a lost paradise. The primitive +hostility of the world rises up to face us across millennia, for a +second we cease to understand it because for centuries we have +understood in it solely the images and designs that we had at- +tributed to it beforehand, because henceforth we lack the power to +make use of that artifice. The world evades us because it becomes +itself again. That stage scenery masked by habit becomes again +what it is. It withdraws at a distance from us. Just as there are days +when under the familial face of a woman, we see as a stranger her +we had loved months or years ago, perhaps we shall come even to +desire what suddenly leaves us so alone. But the time has not yet +come. Just one thing: that denseness and that strangeness of the +world is the absurd. +Men, too, secrete the inhuman. At certain moments of lucidity, +the mechanical aspect of their gestures, their meaningless +pantomime makes silly everything that surrounds them. A man is +talking on the telephone behind a glass partition; you cannot hear +him, but you see his incomprehensible dumb show: you wonder +why he is alive. This discomfort in the face of man’s own +inhumanity, this incalculable tumble before the image of what we +are, this “nausea,” as a writer of today calls it, is also the absurd. +Likewise the stranger who at certain seconds comes to meet us in a +mirror, the familiar and yet alarming brother we encounter in our +own photographs is also the absurd. +I come at last to death and to the attitude we have toward it. On +this point everything has been said and it is only proper to avoid +pathos. Yet one will never be sufficiently surprised that everyone +lives as if no one “knew.” This is because in reality there is no +experience of death. Properly speaking, nothing has been +experienced but what has been lived and made conscious. Here, it +is barely possible to speak of the experience of others’ deaths. It is +a substitute, an illusion, and it never quite convinces us. That +melancholy convention cannot be persuasive. The horror comes in +reality from the mathematical aspect of the event. If time frightens +us, this is because it works out the problem and the solution comes +afterward. All the pretty speeches about the soul will have their +contrary convincingly proved, at least for a time. From this inert +body on which a slap makes no mark the soul has disappeared. +This elementary and definitive aspect of the adventure constitutes +the absurd feeling. Under the fatal lighting of that destiny, its +uselessness becomes evident. No code of ethics and no effort are +justifiable a priori in the face of the cruel mathematics that +command our condition. +Let me repeat: all this has been said over and over. I am +limiting myself here to making a rapid classification and to +pointing out these obvious themes. They run through all literatures +and all philosophies. Everyday conversation feeds on them. There +is no question of reinventing them. But it is essential to be sure of +these facts in order to be able to question oneself subsequently on +the primordial question. I am interested let me repeat again—not +go much in absurd discoveries as in their consequences. If one is +assured of these facts, what is one to conclude, how far is one to go +to elude nothing? Is one to die voluntarily or to hope in spite of +everything? Beforehand, it is necessary to take the same rapid +inventory on the plane of the intelligence. +*** +The mind’s first step is to distinguish what is true from what is +false. However, as soon as thought reflects on itself, what it first +discovers is a contradiction. Useless to strive to be convincing in +this case. Over the centuries no one has furnished a clearer and +more elegant demonstration of the business than Aristotle: “The +often ridiculed consequence of these opinions is that they destroy +themselves. For by asserting that all is true we assert the truth of +the contrary assertion and consequently the falsity of our own +thesis (for the contrary assertion does not admit that it can be true). +And if one says that all is false, that assertion is itself false. If we +declare that solely the assertion opposed to ours is false or else that +solely ours is not false, we are nevertheless forced to admit an +infinite number of true or false judgments. For the one who +expresses a true assertion proclaims simultaneously that it is true, +and so on ad infinitum.” +This vicious circle is but the first of a series in which the mind +that studies itself gets lost in a giddy whirling. The very simplicity +of these paradoxes makes them irreducible. Whatever may be the +plays on words and the acrobatics of logic, to understand is, above +all, to unify. The mind’s deepest desire, even in its most elaborate +operations, parallels man’s unconscious feeling in the face of his +universe: it is an insistence upon familiarity, an appetite for clarity. +Understanding the world for a man is reducing it to the human, +stamping it with his seal. The cat’s universe is not the universe of +the anthill. The truism “All thought is anthropomorphic” has no +other meaning. Likewise, the mind that aims to understand reality +can consider itself satisfied only by reducing it to terms of thought. +If man realized that the universe like him can love and suffer, he +would be reconciled. If thought discovered in the shimmering +mirrors of phenomena eternal relations capable of summing them +up and summing themselves up in a single principle, then would be +seen an intellectual joy of which the myth of the blessed would be +but a ridiculous imitation. That nostalgia for unity, that appetite for +the absolute illustrates the essential impulse of the human drama. +But the fact of that nostalgia’s existence does not imply that it is to +be immediately satisfied. For if, bridging the gulf that separates +desire from conquest, we assert with Parmenides the reality of the +One (whatever it may be), we fall into the ridiculous contradiction +of a mind that asserts total unity and proves by its very assertion its +own difference and the diversity it claimed to resolve. This other +vicious circle is enough to stifle our hopes. +These are again truisms. I shall again repeat that they are not +interesting in themselves but in the consequences that can be +deduced from them. I know another truism: it tells me that man is +mortal. One can nevertheless count the minds that have deduced +the extreme conclusions from it. It is essential to consider as a +constant point of reference in this essay the regular hiatus between +what we fancy we know and what we really know, practical assent +and simulated ignorance which allows us to live with ideas which, +if we truly put them to the test, ought to upset our whole life. Faced +with this inextricable contradiction of the mind, we shall fully +grasp the divorce separating us from our own creations. So long as +the mind keeps silent in the motionless world of its hopes, +everything is reflected and arranged in the unity of its nostalgia. +But with its first move this world cracks and tumbles: an infinite +number of shimmering fragments is offered to the understanding. +We must despair of ever reconstructing the familiar, calm surface +which would give us peace of heart. After so many centuries of +inquiries, so many abdications among thinkers, we are well aware +that this is true for all our knowledge. With the exception of +professional rationalists, today people despair of true knowledge. If +the only significant history of human thought were to be written, it +would have to be the history of its successive regrets and its +impotences. +Of whom and of what indeed can I say: “I know that!” This +heart within me I can feel, and I judge that it exists. This world I +can touch, and I likewise judge that it exists. There ends all my +knowledge, and the rest is construction. For if I try to seize this self +of which I feel sure, if I try to define and to summarize it, it is +nothing but water slipping through my fingers. I can sketch one by +one all the aspects it is able to assume, all those likewise that have +been attributed to it, this upbringing, this origin, this ardor or these +silences, this nobility or this vileness. But aspects cannot be added +up. This very heart which is mine will forever remain indefinable +to me. Between the certainty I have of my existence and the +content I try to give to that assurance, the gap will never be filled. +Forever I shall be a stranger to myself. In psychology as in logic, +there are truths but no truth. Socrates’”Know thyself” has as much +value as the “Be virtuous” of our confessionals. They reveal a +nostalgia at the same time as an ignorance. They are sterile +exercises on great subjects. They are legitimate only in precisely so +far as they are approximate. +And here are trees and I know their gnarled surface, water and +I feel its taste. These scents of grass and stars at night, certain +evenings when the heart relaxes—how shall I negate this world +whose power and strength I feel? Yet all the knowledge on earth +will give me nothing to assure me that this world is mine. You +describe it to me and you teach me to classify it. You enumerate its +laws and in my thirst for knowledge I admit that they are true. You +take apart its mechanism and my hope increases. At the final stage +you teach me that this wondrous and multicolored universe can be +reduced to the atom and that the atom itself can be reduced to the +electron. All this is good and I wait for you to continue. But you +tell me of an invisible planetary system in which electrons +gravitate around a nucleus. You explain this world to me with an +image. I realize then that you have been reduced to poetry: I shall +never know. Have I the time to become indignant? You have +already changed theories. So that science that was to teach me +everything ends up in a hypothesis, that lucidity founders in +metaphor, that uncertainty is resolved in a work of art. What need +had I of so many efforts? The soft lines of these hills and the hand +of evening on this troubled heart teach me much more. I have +returned to my beginning. I realize that if through science I can +seize phenomena and enumerate them, I cannot, for all that, +apprehend the world. Were I to trace its entire relief with my +finger, I should not know any more. And you give me the choice +between a description that is sure but that teaches me nothing and +hypotheses that claim to teach me but that are not sure. A stranger +to myself and to the world, armed solely with a thought that +negates itself as soon as it asserts, what is this condition in which I +can have peace only by refusing to know and to live, in which the +appetite for conquest bumps into walls that defy its assaults? To +will is to stir up paradoxes. Everything is ordered in such a way as +to bring into being that poisoned peace produced by +thoughtlessness, lack of heart, or fatal renunciations. +Hence the intelligence, too, tells me in its way that this world is +absurd. Its contrary, blind reason, may well claim that all is clear; I +was waiting for proof and longing for it to be right. But despite so +many pretentious centuries and over the heads of so many eloquent +and persuasive men, I know that is false. On this plane, at least, +there is no happiness if I cannot know. That universal reason, +practical or ethical, that determinism, those categories that explain +everything are enough to make a decent man laugh. They have +nothing to do with the mind. They negate its profound truth, which +is to be enchained. In this unintelligible and limited universe, +man’s fate henceforth assumes its meaning. A horde of irrationals +has sprung up and surrounds him until his ultimate end. In his +recovered and now studied lucidity, the feeling of the absurd +becomes clear and definite. I said that the world is absurd, but I +was too hasty. This world in itself is not reasonable, that is all that +can be said. But what is absurd is the confrontation of this +irrational and the wild longing for clarity whose call echoes in the +human heart. The absurd depends as much on man as on the world. +For the moment it is all that links them together. It binds them one +to the other as only hatred can weld two creatures together. This is +all I can discern clearly in this measureless universe where my +adventure takes place. Let us pause here. If I hold to be true that +absurdity that determines my relationship with life, if I become +thoroughly imbued with that sentiment that seizes me in face of the +world’s scenes, with that lucidity imposed on me by the pursuit of +a science, I must sacrifice everything to these certainties and I must +see them squarely to be able to maintain them. Above all, I must +adapt my behavior to them and pursue them in all their +consequences. I am speaking here of decency. But I want to know +beforehand if thought can live in those deserts. +* * * +I already know that thought has at least entered those deserts. +There it found its bread. There it realized that it had previously +been feeding on phantoms. It justified some of the most urgent +themes of human reflection. +From the moment absurdity is recognized, it becomes a +passion, the most harrowing of all. But whether or not one can live +with one’s passions, whether or not one can accept their law, +which is to burn the heart they simultaneously exalt—that is the +whole question. It is not, however, the one we shall ask just yet. It +stands at the center of this experience. There will be time to come +back to it. Let us recognize rather those themes and those impulses +born of the desert. It will suffice to enumerate them. They, too, are +known to all today. There have always been men to defend the +rights of the irrational. The tradition of what may be called +humiliated thought has never ceased to exist. The criticism of +rationalism has been made so often that it seems unnecessary to +begin again. Yet our epoch is marked by the rebirth of those +paradoxical systems that strive to trip up the reason as if truly it +had always forged ahead. But that is not so much a proof of the +efficacy of the reason as of the intensity of its hopes. On the plane +of history, such a constancy of two attitudes illustrates the essential +passion of man torn between his urge toward unity and the clear +vision he may have of the walls enclosing him. +But never perhaps at any time has the attack on reason been +more violent than in ours. Since Zarathustra’s great outburst: “By +chance it is the oldest nobility in the world. I conferred it upon all +things when I proclaimed that above them no eternal will was +exercised,” since Kierkegaard’s fatal illness, “that malady that +leads to death with nothing else following it,” the significant and +tormenting themes of absurd thought have followed one another. +Or at least, and this proviso is of capital importance, the themes of +irrational and religious thought. From Jaspers to Heidegger, from +Kierkegaard to Che-stov, from the phenomenologists to Scheler, +on the logical plane and on the moral plane, a whole family of +minds related by their nostalgia but opposed by their methods or +their aims, have persisted in blocking the royal road of reason and +in recovering the direct paths of truth. Here I assume these +thoughts to be known and lived. Whatever may be or have been +their ambitions, all started out from that indescribable universe +where contradiction, antinomy, anguish, or impotence reigns. And +what they have in common is precisely the themes so far disclosed. +For them, too, it must be said that what matters above all is the +conclusions they have managed to draw from those discoveries. +That matters so much that they must be examined separately. But +for the moment we are concerned solely with their discoveries and +their initial experiments. We are concerned solely with noting their +agreement. If it would be presumptuous to try to deal with their +philosophies, it is possible and sufficient in any case to bring out +the climate that is common to them. +Heidegger considers the human condition coldly and +announces that that existence is humiliated. The only reality is +“anxiety” in the whole chain of beings. To the man lost in the +world and its diversions this anxiety is a brief, fleeting fear. But if +that fear becomes conscious of itself, it becomes anguish, the +perpetual climate of the lucid man “in whom existence is +concentrated.” This professor of philosophy writes without +trembling and in the most abstract language in the world that “the +finite and limited character of human existence is more primordial +than man himself.” His interest in Kant extends only to +recognizing the restricted character of his “pure Reason.” This is to +coincide at the end of his analyses that “the world can no longer +offer anything to the man filled with anguish.” This anxiety seems +to him so much more important than all the categories in the world +that he thinks and talks only of it. He enumerates its aspects: +boredom when the ordinary man strives to quash it in him and +benumb it; terror when the mind contemplates death. He too does +not separate consciousness from the absurd. The consciousness of +death is the call of anxiety and “existence then delivers itself its +own summons through the intermediary of consciousness.” It is the +very voice of anguish and it adjures existence “to return from its +loss in the anonymous They.” For him, too, one must not sleep, but +must keep alert until the consummation. He stands in this absurd +world and points out its ephemeral character. He seeks his way +amid these ruins. +Jaspers despairs of any ontology because he claims that we +have lost “naivete.” He knows that we can achieve nothing that +will transcend the fatal game of appearances. He knows that the +end of the mind is failure. He tarries over the spiritual adventures +revealed by history and pitilessly discloses the flaw in each system, +the illusion that saved everything, the preaching that hid nothing. +In this ravaged world in which the impossibility of knowledge is +established, in which everlasting nothingness seems the only +reality and irremediable despair seems the only attitude, he tries to +recover the Ariadne’s thread that leads to divine secrets. +Chestov, for his part, throughout a wonderfully monotonous +work, constantly straining toward the same truths, tirelessly +demonstrates that the tightest system, the most universal +rationalism always stumbles eventually on the irrational of human +thought. None of the ironic facts or ridiculous contradictions that +depreciate the reason escapes him. One thing only interests him, +and that is the exception, whether in the domain of the heart or of +the mind. Through the Dostoevskian experiences of the +condemned man, the exacerbated adventures of the Nietzschean +mind, Hamlet’s imprecations, or the bitter aristocracy of an Ibsen, +he tracks down, il-luminates, and magnifies the human revolt +against the irremediable. He refuses the reason its reasons and +begins to advance with some decision only in the middle of that +colorless desert where all certainties have become stones. +Of all perhaps the most engaging, Kierkegaard, for a part of his +existence at least, does more than discover the absurd, he lives it. +The man who writes: “The surest of stubborn silences is not to +hold one’s tongue but to talk” makes sure in the beginning that no +truth is absolute or can render satisfactory an existence that is +impossible in itself. Don Juan of the understanding, he multiplies +pseudonyms and contradictions, writes his Discourses of +Edification at the same time as that manual of cynical spiritualism, +The Diary of the Seducer. He refuses consolations, ethics, reliable +principles. As for that thorn he feels in his heart, he is careful not +to quiet its pain. On the contrary, he awakens it and, in the +desperate joy of a man crucified and happy to be so, he builds up +piece by piece—lucidity, refusal, make believe—a category of the +man possessed. That face both tender and sneering, those +pirouettes followed by a cry from the heart are the absurd spirit +itself grappling with a reality beyond its comprehension. And the +spiritual adventure that leads Kierkegaard to his beloved scandals +begins likewise in the chaos of an experience divested of its setting +and relegated to its original incoherence. +On quite a different plane, that of method, Husserl and the +phenomenologists, by their very extravagances, reinstate the world +in its diversity and deny the transcendent power of the reason. The +spiritual universe becomes incalculably enriched through them. +The rose petal, the milestone, or the human hand are as important +as love, desire, or the laws of gravity. Thinking ceases to be +unifying or making a semblance familiar in the guise of a major +principle. Thinking is learning all over again to see, to be attentive, +to focus consciousness; it is turning every idea and every image, in +the manner of Proust, into a privileged moment. What justifies +thought is its extreme consciousness. Though more positive than +Kierkegaard’s or Chestov’s, Husserl’s manner of proceeding, in +the beginning, nevertheless negates the classic method of the +reason, disappoints hope, opens to intuition and to the heart a +whole proliferation of phenomena, the wealth of which has about it +something inhuman. These paths lead to all sciences or to none. +This amounts to saying that in this case the means are more +important than the end. All that is involved is “an attitude for +understanding” and not a consolation. Let me repeat: in the +beginning, at very least. +How can one fail to feel the basic relationship of these minds! +How can one fail to see that they take their stand around a +privileged and bitter moment in which hope has no further place? I +want everything to be explained to me or nothing. And the reason +is impotent when it hears this cry from the heart. The mind aroused +by this insistence seeks and finds nothing but contradictions and +nonsense. What I fail to understand is nonsense. The world is +peopled with such irrationals. The world itself, whose single +meaning I do not understand, is but a vast irrational. If one could +only say just once: “This is clear,” all would be saved. But these +men vie with one another in proclaiming that nothing is clear, all is +chaos, that all man has is his lucidity and his definite knowledge of +the walls surrounding him. +All these experiences agree and confirm one another. The +mind, when it reaches its limits, must make a judgment and choose +its conclusions. This is where suicide and the reply stand. But I +wish to reverse the order of the inquiry and start out from the +intelligent adventure and come back to daily acts. The experiences +called to mind here were born in the desert that we must not leave +behind. At least it is essential to know how far they went. At this +point of his effort man stands face to face with the irrational. He +feels within him his longing for happiness and for reason. The +absurd is born of this confrontation between the human need and +the unreasonable silence of the world. This must not be forgotten. +This must be clung to because the whole consequence of a life can +depend on it. The irrational, the human nostalgia, and the absurd +that is born of their encounter—these are the three characters in the +drama that must necessarily end with all the logic of which an +existence is capable. +Philosophical Suicide +The feeling of the absurd is not, for all that, the notion of the +absurd. It lays the foundations for it, and that is all. It is not limited +to that notion, except in the brief moment when it passes judgment +on the universe. Subsequently it has a chance of going further. It is +alive; in other words, it must die or else reverberate. So it is with +the themes we have gathered together. But there again what +interests me is not works or minds, criticism of which would call +for another form and another place, but the discovery of what their +conclusions have in common. Never, perhaps, have minds been so +different. And yet we recognize as identical the spiritual +landscapes in which they get under way. Likewise, despite such +dissimilar zones of knowledge, the cry that terminates their +itinerary rings out in the same way. It is evident that the thinkers +we have just recalled have a common climate. +To say that that climate is deadly scarcely amounts to playing +on words. Living under that stifling sky forces one to get away or +to stay. The important thing is to find out how people get away in +the first case and why people stay in the second case. This is how I +define the problem of suicide and the possible interest in the +conclusions of existential philosophy. +But first I want to detour from the direct path. Up to now we +have managed to circumscribe the absurd from the outside. One +can, however, wonder how much is clear in that notion and by +direct analysis try to discover its meaning on the one hand and, on +the other, the consequences it involves. +If I accuse an innocent man of a monstrous crime, if I tell a +virtuous man that he has coveted his own sister, he will reply that +this is absurd. His indignation has its comical aspect. But it also +has its fundamental reason. The virtuous man illustrates by that +reply the definitive antinomy existing between the deed I am +attributing to him and his lifelong principles. “It’s absurd” means +“It’s impossible” but also “It’s contradictory.” If I see a man armed +only with a sword attack a group of machine guns, I shall consider +his act to be absurd. But it is so solely by virtue of the +disproportion between his intention and the reality he will +encounter, of the contradiction I notice between his true strength +and the aim he has in view. Likewise we shall deem a verdict +absurd when we contrast it with the verdict the facts apparently +dictated. And, similarly, a demonstration by the absurd is achieved +by comparing the consequences of such a reasoning with the +logical reality one wants to set up. In all these cases, from the +simplest to the most complex, the magnitude of the absurdity will +be in direct ratio to the distance between the two terms of my +comparison. There are absurd marriages, challenges, rancors, +silences, wars, and even peace treaties. For each of them the +absurdity springs from a comparison. I am thus justified in saying +that the feeling of absurdity does not spring from the mere scrutiny +of a fact or an impression, but that it bursts from the comparison +between a bare fact and a certain reality, between an action and the +world that transcends it. The absurd is essentially a divorce. It lies +in neither of the elements compared; it is born of their +confrontation. +In this particular case and on the plane of intelligence, I can +therefore say that the Absurd is not in man (if such a metaphor +could have a meaning) nor in the world, but in their presence +together. For the moment it is the only bond uniting them. If wish +to limit myself to facts, I know what man wants, I know what the +world offers him, and now I can say that I also know what links +them. I have no need to dig deeper. A single certainty is enough for +the seeker. He simply has to derive all the consequences from it. +The immediate consequence is also a rule of method. The odd +trinity brought to light in this way is certainly not a startling +discovery. But it resembles the data of experience in that it is both +infinitely simple and infinitely complicated. Its first distinguishing +feature in this regard is that it cannot be divided. To destroy one of +its terms is to destroy the whole. There can be no absurd outside +the human mind. Thus, like everything else, the absurd ends with +death. But there can be no absurd outside this world either. And it +is by this elementary criterion that I judge the notion of the absurd +to be essential and consider that it can stand as the first of my +truths. The rule of method alluded to above appears here. If I judge +that a thing is true, I must preserve it. If I attempt to solve a +problem, at least I must not by that very solution conjure away one +of the terms of the problem. For me the sole datum is the absurd. +The first and, after all, the only condition of my inquiry is to +preserve the very thing that crushes me, consequently to respect +what I consider essential in it. I have just defined it as a +confrontation and an unceasing struggle. +And carrying this absurd logic to its conclusion, I must admit +that that struggle implies a total absence of hope (which has +nothing to do with despair), a continual rejection (which must not +be confused with renunciation), and a conscious dissatisfaction +(which must not be compared to immature unrest). Everything that +destroys, conjures away, or exorcises these requirements (and, to +begin with, consent which overthrows divorce) ruins the absurd +and devaluates the attitude that may then be proposed. The absurd +has meaning only in so far as it is not agreed to. +*** +There exists an obvious fact that seems utterly moral: namely, +that a man is always a prey to his truths. Once he has admitted +them, he cannot free himself from them. One has to pay something. +A man who has be-come conscious of the absurd is forever bound +to it. A man devoid of hope and conscious of being so has ceased +to belong to the future. That is natural. But it is just as natural that +he should strive to escape the universe of which he is the creator. +All the foregoing has significance only on account of this paradox. +Certain men, starting from a critique of rationalism, have admitted +the absurd climate. Nothing is more instructive in this regard than +to scrutinize the way in which they have elaborated their +consequences. +Now, to limit myself to existential philosophies, I see that all of +them without exception suggest escape. Through an odd reasoning, +starting out from the absurd over the ruins of reason, in a closed +universe limited to the human, they deify what crushes them and +find reason to hope in what impoverishes them. That forced hope is +religious in all of them. It deserves attention. +I shall merely analyze here as examples a few themes dear to +Chestov and Kierkegaard. But Jaspers will provide us, in +caricatural form, a typical example of this attitude. As a result the +rest will be clearer. He is left powerless to realize the transcendent, +incapab le of plumbing the depth of experience, and conscious of +that universe upset by failure. Will he advance or at least draw the +conclusions from that failure? He contributes nothing new. He has +found nothing in experience but the confession of his own +impotence and no occasion to infer any satisfactory principle. Yet +without justification, as he says to himself, he suddenly asserts all +at once the transcendent, the essence of experience, and the +superhuman significance of life when he writes: “Does not the +failure reveal, beyond any possible explanation and interpretation, +not the absence but the existence of transcendence?” That +existence which, suddenly and through a blind act of human +confidence, explains everything, he defines as “the unthinkable +unity of the general and the particular.” Thus the absurd becomes +god (in the broadest meaning of this word) and that inability to +understand becomes the existence that illuminates everything. +Nothing logically prepares this reasoning. I can call it a leap. And +para-doxically can be understood Jaspers’s insistence, his infinite +patience devoted to making the experience of the transcendent +impossible to realize. For the more fleeting that approximation is, +the more empty that definition proves to be, and the more real that +transcendent is to him; for the passion he devotes to asserting it is +in direct proportion to the gap between his powers of explanation +and the irrationality of the world and of experience. It thus appears +that the more bitterly Jaspers destroys the reason’s preconceptions, +the more radically he will explain the world. That apostle of +humiliated thought will find at the very end of humiliation the +means of regenerating being to its very depth. +Mystical thought has familiarized us with such devices. They +are just as legitimate as any attitude of mind. But for the moment I +am acting as if I took a certain problem seriously. Without judging +beforehand the general value of this attitude or its educative power, +I mean simply to consider whether it answers the conditions I set +myself, whether it is worthy of the conflict that concerns me. Thus +I return to Chestov. A commentator relates a remark of his that +deserves interest: +“The only true solution,” he said, “is precisely where human +judgment sees no solution. Otherwise, what need would we have of +God? We turn toward God only to obtain the impossible. As for +the possible, men suffice.” If there is a Chestovian philosophy, I +can say that it is altogether summed up in this way. For when, at +the conclusion of his passionate analyses, Chestov discovers the +fundamental absurdity of all existence, he does not say: “This is +the absurd,” but rather: “This is God: we must rely on him even if +he does not correspond to any of our rational categories.” So that +confusion may not be possible, the Russian philosopher even hints +that this God is perhaps full of hatred and hateful, +incomprehensible and contradictory; but the more hideous is his +face, the more he asserts his power. His greatness is his +incoherence. His proof is his inhumanity. One must spring into him +and by this leap free oneself from rational illusions. Thus, for +Chestov acceptance of the absurd is contemporaneous with the +absurd itself. Being aware of it amounts to accepting it, and the +whole logical effort of his thought is to bring it out so that at the +same time the tremendous hope it involves may burst forth. Let me +repeat that this attitude is legitimate. But I am persisting here in +considering a single problem and all its consequences. I do not +have to examine the emotion of a thought or of an act of faith. I +have a whole lifetime to do that. I know that the rationalist finds +Chestov’s attitude annoying. But I also feel that Chestov is right +rather than the rationalist, and I merely want to know if he remains +faithful to the commandments of the absurd. +Now, if it is admitted that the absurd is the contrary of hope, it +is seen that existential thought for Chestov presupposes the absurd +but proves it only to dispel it. Such subtlety of thought is a +conjuror’s emotional trick. When Chestov elsewhere sets his +absurd in opposition to current morality and reason, he calls it truth +and redemption. Hence, there is basically in that definition of the +absurd an approbation that Chestov grants it. If it is admitted that +all the power of that notion lies in the way it runs counter to our +elementary hopes, if it is felt that to remain, the absurd requires not +to be consented to, then it can be clearly seen that it has lost its true +aspect, its human and relative character in order to enter an eternity +that is both incomprehensible and satisfying. If there is an absurd, +it is in man’s universe. The moment the notion transforms itself +into eternity’s springboard, it ceases to be linked to human lucidity. +The absurd is no longer that evidence that man ascertains without +consenting to it. The struggle is eluded. Man integrates the absurd +and in that communion causes to disappear its essential character, +which is opposition, laceration, and divorce. This leap is an escape. +Chestov, who is so fond of quoting Hamlet’s remark: “The time is +out of joint,” writes it down with a sort of savage hope that seems +to belong to him in particular. For it is not in this sense that Hamlet +says it or Shakespeare writes it. The intoxication of the irrational +and the vocation of rapture turn a lucid mind away from the +absurd. To Chestov reason is useless but there is something beyond +reason. To an absurd mind reason is useless and there is nothing +beyond reason. +This leap can at least enlighten us a little more as to the true +nature of the absurd. We know that it is worthless except in an +equilibrium, that it is, above all, in the comparison and not in the +terms of that comparison. But it so happens that Chestov puts all +the emphasis on one of the terms and destroys the equilibrium. Our +appetite for understanding, our nostalgia for the absolute are +explicable only in so far, precisely, as we can understand and +explain many things. It is useless to negate the reason absolutely. It +has its order in which it is efficacious. It is properly that of human +experience. Whence we wanted to make everything clear. If we +cannot do so, if the absurd is born on that occasion, it is born +precisely at the very meeting-point of that efficacious but limited +reason with the ever resurgent irrational. Now, when Chestov rises +up against a Hegelian proposition such as “the motion of the solar +system takes place in conformity with immutable laws and those +laws are its reason,” when he devotes all his passion to upsetting +Spinoza’s rationalism, he concludes, in effect, in favor of the +vanity of all reason. Whence, by a natural and illegitimate reversal, +to the pre-eminence of the irrational.[5] But the transition is not +evident. For here may intervene the notion of limit and the notion +of level. The laws of nature may be operative up to a certain limit, +beyond which they turn against themselves to give birth to the +absurd. Or else, they may justify themselves on the level of +description without for that reason being true on the level of +explanation. +Everything is sacrificed here to the irrational, and, the demand +for clarity being conjured away, the absurd disappears with one of +the terms of its comparison. The absurd man, on the other hand, +does not undertake such a leveling process. He recognizes the +struggle, does not absolutely scorn reason, and admits the +irrational. Thus he again embraces in a single glance all the data of +experience and he is little inclined to leap before knowing. He +knows simply that in that alert awareness there is no further place +for hope. +What is perceptible in Leo Chestov will be perhaps even more +so in Kierkegaard. To be sure, it is hard to outline clear +propositions in so elusive a writer. But, despite apparently opposed +writings, beyond the pseudonyms, the tricks, and the smiles, can be +felt throughout that work, as it were, the presentiment (at the same +time as the apprehension) of a truth which eventually bursts forth +in the last works: Kierkegaard likewise takes the leap. His +childhood having been so frightened by Christianity, he ultimately +returns to its harshest aspect. For him, too, antinomy and paradox +become criteria of the religious. Thus, the very thing that led to +despair of the meaning and depth of this life now gives it its truth +and its clarity. Christianity is the scandal, and what Kierkegaard +calls for quite plainly is the third sacrifice required by Ignatius +Loyola, the one in which God most rejoices: “The sacrifice of the +intellect.” [6] +This effect of the “leap” is odd, but must not surprise us any +longer. He makes of the absurd the criterion of the other world, +whereas it is simply a residue of the experience of this world. “In +his failure,” says Kierkegaard, “the believer finds his triumph.” +It is not for me to wonder to what stirring preaching this +attitude is linked. I merely have to wonder if the spectacle of the +absurd and its own character justifies it. On this point, I know that +it is not so. Upon considering again the content of the absurd, one +understands better the method that inspired Kierkegaard. Between +the irrational of the world and the insurgent nostalgia of the absurd, +he does not maintain the equilibrium. He does not respect the +relationship that constitutes, properly speaking, the feeling of +absurdity. Sure of being unable to escape the irrational, he wants at +least to save himself from that desperate nostalgia that seems to +him sterile and devoid of implication. But if he may be right on +this point in his judgment, he could not be in his negation. If he +substitutes for his cry of revolt a frantic adherence, at once he is +led to blind himself to the absurd which hitherto enlightened him +and to deify the only certainty he henceforth possesses, the +irrational. The important thing, as Abbe Galiani said to Mme +d’Epinay, is not to be cured, but to live with one’s ailments. +Kierkegaard wants to be cured. To be cured is his frenzied wish, +and it runs throughout his whole journal. The entire effort of his +intelligence is to escape the antinomy of the human condition. An +all the more desperate effort since he intermittently perceives its +vanity when he speaks of himself, as if neither fear of God nor +piety were capable of bringing him to peace. Thus it is that, +through a strained subterfuge, he gives the irrational the +appearance and God the attributes of the absurd: unjust, +incoherent, and incomprehensible. Intelligence alone in him strives +to stifle the underlying demands of the human heart. Since nothing +is proved, everything can be proved. +Indeed, Kierkegaard himself shows us the path taken. I do not +want to suggest anything here, but how can one fail to read in his +works the signs of an almost intentional mutilation of the soul to +balance the mutilation accepted in regard to the absurd? It is the +leitmotiv of the Journal. “What I lacked was the animal which also +belongs to human destiny .... But give me a body then.” And +further on: “Oh! especially in my early youth what should I not +have given to be a man, even for six months ... what I lack, +basically, is a body and the physical conditions of existence.” +Elsewhere, the same man nevertheless adopts the great cry of hope +that has come down through so many centuries and quickened so +many hearts, except that of the absurd man. “But for the Christian +death is certainly not the end of everything and it implies infinitely +more hope than life implies for us, even when that life is +overflowing with health and vigor.” Reconciliation through +scandal is still reconciliation. It allows one perhaps, as can be seen, +to derive hope of its contrary, which is death. But even if fellow- +feeling inclines one toward that attitude, still it must be said that +excess justifies nothing. That transcends, as the saying goes, the +human scale; therefore it must be superhuman. But this “therefore” +is superfluous. There is no logical certainty here. There is no +experimental probability either. All I can say is that, in fact, that +transcends my scale. If I do not draw a negation from it, at least I +do not want to found anything on the incomprehensible. I want to +know whether I can live with what I know and with that alone. I +am told again that here the intelligence must sacrifice its pride and +the reason bow down. But if I recognize the limits of the reason, I +do not therefore negate it, recognizing its relative powers. I merely +want to remain in this middle path where the intelligence can +remain clear. If that is its pride, I see no sufficient reason for +giving it up. Nothing more profound, for example, than +Kierkegaard’s view according to which despair is not a fact but a +state: the very state of sin. For sin is what alienates from God. The +absurd, which is the metaphysical state of the conscious man, does +not lead to God.[7] Perhaps this notion will become clearer if I risk +this shocking statement: the absurd is sin without God. +It is a matter of living in that state of the absurd I know on +what it is founded, this mind and this world straining against each +other without being able to embrace each other. I ask for the rule— +of life of that state, and what I am offered neglects its basis, +negates one of the terms of the painful opposition, demands of me +a resignation. I ask what is involved in the condition I recognize as +mine; I know it implies obscurity and ignorance; and I am assured +that this ignorance explains everything and that this darkness is my +light. But there is no reply here to my intent, and this stirring +lyricism cannot hide the paradox from me. One must therefore turn +away. Kierkegaard may shout in warning: “If man had no eternal +consciousness, if, at the bottom of everything, there were merely a +wild, seething force producing everything, both large and trifling, +in the storm of dark passions, if the bottomless void that nothing +can fill underlay all things, what would life be but despair?” This +cry is not likely to stop the absurd man. Seeking what is true is not +seeking what is desirable. If in order to elude the anxious question: +“What would life be?” one must, like the donkey, feed on the roses +of illusion, then the absurd mind, rather than resigning itself to +falsehood, prefers, to adopt fearlessly Kierkegaard’s reply: +“despair.” Everything considered, a determined soul will always +manage. +*** +I am taking the liberty at this point of calling the existential +attitude philosophical suicide. But this does not imply a judgment. +It is a convenient way of indicating the movement by which a +thought negates itself and tends to transcend itself in its very +negation. For the existentials negation is their God. To be precise, +that god is maintained only through the negation of human +reason.[8] But, like suicides, gods change with men. There are +many ways of leaping, the essential being to leap. Those +redeeming negations, those ultimate contradictions which negate +the obstacle that has not yet been leaped over, may spring just as +well (this is the paradox at which this reasoning aims) from a +certain religious inspiration as from the rational order. They always +lay claim to the eternal, and it is solely in this that they take the +leap. +It must be repeated that the reasoning developed in this essay +leaves out altogether the most widespread spiritual attitude of our +enlightened age: the one, based on the principle that all is reason, +which aims to explain the world. It is natural to give a clear view +of the world after accepting the idea that it must be clear. That is +even legitimate, but does not concern the reasoning we are +following out here. In fact, our aim is to shed light upon the step +taken by the mind when, starting from a philosophy of the world’s +lack of meaning, it ends up by finding a meaning and depth in it. +The most touching of those steps is religious in essence; it +becomes obvious in the theme of the irrational. But the most +paradoxical and most significant is certainly the one that attributes +rational reasons to a world it originally imagined as devoid of any +guiding principle. It is impossible in any case to reach the +consequences that concern us without having given an idea of this +new attainment of the spirit of nostalgia. +I shall examine merely the theme of “the Intention” made +fashionable by Husserl and the phenomenologists. I have already +alluded to it. Originally Husserl’s method negates the classic +procedure of the reason. Let me repeat. Thinking is not unifying or +making the appearance familiar under the guise of a great +principle. Thinking is learning all over again how to see, directing +one’s consciousness, making of every image a privileged place. In +other words, phenomenology declines to explain the world, it +wants to be merely a description of actual experience. It confirms +absurd thought in its initial assertion that there is no truth, but +merely truths. From the evening breeze to this hand on my +shoulder, everything has its truth. Consciousness illuminates it by +paying attention to it. Consciousness does not form the object of its +understanding, it merely focuses, it is the act of attention, and, to +borrow a Bergsonian image, it resembles the projector that +suddenly focuses on an image. The difference is that there is no +scenario, but a successive and incoherent illustration. In that magic +lantern all the pictures are privileged. Consciousness suspends in +experience the objects of its attention. Through its miracle it +isolates them. Henceforth they are beyond all judgments. This is +the “intention” that characterizes consciousness. But the word does +not imply any idea of finality; it is taken in its sense of “direction”: +its only value is topographical. +At first sight, it certainly seems that in this way nothing +contradicts the absurd spirit. That apparent modesty of thought that +limits itself to describing what it declines to explain, that +intentional discipline whence results paradoxically a profound +enrichment of experience and the rebirth of the world in its +prolixity are absurd procedures. At least at first sight. For methods +of thought, in this case as elsewhere, always assume two aspects, +one psychological and the other metaphysical.[9] Thereby they +harbor two truths. If the theme of the intentional claims to illustrate +merely a psychological attitude, by which reality is drained instead +of being explained, nothing in fact separates it from the absurd +spirit. It aims to enumerate what it cannot transcend. It affirms +solely that without any unifying principle thought can still take +delight in describing and understanding every aspect of experience. +The truth involved then for each of those aspects is psychological +in nature. It simply testifies to the “interest” that reality can offer. +It is a way of awaking a sleeping world and of making it vivid to +the mind. But if one attempts to extend and give a rational basis to +that notion of truth, if one claims to discover in this way the +“essence” of each object of knowledge, one restores its depth to +experience. For an absurd mind that is incomprehensible. Now, it +is this wavering between modesty and assurance that is noticeable +in the intentional attitude, and this shimmering of +phenomenological thought will illustrate the absurd reasoning +better than anything else. +For Husserl speaks likewise of “extra-temporal essences” +brought to light by the intention, and he sounds like Plato. All +things are not explained by one thing but by all things. I see no +difference. To be sure, those ideas or those essences that +consciousness “effectuates” at the end of every description are not +yet to be considered perfect models. But it is asserted that they are +directly present in each datum of perception. There is no longer a +single idea explaining everything, but an infinite number of +essences giving a meaning to an infinite number of objects. The +world comes to a stop, but also lights up. Platonic realism becomes +intuitive, but it is still realism. Kierkegaard was swallowed up in +his God; Parmenides plunged thought into the One. But here +thought hurls itself into an abstract polytheism. But this is not all: +hallucinations and fictions likewise belong to “extra-temporal +essences.” In the new world of ideas, the species of centaurs +collaborates with the more modest species of metropolitan man. +For the absurd man, there was a truth as well as a bitterness in +that purely psychological opinion that all aspects of the world are +privileged. To say that everything is privileged is tantamount to +saying that everything is equivalent. But the metaphysical aspect of +that truth is so far-reaching that through an elementary reaction he +feels closer perhaps to Plato. He is taught, in fact, that every image +presupposes an equally privileged essence. In this ideal world +without hierarchy, the formal army is composed solely of generals. +To be sure, transcendency had been eliminated. But a sudden shift +in thought brings back into the world a sort of fragmentary +immanence which restores to the universe its depth. +Am I to fear having carried too far a theme handled with +greater circumspection by its creators? I read merely these +assertions of Husserl, apparently paradoxical yet rigorously logical +if what precedes is accepted: “That which is true is true absolutely, +in itself; truth is one, identical with itself, however different the +creatures who perceive it, men, monsters, angels or gods.” Reason +triumphs and trumpets forth with that voice, I cannot deny. What +can its assertions mean in the absurd world? The perception of an +angel or a god has no meaning for me. That geometrical spot +where divine reason ratifies mine will always be incomprehensible +to me. There, too, I discern a leap, and though performed in the +abstract, it nonetheless means for me forgetting just what I do not +want to forget. When farther on Husserl exclaims: “If all masses +subject to attraction were to disappear, the law of attraction would +not be destroyed but would simply remain without any possible +application,” I know that I am faced with a metaphysic of +consolation. And if I want to discover the point where thought +leaves the path of evidence, I have only to reread the parallel +reasoning that Husserl voices regarding the mind: “If we could +contemplate clearly the exact laws of psychic processes, they +would be seen to be likewise eternal and invariable, like the basic +laws of theoretical natural science. Hence they would be valid even +if there were no psychic process.” Even if the mind were not, its +laws would be! I see then that of a psychological truth Husserl +aims to make a rational rule: after having denied the integrating +power of human reason, he leaps by this expedient to eternal +Reason. +Husserl’s theme of the “concrete universe” cannot then surprise +me. If I am told that all essences are not formal but that some are +material, that the first are the object of logic and the second of +science, this is merely a question of definition. The abstract, I am +told, indicates but a part, without consistency in itself, of a +concrete universal. But the wavering already noted allows me to +throw light on the confusion of these terms. For that may mean that +the concrete object of my attention, this sky, the reflection of that +water on this coat, alone preserve the prestige of the real that my +interest isolates in the world. And I shall not deny it. But that may +mean also that this coat itself is universal, has its particular and +sufficient essence, belongs to the world of forms. I then realize that +merely the order of the procession has been changed. This world +has ceased to have its reflection in a higher universe, but the +heaven of forms is figured in the host of images of this earth. This +changes nothing for me. Rather than encountering here a taste for +the concrete, the meaning of the human condition, I find an +intellectualism sufficiently unbridled to generalize the concrete +itself. +* * * +It is futile to be amazed by the apparent paradox that leads +thought to its own negation by the opposite paths of humiliated +reason and triumphal reason. From the abstract god of Husserl to +the dazzling god of Kierkegaard the distance is not so great. +Reason and the irrational lead to the same preaching. In truth the +way matters but little; the will to arrive suffices. The abstract +philosopher and the religious philosopher start out from the same +disorder and support each other in the same anxiety. But the +essential is to explain. Nostalgia is stronger here than knowledge. +It is significant that the thought of the epoch is at once one of the +most deeply imbued with a philosophy of the non-significance of +the world and one of the most divided in its conclusions. It is +constantly oscillating between extreme rationalization of reality +which tends to break up that thought into standard reasons and its +extreme irrationalization which tends to deify it. But this divorce is +only apparent. It is a matter of reconciliation, and, in both cases, +the leap suffices. It is always wrongly thought that the notion of +reason is a oneway notion. To tell the truth, however rigorous it +may be in its ambition, this concept is nonetheless just as unstable +as others. Reason bears a quite human aspect, but it also is able to +turn toward the divine. Since Plotinus, who was the first to +reconcile it with the eternal climate, it has learned to turn away +from the most cherished of its principles, which is contradiction, in +order to integrate into it the strangest, the quite magic one of +participation.[10] It is an instrument of thought and not thought +itself. Above all, a man’s thought is his nostalgia. +Just as reason was able to soothe the melancholy of Plotinus, it +provides modern anguish the means of calming itself in the +familiar setting of the eternal. The absurd mind has less luck. For it +the world is neither so rational nor so irrational. It is unreasonable +and only that. With Husserl the reason eventually has no limits at +all. The absurd, on the contrary, establishes its lim-its since it is +powerless to calm its anguish. Kierkegaard independently asserts +that a single limit is enough to negate that anguish. But the absurd +does not go so far. For it that limit is directed solely at the reason’s +ambitions. The theme of the irrational, as it is conceived by the +existentials, is reason becoming confused and escaping by negating +itself. The absurd is lucid reason noting its limits. +Only at the end of this difficult path does the absurd man +recognize his true motives. Upon comparing his inner exigence and +what is then offered him, he suddenly feels he is going to turn +away. In the universe of Husserl the world becomes clear and that +longing for familiarity that man’s heart harbors becomes useless. +In Kierkegaard’s apocalypse that desire for clarity must be given +up if it wants to be satisfied. Sin is not so much knowing (if it +were, everybody would be innocent) as wanting to know. Indeed, it +is the only sin of which the absurd man can feel that it constitutes +both his guilt and his innocence. He is offered a solution in which +all the past contradictions have become merely polemical games. +But this is not the way he experienced them. Their truth must be +preserved, which consists in not being satisfied. He does not want +preaching. +My reasoning wants to be faithful to the evidence that aroused +it. That evidence is the absurd. It is that divorce between the mind +that desires and the world that disappoints, my nostalgia for unity, +this fragmented universe and the contradiction that binds them +together. Kierkegaard suppresses my nostalgia and Husserl gathers +together that universe. That is not what I was expecting. It was a +matter of living and thinking with those dislocations, of knowing +whether one had to accept or refuse. There can be no question of +masking the evidence, of suppressing the absurd by denying one of +the terms of its equation. It is essential to know whether one can +live with it or whether, on the other hand, logic commands one to +die of it. I am not interested in philosophical suicide, but rather in +plain suicide. I merely wish to purge it of its emotional content and +know its logic and its integrity. Any other position implies for the +absurd mind deceit and the mind’s retreat before what the mind +itself has brought to light. Husserl claims to obey the desire to +escape “the inveterate habit of living and thinking in certain well- +known and convenient conditions of existence,” but the final leap +restores in him the eternal and its comfort. The leap does not +represent an extreme danger as Kierkegaard would like it to do. +The danger, on the contrary, lies in the subtle instant that precedes +the leap. Being able to remain on that dizzying crest—that is +integrity and the rest is subterfuge. I know also that never has +helplessness inspired such striking harmonies as those of +Kierkegaard. But if helplessness has its place in the indifferent +landscapes of history, it has none in a reasoning whose exigence is +now known. +Absurd Freedom +Now the main thing is done, I hold certain facts from which I +cannot separate. What I know, what is certain, what I cannot deny, +what I cannot reject—this is what counts. I can negate everything +of that part of me that lives on vague nostalgias, except this desire +for unity, this longing to solve, this need for clarity and cohesion. I +can refute everything in this world surrounding me that offends or +enraptures me, except this chaos, this sovereign chance and this +divine equivalence which springs from anarchy. I don’t know +whether this world has a meaning that transcends it. But I know +that I do not know that meaning and that it is impossible for me +just now to know it. What can a meaning outside my condition +mean to me? I can understand only in human terms. What I touch, +what resists me—that is what I understand. And these two +certainties—my appetite for the absolute and for unity and the +impossibility of reducing this world to a rational and reasonable +principle—I also know that I cannot reconcile them. What other +truth can I admit without lying, without bringing in a hope I lack +and which means nothing within the limits of my condition? +If I were a tree among trees, a cat among animals, this life +would have a meaning, or rather this problem would not arise, for I +should belong to this world. I should be this world to which I am +now opposed by my whole consciousness and my whole insistence +upon familiarity. This ridiculous reason is what sets me in +opposition to all creation. I cannot cross it out with a stroke of the +pen. What I believe to be true I must therefore preserve. What +seems to me so obvious, even against me, I must support. And +what constitutes the basis of that conflict, of that break between the +world and my mind, but the awareness of it? If therefore I want to +preserve it, I can through a constant awareness, ever revived, ever +alert. This is what, for the moment, I must remember. At this +moment the absurd, so obvious and yet so hard to win, returns to a +man’s life and finds its home there. At this moment, too, the mind +can leave the arid, dried-up path of lucid effort. That path now +emerges in daily life. It encounters the world of the anonymous +impersonal pronoun “one,” but henceforth man enters in with his +revolt and his lucidity. He has forgotten how to hope. This hell of +the present is his Kingdom at last. All problems recover their sharp +edge. Abstract evidence retreats before the poetry of forms and +colors. Spiritual conflicts become embodied and return to the +abject and magnificent shelter of man’s heart. None of them is +settled. But all are transfigured. Is one going to die, escape by the +leap, rebuild a mansion of ideas and forms to one’s own scale? Is +one, on the contrary, going to take up the heart-rending and +marvelous wager of the absurd? Let’s make a final effort in this +regard and draw all our conclusions. The body, affection, creation, +action, human nobility will then resume their places in this mad +world. At last man will again find there the wine of the absurd and +the bread of indifference on which he feeds his greatness. +Let us insist again on the method: it is a matter of persisting. At +a certain point on his path the absurd man is tempted. History is +not lacking in either religions or prophets, even without gods. He is +asked to leap. All he can reply is that he doesn’t fully understand, +that it is not obvious. Indeed, he does not want to do anything but +what he fully understands. He is assured that this is the sin of +pride, but he does not understand the notion of sin; that perhaps +hell is in store, but he has not enough imagination to visualize that +strange future; that he is losing immortal life, but that seems to him +an idle consideration. An attempt is made to get him to admit his +guilt. He feels innocent. To tell the truth, that is all he feels—his +irreparable innocence. This is what allows him everything. Hence, +what he demands of himself is to live solely with what he knows, +to accommodate himself to what is, and to bring in nothing that is +not certain. He is told that nothing is. But this at least is a certainty. +And it is with this that he is concerned: he wants to find out if it is +possible to live without appeal. +Now I can broach the notion of suicide. It has already been felt +what solution might be given. At this point the problem is +reversed. It was previously a question of finding out whether or not +life had to have a meaning to be lived. It now becomes clear, on +the contrary, that it will be lived all the better if it has no meaning. +Living an experience, a particular fate, is accepting it fully. Now, +no one will live this fate, knowing it to be absurd, unless he does +everything to keep before him that absurd brought to light by +consciousness. Negating one of the terms of the opposition on +which he lives amounts to escaping it. To abolish conscious revolt +is to elude the problem. The theme of permanent revolution is thus +carried into individual experience. Living is keeping the absurd +alive. Keeping it alive is, above all, contemplating it. Unlike +Eurydice, the absurd dies only when we turn away from it. One of +the only coherent philosophical positions is thus revolt. It is a +constant confrontation between man and his own obscurity. It is an +insistence upon an impossible transparency. It challenges the world +anew every second. Just as danger provided man the unique +opportunity of seizing awareness, so metaphysical revolt extends +awareness to the whole of experience. It is that constant presence +of man in his own eyes. It is not aspiration, for it is devoid of hope. +That revolt is the certainly of a crushing fate, without the +resignation that ought to accompany it. +This is where it is seen to what a degree absurd experience is +remote from suicide. It may be thought that suicide follows +revolt—but wrongly. For it does not represent the logical outcome +of revolt. It is just the contrary by the consent it presupposes. +Suicide, like the leap, is acceptance at its extreme. Everything is +over and man returns to his essential history. His future, his unique +and dreadful future—he sees and rushes toward it. In its way, +suicide settles the absurd. It engulfs the absurd in the same death. +But I know that in order to keep alive, the absurd cannot be settled. +It escapes suicide to the extent that it is simultaneously awareness +and rejection of death. It is, at the extreme limit of the condemned +man’s last thought, that shoelace that despite everything he sees a +few yards away, on the very brink of his dizzying fall. The +contrary of suicide, in fact, is the man condemned to death. +That revolt gives life its value. Spread out over the whole +length of a life, it restores its majesty to that life. To a man devoid +of blinders, there is no finer sight than that of the intelligence at +grips with a reality that transcends it. The sight of human pride is +unequaled. No disparagement is of any use. That discipline that the +mind imposes on itself, that will conjured up out of nothing, that +face-to-face struggle have something exceptional about them. To +impoverish that reality whose inhumanity constitutes man’s +majesty is tantamount to impoverishing him himself. I understand +then why the doctrines that explain everything to me also debilitate +me at the same time. They relieve me of the weight of my own life, +and yet I must carry it alone. At this juncture, I cannot conceive +that a skeptical metaphysics can be joined to an ethics of +renunciation. +Consciousness and revolt, these rejections are the contrary of +renunciation. Everything that is indomitable and passionate in a +human heart quickens them, on the contrary, with its own life. It is +essential to die unrecon-ciled and not of one’s own free will. +Suicide is a repudi—ation. The absurd man can only drain +everything to the bitter end, and deplete himself. The absurd is his +extreme tension, which he maintains constantly by solitary effort, +for he knows that in that consciousness and in that day-to-day +revolt he gives proof of his only truth, which is defiance. This is a +first consequence. +*** +If I remain in that prearranged position which consists in +drawing all the conclusions (and nothing else) involved in a newly +discovered notion, I am faced with a second paradox. In order to +remain faithful to that method, I have nothing to do with the +problem of metaphysical liberty. Knowing whether or not man is +free doesn’t interest me. I can experience only my own freedom. +As to it, I can have no general notions, but merely a few clear +insights. The problem of “freedom as such” has no meaning, for it +is linked in quite a different way with the problem of God. +Knowing whether or not man is free involves knowing whether he +can have a master. The absurdity peculiar to this problem comes +from the fact that the very notion that makes the problem of +freedom possible also takes away all its meaning. For in the +presence of God there is less a problem of freedom than a problem +of evil. You know the alternative: either we are not free and God +the all-powerful is responsible for evil. Or we are free and +responsible but God is not all powerful. All the scholastic +subtleties have neither added anything to nor subtracted anything +from the acuteness of this paradox. +This is why I cannot act lost in the glorification or the mere +definition of a notion which eludes me and loses its meaning as +soon as it goes beyond the frame of reference of my individual +experience. I cannot understand what kind of freedom would be +given me by a higher being. I have lost the sense of hierarchy. The +only conception of freedom I can have is that of the prisoner or the +individual in the midst of the State. The only one I know is +freedom of thought and action. Now if the absurd cancels all my +chances of eternal freedom, it restores and magnifies, on the other +hand, my freedom of action. That privation of hope and future +means an increase in man’s availability. +Before encountering the absurd, the everyday man lives with +aims, a concern for the future or for justification (with regard to +whom or what is not the question). He weighs his chances, he +counts on “someday,” his retirement or the labor of his sons. He +still thinks that something in his life can be directed. In truth, he +acts as if he were free, even if all the facts make a point of +contradicting that liberty. But after the absurd, everything is upset. +That idea that “I am,” my way of acting as if everything has a +meaning (even if, on occasion, I said that nothing has)—all that is +given the lie in vertiginous fashion by the absurdity of a possible +death. Thinking of the future, establishing aims for oneself, having +preferences—all this presupposes a belief in freedom, even if one +occasionally ascertains that one doesn’t feel it. But at that moment +I am well aware that that higher liberty, that freedom to be, which +alone can serve as basis for a truth, does not exist. Death is there as +the only reality. After death the chips are down. I am not even free, +either, to perpetuate myself, but a slave, and, above all, a slave +without hope of an eternal revolution, without recourse to +contempt. And who without revolution and without contempt can +remain a slave? What freedom can exist in the fullest sense without +assurance of eternity? +But at the same time the absurd man realizes that hitherto he +was bound to that postulate of freedom on the illusion of which he +was living. In a certain sense, that hampered him. To the extent to +which he imagined a purpose to his life, he adapted himself to the +demands of a purpose to be achieved and became the slave of his +liberty. Thus I could not act otherwise than as the father (or the +engineer or the leader of a nation, or the post-office sub-clerk) that +I am preparing to be. I think I can choose to be that rather than +something else. I think so unconsciously, to be sure. But at the +same time I strengthen my postulate with the beliefs of those +around me, with the presumptions of my human environment +(others are so sure of being free, and that cheerful mood is so +contagious!). However far one may remain from any presumption, +moral or social, one is partly influenced by them and even, for the +best among them (there are good and bad presumptions), one +adapts one’s life to them. Thus the absurd man realizes that he was +not really free. To speak clearly, to the extent to which I hope, to +which I worry about a truth that might be individual to me, about a +way of being or creating, to the extent to which I arrange my life +and prove thereby that I accept its having a meaning, I create for +myself barriers between which I confine my life. I do like so many +bureaucrats of the mind and heart who only fill me with disgust +and whose only vice, I now see clearly, is to take man’s freedom +seriously. +The absurd enlightens me on this point: there is no future. +Henceforth this is the reason for my inner freedom. I shall use two +comparisons here. Mystics, to begin with, find freedom in giving +themselves. By losing themselves in their god, by accepting his +rules, they become secretly free. In spontaneously accepted slavery +they recover a deeper independence. But what does that freedom +mean? It may be said, above all, that they feel free with regard to +themselves, and not so much free as liberated. Likewise, +completely turned toward death (taken here as the most obvious +absurdity), the absurd man feels released from everything outside +that passionate attention crystallizing in him. He enjoys a freedom +with regard to common rules. It can be seen at this point that the +initial themes of existential philosophy keep their entire value. The +return to consciousness, the escape from everyday sleep represent +the first steps of absurd freedom. But it is existential preaching that +is alluded to, and with it that spiritual leap which basically escapes +consciousness. In the same way (this is my second comparison) the +slaves of antiquity did not belong to themselves. But they knew +that freedom which consists in not feeling responsible.[11] Death, +too, has patrician hands which, while crushing, also liberate. +Losing oneself in that bottomless certainty, feeling henceforth +sufficiently remote from one’s own life to increase it and take a +broad view of it—this involves the principle of a liberation. Such +new independence has a definite time limit, like any freedom of +action. It does not write a check on eternity. But it takes the place +of the illusions of freedom, which all stopped with death. The +divine availability of the condemned man before whom the prison +doors open in a certain early dawn, that unbelievable +disinterestedness with regard to everything except for the pure +flame of life—it is clear that death and the absurd are here the +principles of the only reasonable freedom: that which a human +heart can experience and live. This is a second consequence. The +absurd man thus catches sight of a burning and frigid, transparent +and limited universe in which nothing is possible but everything is +given, and beyond which all is collapse and nothingness. He can +then decide to accept such a universe and draw from it his strength, +his refusal to hope, and the unyielding evidence of a life without +consolation. +*** +But what does life mean in such a universe? Nothing else for +the moment but indifference to the future and a desire to use up +everything that is given. Belief in the meaning of life always +implies a scale of values, a choice, our preferences. Belief in the +absurd, according to our definitions, teaches the contrary. But this +is worth examining. +Knowing whether or not one can live without appeal is all that +interests me. I do not want to get out of my depth. This aspect of +life being given me, can I adapt myself to it? Now, faced with this +particular concern, belief in the absurd is tantamount to +substituting the quantity of experiences for the quality. If I +convince myself that this life has no other aspect than that of the +absurd, if I feel that its whole equilibrium depends on that +perpetual opposition between my conscious revolt and the darkness +in which it struggles, if I admit that my freedom has no meaning +except in relation to its limited fate, then I must say that what +counts is not the best living but the most living. It is not up to me +to wonder if this is vulgar or revolting, elegant or deplorable. Once +and for all, value judgments are discarded here in favor of factual +judgments. I have merely to draw the conclusions from what I can +see and to risk nothing that is hypothetical. Supposing that living in +this way were not honorable, then true propriety would command +me to be dishonorable. +The most living; in the broadest sense, that rule means nothing. +It calls for definition. It seems to begin with the fact that the notion +of quantity has not been sufficiently explored. For it can account +for a large share of human experience. A man’s rule of conduct +and his scale of values have no meaning except through the +quantity and variety of experiences he has been in a position to +accumulate. Now, the conditions of modern life impose on the +majority of men the same quantity of experiences and +consequently the same profound experience. To be sure, there must +also be taken into consideration the individual’s spontaneous +contribution, the “given” element in him. But I cannot judge of +that, and let me repeat that my rule here is to get along with the +immediate evidence. I see, then, that the individual character of a +common code of ethics lies not so much in the ideal importance of +its basic principles as in the norm of an experience that it is +possible to measure. To stretch a point somewhat, the Greeks had +the code of their leisure just as we have the code of our eight-hour +day. But already many men among the most tragic cause us to +foresee that a longer experience changes this table of values. They +make us imagine that adventurer of the everyday who through +mere quantity of experiences would break all records (I am +purposely using this sports expression) and would thus win his +own code of ethics.[12] Yet let’s avoid romanticism and just ask +ourselves what such an attitude may mean to a man with his mind +made up to take up his bet and to observe strictly what he takes to +be the rules of the game. +Breaking all the records is first and foremost being faced with +the world as often as possible. How can that be done without +contradictions and without playing on words? For on the one hand +the absurd teaches that all experiences are unimportant, and on the +other it urges toward the greatest quantity of experiences. How, +then, can one fail to do as so many of those men I was speaking of +earlier—choose the form of life that brings us the most possible of +that human matter, thereby introducing a scale of values that on the +other hand one claims to reject? +But again it is the absurd and its contradictory life that teaches +us. For the mistake is thinking that that quantity of experiences +depends on the circumstances of our life when it depends solely on +us. Here we have to be over-simple. To two men living the same +number of years, the world always provides the same sum of +experiences. It is up to us to be conscious of them. Being aware of +one’s life, one’s revolt, one’s freedom, and to the maximum, is +living, and to the maximum. Where lucidity dominates, the scale of +values becomes useless. Let’s be even more simple. Let us say that +the sole obstacle, the sole deficiency to be made good, is +constituted by premature death. Thus it is that no depth, no +emotion, no passion, and no sacrifice could render equal in the +eyes of the absurd man (even if he wished it so) a conscious life of +forty years and a lucidity spread over sixty years.[13] Madness and +death are his irreparables. Man does not choose. The absurd and +the extra life it involves therefore do not defend on man’s will, but +on its contrary, which is death.[14] Weighing words carefully, it is +altogether a question of luck. One just has to be able to consent to +this. There will never be any substitute for twenty years of life and +experience. +By what is an odd inconsistency in such an alert race, the +Greeks claimed that those who died young were beloved of the +gods. And that is true only if you are willing to believe that +entering the ridiculous world of the gods is forever losing the +purest of joys, which is feeling, and feeling on this earth. The +present and the succession of presents before a constantly +conscious soul is the ideal of the absurd man. But the word “ideal” +rings false in this connection. It is not even his vocation, but +merely the third consequence of his reasoning. Having started from +an anguished awareness of the inhuman, the meditation on the +absurd returns at the end of its itinerary to the very heart of the +passionate flames of human revolt.[15] +* * * +Thus I draw from the absurd three consequences, which are my +revolt, my freedom, and my passion. By the mere activity of +consciousness I transform into a rule of life what was an invitation +to death—and I refuse suicide. I know, to be sure, the dull +resonance that vibrates throughout these days. Yet I have but a +word to say: that it is necessary. When Nietzsche writes: “It clearly +seems that the chief thing in heaven and on earth is to obey at +length and in a single direction: in the long run there results +something for which it is worth the trouble of living on this earth +as, for example, virtue, art, music, the dance, reason, the mind— +something that transfigures, something delicate, mad, or divine,” +he elucidates the rule of a really distinguished code of ethics. But +he also points the way of the absurd man. Obeying the flame is +both the easiest and the hardest thing to do. However, it is good for +man to judge himself occasionally. He is alone in being able to do +so. +“Prayer,” says Alain, “is when night descends over thought.” +“But the mind must meet the night,” reply the mystics and the +existentials. Yes, indeed, but not that night that is born under +closed eyelids and through the mere will of man—dark, +impenetrable night that the mind calls up in order to plunge into it. +If it must encounter a night, let it be rather that of despair, which +remains lucid—polar night, vigil of the mind, whence will arise +perhaps that white and virginal brightness which outlines every +object in the light of the intelligence. At that degree, equivalence +encounters passionate understanding. Then it is no longer even a +question of judging the existential leap. It resumes its place amid +the age-old fresco of human attitudes. For the spectator, if he is +conscious, that leap is still absurd. In so far as it thinks it solves the +paradox, it reinstates it intact. On this score, it is stirring. On this +score, everything resumes its place and the absurd world is reborn +in all its splendor and diversity. +But it is bad to stop, hard to be satisfied with a single way of +seeing, to go without contradiction, perhaps the most subtle of all +spiritual forces. The preceding merely defines a way of thinking. +But the point is to live. +The Absurd Man +If Stavrogin believes, he does not think he believes. If he does +not believe, he does not think he does not believe. +—The Possessed +My field,” said Goethe, “is time.” That is indeed the absurd +speech. What, in fact, is the absurd man? He who, without +negating it, does nothing for the eternal. Not that nostalgia is +foreign to him. But he prefers his courage and his reasoning. The +first teaches him to live without appeal and to get along with what +he has; the second informs him of his limits. Assured of his +temporally limited freedom, of his revolt devoid of future, and of +his mortal consciousness, he lives out his adventure within the +span of his lifetime. That is his field, that is his action, which he +shields from any judgment but his own. A greater life cannot mean +for him another life. That would be unfair. I am not even speaking +here of that paltry eternity that is called posterity. Mme Roland +relied on herself. That rashness was taught a lesson. Posterity is +glad to quote her remark, but forgets to judge it. Mme Roland is +indifferent to posterity. +There can be no question of holding forth on ethics. I have seen +people behave badly with great morality and I note every day that +integrity has no need of rules. There is but one moral code that the +absurd man can accept, the one that is not separated from God: the +one that is dictated. But it so happens that he lives outside that +God. As for the others (I mean also immoralism), the absurd man +sees nothing in them but justifications and he has nothing to +justify. I start out here from the principle of his innocence. +That innocence is to be feared. “Everything is permitted,” +exclaims Ivan Karamazov. That, too, smacks of the absurd. But on +condition that it not be taken in the vulgar sense. I don’t know +whether or not it has been sufficiently pointed out that it is not an +outburst of relief or of joy, but rather a bitter acknowledgment of a +fact. The certainty of a God giving a meaning to life far surpasses +in attractiveness the ability to behave badly with impunity. The +choice would not be hard to make. But there is no choice, and that +is where the bitterness comes in. The absurd does not liberate; it +binds. It does not authorize all actions. “Everything is permitted” +does not mean that nothing is forbidden. The absurd merely +confers an equivalence on the consequences of those actions. It +does not recommend crime, for this would be childish, but it +restores to remorse its futility. Likewise, if all experiences are +indifferent, that of duty is as legitimate as any other. One can be +virtuous through a whim. +All systems of morality are based on the idea that an action has +consequences that legitimize or cancel it. A mind imbued with the +absurd merely judges that those consequences must be considered +calmly. It is ready to pay up. In other words, there may be +responsible persons, but there are no guilty ones, in its opinion. At +very most, such a mind will consent to use past experience as a +basis for its future actions. Time will prolong time, and life will +serve life. In this field that is both limited and bulging with +possibilities, everything in himself, except his lucidity, seems +unforeseeable to him. What rule, then, could emanate from that +unreasonable order? The only truth that might seem instructive to +him is not formal: it comes to life and unfolds in men. The absurd +mind cannot so much expect ethical rules at the end of its +reasoning as, rather, illustrations and the breath of human lives. +The few following images are of this type. They prolong the +absurd reasoning by giving it a specific attitude and their warmth. +Do I need to develop the idea that an example is not necessarily +an example to be followed (even less so, if possible, in the absurd +world) and that these illustrations are not therefore models? +Besides the fact that a certain vocation is required for this, one +becomes ridiculous, with all due allowance, when drawing from +Rousseau the conclusion that one must walk on all fours and from +Nietzsche that one must maltreat one’s mother. “It is essential to be +absurd,” writes a modern author, “it is not essential to be a dupe.” +The attitudes of which I shall treat can assume their whole +meaning only through consideration of their contraries. A sub- +clerk in the post office is the equal of a conqueror if consciousness +is common to them. All experiences are indifferent in this regard. +There are some that do either a service or a disservice to man. +They do him a service if he is conscious. Otherwise, that has no +importance: a man’s failures imply judgment, not of +circumstances, but of himself. +I am choosing solely men who aim only to expend themselves +or whom I see to be expending themselves. That has no further +implications. For the moment I want to speak only of a world in +which thoughts, like lives, are devoid of future. Everything that +makes man work and get excited utilizes hope. The sole thought +that is not mendacious is therefore a sterile thought. In the absurd +world the value of a notion or of a life is measured by its sterility. +Don Juanism +If it were sufficient to love, things would be too easy. The more +one loves, the stronger the absurd grows. It is not through lack of +love that Don Juan goes from woman to woman. It is ridiculous to +represent him as a mystic in quest of total love. But it is indeed +because he loves them with the same passion and each time with +his whole self that he must repeat his gift and his profound quest. +Whence each woman hopes to give him what no one has ever +given him. Each time they are utterly wrong and merely manage to +make him feel the need of that repetition. “At last,” exclaims one +of them, “I have given you love.” Can we be surprised that Don +Juan laughs at this? “At last? No,” he says, “but once more.” Why +should it be essential to love rarely in order to love much? +Is Don Juan melancholy? This is not likely. I shall barely have +recourse to the legend. That laugh, the conquering insolence, that +playfulness and love of the theater are all clear and joyous. Every +healthy creature tends to multiply himself. So it is with Don Juan. +But, furthermore, melancholy people have two reasons for being +so: they don’t know or they hope. Don Juan knows and does not +hope. He reminds one of those artists who know their limits, never +go beyond them, and in that precarious interval in which they take +their spiritual stand enjoy all the wonderful ease of masters. And +that is indeed genius: the intelligence that knows its frontiers. Up +to the frontier of physical death Don Juan is ignorant of +melancholy. The moment he knows, his laugh bursts forth and +makes one forgive everything. He was melancholy at the time +when he hoped. Today, on the mouth of that woman he recognizes +the bitter and comforting taste of the only knowledge. Bitter? +Barely: that necessary imperfection that makes happiness +perceptible! +It is quite false to try to see in Don Juan a man brought up on +Ecclesiastes. For nothing is vanity to him except the hope of +another life. He proves this because he gambles that other life +against heaven itself. Longing for desire killed by satisfaction, that +commonplace of the impotent man, does not belong to him. That is +all right for Faust, who believed in God enough to sell himself to +the devil. For Don Juan the thing is simpler. Molina’s Burlador +ever replies to the threats of hell: “What a long respite you give +me!” What comes after death is futile, and what a long succession +of days for whoever knows how to be alive! Faust craved worldly +goods; the poor man had only to stretch out his hand. It already +amounted to selling his soul when he was unable to gladden it. As +for satiety, Don Juan insists upon it, on the contrary. If he leaves a +woman it is not absolutely because he has ceased to desire her. A +beautiful woman is always desirable. But he desires another, and +no, this is not the same thing. +This life gratifies his every wish, and nothing is worse than +losing it. This madman is a great wise man. But men who live on +hope do not thrive in this universe where kindness yields to +generosity, affection to virile silence, and communion to solitary +courage. And all hasten to say: “He was a weakling, an idealist or a +saint.” One has to disparage the greatness that insults. +* * * +People are sufficiently annoyed (or that smile of complicity +that debases what it admires) by Don Juan’s speeches and by that +same remark that he uses on all women. But to anyone who seeks +quantity in his joys, the only thing that matters is efficacy. What is +the use of complicating the passwords that have stood the test? No +one, neither the woman nor the man, listens to them, but rather to +the voice that pronounces them. They are the rule, the convention, +and the courtesy. After they are spoken the most important still +remains to be done. Don Juan is already getting ready for it. Why +should he give himself a problem in morality? He is not like +Milosz’s Manara, who damns himself through a desire to be a +saint. Hell for him is a thing to be provoked. He has but one reply +to divine wrath, and that is human honor: “I have honor,” he says +to the Commander, “and I am keeping my promise because I am a +knight.” But it would be just as great an error to make an +immoralist of him. In this regard, he is “like everyone else”: he has +the moral code of his likes and dislikes. Don Juan can be properly +understood only by constant reference to what he commonly +symbolizes: the ordinary seducer and the sexual athlete. He is an +ordinary seducer.[16] Except for the difference that he is conscious, +and that is why he is absurd. A seducer who has become lucid will +not change for all that. Seducing is his condition in life. Only in +novels does one change condition or become better. Yet it can be +said that at the same time nothing is changed and everything is +transformed. What Don Juan realizes in action is an ethic of +quantity, whereas the saint, on the contrary, tends toward quality. +Not to believe in the profound meaning of things belongs to the +absurd man. As for those cordial or wonder-struck faces, he eyes +them, stores them up, and does not pause over them. Time keeps +up with him. The absurd man is he who is not apart from time. Don +Juan does not think of “collecting” women. He exhausts their +number and with them his chances of life. “Collecting” amounts to +being capable of living off one’s past. But he rejects regret, that +other form of hope. He is incapable of looking at portraits. +* * * +Is he selfish for all that? In his way, probably. But here, too, it +is essential to understand one another. +There are those who are made for living and those who are +made for loving. At least Don Juan would be inclined to say so. +But he would do so in a very few words such as he is capable of +choosing. For the love we are speaking of here is clothed in +illusions of the eternal. As all the specialists in passion teach us, +there is no eternal love but what is thwarted. There is scarcely any +passion without struggle. Such a love culminates only in the +ultimate contradiction of death. One must be Werther or nothing. +There, too, there are several ways of committing suicide, one of +which is the total gift and forget-fulness of self. Don Juan, as well +as anyone else, knows that this can be stirring. But he is one of the +very few who know that this is not the important thing. He knows +just as well that those who turn away from all personal life through +a great love enrich themselves perhaps but certainly impoverish +those their love has chosen. A mother or a passionate wife +necessarily has a closed heart, for it is turned away from the world. +A single emotion, a single creature, a single face, but all is +devoured. Quite a different love disturbs Don Juan, and this one is +liberating. It brings with it all the faces in the world, and its tremor +comes from the fact that it knows itself to be mortal. Don Juan has +chosen to be nothing. +For him it is a matter of seeing clearly. We call love what binds +us to certain creatures only by reference to a collective way of +seeing for which books and legends are responsible. But of love I +know only that mixture of desire, affection, and intelligence that +binds me to this or that creature. That compound is not the same +for another person. I do not have the right to cover all these +experiences with the same name. This exempts one from +conducting them with the same gestures. The absurd man +multiplies here again what he cannot unify. Thus he discovers a +new way of being which liberates him at least as much as it +liberates those who approach him. There is no noble love but that +which recognizes itself to be both short-lived and exceptional. All +those deaths and all those rebirths gathered together as in a sheaf +make up for Don Juan the flowering of his life. It is his way of +giving and of vivifying. I let it be decided whether or not one can +speak of selfishness. +* * * +I think at this point of all those who absolutely insist that Don +Juan be punished. Not only in another life, but even in this one. I +think of all those tales, legends, and laughs about the aged Don +Juan. But Don Juan is already ready. To a conscious man old age +and what it portends are not a surprise. Indeed, he is conscious +only in so far as he does not conceal its horror from himself. There +was in Athens a temple dedicated to old age. Children were taken +there. As for Don Juan, the more people laugh at him, the more his +figure stands out. Thereby he rejects the one the romantics lent +him. No one wants to laugh at that tormented, pitiful Don Juan. He +is pitied; heaven itself will redeem him? But that’s not it. In the +universe of which Don Juan has a glimpse, ridicule too is included. +He would consider it normal to be chastised. That is the rule of the +game. And, indeed, it is typical of his nobility to have accepted all +the rules of the game. Yet he knows he is right and that there can +be no question of punishment. A fate is not a punishment. +That is his crime, and how easy it is to understand why the men +of God call down punishment on his head. He achieves a +knowledge without illusions which negates everything they +profess. Loving and possessing, conquering and consuming—that +is his way of knowing. (There is significance in that favorite +Scriptural word that calls the carnal act “knowing.”) He is their +worst enemy to the extent that he is ignorant of them. A chronicler +relates that the true Burlador died assassinated by Fransciscans +who wanted “to put an end to the excesses and blasphemies of Don +Juan, whose birth assured him impunity.” Then they proclaimed +that heaven had struck him down. No one has proved that strange +end. Nor has anyone proved the contrary. But without wondering if +it is probable, I can say that it is logical. I want merely to single out +at this point the word “birth” and to play on words: it was the fact +of living that assured his innocence. It was from death alone that +he derived a guilt now become legendary. +What else does that stone Commander signify, that cold statue +set in motion to punish the blood and courage that dared to think? +All the powers of eternal Reason, of order, of universal morality, +all the foreign grandeur of a God open to wrath are summed up in +him. That gigantic and soulless stone merely symbolizes the forces +that Don Juan negated forever. But the Commander’s mission +stops there. The thunder and lightning can return to the imitation +heaven whence they were called forth. The real tragedy takes place +quite apart from them. No, it was not under a stone hand that Don +Juan met his death. I am inclined to believe in the legendary +bravado, in that mad laughter of the healthy man provoking a non- +existent God. But, above all, I believe that on that evening when +Don Juan was waiting at Anna’s the Commander didn’t come, and +that after midnight the blasphemer must have felt the dreadful +bitterness of those who have been right. I accept even more readily +the account of his life that has him eventually burying himself in a +monastery. Not that the edifying aspect of the story can he +considered probable. What refuge can he go ask of God? But this +symbolizes rather the logical outcome of a life completely imbued +with the absurd, the grim ending of an existence turned toward +short lived joys. At this point sensual pleasure winds up in +asceticism. It is essential to realize that they may be, as it were, the +two aspects of the same destitution. What more ghastly image can +be called up than that of a man betrayed by his body who, simply +because he did not die in time, lives out the comedy while awaiting +the end, face to face with that God he does not adore, serving him +as he served life, kneeling before a void and arms outstretched +toward a heaven without eloquence that he knows to he also +without depth? +I see Don Juan in a cell of one of those Spanish monasteries +lost on a hilltop. And if he contemplates anything at all, it is not the +ghosts of past loves, but perhaps, through a narrow slit in the sun- +baked wall, some silent Spanish plain, a noble, soulless land in +which he recognizes himself. Yes, it is on this melancholy and +radiant image that the curtain must be rung down. The ultimate +end, awaited but never desired, the ultimate end is negligible. +Drama +“The play’s the thing,” says Hamlet, “wherein I’ll catch the +conscience of the king.” +“Catch” is indeed the word. For conscience moves swiftly or +withdraws within itself. It has to be caught on the wing, at that +barely perceptible moment when it glances fleetingly at itself. The +everyday man does not enjoy tarrying. Everything, on the contrary, +hurries him onward. But at the same time nothing interests him +more than himself, especially his potentialities. Whence his interest +in the theater, in the show, where so many fates are offered him, +where he can accept the poetry without feeling the sorrow. There at +least can be recognized the thoughtless man, and he continues to +hasten toward some hope or other. The absurd man begins where +that one leaves off, where, ceasing to admire the play, the mind +wants to enter in. Entering into all these lives, experiencing them +in their diversity, amounts to acting them out. I am not saying that +actors in general obey that impulse, that they are absurd men, but +that their fate is an absurd fate which might charm and attract a +lucid heart. It is necessary to establish this in order to grasp +without misunderstanding what will follow. +The actor’s realm is that of the fleeting. Of all kinds of fame, it +is known, his is the most ephemeral. At least, this is said in +conversation. But all kinds of fame are ephemeral. From the point +of view of Sirius, Goethe’s works in ten thousand years will be +dust and his name forgotten. Perhaps a handful of archaeologists +will look for “evidence” as to our era. That idea has always +contained a lesson. Seriously meditated upon, it reduces our +perturbations to the profound nobility that is found in indifference. +Above all, it directs our concerns toward what is most certain— +that is, toward the immediate. Of all kinds of fame the least +deceptive is the one that is lived. +Hence the actor has chosen multiple fame, the fame that is +hallowed and tested. From the fact that everything is to die +someday he draws the best conclusion. An actor succeeds or does +not succeed. A writer has some hope even if he is not appreciated. +He assumes that his works will bear witness to what he was. At +best the actor will leave us a photograph, and nothing of what he +was himself, his gestures and his silences, his gasping or his +panting with love, will come down to us. For him, not to be known +is not to act, and not acting is dying a hundred times with all the +creatures he would have brought to life or resuscitated. +*** +Why should we be surprised to find a fleeting fame built upon +the most ephemeral of creations? The actor has three hours to be +Iago or Alceste, Phedre or Gloucester. In that short space of time +he makes them come to life and die on fifty square yards of boards. +Never has the absurd been so well illustrated or at such length. +What more revelatory epitome can be imagined than those +marvelous lives, those exceptional and total desti— +nies unfolding for a few hours within a stage set? Off the stage, +Sigismundo ceases to count. Two hours later he is seen dining out. +Then it is, perhaps, that life is a dream. But after Sigismundo +comes another. The hero suffering from uncertainty takes the place +of the man roaring for his revenge. By thus sweeping over +centuries and minds, by miming man as he can be and as he is, the +actor has much in common with that other absurd individual, the +traveler. Like him, he drains something and is constantly on the +move. He is a traveler in time and, for the best, the hunted traveler, +pursued by souls. If ever the ethics of quantity could find +sustenance, it is indeed on that strange stage. To what degree the +actor benefits from the characters is hard to say. But that is not the +important thing. It is merely a matter of knowing how far he +identifies himself with those irreplaceable lives. It often happens +that he carries them with him, that they somewhat overflow the +time and place in which they were born. They accompany the +actor, who cannot very readily separate himself from what he has +been. Occasionally when reaching for his glass he resumes +Hamlet’s gesture of raising his cup. No, the distance separating +him from the creatures into whom he infuses life is not so great. He +abundantly illustrates every month or every day that so suggestive +truth that there is no frontier between what a man wants to be and +what he is. Always concerned with better representing, he +demonstrates to what a degree appearing creates being. For that is +his art—to simulate absolutely, to project himself as deeply as +possible into lives that are not his own. At the end of his effort his +vocation becomes clear: to apply himself wholeheartedly to being +nothing or to being several. The narrower the limits allotted him +for creating his character, the more necessary his talent. He will die +in three hours under the mask he has assumed today. Within three +hours he must experience and express a whole exceptional life. +That is called losing oneself to find oneself. In those three hours he +travels the whole course of the dead-end path that the man in the +audience takes a lifetime to cover. +* * * +A mime of the ephemeral, the actor trains and perfects himself +only in appearances. The theatrical convention is that the heart +expresses itself and communicates itself only through gestures and +in the body—or through the voice, which is as much of the soul as +of the body. The rule of that art insists that everything be +magnified and translated into flesh. If it were essential on the stage +to love as people really love, to employ that irreplaceable voice of +the heart, to look as people contemplate in life, our speech would +be in code. But here silences must make themselves heard. Love +speaks up louder, and immobility itself becomes spectacular. The +body is king, Not everyone can be “theatrical,” and this unjustly +maligned word covers a whole aesthetic and a whole ethic. Half a +man’s life is spent in implying, in turning away, and in keeping +silent. Here the actor is the intruder. He breaks the spell chaining +that soul, and at last the passions can rush onto their stage. They +speak in every gesture; they live only through shouts and cries. +Thus the actor creates his characters for display. He outlines or +sculptures them and slips into their imaginary form, transfusing his +blood into their phantoms. I am of course speaking of great drama, +the kind that gives the actor an opportunity to fulfill his wholly +physical fate. Take Shakespeare, for instance. In that impulsive +drama the physical passions lead the dance. They explain +everything. Without them all would collapse. Never would King +Lear keep the appointment set by madness without the brutal +gesture that exiles Cordelia and condemns Edgar. It is just that the +unfolding of that tragedy should thenceforth be dominated by +madness. Souls are given over to the demons and their saraband. +No fewer than four madmen: one by trade, another by intention, +and the last two through suffering—four disordered bodies, four +unutterable aspects of a single condition. +The very scale of the human body is inadequate. The mask and +the buskin, the make-up that reduces and accentuates the face in its +essential elements, the costume that exaggerates and simplifies— +that universe sacrifices everything to appearance and is made +solely for the eye. Through an absurd miracle, it is the body that +also brings knowledge. I should never really understand Iago +unless I played his part. It is not enough to hear him, for I grasp +him only at the moment when I see him. Of the absurd character +the actor consequently has the monotony, that single, oppressive +silhouette, simultaneously strange and familiar, that he carries +about from hero to hero. There, too, the great dramatic work +contributes to this unity of tone.[17] This is where the actor +contradicts himself: the same and yet so various, so many souls +summed up in a single body. Yet it is the absurd contradiction +itself, that individual who wants to achieve everything and live +everything, that useless attempt, that ineffectual persistence. What +always contradicts itself nevertheless joins in him. He is at that +point where body and mind converge, where the mind, tired of its +defeats, turns toward its most faithful ally. “And blest are those,” +says Hamlet, “whose blood and judgment are so well commingled +that they are not a pipe for fortune’s finger to sound what stop she +please.” +How could the Church have failed to condemn such a practice +on the part of the actor? She repudiated in that art the heretical +multiplication of souls, the emotional debauch, the scandalous +presumption of a mind that objects to living but one life and hurls +itself into all forms of excess. She proscribed in them that +preference for the present and that triumph of Proteus which are +the negation of everything she teaches. Eternity is not a game. A +mind foolish enough to prefer a comedy to eternity has lost its +salvation. Between “everywhere” and “forever” there is no +compromise. Whence that much maligned profession can give rise +to a tremendous spiritual conflict. “What matters,” said Nietzsche, +“is not eternal life but eternal vivacity.” All drama is, in fact, in +this choice. Celimene against Elianthe, the whole subject in the +absurd consequence of a nature carried to its extreme, and the +verse itself, the “bad verse,” barely accented like the monotony of +the character’s nature. +Adrienne Lecouvreur on her deathbed was willing to confess +and receive communion, but refused to abjure her profession. She +thereby lost the benefit of the confession. Did this not amount, in +effect, to choosing her absorbing passion in preference to God? +And that woman in the death throes refusing in tears to repudiate +what she called her art gave evidence of a greatness that she never +achieved behind the footlights. This was her finest role and the +hardest one to play. Choosing between heaven and a ridiculous +fidelity, preferring oneself to eternity or losing oneself in God is +the age-old tragedy in which each must play his part. +The actors of the era knew they were excommunicated. +Entering the profession amounted to choosing Hell. And the +Church discerned in them her worst enemies. A few men of letters +protest: “What! Refuse the last rites to Moliere!” But that was just, +and especially in one who died onstage and finished under the +actor’s make-up a life entirely devoted to dispersion. In his case +genius is invoked, which excuses everything. But genius excuses +nothing, just because it refuses to do so. +The actor knew at that time what punishment was in store for +him. But what significance could such vague threats have +compared to the final punishment that life itself was reserving for +him? This was the one that he felt in advance and accepted wholly. +To the actor as to the absurd man, a premature death is irreparable. +Nothing can make up for the sum of faces and centuries he would +otherwise have traversed. But in any case, one has to die. For the +actor is doubtless everywhere, but time sweeps him along, too, and +makes its impression with him. +It requires but a little imagination to feel what an actor’s fate +means. It is in time that he makes up and enumerates his +characters. It is in time likewise that he learns to dominate them. +The greater number of different lives he has lived, the more aloof +he can be from them. The time comes when he must die to the +stage and for the world. What he has lived faces him. He sees +clearly. He feels the harrowing and irreplaceable quality of that +adventure. He knows and can now die. There are homes for aged +actors. +Conquest +“No,” says the conqueror, “don’t assume that because I love +action I have had to forget how to think. On the contrary I can +throughly define what I believe. For I believe it firmly and I see it +surely and clearly. Beware of those who say: ‘I know this too well +to be able to express it.’ For if they cannot do so, this is because +they don’t know it or because out of laziness they stopped at the +outer crust. +“I have not many opinions. At the end of a life man notices that +he has spent years becoming sure of a single truth. But a single +truth, if it is obvious, is enough to guide an existence. As for me, I +decidedly have something to say about the individual. One must +speak of him bluntly and, if need be, with the appropriate +contempt. +“A man is more a man through the things he keeps to himself +than through those he says. There are many that I shall keep to +myself. But I firmly believe that all those who have judged the +individual have done so with much less experience than we on +which to base their judgment. The intelligence, the stirring +intelligence perhaps foresaw what it was essential to note. But the +era, its ruins, and its blood overwhelm us with facts. It was +possible for ancient nations, and even for more recent ones down +to our machine age, to weigh one against the other the virtues of +society and of the individual, to try to find out which was to serve +the other. To begin with, that was possible by virtue of that +stubborn aberration in man’s heart according to which human +beings were created to serve or be served. In the second place, it +was possible because neither society nor the individual had yet +revealed all their ability. +“I have seen bright minds express astonishment at the +masterpieces of Dutch painters born at the height of the bloody +wars in Flanders, be amazed by the prayers of Silesian mystics +brought up during the frightful Thirty Years’ War. Eternal values +survive secular turmoils before their astonished eyes. But there has +been progress since. The painters of today are deprived of such +serenity. Even if they have basically the heart the creator needs—I +mean the closed heart—it is of no use; for everyone, including the +saint himself, is mobilized. This is perhaps what I have felt most +deeply. At every form that miscarries in the trenches, at every +outline, metaphor, or prayer crushed under steel, the eternal loses a +round. Conscious that I cannot stand aloof from my time, I have +decided to be an integral part of it. This is why I esteem the +individual only because he strikes me as ridiculous and humiliated. +Knowing that there are no victorious causes, I have a liking for lost +causes: they require an uncontaminated soul, equal to its defeat as +to its temporary victories. For anyone who feels bound up with this +world’s fate, the clash of civilizations has something agonizing +about it. I have made that anguish mine at the same time that I +wanted to join in. Between history and the eternal I have chosen +history because I like certainties. Of it, at least, I am certain, and +how can I deny this force crushing me? +“There always comes a time when one must choose between +contemplation and action. This is called becoming a man. Such +wrenches are dreadful. But for a proud heart there can be no +compromise. There is God or time, that cross or this sword. This +world has a higher meaning that transcends its worries, or nothing +is true but those worries. One must live with time and die with it, +or else elude it for a greater life. I know that one can compromise +and live in the world while believing in the eternal. That is called +accepting. But I loathe this term and want all or nothing. If I +choose action, don’t think that contemplation is like an unknown +country to me. But it cannot give me everything, and, deprived of +the eternal, I want to ally myself with time. I do not want to put +down to my account either nostalgia or bitterness, and I merely +want to see clearly. I tell you, tomorrow you will be mobilized. For +you and for me that is a liberation. The individual can do nothing +and yet he can do everything. In that wonderful unattached state +you understand why I exalt and crush him at one and the same +time. It is the world that pulverizes him and I who liberate him. I +provide him with all his rights. +“Conquerors know that action is in itself useless. There is but +one useful action, that of remaking man and the earth. I shall never +remake men. But one must do ’as if.’ For the path of struggle leads +me to the flesh. Even humiliated, the flesh is my only certainty. I +can live only on it. The creature is my native land. This is why I +have chosen this absurd and ineffectual effort. This is why I am on +the side of the struggle. The epoch lends itself to this, as I have +said. Hitherto the greatness of a conqueror was geographical. It +was measured by the extent of the conquered territories. There is a +reason why the word has changed in meaning and has ceased to +signify the victorious general. The greatness has changed camp. It +lies in protest and the blind-alley sacrifice. There, too, it is not +through a preference for defeat. Victory would be desirable. But +there is but one victory, and it is eternal. That is the one I shall +never have. That is where I stumble and cling. A revolution is +always accomplished against the gods, beginning with the +revolution of Prometheus, the first of modern conquerors. It is +man’s demands made against his fate; the demands of the poor are +but a pretext. Yet I can seize that spirit only in its historical act, +and that is where I make contact with it. Don’t assume, however, +that I take pleasure in it: opposite the essential contradiction, I +maintain my human contradiction. I establish my lucidity in the +midst of what negates it. I exalt man be-fore what crushes him, and +my freedom, my revolt, and my passion come together then in that +tension, that lucidity, and that vast repetition. +“Yes, man is his own end. And he is his only end. If he aims to +be something, it is in this life. Now I know it only too well. +Conquerors sometimes talk of vanquishing and overcoming. But it +is always ‘overcoming oneself’ that they mean. You are well aware +of what that means. Every man has felt himself to be the equal of a +god at certain moments. At least, this is the way it is expressed. +But this comes from the fact that in a flash he felt the amazing +grandeur of the human mind. The conquerors are merely those +among men who are conscious enough of their strength to be sure +of living constantly on those heights and fully aware of that +grandeur. It is a question of arithmetic, of more or less. The +conquerors are capable of the more. But they are capable of no +more than man himself when he wants. This is why they never +leave the human crucible, plunging into the seething soul of +revolutions. +“There they find the creature mutilated, but they also encounter +there the only values they like and admire, man and his silence. +This is both their destitution and their wealth. There is but one +luxury for them—that of human relations. How can one fail to +realize that in this vulnerable universe everything that is human +and solely human assumes a more vivid meaning? Taut faces, +threatened fraternity, such strong and chaste friendship among +men—these are the true riches because they are transitory. In their +midst the mind is most aware of its powers and limitations. That is +to say, its efficacity. Some have spoken of genius. But genius is +easy to say; I prefer the intelligence. It must be said that it can be +magnificent then. It lights up this desert and dominates it. It knows +its obligations and illustrates them. It will die at the same time as +this body. But knowing this constitutes its freedom. +“We are not ignorant of the fact that all churches are against us. +A heart so keyed up eludes the eternal, and all churches, divine or +political, lay claim to the eternal. Happiness and courage, +retribution or justice are secondary ends for them. It is a doctrine +they bring, and one must subscribe to it. But I have no concern +with ideas or with the eternal. The truths that come within my +scope can be touched with the hand. I cannot separate from them. +This is why you cannot base anything on me: nothing of the +conqueror lasts, not even his doctrines. +“At the end of all that, despite everything, is death. We know +also that it ends everything. This is why those cemeteries all over +Europe, which obsess some among us, are hideous. People beautify +only what they love, and death repels us and tires our patience. It, +too, is to be conquered. The last Carrara, a prisoner in Padua +emptied by the plague and besieged by the Venetians, ran +screaming through the halls of his deserted palace: he was calling +on the devil and asking him for death. This was a way of +overcoming it. And it is likewise a mark of courage characteristic +of the Occident to have made so ugly the places where death thinks +itself honored. In the rebel s universe, death exalts injustice. It is +the supreme abuse. +“Others, without compromising either, have chosen the eternal +and denounced the illusion of this world. Their cemeteries smile +amid numerous flowers and birds. That suits the conqueror and +gives him a clear image of what he has rejected. He has chosen, on +the contrary, the black iron fence or the potter’s field. The best +among the men of God occasionally are seized with fright mingled +with consideration and pity for minds that can live with such an +image of their death. Yet those minds derive their strength and +justification from this. Our fate stands before us and we provoke +him. Less out of pride than out of awareness of our ineffectual +condition. We, too, sometimes feel pity for ourselves. It is the only +compassion that seems acceptable to us: a feeling that perhaps you +hardly understand and that seems to you scarcely virile. Yet the +most daring among us are the ones who feel it. But we call the +lucid ones virile and we do not want a strength that is apart from +lucidity.” +* * * +Let me repeat that these images do not propose moral codes +and involve no judgments: they are sketches. They merely +represent a style of life. The lover, the actor, or the adventurer +plays the absurd. But equally well, if he wishes, the chaste man, +the civil servant, or the president of the Republic. It is enough to +know and to mask nothing. In Italian museums are sometimes +found little painted screens that the priest used to hold in front of +the face of condemned men to hide the scaffold from them. The +leap in all its forms, rushing into the divine or the eternal, +surrendering to the illusions of the everyday or of the idea—all +these screens hide the absurd. But there are civil servants without +screens, and they are the ones of whom I mean to speak. I have +chosen the most extreme ones. At this level the absurd gives them +a royal power. It is true that those princes are without a kingdom. +But they have this advantage over others: they know that all +royalties are illusory. They know that is their whole nobility, and it +is useless to speak in relation to them of hidden misfortune or the +ashes of disillusion. Being deprived of hope is not despairing. The +flames of earth are surely worth celestial perfumes. Neither I nor +anyone can judge them here. They are not striving to be better; +they are attempting to be consistent. If the term “wise man” can be +applied to the man who lives on what he has without speculating +on what he has not, then they are wise men. One of them, a +conqueror but in the realm of mind, a Don Juan but of knowledge, +an actor but of the intelligence, knows this better than anyone: +“You nowise deserve a privilege on earth and in heaven for having +brought to perfection your dear little meek sheep; you nonetheless +continue to be at best a ridiculous dear little sheep with horns and +nothing more—even supposing that you do not burst with vanity +and do not create a scandal by posing as a judge.” +In any case, it was essential to restore to the absurd reasoning +more cordial examples. The imagination can add many others, +inseparable from time and exile, who likewise know how to live in +harmony with a universe without future and without weakness. +This absurd, godless world is, then, peopled with men who think +clearly and have ceased to hope. And I have not yet spoken of the +most absurd character, who is the creator. +Absurd Creation +Philosophy and Fiction +All those lives maintained in the rarefied air of the absurd +could not persevere without some profound and constant thought +to infuse its strength into them. Right here, it can be only a strange +feeling of fidelity. Conscious men have been seen to fulfill their +task amid the most stupid of wars without considering themselves +in contradiction. This is because it was essential to elude nothing. +There is thus a metaphysical honor in enduring the world’s +absurdity. Conquest or play-acting, multiple loves, absurd revolt +are tributes that man pays to his dignity in a campaign in which he +is defeated in advance. +It is merely a matter of being faithful to the rule of the battle. +That thought may suffice to sustain a mind; it has supported and +still supports whole civilizations. War cannot be negated. One +must live it or die of it. So it is with the absurd: it is a question of +breathing with it, of recognizing its lessons and recovering their +flesh. In this regard the absurd joy par excellence is creation. “Art +and nothing but art,” said Nietzsche; “we have art in order not to +die of the truth.” +In the experience that I am attempting to describe and to stress +on several modes, it is certain that a new torment arises wherever +another dies. The childish chasing after forgetfulness, the appeal of +satisfaction are now devoid of echo. But the constant tension that +keeps man face to face with the world, the ordered delirium that +urges him to be receptive to everything leave him another fever. In +this universe the work of art is then the sole chance of keeping his +consciousness and of fixing its adventures. Creating is living +doubly. The groping, anxious quest of a Proust, his meticulous +collecting of flowers, of wallpapers, and of anxieties, signifies +nothing else. At the same time, it has no more significance than the +continual and imperceptible creation in which the actor, the +conqueror, and all absurd men indulge every day of their lives. All +try their hands at miming, at repeating, and at recreating the reality +that is theirs. We always end up by having the appearance of our +truths. All existence for a man turned away from the eternal is but +a vast mime under the mask of the absurd. Creation is the great +mime. +Such men know to begin with, and then their whole effort is to +examine, to enlarge, and to enrich the ephemeral island on which +they have just landed. But first they must know. For the absurd +discovery coincides with a pause in which future passions are +prepared and justified. Even men without a gospel have their +Mount of Olives. And one must not fall asleep on theirs either. For +the absurd man it is not a matter of explaining and solving, but of +experiencing and describing. Everything begins with lucid +indifference. +Describing—that is the last ambition of an absurd thought. +Science likewise, having reached the end of its paradoxes, ceases +to propound and stops to contemplate and sketch the ever virgin +landscape of phenomena. The heart learns thus that the emotion +delighting us when we see the world’s aspects comes to us not +from its depth but from their diversity. Explanation is useless, but +the sensation remains and, with it, the constant attractions of a +universe inexhaustible in quantity. The place of the work of art can +be understood at this point. +It marks both the death of an experience and its multiplication. +It is a sort of monotonous and passionate repetition of the themes +already orchestrated by the world: the body, inexhaustible image +on the pediment of temples, forms or colors, number or grief. It is +therefore not indifferent, as a conclusion, to encounter once again +the principal themes of this essay in the wonderful and childish +world of the creator. It would be wrong to see a symbol in it and to +think that the work of art can be considered at last as a refuge for +the absurd. It is itself an absurd phenomenon, and we are +concerned merely with its description. It does not offer an escape +for the intellectual ailment. Rather, it is one of the symptoms of +that ailment which reflects it throughout a man’s whole thought. +But for the first time it makes the mind get outside of itself and +places it in opposition to others, not for it to get lost but to show it +clearly the blind path that all have entered upon. In the time of the +absurd reasoning, creation follows indifference and discovery. It +marks the point from which absurd passions spring and where the +reasoning stops. Its place in this essay is justified in this way. +It will suffice to bring to light a few themes common to the +creator and the thinker in order to find in the work of art all the +contradictions of thought involved in the absurd. Indeed, it is not +so much identical conclusions that prove minds to be related as the +contradictions that are common to them. So it is with thought and +creation. I hardly need to say that the same anguish urges man to +these two attitudes. This is where they coincide in the beginning. +But among all the thoughts that start from the absurd, I have seen +that very few remain within it. And through their deviations or +infidelities I have best been able to measure what belonged to the +absurd. Similarly I must wonder: is an absurd work of art possible? +* * * +It would be impossible to insist too much on the arbitrary +nature of the former opposition between art and philosophy. If you +insist on taking it in too limited a sense, it is certainly false. If you +mean merely that these two disciplines each have their peculiar +climate, that is probably true but remains vague. The only +acceptable argument used to lie in the contradiction brought up +between the philosopher enclosed within his system and the artist +placed before his work. But this was pertinent for a certain form of +art and of philosophy which we consider secondary here. The idea +of an art detached from its creator is not only outmoded; it is false. +In opposition to the artist, it is pointed out that no philosopher ever +created several systems. But that is true in so far, indeed, as no +artist ever expressed more than one thing under different aspects. +The instantaneous perfection of art, the necessity for its renewal— +this is true only through a preconceived notion. For the work of art +likewise is a construction and everyone knows how monotonous +the great creators can be. For the same reason as the thinker, the +artist commits himself and becomes himself in his work. That +osmosis raises the most important of aesthetic problems. +Moreover, to anyone who is convinced of the mind’s singleness of +purpose, nothing is more futile than these distinctions based on +methods and objects. There are no frontiers between the disciplines +that man sets himself for understanding and loving. They interlock, +and the same anxiety merges them. +It is necessary to state this to begin with. For an absurd work of +art to be possible, thought in its most lucid form must be involved +in it. But at the same time thought must not be apparent except as +the regulating intelligence. This paradox can be explained +according to the absurd. The work of art is born of the +intelligence’s refusal to reason the concrete. It marks the triumph +of the carnal. It is lucid thought that provokes it, but in that very +act that thought repudiates itself. It will not yield to the temptation +of adding to what is described a deeper meaning that it knows to be +illegitimate. The work of art embodies a drama of the intelligence, +but it proves this only indirectly. The absurd work requires an artist +conscious of these limitations and an art in which the concrete +signifies nothing more than itself. It cannot be the end, the +meaning, and the consolation of a life. Creating or not creating +changes nothing. The absurd creator does not prize his work. He +could repudiate it. He does sometimes repudiate it. An Abyssinia +suffices for this, as in the case of Rimbaud. +At the same time a rule of aesthetics can be seen in this. The +true work of art is always on the human scale. It is essentially the +one that says “less.” There is a certain relationship between the +global experience of the artist and the work that reflects that +experience, between Wilhelm Meister and Goethe’s maturity. That +relationship is bad when the work aims to give the whole +experience in the lace-paper of an explanatory literature. That +relationship is good when the work is but a piece cut out of +experience, a facet of the diamond in which the inner luster is +epitomized without being limited. In the first case there is +overloading and pretension to the eternal. In the second, a fecund +work because of a whole implied experience, the wealth of which +is suspected. The problem for the absurd artist is to acquire this +savoir-vivre which transcends savoir-faire. And in the end, the +great artist under this climate is, above all, a great living being, it +being understood that living in this case is just as much +experiencing as reflecting. The work then embodies an intellectual +drama. The absurd work illustrates thought’s renouncing of its +prestige and its resignation to being no more than the intelligence +that works up appearances and covers with images what has no +reason. If the world were clear, art would not exist. +I am not speaking here of the arts of form or color in which +description alone prevails in its splendid modesty.[18] Expression +begins where thought ends. Those adolescents with empty +eyesockets who people temples and museums—their philosophy +has been expressed in gestures. For an absurd man it is more +educative than all libraries. Under another aspect the same is true +for music. If any art is devoid of lessons, it is certainly music. It is +too closely related to mathematics not to have borrowed their +gratuitousness. That game the mind plays with itself according to +set and measured laws takes place in the sonorous compass that +belongs to us and beyond which the vibrations nevertheless meet in +an inhuman universe. There is no purer sensation. These examples +are too easy. The absurd man recognizes as his own these +harmonies and these forms. +But I should like to speak here of a work in which the +temptation to explain remains greatest, in which illusion offers +itself automatically, in which conclusion is almost inevitable. I +mean fictional creation. I propose to inquire whether or not the +absurd can hold its own there. +* * * +To think is first of all to create a world (or to limit one’s own +world, which comes to the same thing). It is starting out from the +basic disagreement that separates man from his experience in order +to find a common ground according to one’s nostalgia, a universe +hedged with reasons or lighted up with analogies but which, in any +case, gives an opportunity to rescind the unbearable divorce. The +philosopher, even if he is Kant, is a creator. He has his characters, +his symbols, and his secret action. He has his plot endings. On the +contrary, the lead taken by the novel over poetry and the essay +merely represents, despite appearances, a greater intellectualiza- +tion of the art. Let there be no mistake about it; I am speaking of +the greatest. The fecundity and the importance of a literary form +are often measured by the trash it contains. The number of bad +novels must not make us forget the value of the best. These, +indeed, carry with them their universe. The novel has its logic, its +reasonings, its intuition, and its postulates. It also has its +requirements of clarity.[19] +The classical opposition of which I was speaking above is even +less justified in this particular case. It held in the time when it was +easy to separate philosophy from its authors. Today when thought +has ceased to lay claim to the universal, when its best history +would be that of its repentances, we know that the system, when it +is worth while, cannot be separated from its author. The Ethics +itself, in one of its aspects, is but a long and reasoned personal +confession. Abstract thought at last returns to its prop of flesh. +And, likewise, the fictional activities of the body and of the +passions are regulated a little more according to the requirements +of a vision of the world. The writer has given up telling “stories” +and creates his universe. The great novelists are philosophical +novelists—that is, the contrary of thesis-writers. For instance, +Balzac, Sade, Melville, Stendhal, Dostoevsky, Proust, Malraux, +Kafka, to cite but a few. +But in fact the preference they have shown for writing in +images rather than in reasoned arguments is revelatory of a certain +thought that is common to them all, convinced of the uselessness +of any principle of explanation and sure of the educative message +of perceptible appearance. They consider the work of art both as an +end and a beginning. It is the outcome of an often unexpressed +philosophy, its illustration and its consummation. But it is +complete only through the implications of that philosophy. It +justifies at last that variant of an old theme that a little thought +estranges from life whereas much thought reconciles to life. +Incapable of refining the real, thought pauses to mimic it. The +novel in question is the instrument of that simultaneously relative +and inexhaustible knowledge, so like that of love. Of love, fictional +creation has the initial wonder and the fecund rumination. +*** +These at least are the charms I see in it at the outset. But I saw +them likewise in those princes of humiliated thought whose +suicides I was later able to witness. +What interests me, indeed, is knowing and describing the force +that leads them back toward the common path of illusion. The +same method will consequently help me here. The fact of having +already utilized it will allow me to shorten my argument and to +sum it up without delay in a particular example. I want to know +whether, accepting a life without appeal, one can also agree to +work and create without appeal and what is the way leading to +these liberties. I want to liberate my universe of its phantoms and +to people it solely with flesh-and-blood truths whose presence I +cannot deny. I can perform absurd work, choose the creative +attitude rather than another. But an absurd attitude, if it is to remain +so, must remain aware of its gratuitousness. So it is with the work +of art. If the commandments of the absurd are not respected, if the +work does not illustrate divorce and revolt, if it sacrifices to +illusions and arouses hope, it ceases to be gratuitous. I can no +longer detach myself from it. My life may find a meaning in it, but +that is trifling. It ceases to be that exercise in detachment and +passion which crowns the splendor and futility of a man’s life. +In the creation in which the temptation to explain is the +strongest, can one overcome that temptation? In the fictional world +in which awareness of the real world is keenest, can I remain +faithful to the absurd without sacrificing to the desire to judge? So +many questions to be taken into consideration in a last effort. It +must be already clear what they signify. They are the last scruples +of an awareness that fears to forsake its initial and difficult lesson +in favor of a final illusion. What holds for creation, looked upon as +one of the possible attitudes for the man conscious of the absurd, +holds for all the styles of life open to him. The conqueror or the +actor, the creator or Don Juan may forget that their exercise in +living could not do without awareness of its mad character. One +becomes accustomed so quickly. A man wants to earn money in +order to be happy, and his whole effort and the best of a life are +devoted to the earning of that money. Happiness is forgotten; the +means are taken for the end. Likewise, the whole effort of this +conqueror will be diverted to ambition, which was but a way +toward a greater life. Don Juan in turn will likewise yield to his +fate, be satisfied with that existence whose nobility is of value only +through revolt. For one it is awareness and for the other, revolt; in +both cases the absurd has disappeared. There is so much stubborn +hope in the human heart. The most destitute men often end up by +accepting illusion. That approval prompted by the need for peace +inwardly parallels the existential consent. There are thus gods of +light and idols of mud. But it is essential to find the middle path +leading to the faces of man. +So far, the failures of the absurd exigence have best informed +us as to what it is. In the same way, if we are to be informed, it will +suffice to notice that fictional creation can present the same +ambiguity as certain philosophies. Hence I can choose as +illustration a work comprising everything that denotes awareness +of the absurd, having a clear starting-point and a lucid climate. Its +consequences will enlighten us. If the absurd is not respected in it, +we shall know by what expedient illusion enters in. A particular +example, a theme, a creator’s fidelity will suffice, then. This +involves the same analysis that has already been made at greater +length. +I shall examine a favorite theme of Dostoevsky. I might just as +well have studied other works.[20] But in this work the problem is +treated directly, in the sense of nobility and emotion, as for the +existential philosophies already discussed. This parallelism serves +my purpose. +Kirilov +All of Dostoevsky’s heroes question themselves as to the +meaning of life. In this they are modern: they do not fear ridicule. +What distinguishes modern sensibility from classical sensibility is +that the latter thrives on moral problems and the former on +metaphysical problems. In Dostoevsky’s novels the question is +propounded with such intensity that it can only invite extreme +solutions. Existence is illusory or it is eternal. If Dostoevsky were +satisfied with this inquiry, he would be a philosopher. But he +illustrates the consequences that such intellectual pastimes may +have in a man’s life, and in this regard he is an artist. Among those +consequences, his attention is arrested particularly by the last one, +which he himself calls logical suicide in his Diary of a Writer. In +the installments for December 1876, indeed, he imagines the +reasoning of “logical suicide.” Convinced that human existence is +an utter absurdity for anyone without faith in immortality, the +desperate man comes to the following conclusions: +“Since in reply to my questions about happiness, I am told, +through the intermediary of my consciousness, that I cannot be +happy except in harmony with the great all, which I cannot +conceive and shall never be in a position to conceive, it is evident +...” +“Since, finally, in this connection, I assume both the role of the +plaintiff and that of the defendant, of the accused and of the judge, +and since I consider this comedy perpetrated by nature altogether +stupid, and since I even deem it humiliating for me to deign to play +it ...” +“In my indisputable capacity of plaintiff and defendant, of +judge and accused, I condemn that nature which, with such +impudent nerve, brought me into being in order to suffer—I +condemn it to be annihilated with me.” +There remains a little humor in that position. This suicide kills +himself because, on the metaphysical plane, he is vexed. In a +certain sense he is taking his revenge. This is his way of proving +that he “will not be had.” It is known, however, that the same +theme is embodied, but with the most wonderful generality, in +Kirilov of The Possessed, likewise an advocate of logical suicide. +Kirilov the engineer declares somewhere that he wants to take his +own life because it “is his idea.” Obviously the word must be taken +in its proper sense. It is for an idea, a thought, that he is getting +ready for death. This is the superior suicide. Progressively, in a +series of scenes in which Kirilov’s mask is gradually illuminated, +the fatal thought driving him is revealed to us. The engineer, in +fact, goes back to the arguments of the Diary. He feels that God is +necessary and that he must exist. But he knows that he does not +and cannot exist. “Why do you not realize,” he exclaims, “that this +is sufficient reason for killing oneself?” That attitude involves +likewise for him some of the absurd consequences. Through +indifference he accepts letting his suicide be used to the advantage +of a cause he despises. “I decided last night that I didn’t care.” And +finally he prepares his deed with a mixed feeling of revolt and +freedom. “I shall kill myself in order to assert my insubordination, +my new and dreadful liberty.” It is no longer a question of revenge, +but of revolt. Kirilov is consequently an absurd character—yet +with this essential reservation: he kills himself. But he himself +explains this contradiction, and in such a way that at the same time +he reveals the absurd secret in all its purity. In truth, he adds to his +fatal logic an extraordinary ambition which gives the character its +full perspective: he wants to kill himself to become god. +The reasoning is classic in its clarity. If God does not exist, +Kirilov is god. If God does not exist, Kirilov must kill himself. +Kirilov must therefore kill himself to become god. That logic is +absurd, but it is what is needed. The interesting thing, however, is +to give a meaning to that divinity brought to earth. That amounts to +clarifying the premise: “If God does not exist, I am god,” which +still remains rather obscure. It is important to note at the outset that +the man who flaunts that mad claim is indeed of this world. He +performs his gymnastics every morning to preserve his health. He +is stirred by the joy of Chatov recovering his wife. On a sheet of +paper to be found after his death he wants to draw a face sticking +out his tongue at “them.” He is childish and irascible, passionate, +methodical, and sensitive. Of the superman he has nothing but the +logic and the obsession, whereas of man he has the whole +catalogue. Yet it is he who speaks calmly of his divinity. He is not +mad, or else Dostoevsky is. Consequently it is not a +megalomaniac’s illusion that excites him. And taking the words in +their specific sense would, in this instance, be ridiculous. +Kirilov himself helps us to understand. In reply to a question +from Stavrogin, he makes clear that he is not talking of a god-man. +It might be thought that this springs from concern to distinguish +himself from Christ. But in reality it is a matter of annexing Christ. +Kirilov in fact fancies for a moment that Jesus at his death did not +find himself in Paradise. He found out then that his torture had +been useless. “The laws of nature,” says the engineer, “made +Christ live in the midst of falsehood and die for a falsehood.” +Solely in this sense Jesus indeed personifies the whole human +drama. He is the complete man, being the one who realized the +most absurd condition. He is not the God-man but the man-god. +And, like him, each of us can be crucified and victimized—and is +to a certain degree. +The divinity in question is therefore altogether terrestrial. “For +three years,” says Kirilov, “I sought the attribute of my divinity +and I have found it. The attribute of my divinity is independence.” +Now can be seen the meaning of Kirilov’s premise: “If God does +not exist, I am god.” To become god is merely to be free on this +earth, not to serve an immortal being. Above all, of course, it is +drawing all the inferences from that painful independence. If God +exists, all depends on him and we can do nothing against his will. +If he does not exist, everything depends on us. For Kirilov, as for +Nietzsche, to kill God is to become god oneself; it is to realize on +this earth the eternal life of which the Gospel speaks.[21] But if this +metaphysical crime is enough for man’s fulfillment, why add +suicide? Why kill oneself and leave this world after having won +freedom? That is contradictory. Kirilov is well aware of this, for he +adds: “If you feel that, you are a tsar and, far from killing yourself, +you will live covered with glory.” But men in general do not know +it. They do not feel “that.” As in the time of Prometheus, they +entertain blind hopes.[22] They need to be shown the way and +cannot do without preaching. Consequently, Kirilov must kill +himself out of love for humanity. He must show his brothers a +royal and difficult path on which he will be the first. It is a +pedagogical suicide. Kirilov sacrifices himself, then. But if he is +crucified, he will not be victimized. He remains the man-god, +convinced of a death without future, imbued with evangelical +melancholy. “I,” he says, “am unhappy because I am obliged to +assert my freedom.” +But once he is dead and men are at last enlightened, this earth +will be peopled with tsars and lighted up with human glory. +Kirilov’s pistol shot will be the signal for the last revolution. Thus, +it is not despair that urges him to death, but love of his neighbor +for his own sake. Before terminating in blood an indescribable +spiritual adventure, Kirilov makes a remark as old as human +suffering: “All is well.” +This theme of suicide in Dostoevsky, then, is indeed an absurd +theme. Let us merely note before going on that Kirilov reappears in +other characters who themselves set in motion additional absurd +themes. Stavrogin and Ivan Karamazov try out the absurd truths in +practical life. They are the ones liberated by Kirilov’s death. They +try their skill at being tsars. Stavrogin leads an “ironic” life, and it +is well known in what regard. He arouses hatred around him. And +yet the key to the character is found in his farewell letter: “I have +not been able to detest anything.” He is a tsar in indifference. Ivan +is likewise by refusing to surrender the royal powers of the mind. +To those who, like his brother, prove by their lives that it is +essential to humiliate oneself in order to believe, he might reply +that the condition is shameful. His key word is: “Everything is +permitted,” with the appropriate shade of melancholy. Of course, +like Nietzsche, the most famous of God’s assassins, he ends in +madness. But this is a risk worth running, and, faced with such +tragic ends, the essential impulse of the absurd mind is to ask: +“What does that prove?” +* * * +Thus the novels, like the Diary, propound the absurd question. +They establish logic unto death, exaltation, “dreadful” freedom, the +glory of the tsars become human. All is well, everything is +permitted, and nothing is hateful—these are absurd judgments. But +what an amazing creation in which those creatures of fire and ice +seem so familiar to us. The passionate world of indifference that +rumbles in their hearts does not seem at all monstrous to us. We +recognize in it our everyday anxieties. And probably no one so +much as Dostoevsky has managed to give the absurd world such +familiar and tormenting charms. +Yet what is his conclusion? Two quotations will show the +complete metaphysical reversal that leads the writer to other +revelations. The argument of the one who commits logical suicide +having provoked protests from the critics, Dostoevsky in the +following installments of the Diary amplifies his position and +concludes thus: “If faith in immortality is so necessary to the +human being (that without it he comes to the point of killing +himself), it must therefore be the normal state of humanity. Since +this is the case, the immortality of the human soul exists without +any doubt.” Then again in the last pages of his last novel, at the +conclusion of that gigantic combat with God, some children ask +Aliocha: “Karamazov, is it true what religion says, that we shall +rise from the dead, that we shall see one another again?” And +Aliocha answers: “Certainly, we shall see one another again, we +shall joyfully tell one another everything that has happened.’’ +Thus Kirilov, Stavrogin, and Ivan are defeated. The Brothers +Karamazov replies to The Possessed. And it is indeed a conclusion. +Aliocha’s case is not ambiguous, as is that of Prince Muichkin. Ill, +the latter lives in a perpetual present, tinged with smiles and +indifference, and that blissful state might be the eternal life of +which the Prince speaks. On the contrary, Aliocha clearly says: +“We shall meet again.” There is no longer any question of suicide +and of madness. What is the use, for anyone who is sure of +immortality and of its joys? Man exchanges his divinity for +happiness. “We shall joyfully tell one another everything that has +happened.” Thus again Kirilov’s pistol rang out somewhere in +Russia, but the world continued to cherish its blind hopes. Men did +not understand “that.” +Consequently, it is not an absurd novelist addressing us, but an +existential novelist. Here, too, the leap is touching and gives its +nobility to the art that inspires it. It is a stirring acquiescence, +riddled with doubts, uncertain and ardent. Speaking of The +Brothers Karamazov, Dostoevsky wrote: “The chief question that +will be pursued throughout this book is the very one from which I +have suffered consciously or unconsciously all life long: the +existence of God.” It is hard to believe that a novel sufficed to +transform into joyful certainty the suffering of a lifetime. One +commentator[23] correctly pointed out that Dostoevsky is on Ivan’s +side and that the affirmative chapters took three months of effort +whereas what he called “the blasphemies” were written in three +weeks in a state of excitement. There is not one of his characters +who does not have that thorn in the flesh, who does not aggravate +it or seek a remedy for it in sensation or immortality.[24] In any +case, let us remain with this doubt. Here is a work which, in a +chiaroscuro more gripping than the light of day, permits us to seize +man’s struggle against his hopes. Having reached the end, the +creator makes his choice against his characters. That contradiction +thus allows us to make a distinction. It is not an absurd work that is +involved here, but a work that propounds the absurd problem. +Dostoevsky’s reply is humiliation, “shame” according to +Stavrogin. An absurd work, on the contrary, does not provide a +reply; that is the whole difference. Let us note this carefully in +conclusion: what contradicts the absurd in that work is not its +Christian character, but rather its announcing a future life. It is +possible to be Christian and absurd. There are examples of +Christians who do not believe in a future life. In regard to the work +of art, it should therefore be possible to define one of the directions +of the absurd analysis that could have been anticipated in the +preceding pages. It leads to propounding “the absurdity of the +Gospel.” It throws light upon this idea, fertile in repercussions, that +convictions do not prevent incredulity. On the contrary, it is easy +to see that the author of The Possessed, familiar with these paths, +in conclusion took a quite different way. The surprising reply of +the creator to his characters, of Do-stoevsky to Kirilov, can indeed +be summed up thus: existence is illusory and it is eternal. +Ephemeral Creation +At this point I perceive, therefore, that hope cannot be eluded +forever and that it can beset even those who wanted to be free of it. +This is the interest I find in the works discussed up to this point. I +could, at least in the realm of creation, list some truly absurd +works.[25] But everything must have a beginning. The object of this +quest is a certain fidelity. The Church has been so harsh with +heretics only because she deemed that there is no worse enemy +than a child who has gone astray. But the record of Gnostic +effronteries and the persistence of Manichean currents have +contributed more to the construction of orthodox dogma than all +the prayers. With due allowance, the same is true of the absurd. +One recognizes one’s course by discovering the paths that stray +from it. At the very conclusion of the absurd reasoning, in one of +the attitudes dictated by its logic, it is not a matter of indifference +to find hope coming back in under one of its most touching guises. +That shows the difficulty of the absurd ascesis. Above all, it shows +the necessity of unfailing alertness and thus confirms the general +plan of this essay. +But if it is still too early to list absurd works, at least a +conclusion can be reached as to the creative attitude, one of those +which can complete absurd existence. Art can never be so well +served as by a negative thought. Its dark and humiliated +proceedings are as necessary to the understanding of a great work +as black is to white. To work and create “for nothing,” to sculpture +in clay, to know that one’s creation has no future, to see one’s +work destroyed in a day while being aware that fundamentally this +has no more importance than building for centuries—this is the +difficult wisdom that absurd thought sanctions. Performing these +two tasks simultaneously, negating on the one hand and +magnifying on the other, is the way open to the absurd creator. He +must give the void its colors. +This leads to a special conception of the work of art. Too often +the work of a creator is looked upon as a series of isolated +testimonies. Thus, artist and man of letters are confused. A +profound thought is in a constant state of becoming; it adopts the +experience of a life and assumes its shape, likewise, a man’s sole +creation is strengthened in its successive and multiple aspects: his +works. One after another, they complement one an-other, correct or +overtake one another, contradict one another too. If something +brings creation to an end, it is not the victorious and illusory cry of +the blinded artist: “I have said everything,” but the death of the +creator which closes his experience and the book of his genius. +That effort, that superhuman consciousness are not necessarily +apparent to the reader. There is no mystery in human creation. Will +performs this miracle. But at least there is no true creation without +a secret. To be sure, a succession of works can be but a series of +approximations of the same thought. But it is possible to conceive +of another type of creator proceeding by juxtaposition. Their works +may seem to be devoid of interrelations. To a certain degree, they +are contradictory. +But viewed all together, they resume their natural grouping. +From death, for instance, they derive their definitive significance. +They receive their most obvious light from the very life of their +author. At the moment of death, the succession of his works is but +a collection of failures. But if those failures all have the same +resonance, the creator has managed to repeat the image of his own +condition, to make the air echo with the sterile secret he possesses. +The effort to dominate is considerable here. But human +intelligence is up to much more. It will merely indicate clearly the +voluntary aspect of creation. Elsewhere I have brought out the fact +that human will had no other purpose than to maintain awareness. +But that could not do without discipline. Of all the schools of +patience and lucidity, creation is the most effective. It is also the +staggering evidence of man’s sole dignity: the dogged revolt +against his condition, perseverance in an effort considered sterile. +It calls for a daily effort, self-mastery, a precise estimate of the +limits of truth, measure, and strength. It constitutes an ascesis. All +that “for nothing,” in order to repeat and mark time. But perhaps +the great work of art has less importance in itself than in the ordeal +it demands of a man and the opportunity it provides him of +overcoming his phantoms and approaching a little closer to his +naked reality. +* * * +Let there be no mistake in aesthetics. It is not patient inquiry, +the unceasing, sterile illustration of a thesis that I am calling for +here. Quite the contrary, if I have made myself clearly understood. +The thesis-novel, the work that proves, the most hateful of all, is +the one that most often is inspired by a smug thought. You +demonstrate the truth you feel sure of possessing. But those are +ideas one launches, and ideas are the contrary of thought. Those +creators are philosophers, ashamed of themselves. Those I am +speaking of or whom I imagine are, on the contrary, lucid thinkers. +At a certain point where thought turns back on itself, they raise up +the images of their works like the obvious symbols of a limited, +mortal, and rebellious thought. +They perhaps prove something. But those proofs are ones that +the novelists provide for themselves rather than for the world in +general. The essential is that the novelists should triumph in the +concrete and that this constitute their nobility. This wholly carnal +triumph has been prepared for them by a thought in which abstract +powers have been humiliated. When they are completely so, at the +same time the flesh makes the creation shine forth in all its absurd +luster. After all, ironic philosophies produce passionate works. +Any thought that abandons unity glorifies diversity. And +diversity is the home of art. The only thought to liberate the mind +is that which leaves it alone, certain of its limits and of its +impending end. No doctrine tempts it. It awaits the ripening of the +work and of life. Detached from it, the work will once more give a +barely muffled voice to a soul Forever freed from hope. Or it will +give voice to nothing if the creator, tired of his activity, intends to +turn away. That is equivalent. +* * * +Thus, I ask of absurd creation what I required from thought— +revolt, freedom, and diversity. Later on it will manifest its utter +futility. In that daily effort in which intelligence and passion +mingle and delight each other, the absurd man discovers a +discipline that will make up the greatest of his strengths. The +required diligence, the doggedness and lucidity thus resemble the +conqueror’s attitude. To create is likewise to give a shape to one’s +fate. For all these characters, their work defines them at least as +much as it is defined by them. The actor taught us this: there is no +frontier between being and appearing. +Let me repeat. None of all this has any real meaning. On the +way to that liberty, there is still a progress to be made. The final +effort for these related minds, creator or conqueror, is to manage to +free themselves also from their undertakings: succeed in granting +that the very work, whether it be conquest, love, or creation, may +well not be; consummate thus the utter futility of any individual +life. Indeed, that gives them more freedom in the realization of that +work, just as becoming aware of the absurdity of life authorized +them to plunge into it with every excess. +All that remains is a fate whose outcome alone is fatal. Outside +of that single fatality of death, everything, joy or happiness, is +liberty. A world remains of which man is the sole master. What +bound him was the illusion of another world. The outcome of his +thought, ceasing to be renunciatory, flowers in images. It frolics— +in myths, to be sure, but myths with no other depth than that of +human suffering and, like it, inexhaustible. Not the divine fable +that amuses and blinds, but the terrestrial face, gesture, and drama +in which are summed up a difficult wisdom and an ephemeral +passion. +The Myth Of Sisyphus +The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock +to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its +own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no +more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor. +If one believes Homer, Sisyphus was the wisest and most +prudent of mortals. According to another tradition, however, he +was disposed to practice the profession of highwayman. I see no +contradiction in this. Opinions differ as to the reasons why he +became the futile laborer of the underworld. To begin with, he is +accused of a certain levity in regard to the gods. He stole their +secrets. AEgina, the daughter of AEsopus, was carried off by +Jupiter. The father was shocked by that disappearance and +complained to Sisyphus. He, who knew of the abduction, offered +to tell about it on condition that AEsopus would give water to the +citadel of Corinth. To the celestial thunderbolts he preferred the +benediction of water. He was punished for this in the underworld. +Homer tells us also that Sisyphus had put Death in chains. Pluto +could not endure the sight of his deserted, silent empire. He +dispatched the god of war, who liberated Death from the hands of +her conqueror. +It is said also that Sisyphus, being near to death, rashly wanted +to test his wife’s love. He ordered her to cast his unburied body +into the middle of the public square. Sisyphus woke up in the +underworld. And there, annoyed by an obedience so contrary to +human love, he obtained from Pluto permission to return to earth in +order to chastise his wife. But when he had seen again the face of +this world, enjoyed water and sun, warm stones and the sea, he no +longer wanted to go back to the infernal darkness. Recalls, signs of +anger, warnings were of no avail. Many years more he lived facing +the curve of the gulf, the sparkling sea, and the smiles of earth. A +decree of the gods was necessary. Mercury came and seized the +impudent man by the collar and, snatching him from his joys, led +him forcibly back to the underworld, where his rock was ready for +him. +You have already grasped that Sisyphus is the absurd hero. He +is, as much through his passions as through his torture. His scorn +of the gods, his hatred of death, and his passion for life won him +that unspeakable penalty in which the whole being is exerted +toward accomplishing nothing. This is the price that must be paid +for the passions of this earth. Nothing is told us about Sisyphus in +the underworld. Myths are made for the imagination to breathe life +into them. As for this myth, one sees merely the whole effort of a +body straining to raise the huge stone, to roll it and push it up a +slope a hundred times over; one sees the face screwed up, the +cheek tight against the stone, the shoulder bracing the clay-covered +mass, the foot wedging it, the fresh start with arms outstretched, +the wholly human security of two earth-clotted hands. At the very +end of his long effort measured by skyless space and time without +depth, the purpose is achieved. Then Sisyphus watches the stone +rush down in a few moments toward that lower world whence he +will have to push it up again toward the summit. He goes back +down to the plain. +It is during that return, that pause, that Sisyphus interests me. A +face that toils so close to stones is already stone itself! I see that +man going back down with a heavy yet measured step toward the +torment of which he will never know the end. That hour like a +breathing-space which returns as surely as his suffering, that is the +hour of consciousness. At each of those moments when he leaves +the heights and gradually sinks toward the lairs of the gods, he is +superior to his fate. He is stronger than his rock. +If this myth is tragic, that is because its hero is conscious. +Where would his torture be, indeed, if at every step the hope of +succeeding upheld him? The workman of today works every day in +his life at the same tasks, and this fate is no less absurd. But it is +tragic only at the rare moments when it becomes conscious. +Sisyphus, proletarian of the gods, powerless and rebellious, knows +the whole extent of his wretched condition: it is what he thinks of +during his descent. The lucidity that was to constitute his torture at +the same time crowns his victory. There is no fate that cannot be +surmounted by scorn. +* * * +If the descent is thus sometimes performed in sorrow, it can +also take place in joy. This word is not too much. Again I fancy +Sisyphus returning toward his rock, and the sorrow was in the +beginning. When the images of earth cling too tightly to memory, +when the call of happiness becomes too insistent, it happens that +melancholy rises in man’s heart: this is the rock’s victory, this is +the rock itself. The boundless grief is too heavy to bear. These are +our nights of Gethsemane. But crushing truths perish from being +acknowledged. Thus, CEdipus at the outset obeys fate without +knowing it. But from the moment he knows, his tragedy begins. +Yet at the same moment, blind and desperate, he realizes that the +only bond linking him to the world is the cool hand of a girl. Then +a tremendous remark rings out: “Despite so many ordeals, my +advanced age and the nobility of my soul make me conclude that +all is well.” Sophocles’ CEdipus, like Dostoevsky’s Kirilov, thus +gives the recipe for the absurd victory. Ancient wisdom confirms +modern heroism. +One does not discover the absurd without being tempted to +write a manual of happiness. “What! by such narrow ways—?” +There is but one world, however. Happiness and the absurd are two +sons of the same earth. They are inseparable. It would be a mistake +to say that happiness necessarily springs from the absurd +discovery. It happens as well that the feeling of the absurd springs +from happiness. “I conclude that all is well,” says CEdipus, and +that remark is sacred. It echoes in the wild and limited universe of +man. It teaches that all is not, has not been, exhausted. It drives out +of this world a god who had come into it with dissatisfaction and a +preference for futile sufferings. It makes of fate a human matter, +which must be settled among men. +All Sisyphus’ silent joy is contained therein. His fate belongs +to him. His rock is his thing. Likewise, the absurd man, when he +contemplates his torment, silences all the idols. In the universe +suddenly restored to its silence, the myriad wondering little voices +of the earth rise up. Unconscious, secret calls, invitations from all +the faces, they are the necessary reverse and price of victory. There +is no sun without shadow, and it is es-sential to know the night. +The absurd man says yes and his effort will henceforth be +unceasing. If there is a personal fate, there is no higher destiny, or +at least there is but one which he concludes is inevitable and +despicable. For the rest, he knows himself to be the master of his +days. At that subtle moment when man glances backward over his +life, Sisyphus returning toward his rock, in that slight pivoting he +contemplates that series of unrelated actions which becomes his +fate, created by him, combined under his memory’s eye and soon +sealed by his death. Thus, convinced of the wholly human origin of +all that is human, a blind man eager to see who knows that the +night has no end, he is still on the go. The rock is still rolling. +I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds +one’s burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that +negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. +This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither +sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of +that night-filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle +itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must +imagine Sisyphus happy. +Appendix: Hope and the Absurd in the Work of Franz Kafka +The whole art of Kafka consists in forcing the reader to reread. +His endings, or his absence of endings, suggest explanations +which, however, are not revealed in clear language but, before they +seem justified, require that the story be reread from another point +of view. Sometimes there is a double possibility of interpretation, +whence appears the necessity for two readings. This is what the +author wanted. But it would be wrong to try to interpret everything +in Kafka in detail. A symbol is always in general and, however +precise its translation, an artist can restore to it only its movement: +there is no word-for-word rendering. Moreover, nothing is harder +to understand than a symbolic work. A symbol always transcends +the one who makes use of it and makes him say in reality more +than he is aware of expressing. In this regard, the surest means of +getting hold of it is not to provoke it, to begin the work without a +preconceived attitude and not to look for its hidden currents. For +Kafka in particular it is fair to agree to his rules, to approach the +drama through its externals and the novel through its form. +At first glance and for a casual reader, they are disturbing +adventures that carry off quaking and dogged characters into +pursuit of problems they never formulate. In The Trial, Joseph K. +is accused. But he doesn’t know of what. He is doubtless eager to +defend himself, but he doesn’t know why. The lawyers find his +case difficult. Meanwhile, he does not neglect to love, to eat, or to +read his paper. Then he is judged. But the courtroom is very dark. +He doesn’t understand much. He merely assumes that he is +condemned, but to what he barely wonders. At times he suspects +just the same, and he continues living. Some time later two well- +dressed and polite gentlemen come to get him and invite him to +follow them. Most courteously they lead him into a wretched +suburb, put his head on a stone, and slit his throat. Before dying the +condemned man says merely: “Like a dog.” +You see that it is hard to speak of a symbol in a tale whose +most obvious quality just happens to be naturalness. But +naturalness is a hard category to understand. There are works in +which the event seems natural to the reader. But there are others +(rarer, to be sure) in which the character considers natural what +happens to him. By an odd but obvious paradox, the more +extraordinary the character’s adventures are, the more noticeable +will be the naturalness of the story: it is in proportion to the +divergence we feel between the strangeness of a man’s life and the +simplicity with which that man accepts it. It seems that this +naturalness is Kafka’s. And, precisely, one is well aware what The +Trial means. People have spoken of an image of the human +condition. To be sure. Yet it is both simpler and more complex. I +mean that the significance of the novel is more particular and more +personal to Kafka. To a certain degree, he is the one who does the +talking, even though it is me he confesses. He lives and he is +condemned. He learns this on the first pages of the novel he is +pursuing in this world, and if he tries to cope with this, he +nonetheless does so without surprise. He will never show sufficient +astonishment at this lack of astonishment. It is by such +contradictions that the first signs of the absurd work are +recognized. The mind projects into the concrete its spiritual +tragedy. And it can do so solely by means of a perpetual paradox +which confers on colors the power to express the void and on daily +gestures the strength to translate eternal ambitions. +Likewise, The Castle is perhaps a theology in action, but it is +first of all the individual adventure of a soul in quest of its grace, +of a man who asks of this world’s objects their royal secret and of +women the signs of the god that sleeps in them. Metamorphosis, in +turn, certainly represents the horrible imagery of an ethic of +lucidity. But it is also the product of that incalculable amazement +man feels at being conscious of the beast he becomes effortlessly. +In this fundamental ambiguity lies Kafka’s secret. These perpetual +oscillations between the natural and the extraordinary, the +individual and the universal, the tragic and the everyday, the +absurd and the logical, are found throughout his work and give it +both its resonance and its meaning. These are the paradoxes that +must be enumerated, the contradictions that must be strengthened, +in order to understand the absurd work. +A symbol, indeed, assumes two planes, two worlds of ideas +and sensations, and a dictionary of correspondences between them. +This lexicon is the hardest thing to draw up. But awaking to the +two worlds brought face to face is tantamount to getting on the trail +of their secret relationships. In Kafka these two worlds are that of +everyday life on the one hand and, on the other, that of +supernatural anxiety.[26] It seems that we are witnessing here an +interminable exploitation of Nietzsche’s remark: “Great problems +are in the street.” +There is in the human condition (and this is a commonplace of +all literatures) a basic absurdity as well as an implacable nobility. +The two coincide, as is natural. Both of them are represented, let +me repeat, in the ridiculous divorce separating our spiritual +excesses and the ephemeral joys of the body. The absurd thing is +that it should be the soul of this body which it transcends so +inordinately. Whoever would like to represent this absurdity must +give it life in a series of parallel contrasts. Thus it is that Kafka +expresses tragedy by the everyday and the absurd by the logical. +An actor lends more force to a tragic character the more careful +he is not to exaggerate it. If he is moderate, the horror he inspires +will be immoderate. In this regard Greek tragedy is rich in lessons. +In a tragic work fate always makes itself felt better in the guise of +logic and naturalness. CEdipus’s fate is announced in advance. It is +decided supernaturally that he will commit the murder and the +incest. The drama’s whole effort is to show the logical system +which, from deduction to deduction, will crown the hero’s +misfortune. Merely to announce to us that uncommon fate is +scarcely horrible, because it is improbable. But if its necessity is +demonstrated to us in the framework of everyday life, society, +state, familiar emotion, then the horror is hallowed. In that revolt +that shakes man and makes him say: “That is not possible,” there is +an element of desperate certainty that “that” can be. +This is the whole secret of Greek tragedy, or at least of one of +its aspects. For there is another which, by a reverse method, would +help us to understand Kafka better. The human heart has a tiresome +tendency to label as fate only what crushes it. But happiness +likewise, in its way, is without reason, since it is inevitable. +Modern man, however, takes the credit for it himself, when he +doesn’t fail to recognize it. Much could be said, on the contrary, +about the privileged fates of Greek tragedy and those favored in +legend who, like Ulysses, in the midst of the worst adventures are +saved from themselves. It was not so easy to return to Ithaca. +What must be remembered in any case is that secret complicity +that joins the logical and the everyday to the tragic. This is why +Samsa, the hero of Metamorphosis, is a traveling salesman. This is +why the only thing that disturbs him in the strange adventure that +makes a vermin of him is that his boss will be angry at his absence. +Legs and feelers grow out on him, his spine arches up, white spots +appear on his belly and—I shall not say that this does not astonish +him, for the effect would be spoiled—but it causes him a “slight +annoyance.” The whole art of Kafka is in that distinction. In his +central work, The Castle, the details of everyday life stand out, and +yet in that strange novel in which nothing concludes and +everything begins over again, it is the essential adventure of a soul +in quest of its grace that is represented. That translation of the +problem into action, that coincidence of the general and the +particular are recognized likewise in the little artifices that belong +to every great creator. In The Trial the hero might have been +named Schmidt or Franz Kafka. But he is named Joseph K. He is +not Kafka and yet he is Kafka. He is an average European. He is +like everybody else. But he is also the entity K. who is the x of this +flesh-and-blood equation. +Likewise, if Kafka wants to express the absurd, he will make +use of consistency. You know the story of the crazy man who was +fishing in a bathtub. A doctor with ideas as to psychiatric +treatments asked him “if they were biting,” to which he received +the harsh reply: “Of course not, you fool, since this is a bathtub.” +That story belongs to the baroque type. But in it can be grasped +quite clearly to what a degree the absurd effect is linked to an +excess of logic. Kafka’s world is in truth an indescribable universe +in which man allows himself the tormenting luxury of fishing in a +bathtub, knowing that nothing will come of it. +Consequently, I recognize here a work that is absurd in its +principles. As for The Trial, for instance, I can indeed say that it is +a complete success. Flesh wins out. +Nothing is lacking, neither the unexpressed revolt (but it is +what is writing), nor lucid and mute despair (but it is what is +creating), nor that amazing freedom of manner which the +characters of the novel exemplify until their ultimate death. +* * * +Yet this world is not so closed as it seems. Into this universe +devoid of progress, Kafka is going to introduce hope in a strange +form. In this regard The Trial and The Castle do not follow the +same direction. They complement each other. The barely +perceptible progression from one to the other represents a +tremendous conquest in the realm of evasion. The Trial propounds +a problem which The Castle, to a certain degree, solves. The first +describes according to a quasi scientific method and without +concluding. The second, to a certain degree, explains. The Trial +diagnoses, and The Castle imagines a treatment. But the remedy +proposed here does not cure. It merely brings the malady back into +normal life. It helps to accept it. In a certain sense (let us think of +Kierkegaard), it makes people cherish it. The Land Surveyor K. +cannot imagine another anxiety than the one that is tormenting +him. The very people around him become attached to that void and +that nameless pain, as if suffering assumed in this case a privileged +aspect. “How I need you,” Frieda says to K. “How forsaken I feel, +since knowing you, when you are not with me.” This subtle +remedy that makes us love what crushes us and makes hope spring +up in a world without issue, this sudden “leap” through which +everything is changed, is the secret of the existential revolution and +of The Castle itself. +Few works are more rigorous in their development than The +Castle. K. is named Land Surveyor to the Castle and he arrives in +the village. But from the village to the Castle it is impossible to +communicate. For hundreds of pages K. persists in seeking his +way, makes every advance, uses trickery and expedients, never +gets angry, and with disconcerting good will tries to assume the +duties entrusted to him. Each chapter is a new frustration. And also +a new beginning. It is not logic, but consistent method. The scope +of that insistence constitutes the work’s tragic quality. When K. +telephones to the Castle, he hears confused, mingled voices, vague +laughs, distant invitations. That is enough to feed his hope, like +those few signs appearing in summer skies or those evening +anticipations which make up our reason for living. Here is found +the secret of the melancholy peculiar to Kafka. The same, in truth, +that is found in Proust’s work or in the landscape of Plotinus: a +nostalgia for a lost paradise. “I become very sad,” says Olga, +“when Barnabas tells me in the morning that he is going to the +Castle: that probably futile trip, that probably wasted day, that +probably empty hope.” +“Probably”—on this implication Kafka gambles his entire +work. But nothing avails; the quest of the eternal here is +meticulous. And those inspired automata, Kafka’s characters, +provide us with a precise image of what we should be if we were +deprived of our distractions[27] and utterly consigned to the +humiliations of the divine. +In The Castle that surrender to the everyday becomes an ethic. +The great hope of K. is to get the Castle to adopt him. Unable to +achieve this alone, his whole effort is to deserve this favor by +becoming an inhabitant of the village, by losing the status of +foreigner that everyone makes him feel. What he wants is an +occupation, a home, the life of a healthy, normal man. He can’t +stand his madness any longer. He wants to be reasonable. He wants +to cast off the peculiar curse that makes him a stranger to the +village. The episode of Frieda is significant in this regard. If he +takes as his mistress this woman who has known one of the +Castle’s officials, this is because of her past. He derives from her +something that transcends him while being aware of what makes +her forever unworthy of the Castle. This makes one think of +Kierkegaard’s strange love for Regina Olsen. In certain men, the +fire of eternity consuming them is great enough for them to burn in +it the very heart of those closest to them. The fatal mistake that +consists in giving to God what is not God’s is likewise the subject +of this episode of The Castle. But for Kafka it seems that this is not +a mistake. It is a doctrine and a “leap.” There is nothing that is not +God’s. +Even more significant is the fact that the Land Surveyor breaks +with Frieda in order to go toward the Barnabas sisters. For the +Barnabas family is the only one in the village that is utterly +forsaken by the Castle and by the village itself. Amalia, the elder +sister, has rejected the shameful propositions made her by one of +the Castle’s officials. The immoral curse that followed has forever +cast her out from the love of God. Being incapable of losing one’s +honor for God amounts to making oneself unworthy of his grace. +You recognize a theme familiar to existential philosophy: truth +contrary to morality. At this point things are far-reaching. For the +path pursued by Kafka’s hero from Frieda to the Barnabas sisters is +the very one that leads from trusting love to the deification of the +absurd. Here again Kafka’s thought runs parallel to Kierkegaard. It +is not surprising that the “Barnabas story” is placed at the end of +the book. The Land Surveyor’s last attempt is to recapture God +through what negates him, to recognize him, not according to our +categories of goodness and beauty, but behind the empty and +hideous aspects of his indifference, of his injustice, and of his +hatred. That stranger who asks the Castle to adopt him is at the end +of his voyage a little more exiled because this time he is unfaithful +to himself, forsaking morality, logic, and intellectual truths in order +to try to enter, endowed solely with his mad hope, the desert of +divine grace.[28] +*** +The word “hope” used here is not ridiculous. On the contrary, +the more tragic the condition described by Kafka, the firmer and +more aggressive that hope becomes. The more truly absurd The +Trial is, the more moving and illegitimate the impassioned “leap” +of The Castle seems. But we find here again in a pure state the +paradox of existential thought as it is expressed, for instance, by +Kierkegaard: “Earthly hope must be killed; only then can one be +saved by true hope,” [29]which can be translated: “One has to have +written The Trial to undertake The Castle.” +Most of those who have spoken of Kafka have indeed defined +his work as a desperate cry with no recourse left to man. But this +calls for review. There is hope and hope. To me the optimistic +work of Henri Bordeaux seems peculiarly discouraging. This is +because it has nothing for the discriminating. Malraux’s thought, +on the other hand, is always bracing. But in these two cases neither +the same hope nor the same despair is at issue. I see merely that the +absurd work itself may lead to the infidelity I want to avoid. The +work which was but an ineffectual repetition of a sterile condition, +a lucid glorification ol the ephemeral, becomes here a cradle of +illusions. It explains, it gives a shape to hope. The creator can no +longer divorce himself from it. It is not the tragic game it was to +be. It gives a meaning to the author’s life. +It is strange in any case that works of related inspiration like +those of Kafka, Kierkegaard, or Chestov—those, in short, of +existential novelists and philosophers completely oriented toward +the Absurd and its consequences—should in the long run lead to +that tremendous cry of hope. +They embrace the God that consumes them. It is through +humility that hope enters in. For the absurd of this existence +assures them a little more of supernatural reality. If the course of +this life leads to God, there is an outcome after all. And the +perseverance, the insistence with which Kierkegaard, Chestov, and +Kafka’s heroes repeat their itineraries are a special warrant of the +uplifting power of that certainty.[30] +Kafka refuses his god moral nobility, evidence, virtue, +coherence, but only the better to fall into his arms. The absurd is +recognized, accepted, and man is resigned to it, but from then on +we know that it has ceased to be the absurd. Within the limits of +the human condition, what greater hope than the hope that allows +an escape from that condition? As I see once more, existential +thought in this regard (and contrary to current opinion) is steeped +in a vast hope. The very hope which at the time of early +Christianity and the spreading of the good news inflamed the +ancient world. But in that leap that characterizes all existential +thought, in that insistence, in that surveying of a divinity devoid of +surface, how can one fail to see the mark of a lucidity that +repudiates itself? It is merely claimed that this is pride abdicating +to save itself. Such a repudiation would be fecund. But this does +not change that. The moral value of lucidity cannot be diminished +in my eyes by calling it sterile like all pride. For a truth also, by its +very definition, is sterile. All facts are. In a world where everything +is given and nothing is explained, the fecundity of a value or of a +metaphysic is a notion devoid of meaning. +In any case, you see here in what tradition of thought Kafka’s +work takes its place. It would indeed be intelligent to consider as +inevitable the progression leading from The Trial to The Castle. +Joseph K. and the Land Surveyor K. are merely two poles that +attract Kafka.[31] I shall speak like him and say that his work is +probably not absurd. But that should not deter us from seeing its +nobility and universality. They come from the fact that he managed +to represent so fully the everyday passage from hope to grief and +from desperate wisdom to intentional blindness. His work is +universal (a really absurd work is not universal) to the extent to +which it represents the emotionally moving face of man fleeing +humanity, deriving from his contradictions reasons for believing, +reasons for hoping from his fecund despairs, and calling life his +terrifying apprenticeship in death. It is universal because its +inspiration is religious. As in all religions, man is freed of the +weight of his own life. But if I know that, if I can even admire it, I +also know that I am not seeking what is universal, but what is true. +The two may well not coincide. +This particular view will be better understood if I say that truly +hopeless thought just happens to be defined by the opposite criteria +and that the tragic work might be the work that, after all future +hope is exiled, describes the life of a happy man. The more +exciting life is, the more absurd is the idea of losing it. This is +perhaps the secret of that proud aridity felt in Nietzsche’s work. In +this connection, Nietzsche appears to be the only artist to have +derived the extreme consequences of an aesthetic of the Absurd, +inasmuch as his final message lies in a sterile and conquering +lucidity and an obstinate negation of any supernatural consolation. +The preceding should nevertheless suffice to bring out the +capital importance of Kafka in the framework of this essay. Here +we are carried to the confines of human thought. In the fullest +sense of the word, it can be said that everything in that work is +essential. In any case, it propounds the absurd problem altogether. +If one wants to compare these conclusions with our initial remarks, +the content with the form, the secret meaning of The Castle with +the natural art in which it is molded, K.’s passionate, proud quest +with the everyday setting against which it takes place, then one +will realize what may be its greatness. For if nostalgia is the mark +of the human, perhaps no one has given such flesh and volume to +these phantoms of regret. But at the same time will be sensed what +exceptional nobility the absurd work calls for, which is perhaps not +found here. If the nature of art is to bind the general to the +particular, ephemeral eternity of a drop of water to the play of its +lights, it is even truer to judge the greatness of the absurd writer by +the distance he is able to introduce between these two worlds. His +secret consists in being able to find the exact point where they +meet in their greatest disproportion. +And, to tell the truth, this geometrical locus of man and the +inhuman is seen everywhere by the pure in heart. If Faust and Don +Quixote are eminent creations of art, this is because of the +immeasurable nobilities they point out to us with their earthly +hands. Yet a moment always comes when the mind negates the +truths that those hands can touch. A moment comes when the +creation ceases to be taken tragically; it is merely taken seriously. +Then man is concerned with hope. But that is not his business. His +business is to turn away from subterfuge. Yet this is just what I +find at the conclusion of the vehement proceedings Kafka institutes +against the whole universe. His unbelievable verdict is this hideous +and upsetting world in which the very moles dare to hope.[32] +Summer In Algiers +for +JACQUES HEURGON +The loves we share with a city are often secret loves. Old +walled towns like Paris, Prague, and even Florence are closed in on +themselves and hence limit the world that belongs to them. But +Algiers (together with certain other privileged places such as cities +on the sea) opens to the sky like a mouth or a wound. In Algiers +one loves the commonplaces: the sea at the end of every street, a +certain volume of sunlight, the beauty of the race. And, as always, +in that unashamed offering there is a secret fragrance. In Paris it is +possible to be homesick for space and a beating of wings. Here at +least man is gratified in every wish and, sure of his desires, can at +last measure his possessions. +Probably one has to live in Algiers for some time in order to +realize how paralyzing an excess of nature’s bounty can be. There +is nothing here for whoever would learn, educate himself, or better +himself. This country has no lessons to teach. It neither promises +nor affords glimpses. It is satisfied to give, but in abundance. It is +completely accessible to the eyes, and you know it the moment you +enjoy it. Its pleasures are without remedy and its joys without +hope. Above all, it requires clairvoyant souls—that is, without +solace. It insists upon one’s performing an act of lucidity as one +performs an act of faith. Strange country that gives the man it +nourishes both his splendor and his misery! It is not surprising that +the sensual riches granted to a sensitive man of these regions +should coincide with the most extreme destitution. No truth fails to +carry with it its bitterness. How can one be surprised, then, if I +never feel more affection for the face of this country than amid its +poorest men? +During their entire youth men find here a life in proportion to +their beauty. Then, later on, the downhill slope and obscurity. They +wagered on the flesh, but knowing they were to lose. In Algiers +whoever is young and alive finds sanctuary and occasion for +triumphs everywhere: in the bay, the sun, the red and white games +on the seaward terraces, the flowers and sports stadiums, the cool- +legged girls. But for whoever has lost his youth there is nothing to +cling to and nowhere where melancholy can escape itself. +Elsewhere, Italian terraces, European cloisters, or the profile of the +Provencal hills—all places where man can flee his humanity and +gently liberate himself from himself. But everything here calls for +solitude and the blood of young men. Goethe on his deathbed calls +for light and this is a historic remark. At Belcourt and Bab-el-Oued +old men seated in the depths of cafes listen to the bragging of +young men with plastered hair. +Summer betrays these beginnings and ends to us in Algiers. +During those months the city is deserted. But the poor remain, and +the sky. We join the former as they go down toward the harbor and +man’s treasures: warmth of the water and the brown bodies of +women. In the evening, sated with such wealth, they return to the +oilcloth and kerosene lamp that constitute the whole setting of their +life. +In Algiers no one says “go for a swim,” but rather “indulge in a +swim.” The implications are clear. People swim in the harbor and +go to rest on the buoys. Anyone who passes near a buoy where a +pretty girl already is sunning herself shouts to his friends: “I tell +you it’s a seagull.” These are healthy amusements. They must +obviously constitute the ideal of those youths, since most of them +continue the same life in the winter, undressing every day at noon +for a frugal lunch in the sun. Not that they have read the boring +sermons of the nudists, those Protestants of the flesh (there is a +theory of the body quite as tiresome as that of the mind). But they +are simply “comfortable in the sunlight.” The importance of this +custom for our epoch can never be overestimated. For the first time +in two thousand years the body has appeared naked on beaches. +For twenty centuries men have striven to give decency to Greek +insolence and naivete, to diminish the flesh and complicate dress. +Today, despite that history, young men running on Mediterranean +beaches repeat the gestures of the athletes of Delos. And living +thus among bodies and through one’s body, one becomes aware +that it has its connotations, its life, and, to risk nonsense, a +psychology of its own.[33] The body’s evolution, like that of the +mind, has its history, its vicissitudes, its progress, and its +deficiency. With this distinction, however: color. When you +frequent the beach in summer you become aware of a simultaneous +progression of all skins from white to golden to tanned, ending up +in a tobacco color which marks the extreme limit of the effort of +transformation of which the body is capable. Above the harbor +stands the set of white cubes of the Kasbah. When you are at water +level, against the sharp while background of the Arab town the +bodies describe a copper-colored frieze. And as the month of +August progresses and the sun grows, the white of the houses +becomes more blinding and skins take on a darker warmth. How +can one fail to participate, then, in that dialogue of stone and flesh +in tune with the sun and seasons? The whole morning has been +spent in diving, in bursts of laughter amid splashing water, in +vigorous paddles around the red and black freighters (those from +Norway with all the scents of wood, those that come from +Germany full of the smell of oil, those that go up and down the +coast and smell of wine and old casks). At the hour when the sun +overflows from every corner of the sky at once, the orange canoe +loaded with brown bodies brings us home in a mad race. And +when, having suddenly interrupted the cadenced beat of the double +paddle’s bright-colored wings, we glide slowly in the calm water +of the inner harbor, how can I fail to feel that I am piloting through +the smooth waters a savage cargo of gods in whom I recognize my +brothers? +But at the other end of the city summer is already offering us, +by way of contrast, its other riches: I mean its silence and its +boredom. That silence is not always of the same quality, depending +on whether it springs from the shade or the sunlight. There is the +silence of noon on the Place du Gouvernement. In the shade of the +trees surrounding it, Arabs sell for five sous glasses of iced +lemonade flavored with orange-flowers. Their cry “Cool, cool” can +be heard across the empty square. After their cry silence again falls +under the burning sun: in the vendor’s jug the ice moves and I can +hear its tinkle. There is the silence of the siesta. In the streets of the +Marine, in front of the dirty barbershops it can be measured in the +melodious buzzing of flies behind the hollow reed curtains. +Elsewhere, in the Moorish cafes of the Kasbah the body is silent, +unable to tear itself away, to leave the glass of tea and rediscover +time with the pulsing of its own blood. But, above all, there is the +silence of summer evenings. +Those brief moments when day topples into night must be +peopled with secret signs and summons for my Algiers to be so +closely linked to them. When I spend some time far from that +town, I imagine its twilights as promises of happiness. On the hills +above the city there are paths among the mastics and olive trees. +And toward them my heart turns at such moments. I see flights of +black birds rise against the green horizon. In the sky suddenly +divested of its sun something relaxes. A whole little nation of red +clouds stretches out until it is absorbed in the air. Almost +immediately afterward appears the first star that had been seen +taking shape and consistency in the depth of the sky. And then +suddenly, all consuming, night. What exceptional quality do the +fugitive Algerian evenings possess to be able to release so many +things in me? I haven’t time to tire of that sweetness they leave on +my lips before it has disappeared into night. Is this the secret of its +persistence? This country’s affection is overwhelming and furtive. +But during the moment it is present, one’s heart at least surrenders +completely to it. At Padovani Beach the dance hall is open every +day. And in that huge rectangular box with its entire side open to +the sea, the poor young people of the neighborhood dance until +evening. Often I used to await there a moment of exceptional +beauty. During the day the hall is protected by sloping wooden +awnings. When the sun goes down they are raised. Then the hall is +filled with an odd green light born of the double shell of the sky +and the sea. When one is seated far from the windows, one sees +only the sky and, silhouetted against it, the faces of the dancers +passing in succession. Sometimes a waltz is being played, and +against the green background the black profiles whirl obstinately +like those cut-out silhouettes that are attached to a phonograph’s +turntable. Night comes rapidly after this, and with it the lights. But +I am unable to relate the thrill and secrecy that subtle instant holds +for me. I recall at least a magnificent tall girl who had danced all +afternoon. She was wearing a jasmine garland on her tight blue +dress, wet with perspiration from the small of her back to her legs. +She was laughing as she danced and throwing back her head. As +she passed the tables, she left behind her a mingled scent of +flowers and flesh. When evening came, I could no longer see her +body pressed tight to her partner, but against the sky whirled +alternating spots of white jasmine and black hair, and when she +would throw back her swelling breast I would hear her laugh and +see her partner’s profile suddenly plunge forward. I owe to such +evenings the idea I have of innocence. In any case, I learn not to +separate these creatures bursting with violent energy from the sky +where their desires whirl. +* * * +In the neighborhood movies in Algiers peppermint lozenges are +sometimes sold with, stamped in red, all that is necessary to the +awakening of love: (1) questions: “When will you marry me?” “Do +you love me?” and (2) replies: “Madly,” “Next spring.” After +having prepared the way, you pass them to your neighbor, who +answers likewise or else turns a deaf ear. At Belcourt marriages +have been arranged this way and whole lives been pledged by the +mere exchange of peppermint lozenges. And this really depicts the +childlike people of this region. +The distinguishing mark of youth is perhaps a magnificent +vocation for facile joys. But, above all, it is a haste to live that +borders on waste. At Belcourt, as at Bab-el-Oued, people get +married young. They go to work early and in ten years exhaust the +experience of a lifetime. A thirty-year-old workman has already +played all the cards in his hand. He awaits the end between his +wife and his children. His joys have been sudden and merciless, as +has been his life. One realizes that he is born of this country where +everything is given to be taken away. In that plenty and profusion +life follows the sweep of great passions, sudden, exacting, and +generous. It is not to be built up, but to be burned up. Stopping to +think and becoming better are out of the question. The notion of +hell, for instance, is merely a funny joke here. Such imaginings are +allowed only to the very virtuous. And I really think that virtue is a +meaningless word in all Algeria. Not that these men lack +principles. They have their code, and a very special one. You are +not disrespectful to your mother. You see that your wife is +respected in the street. You show consideration for a pregnant +woman. You don’t double up on an adversary, because “that looks +bad.” Whoever does not observe these elementary commandments +“is not a man,” and the question is decided. This strikes me as fair +and strong. There are still many of us who automatically observe +this code of the street, the only disinterested one I know. But at the +same time the shopkeeper’s ethics are unknown. I have always +seen faces around me filled with pity at the sight of a man between +two policemen. And before knowing whether the man had stolen, +killed his father, or was merely a nonconformist, they would say: +“The poor fellow,” or else, with a hint of admiration: “He’s a +pirate, all right.” +There are races born for pride and life. They are the ones that +nourish the strangest vocation for boredom. It is also among them +that the attitude toward death is the most repulsive. Aside from +sensual pleasure, the amusements of this race are among the +silliest. A society of bowlers and association banquets, the three- +franc movies and parish feasts have for years provided the +recreation of those over thirty. Algiers Sundays are among the +most sinister. How, then, could this race devoid of spirituality +clothe in myths the profound horror of its life? Everything related +to death is either ridiculous or hateful here. This populace without +religion and without idols dies alone after having lived in a crowd. +I know no more hideous spot than the cemetery on Boulevard Bru, +opposite one of the most beautiful landscapes in the world. An +accumulation of bad taste among the black fencings allows a +dreadful melancholy to rise from this spot where death shows her +true likeness. “Everything fades,” say the heart-shaped ex-votos, +“except memory.” And all insist on that paltry eternity provided us +cheaply by the hearts of those who loved us. The same words fit all +despairs. Addressed to the dead man, they speak to him in the +second person (our memory will never forsake you); lugubrious +pretense which attributes a body and desires to what is at best a +black liquid. Elsewhere, amid a deadly profusion of marble flowers +and birds, this bold assertion: “Never will your grave be without +flowers.” But never fear: the inscription surrounds a gilded stucco +bouquet, very time-saving for the living (like those immortelles +which owe their pompous name to the gratitude of those who still +jump onto moving buses). Inasmuch as it is essential to keep up +with the times, the classic warbler is sometimes replaced by an +astounding pearl airplane piloted by a silly angel who, without +regard for logic, is provided with an impressive pair of wings. +Yet how to bring out that these images of death are never +separated from life? Here the values are closely linked. The +favorite joke of Algerian undertakers, when driving an empty +hearse, is to shout: “Want a ride, sister?” to any pretty girls they +meet on the way. There is no objection to seeing a symbol in this, +even if somewhat untoward. It may seem blasphemous, likewise, +to reply to the announcement of a death while winking one’s left +eye: “Poor fellow, he’ll never sing again,” or, like that woman of +Oran who bad never loved her husband: “God gave him to me and +God has taken him from me.” But, all in all, I see nothing sacred in +death and am well aware, on the other hand, of the distance there is +between fear and respect. Everything here suggests the horror of +dying in a country that invites one to live. And yet it is under the +very walls of this cemetery that the young of Belcourt have their +assignations and that the girls offer themselves to kisses and +caresses. +I am well aware that such a race cannot be accepted by all. +Here intelligence has no place as in Italy. This race is indifferent to +the mind. It has a cult for and admiration of the body. Whence its +strength, its innocent cynicism, and a puerile vanity which explains +why it is so severely judged. It is commonly blamed for its +“mentality”—that is, a way of seeing and of living. And it is true +that a certain intensity of life is inseparable from injustice. Yet here +is a rate without past, without tradition, and yet not without +poetry—but a poetry whose quality I know well, harsh, carnal, far +from tenderness, that of their very sky, the only one in truth to +move me and bring me inner peace. The contrary of a civilized +nation is a creative nation. I have the mad hope that, without +knowing it perhaps, these barbarians lounging on beaches are +actually modeling the image of a culture in which the greatness of +man will at last find its true likeness. This race, wholly cast into its +present, lives without myths, without solace. It has put all its +possessions on this earth and therefore remains without defense +against death. All the gifts of physical beauty have been lavished +on it. And with them, the strange avidity that always accompanies +that wealth without future. Everything that is done here shows a +horror of stability and a disregard for the future. People are in haste +to live, and if an art were to be born here it would obey that hatred +of permanence that made the Dorians fashion their first column in +wood. And yet, yes, one can find measure as well as excess in the +violent and keen face of this race, in this summer sky with nothing +tender in it, before which all truths can be uttered and on which no +deceptive divinity has traced the signs of hope or of redemption. +Between this sky and these faces turned toward it, nothing on +which to hang a mythology, a literature, an ethic, or a religion, but +stones, flesh, stars, and those truths the hand can touch. +* * * +To feel one’s attachment to a certain region, one’s love for a +certain group of men, to know that there is always a spot where +one’s heart will feel at peace these are many certainties for a single +human life. And yet this is not enough. But at certain moments +everything yearns for that spiritual home. “Yes, we must go back +there—there, indeed.” Is there anything odd in finding on earth that +union that Plotinus longed for? Unity is expressed here in terms of +sun and sea. The heart is sensitive to it through a certain savor of +flesh which constitutes its bitterness and its grandeur. I learn that +there is no superhuman happiness, no eternity outside the sweep of +days. These paltry and essential belongings, these relative truths +are the only ones to stir me. As for the others, the “ideal” truths, I +have not enough soul to understand them. Not that one must be an +animal, but I find no meaning in the happiness of angels. I know +simply that this sky will last longer than I. And what shall I call +eternity except what will continue after my death? I am not +expressing here the creature’s satisfaction with his condition. It is +quite a different matter. It is not always easy to be a man, still less +to be a pure man. But being pure is recovering that spiritual home +where one can feel the world’s relationship, where one’s pulse- +beats coincide with the violent throbbing of the two-o’clock sun. It +is well known that one’s native land is always recognized at the +moment of losing it. For those who are too uneasy about +themselves, their native land is the one that negates them. I should +not like to be brutal or seem extravagant. But, after all, what +negates me in this life is first of all what kills me. Everything that +exalts life at the same time increases its absurdity. In the Algerian +summer I learn that one thing only is more tragic than suffering, +and that is the life of a happy man. But it may be also the way to a +greater life because it leads to not cheating. +Many, in fact, feign love of life to evade love itself. They try +their skill at enjoyment and at “indulging in experiences.” But this +is illusory. It requires a rare vocation to be a sensualist. The life of +a man is fulfilled without the aid of his mind, with its backward +and forward movements, at one and the same time its solitude and +its presences. To see these men of Belcourt working, protecting +their wives and children, and often without a reproach, I think one +can feel a secret shame. To be sure, I have no illusions about it. +There is not much love in the lives I am speaking of. I ought to say +that not much remains. But at least they have evaded nothing. +There are words I have never really understood, such as “sin.” Yet +I believe these men have never sinned against life. For if there is a +sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life +as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable +grandeur of this life. These men have not cheated. Gods of summer +they were at twenty by their enthusiasm for life, and they still are, +deprived of all hope. I have seen two of them die. They were full +of horror, but silent. It is better thus. From Pandora’s box, where +all the ills of humanity swarmed, the Greeks drew out hope after +all the others, as the most dreadful of all. I know no more stirring +symbol; for, contrary to the general belief, hope equals resignation. +And to live is not to resign oneself. This, at least, is the bitter +lesson of Algerian summers. But already the season is wavering +and summer totters. The first September rains, after such violence +and hardening, are like the liberated earth’s first tears, as if for a +few days this country tried its hand at tenderness. Yet at the same +period the carob trees cover all of Algeria with a scent of love. In +the evening or after the rain, the whole earth, its womb moist with +a seed redolent of bitter almond, rests after having given herself to +the sun all summer long. And again that scent hallows the union of +man and earth and awakens in us the only really virile love in this +world: ephemeral and noble. +(1936) +The Minotaur or The Stop In Oran +for +PIERRE GALINDO +This essay dates from 1939. The reader will have to bear this in +mind to judge of the present-day Oran. Impassioned protests from +that beautiful city assure me, as a matter of fact, that all the +imperfections have been (or will be) remedied. On the other hand, +the beauties extolled in this essay have been jealously respected. +Happy and realistic city, Oran has no further need of writers: she is +awaiting tourists. +(1953) +There are no more deserts. There are no more islands. Yet there +is a need for them. In order to understand the world, one has to turn +away from it on occasion; in order to serve men better, one has to +hold them at a distance for a time. But where can one find the +solitude necessary to vigor, the deep breath in which the mind +collects itself and courage gauges its strength? There remain big +cities. Simply, certain conditions are required. +The cities Europe offers us are too full of the din of the past. A +practiced ear can make out the flapping of wings, a fluttering of +souls. The giddy whirl of centuries, of revolutions, of fame can be +felt there. There one cannot forget that the Occident was forged in +a series of uproars. All that does not make for enough silence. +Paris is often a desert for the heart, but at certain moments +from the heights of Pere-Lachaise there blows a revolutionary +wind that suddenly fills that desert with flags and fallen glories. So +it is with certain Spanish towns, with Florence or with Prague. +Salzburg would be peaceful without Mozart. But from time to time +there rings out over the Salzach the great proud cry of Don Juan as +he plunges toward hell. Vienna seems more silent; she is a +youngster among cities. Her stones are no older than three +centuries and their youth is ignorant of melancholy. But Vienna +stands at a crossroads of history. Around her echoes the clash of +empires. Certain evenings when the sky is suffused with blood, the +stone horses on the Ring monuments seem to take wing. In that +fleeting moment when everything is reminiscent of power and +history, can he distinctly heard, under the charge of the Polish +squadrons, the crashing fall of the Ottoman Empire. That does not +make for enough silence either. +To be sure, it is just that solitude amid others that men come +looking for in European cities. At least, men with a purpose in life. +There they can choose their company, take it or leave it. How +many minds have been tempered in the trip between their hotel +room and the old stones of the Ile Saint Louis! It is true that others +have died there of isolation. As for the first, at any rate, there they +found their reasons for growing and asserting themselves. They +were alone and they weren’t alone. Centuries of history and +beauty, the ardent testimony of a thousand lives of the past +accompanied them along the Seine and spoke to them both of +traditions and of conquests. But their youth urged them to invite +such company. There comes a time, there come periods, when it is +unwelcome. “It’s between us two!” exclaims Rasti-gnac, facing the +vast mustiness of Paris. Two, yes, but that is still too many! +The desert itself has assumed significance; it has been glutted +with poetry. For all the world’s sorrows it is a hallowed spot. But +at certain moments the heart wants nothing so much as spots +devoid of poetry. Descartes, planning to meditate, chose his desert: +the most mercantile city of his era. There he found his solitude and +the occasion for perhaps the greatest of our virile poems: “The first +[precept] was never to accept anything as true unless I knew it to +be obviously so.” It is possible to have less ambition and the same +nostalgia. But during the last three centuries Amsterdam has +spawned museums. In order to flee poetry and yet recapture the +peace of stones, other deserts are needed, other spots without soul +and without reprieve. Oran is one of these. +The Street +I have often heard the people of Oran complain: “There is no +interesting circle.” No, indeed! You wouldn’t want one! A few +right-thinking people tried to introduce the customs of another +world into this desert, faithful to the principle that it is impossible +to advance art or ideas without grouping together.[34] The result is +such that the only instructive circles remain those of poker-players, +boxing enthusiasts, bowlers, and the local associations. There at +least the unsophisticated prevails. After all, there exists a certain +nobility that does not lend itself to the lofty. It is sterile by nature. +And those who want to find it leave the “circles” and go out into +the street. +The streets of Oran are doomed to dust, pebbles, and heat. If it +rains, there is a deluge and a sea of mud. But rain or shine, the +shops have the same extravagant and absurd look. All the bad taste +of Europe and the Orient has managed to converge in them. One +finds, helter-skelter, marble greyhounds, ballerinas with swans, +versions of Diana the huntress in green galalith, discus-throwers +and reapers, everything that is used for birthday and wedding gifts, +the whole race of painful figurines constantly called forth by a +commercial and playful genie on our mantelpieces. But such +perseverance in bad taste takes on a baroque aspect that makes one +forgive all. Here, presented in a casket of dust, are the contents of a +show window: frightful plaster models of deformed feet, a group +of Rembrandt drawings “sacrificed at 150 francs each,” practical +jokes, tricolored wallets, an eighteenth-century pastel, a +mechanical donkey made of plush, bottles of Provence water for +preserving green olives, and a wretched wooden virgin with an +indecent smile. (So that no one can go away ignorant, the +“management” has propped at its base a card saying: “Wooden +Virgin.”) There can be found in Oran: +1) Cafes with filter-glazed counters sprinkled with the legs and +wings of flies, the proprietor always smiling despite his always +empty cafe. A small black coffee used to cost twelve sous and a +large one eighteen. +2) Photographers’ studios where there has been no progress in +technique since the invention of sensitized paper. They exhibit a +strange fauna impossible to encounter in the streets, from the +pseudo-sailor leaning on a console table to the marriageable girl, +badly dressed and arms dangling, standing in front of a sylvan +background. It is possible to assume that these are not portraits +from life: they are creations. +3) An edifying abundance of funeral establishments. It is not +that people die more in Oran than elsewhere, but I fancy merely +that more is made of it. +The attractive naivete of this nation of merchants is displayed +even in their advertising. I read, in the handbill of an Oran movie +theater, the advertisement for a third-rate film. I note the adjectives +“sumptuous,” splendid, extraordinary, amazing, staggering, and +“tremendous.” At the end the management informs the public of +the considerable sacrifices it has undertaken to be able to present +this startling “realization.” Nevertheless, the price of tickets will +not be increased. +It would be wrong to assume that this is merely a manifestation +of that love of exaggeration characteristic of the south. Rather, the +authors of this marvelous handbill are revealing their sense of +psychology. It is essential to overcome the indifference and +profound apathy felt in this country the moment there is any +question of choosing between two shows, two careers, and, often, +even two women. People make up their minds only when forced to +do so. And advertising is well aware of this. It will assume +American proportions, having the same reasons, both here and +there, for getting desperate. +The streets of Oran inform us as to the two essential pleasures +of the local youth: getting one’s shoes shined and displaying those +same shoes on the boulevard. In order to have a clear idea of the +first of these delights, one has to entrust one’s shoes, at ten o’clock +on a Sunday morning, to the shoe-shiners in Boulevard Gal-lieni. +Perched on high armchairs, one can enjoy that peculiar satisfaction +produced, even upon a rank outsider, by the sight of men in love +with their job, as the shoe-shiners of Oran obviously are. +Everything is worked over in detail. Several brushes, three kinds of +cloths, the polish mixed with gasoline. One might think the +operation is finished when a perfect shine comes to life under the +soft brush. But the same insistent hand covers the glossy surface +again with polish, rubs it, dulls it, makes the cream penetrate the +heart of the leather, and then brings forth, under the same brush, a +double and really definitive gloss sprung from the depths of the +leather. The wonders achieved in this way are then exhibited to the +connoisseurs. In order to appreciate such pleasures of the +boulevard, you ought to see the masquerade of youth taking place +every evening on the main arteries of the city. Between the ages of +sixteen and twenty the young people of Oran “Society” borrow +their models of elegance from American films and put on their +fancy dress before going out to dinner. With wavy, oiled hair +protruding from under a felt hat slanted over the left ear and +peaked over the right eye, the neck encircled by a collar big +enough to accommodate the straggling hair, the microscopic knot +of the necktie kept in place by a regulation pin, with thigh-length +coat and waist close to the hips, with light-colored and noticeably +short trousers, with dazzlingly shiny triple-soled shoes, every +evening those youths make the sidewalks ring with their metal- +tipped soles. In all things they are bent on imitating the bearing, +forthrightness, and superiority of Mr. Clark Gable. For this reason +the local carpers commonly nickname those youths, by favor of a +casual pronunciation, “Clarques.” +At any rate, the main boulevards of Oran are invaded late in the +afternoon by an army of attractive adolescents who go to the +greatest trouble to look like a bad lot. Inasmuch as the girls of Oran +feel traditionally engaged to these softhearted gangsters, they +likewise flaunt the make-up and elegance of popular American +actresses. Consequently, the same wits call them “Marlenes.” Thus +on the evening boulevards when the sound of birds rises skyward +from the palm trees, dozens of Clarques and Marlenes meet, eye +and size up one another, happy to be alive and to cut a figure, +indulging for an hour in the intoxication of perfect existences. +There can then be witnessed, the jealous say, the meetings of the +American Commission. But in these words lies the bitterness of +those over thirty who have no connection with such diversions. +They fail to appreciate those daily congresses of youth and +romance. These are, in truth, the parliaments of birds that are met +in Hindu literature. But no one on the boulevards of Oran debates +the problem of being or worries about the way to perfection. There +remains nothing but flappings of wings, plumed struttings, +coquettish and victorious graces, a great burst of carefree song that +disappears with the night. +From here I can hear Klestakov: “I shall soon have to be +concerned with something lofty.” Alas, he is quite capable of it! If +he were urged, he would people this desert within a few years. But +for the moment a somewhat secret soul must liberate itself in this +facile city with its parade of painted girls unable, nevertheless, to +simulate emotion, feigning coyness so badly that the pretense is +immediately obvious. Be concerned with something lofty! Just see: +Santa-Cruz cut out of the rock, the mountains, the flat sea, the +violent wind and the sun, the great cranes of the harbor, the trains, +the hangars, the quays, and the huge ramps climbing up the city’s +rock, and in the city itself these diversions and this boredom, this +hubbub and this solitude. Perhaps, indeed, all this is not +sufficiently lofty. But the great value of such overpopulated islands +is that in them the heart strips bare. Silence is no longer possible +except in noisy cities. From Amsterdam Descartes writes to the +aged Guez de Balzac: “I go out walking every day amid the +confusion of a great crowd, with as much freedom and tranquillity +as you could do on your garden paths.” [35] +The Desert in Oran +Obliged to live facing a wonderful landscape, the people of +Oran have overcome this fearful ordeal by covering their city with +very ugly constructions. One expects to find a city open to the sea, +washed and refreshed by the evening breeze. And aside from the +Spanish quarter,[36] one finds a walled town that turns its back to +the sea, that has been built up by turning back on itself like a snail. +Oran is a great circular yellow wall covered over with a leaden +sky. In the beginning you wander in the labyrinth, seeking the sea +like the sign of Ariadne. But you turn round and round in pale and +oppressive streets, and eventually the Minotaur devours the people +of Oran: the Minotaur is boredom. For some time the citizens of +Oran have given up wandering. They have accepted being eaten. +It is impossible to know what stone is without coming to Oran. +In that dustiest of cities, the pebble is king. It is so much +appreciated that shopkeepers exhibit it in their show windows to +hold papers in place or even for mere display. Piles of them are set +up along the streets, doubtless for the eyes’ delight, since a year +later the pile is still there. Whatever elsewhere derives its poetry +from the vegetable kingdom here takes on a stone face. The +hundred or so trees that can be found in the business section have +been carefully covered with dust. They are petrified plants whose +branches give off an acrid, dusty smell. In Algiers the Arab +cemeteries have a well-known mellowness. In Oran, above the +Ras-el-Ain ravine, facing the sea this time, flat against the blue +sky, are fields of chalky, friable pebbles in which the sun blinds +with its fires. Amid these bare bones of the earth a purple +geranium, from time to time, contributes its life and fresh blood to +the landscape. The whole city has solidified in a stony matrix. Seen +from Les Planteurs, the depth of the cliffs surrounding it is so great +that the landscape becomes unreal, so mineral it is. Man is +outlawed from it. So much heavy beauty seems to come from +another world. +If the desert can be defined as a soulless place where the sky +alone is king, then Oran is awaiting her prophets. All around and +above the city the brutal nature of Africa is indeed clad in her +burning charms. She bursts the unfortunate stage setting with +which she is covered; she shrieks forth between all the houses and +over all the roofs. If one climbs one of the roads up the mountain +of Santa-Cruz, the first thing to be visible is the scattered colored +cubes of Oran. But a little higher and already the jagged cliffs that +surround the plateau crouch in the sea like red beasts. Still a little +higher and a great vortex of sun and wind sweeps over, airs out, +and obscures the untidy city scattered in disorder all over a rocky +landscape. The opposition here is between magnificent human +anarchy and the permanence of an unchanging sea. This is enough +to make a staggering scent of life rise toward the mountainside +road. +There is something implacable about the desert. The mineral +sky of Oran, her streets and trees in their coating of dust— +everything contributes to creating this dense and impassible +universe in which the heart and mind are never distracted from +themselves, nor from their sole object, which is man. I am +speaking here of difficult places of retreat. Books are written on +Florence or Athens. Those cities have formed so many European +minds that they must have a meaning. They have the means of +moving to tears or of uplifting. They quiet a certain spiritual +hunger whose bread is memory. But can one be moved by a city +where nothing attracts the mind, where the very ugliness is +anonymous, where the past is reduced to nothing? Emptiness, +boredom, an indifferent sky, what are the charms of such places? +Doubtless solitude and, perhaps, the human creature. +For a certain race of men, wherever the human creature is +beautiful is a bitter native land. Oran is one of its thousand capitals. +Sports +The Central Sporting Club, on rue du Fondouk in Oran, is +giving an evening of boxing which it insists will be appreciated by +real enthusiasts. Interpreted, this means that the boxers on the bill +are far from being stars, that some of them are entering the ring for +the first time, and that consequently you can count, if not on the +skill, at least on the courage of the opponents. A native having +thrilled me with the firm promise that “blood would flow,” I find +myself that evening among the real enthusiasts. +Apparently the latter never insist on comfort. To be sure, a ring +has been set up at the back of a sort of whitewashed garage, +covered with corrugated iron and violently lighted. Folding chairs +have been lined up in a square around the ropes. These are the +“honor rings.” Most of the length of the hall has been filled with +seats, and behind them opens a large free space called “lounge” by +reason of the fact that not one of the five hundred persons in it +could take out a handkerchief without causing serious accidents. In +this rectangular box live and breathe some thousand men and two +or three women—the kind who, according to my neighbor, always +insist on “attracting attention.” Everybody is sweating fiercely. +While waiting for the fights of the “young hopefuls” a gigantic +phonograph grinds out a Tino Rossi record. This is the sentimental +song before the murder. +The patience of a true enthusiast is unlimited. The fight +announced for nine o’clock has not even begun at nine thirty and +no one has protested. The spring weather is warm and the smell of +a humanity in shirt sleeves is exciting. Lively discussion goes on +among the periodic explosions of lemon-soda corks and the tireless +lament of the Corsican singer. A few late arrivals are wedged into +the audience when a spotlight throws a blinding light onto the ring. +The fights of the young hopefuls begin. +The young hopefuls, or beginners, who are fighting for the fun +of it, are always eager to prove this by massacring each other at the +earliest opportunity, in defiance of technique. They were never +able to last more than three rounds. The hero of the evening in this +regard is young “Kid Airplane,” who in regular life sells lottery +tickets on cafe terraces. His opponent, indeed, hurtled awkwardly +out of the ring at the beginning of the second round after contact +with a fist wielded like a propeller. +The crowd got somewhat excited, but this is still an act of +courtesy. Gravely it breathes in the hallowed air of the +embrocation. It watches these series of slow rites and unregulated +sacrifices, made even more authentic by the propitiatory designs, +on the white wall, of the fighters’ shadows. These are the +deliberate ceremonial prologues of a savage religion. The trance +will not come until later. +And it so happens that the loudspeaker announces Amar, “the +tough Oranese who has never disarmed,” against Perez, “the +slugger from Algiers.” An uninitiate would misinterpret the yelling +that greets the introduction of the boxers in the ring. He would +imagine some sensational combat in which the boxers were to +settle a personal quarrel known to the public. To tell the truth, it is +a quarrel they are going to settle. But it is the one that for the past +hundred years has mortally separated Algiers and Oran. Back in +history, these two North African cities would have already bled +each other white as Pisa and Florence did in happier times. Their +rivalry is all the stronger just because it probably has no basis. +Having every reason to like each other, they loathe each other +proportionately. The Oranese accuse the citizens of Algiers of +“sham.” The people of Algiers imply that the Oranese are rustic. +These are bloodier insults than they might seem because they are +metaphysical. And unable to lay siege to each other, Oran and +Algiers meet, compete, and insult each other on the field of sports, +statistics, and public works. +Thus a page of history is unfolding in the ring. And the tough +Oranese, backed by a thousand yelling voices, is defending against +Perez a way of life and the pride of a province. Truth forces me to +admit that Amar is not conducting his discussion well. His +argument has a flaw: he lacks reach. The slugger from Algiers, on +the contrary, has the required reach in his argument. It lands +persuasively between his contradictor’s eyes. The Oranese bleeds +magnificently amid the vociferations of a wild audience. Despite +the repeated encouragements of the gallery and of my neighbor, +despite the dauntless shouts of “Kill him!”, “Floor him!”, the +insidious “Below the belt,” +“Oh, the referee missed that one!”, the optimistic “He’s +pooped,” “He can’t take any more,” nevertheless the man from +Algiers is proclaimed the winner on points amid interminable +catcalls. My neighbor, who is inclined to talk of sportsmanship, +applauds ostensibly, while slipping to me in a voice made faint by +so many shouts: “So that he won’t be able to say back there that +we of Oran are savages.” +But throughout the audience, fights not included on the +program have already broken out. Chairs are brandished, the police +clear a path, excitement is at its height. In order to calm these good +people and contribute to the return of silence, the “management,” +without losing a moment, commissions the loudspeaker to boom +out “Sambre-et-Meuse.” For a few minutes the audience has a +really warlike look. Confused clusters of com-batants and +voluntary referees sway in the grip of policemen; the gallery exults +and calls for the rest of the program with wild cries, cock-a- +doodle-doo’s, and mocking catcalls drowned in the irresistible +flood from the military band. +But the announcement or the big fight is enough to restore +calm. This takes place suddenly, without flourishes, just as actors +leave the stage once the play is finished. With the greatest +unconcern, hats are dusted off, chairs are put back in place, and +without transition all faces assume the kindly expression of the +respectable member of the audience who has paid for his ticket to a +family concert. +The last fight pits a French champion of the Navy against an +Oran boxer. This time the difference in reach is to the advantage of +the latter. But his superiorities, during the first rounds, do not stir +the crowd. They are sleeping off the effects of their first +excitement; they are sobering up. They are still short of breath. If +they applaud, there is no passion in it. They hiss without animosity. +The audience is divided into two camps, as is appropriate in the +interest of fairness. But each individual’s choice obeys that +indifference that follows on great expenditures of energy. If the +Frenchman holds his own, if the Oranese forgets that one doesn’t +lead with the head, the boxer is bent under a volley of hisses, but +immediately pulled upright again by a burst of applause. Not until +the seventh round does sport rise to the surface again, at the same +time that the real enthusiasts begin to emerge from their fatigue. +The Frenchman, to tell the truth, has touched the mat and, eager to +win back points, has hurled himself on his opponent. “What did I +tell you?” said my neighbor; “it’s going to be a fight to the finish.” +Indeed, it is a fight to the finish. Covered with sweat under the +pitiless light, both boxers open their guard, close their eyes as they +hit, shove with shoulders and knees, swap their blood, and snort +with rage. As one man, the audience has stood up and punctuates +the efforts of its two heroes. It receives the blows, returns them, +echoes them in a thousand hollow, panting voices. The same ones +who had chosen their favorite in indifference cling to their choice +through obstinacy and defend it passionately. Every ten seconds a +shout from my neighbor pierces my right ear: “Go to it, gob; come +on, Navy!” while another man in front of us shouts to the Oranese: +“Anda! hombre!” The man and the gob go to it, and together with +them, in this temple of whitewash, iron, and cement, an audience +completely given over to gods with cauliflower ears. Every blow +that gives a dull sound on the shining pectorals echoes in vast +vibrations in the very body of the crowd, which, with the boxers, is +making its last effort. +In such an atmosphere a draw is badly received. Indeed, it runs +counter to a quite Manichean tendency in the audience. There is +good and there is evil, the winner and the loser. One must be either +right or wrong. The conclusion of this impeccable logic is +immediately provided by two thousand energetic lungs accusing +the judges of being sold, or bought. But the gob has walked over +and embraced his rival in the ring, drinking in his fraternal sweat. +This is enough to make the audience, reversing its view, burst out +in sudden applause. My neighbor is right: they are not savages. +The crowd pouring out, under a sky full of silence and stars, +has just fought the most exhausting fight. It keeps quiet and +disappears furtively, without any energy left for post mortems. +There is good and there is evil; that religion is merciless. The band +of faithful is now no more than a group of black-and-white +shadows disappearing into the night. For force and violence are +solitary gods. They contribute nothing to memory. On the contrary, +they distribute their miracles by the handful in the present. They +are made for this race without past which celebrates its +communions around the prize ring. These are rather difficult rites +but ones that simplify everything. Good and evil, winner and loser. +At Corinth two temples stood side by side, the temple of Violence +and the temple of Necessity. +Monuments +For many reasons due as much to economics as to metaphysics, +it may be said that the Oranese style, if there is one, forcefully and +clearly appears in the extraordinary edifice called the Maison du +Colon. Oran hardly lacks monuments. The city has its quota of +imperial marshals, ministers, and local benefactors. They are found +on dusty little squares, resigned to rain and sun, they too converted +to stone and boredom. But, in any case, they represent +contributions from the outside. In that happy barbary they are the +regrettable marks of civilization. +Oran, on the other hand, has raised up her altars and rostra to +her own honor. In the very heart of the mercantile city, having to +construct a common home for the innumerable agricultural +organizations that keep this country alive, the people of Oran +conceived the idea of building solidly a convincing image of their +virtues: the Maison du Colon. To judge from the edifice, those +virtues are three in number: boldness in taste, love of violence, and +a feeling for historical syntheses. Egypt, Byzantium, and Munich +collaborated in the delicate construction of a piece of pastry in the +shape of a bowl upside down. Multicolored stones, most vigorous +in effect, have been brought in to outline the roof. These mosaics +are so exuberantly persuasive that at first you see nothing but an +amorphous effulgence. But with a closer view and your attention +called to it, you discover that they have a meaning: a graceful +colonist, wearing a bow tie and white pith helmet, is receiving the +homage of a procession of slaves dressed in classical style.[37] The +edifice and its colored illustrations have been set down in the +middle of a square in the to-and-fro of the little two-car trams +whose filth is one of the charms of the city. +Oran greatly cherishes also the two lions of its Place d’Armes, +or parade ground. Since 1888 they have been sitting in state on +opposite sides of the municipal stairs. Their author was named ( +ain. They have majesty and a stubby torso. It is said that at night +they get down from their pedestal one after the other, silently pace +around the dark square, and on occasion uninate at length under the +big, dusty ficus trees. These, of course, are rumors to which the +people of Oran lend an indulgent ear. But it is unlikely. +Despite a certain amount of research, I have not been able to +get interested in Cain. I merely learned that he had the reputation +of being a skillful animal-sculptor. Yet I often think of him. This is +an intellectual bent that comes naturally in Oran. Here is a +sonorously named artist who left an unimportant work here. +Several hundred thousand people are familiar with the easygoing +beasts he put in front of a pretentious town hall. This is one way of +succeeding in art. To be sure, these two lions, like thousands of +works of the same type, are proof of something else than talent. +Others have created “The Night Watch,” “Saint Francis Receiving +the Stigmata,” “David,” or the Pharsalian bas-relief called “The +Glorification of the Flower.” Cain, on the other hand, set up two +hilarious snouts on the square of a mercantile province overseas. +But the David will go down one day with Florence and the lions +will perhaps be saved from the catastrophe. Let me repeat, they are +proof of something else. +Can one state this idea clearly? In this work there are +insignificance and solidity. Spirit counts for nothing and matter for +a great deal. Mediocrity insists upon lasting by all means, +including bronze. It is refused a right to eternity, and every day it +takes that right. Is it not eternity itself? In any event, such +perseverance is capable of stirring, and it involves its lesson, that +of all the monuments of Oran, and of Oran herself. An hour a day, +every so often, it forces you to pay attention to something that has +no importance. The mind profits from such recurrences. In a sense +this is its hygiene, and since it absolutely needs its moments of +humility, it seems to me that this chance to indulge in stupidity is +better than others. Everything that is ephemeral wants to last. Let +us say that everything wants to last. Human productions mean +nothing else, and in this regard Cain’s lions have the same chances +as the ruins of Angkor. This disposes one toward modesty. +There are other Oranese monuments. Or at least they deserve +this name because they, too, stand for their city, and perhaps in a +more significant way. They are the public works at present +covering the coast for some ten kilometers. Apparently it is a +matter of transforming the most luminous of bays into a gigantic +harbor. In reality it is one more chance for man to come to grips +with stone. +In the paintings of certain Flemish masters a theme of +strikingly general application recurs insistently: the building of the +Tower of Babel. Vast landscapes, rocks climbing up to heaven, +steep slopes teeming with workmen, animals, ladders, strange +machines, cords, pulleys. Man, moreover, is there only to give +scale to the inhuman scope of the construction. This is what the +Oran coast makes one think of, west of the city. +Clinging to vast slopes, rails, dump-cars, cranes, tiny trains ... +Under a broiling sun, toy-like locomotives round huge blocks of +stone amid whistles, dust, and smoke. Day and night a nation of +ants bustles about on the smoking carcass of the mountain. +Clinging all up and down a single cord against the side of the cliff, +dozens of men, their bellies pushing against the handles of +automatic drills, vibrate in empty space all day long and break off +whole masses of rock that hurtle down in dust and rumbling. +Farther on, dump-carts tip their loads over the slopes; and the +rocks, suddenly poured seaward, bound and roll into the water, +each large lump followed by a scattering of lighter stones. At +regular intervals, at dead of night or in broad daylight, detonations +shake the whole mountain and stir up the sea itself. +Man, in this vast construction field, makes a frontal attack on +stone. And if one could forget, for a moment at least, the harsh +slavery that makes this work possible, one would have to admire. +These stones, torn from the mountain, serve man in his plans. They +pile up under the first waves, gradually emerge, and finally take +their place to form a jetty, soon covered with men and machines +which advance, day after day, toward the open sea. Without +stopping, huge steel jaws bite into the cliff’s belly, turn round, and +disgorge into the water their overflowing gravel. As the coastal +cliff is lowered, the whole coast encroaches irresistibly on the sea. +Of course, destroying stone is not possible. It is merely moved +from one place to another. In any case, it will last longer than the +men who use it. For the moment, it satisfies their will to action. +That in itself is probably useless. But moving things about is the +work of men; one must choose doing that or nothing.[38] Obviously +the people of Oran have chosen. In front of that indifferent bay, for +many years more they will pile up stones along the coast. In a +hundred years—tomorrow, in other words—they will have to +begin again. But today these heaps of rocks testify for the men in +masks of dust and sweat who move about among them. The true +monuments of Oran are still her stones. +Ariadne’s Stone +It seems that the people of Oran are like that friend of Flaubert +who, on the point of death, casting a last glance at this +irreplaceable earth, exclaimed: “Close the window; it’s too +beautiful.” They have closed the window, they have walled +themselves in, they have cast out the landscape. But Flaubert’s +friend, Le Poittevin, died, and after him days continued to be added +to days. Likewise, beyond the yellow walls of Oran, land and sea +continue their indifferent dialogue. That permanence in the world +has always had contrary charms for man. It drives him to despair +and excites him. The world never says but one thing; first it +interests, then it bores. But eventually it wins out by dint of +obstinacy. It is always right. +Already, at the very gates of Oran, nature raises its voice. In +the direction of Canastel there are vast wastelands covered with +fragrant brush. There sun and wind speak only of solitude. Above +Oran there is the mountain of Santa-Cruz, the plateau and the +myriad ravines leading to it. Roads, once carriageable, cling to the +slopes overhanging the sea. In the month of January some are +covered with flowers. Daisies and buttercups turn them into +sumptuous paths, embroidered in yellow and white. About Sant- +Cruzz everything has been said. But if I were to speak of it, I +should forget the sacred processions that climb the rugged hill on +feast days, in order to recall other pilgrimages. Solitary, they walk +in the red stone, rise above the motionless bay, and come to +dedicate to nakedness a luminous, perfect hour. +Oran has also its deserts of sand: its beaches. Those +encountered near the gates are deserted only in winter and spring. +Then they are plateaus covered with asphodels, peopled with bare +little cottages among the flowers. The sea rumbles a bit, down +below. Yet already the sun, the faint breeze, the whiteness of the +asphodels, the sharp blue of the sky, everything makes one fancy +summer—the golden youth then covering the beach, the long hours +on the sand and the sudden softness of evening. Each year on these +shores there is a new harvest of girls in flower. Apparently they +have but one season. The following year, other cordial blossoms +take their place, which, the summer before, were still little girls +with bodies as hard as buds. At eleven a.m., coming down from the +plateau, all that young flesh, lightly clothed in motley materials, +breaks on the sand like a multicolored wave. +One has to go farther (strangely close, however, to that spot +where two hundred thousand men are laboring) to discover a still +virgin landscape: long, deserted dunes where the passage of men +has left no other trace than a worm-eaten hut. From time to time an +Arab shepherd drives along the top of the dunes the black and +beige spots of his flock of goats. On the beaches of the Oran +country every summer morning seems to be the first in the world. +Each twilight seems to be the last, solemn agony, announced at +sunset by a final glow that darkens every hue. The sea is +ultramarine, the road the color of clotted blood, the beach yellow. +Everything disappears with the green sun; an hour later the dunes +are bathed in moonlight. Then there are incomparable nights under +a rain of stars. Occasionally storms sweep over them, and the +lightning flashes flow along the dunes, whiten the sky, and give the +sand and one’s eyes orange-colored glints. +But this cannot be shared. One has to have lived it. So much +solitude and nobility give these places an unforgettable aspect. In +the warm moment before daybreak, after confronting the first +bitter, black waves, a new creature breasts night’s heavy, +enveloping water. The memory of those joys does not make me +regret them, and thus I recognize that they were good. After so +many years they still last, somewhere in this heart which finds +unswerving loyalty so difficult. And I know that today, if I were to +go to the deserted dune, the same sky would pour down on me its +cargo of breezes and stars. These are lands of innocence. +But innocence needs sand and stones. And man has forgotten +how to live among them. At least it seems so, for he has taken +refuge in this extraordinary city where boredom sleeps. +Nevertheless, that very confrontation constitutes the value of Oran. +The capital of boredom, besieged by innocence and beauty, it is +surrounded by an army in which every stone is a soldier. In the +city, and at certain hours, however, what a temptation to go over to +the enemy! What a temptation to identify oneself with those +stones, to melt into that burning and impassive universe that defies +history and its ferments! That is doubtless futile. But there is in +every man a profound instinct which is neither that of destruction +nor that of creation. It is merely a matter of resembling nothing. In +the shadow of the warm walls of Oran, on its dusty asphalt, that +invitation is sometimes heard. It seems that, for a time, the minds +that yield to it are never disappointed. This is the darkness of +Eurydice and the sleep of Isis. Here are the deserts where thought +will collect itself, the cool hand of evening on a troubled heart. On +this Mount of Olives, vigil is futile; the mind recalls and approves +the sleeping Apostles. Were they really wrong? They nonetheless +had their revelation. +Just think of Sakyamuni in the desert. He remained there for +years on end, squatting motionless with his eyes on heaven. The +very gods envied him that wisdom and that stone-like destiny. In +his outstretched hands the swallows had made their nest. But one +day they flew away, answering the call of distant lands. And he +who had stifled in himself desire and will, fame and suffering, +began to cry. It happens thus that flowers grow on rocks. Yes, let +us accept stone when it is necessary. That secret and that rapture +we ask of faces can also be given us by stone. To be sure, this +cannot last. But what can last, after all? The secret of faces fades +away, and there we are, cast back to the chain of desires. And if +stone can do no more for us than the human heart, at least it can do +just as much. +“Oh, to be nothing!” For thousands of years this great cry has +roused millions of men to revolt against desire and pain. Its dying +echoes have reached this far, across centuries and oceans, to the +oldest sea in the world. They still reverberate dully against the +compact cliffs of Oran. Everybody in this country follows this +advice without knowing it. Of course, it is almost futile. +Nothingness cannot be achieved any more than the absolute can. +But since we receive as favors the eternal signs brought us by roses +or by human suffering, let us not refuse either the rare invitations +to sleep that the earth addresses us. Each has as much truth as the +other. +This, perhaps, is the Ariadne’s thread of this somnambulist and +frantic city. Here one learns the virtues, provisional to be sure, of a +certain kind of boredom. In order to be spared, one must say “yes” +to the Minotaur. This is an old and fecund wisdom. Above the sea, +silent at the base of the red cliffs, it is enough to maintain a +delicate equilibrium halfway between the two massive headlands +which, on the right and left, dip into the clear water. In the puffing +of a coast-guard vessel crawling along the water far out bathed in +radiant light, is distinctly heard the muffled call of inhuman and +glittering forces: it is the Minotaur’s farewell. +It is noon; the very day is being weighed in the balance. His +rite accomplished, the traveler receives the reward of his liberation: +the little stone, dry and smooth as an asphodel, that he picks up on +the cliff. For the initiate the world is no heavier to bear than this +stone. Atlas’s task is easy; it is sufficient to choose one’s hour. +Then one realizes that for an hour, a month, a year, these shores +can indulge in freedom. They welcome pell-mell, without even +looking at them, the monk, the civil servant, or the conqueror. +There are days when I expected to meet, in the streets of Oran, +Descartes or Cesare Borgia. That did not happen. But perhaps +another will be more fortunate. A great deed, a great work, virile +meditation used to call for the solitude of sands or of the convent. +There were kept the spiritual vigils of arms. Where could they be +better celebrated now than in the emptiness of a big city +established for some time in unintellectual beauty? +Here is the little stone, smooth as an asphodel. It is at the +beginning of everything. Flowers, tears (if you insist), departures, +and struggles are for tomorrow. In the middle of the day when the +sky opens its fountains of light in the vast, sonorous space, all the +headlands of the coast look like a fleet about to set out. Those +heavy galleons of rock and light are trembling on their keels as if +they were preparing to steer for sunlit isles. O mornings in the +country of Oran! From the high plateaus the swallows plunge into +huge troughs where the air is seething. The whole coast is ready +for departure; a shiver of adventure ripples through it. Tomorrow, +perhaps, we shall leave together. +(1939) +Helen’s Exile +The mediterranean sun has something tragic about it, quite +different from the tragedy of fogs. Certain evenings at the base of +the seaside mountains, night falls over the flawless curve of a little +bay, and there rises from the silent waters a sense of anguished +fulfillment. In such spots one can understand that if the Greeks +knew despair, they always did so through beauty and its stifling +quality. In that gilded calamity, tragedy reaches its highest point. +Our time, on the other hand, has fed its despair on ugliness and +convulsions. This is why Europe would be vile, if suffering could +ever be so. We have exiled beauty; the Greeks took up arms for +her. First difference, but one that has a history. Greek thought +always took refuge behind the conception of limits. It never carried +anything to extremes, neither the sacred nor reason, because it +negated nothing, neither the sacred nor reason. It took everything +into consideration, balancing shadow with light. Our Europe, on +the other hand, off in the pursuit of totality, is the child of +disproportion. She negates beauty, as she negates whatever she +does not glorify. And, through all her diverse ways, she glorifies +but one thing, which is the future rule of reason. In her madness +she extends the eternal limits, and at that very moment dark +Erinyes fall upon her and tear her to pieces. Nemesis, the goddess +of measure and not of revenge, keeps watch. All those who +overstep the limit are pitilessly punished by her. +The Greeks, who for centuries questioned themselves as to +what is just, could understand nothing of our idea of justice. For +them equity implied a limit, whereas our whole continent is +convulsed in its search for a justice that must be total. At the dawn +of Greek thought Hera-clitus was already imagining that justice +sets limits for the physical universe itself: “The sun will not +overstep his measures; if he does, the Erinyes, the handmaids of +justice, will find him out.” 1 We who have cast the universe and +spirit out of our sphere laugh at that threat. In a drunken sky we +light up the suns we want. But nonetheless the boundaries exist, +and we know it. In our wildest aberrations we dream of an +equilibrium we have left behind, which we naively expect to find +at the end of our errors. Childish presumption which justifies the +fact that child-nations, inheriting our follies, are now directing our +history. +A fragment attributed to the same Heraclitus simply states: +“Presumption, regression of progress.” And, many centuries after +the man of Ephesus, Socrates, facing the threat of being +condemned to death, acknowledged only this one superiority in +himself: what he did not know he did not claim to know. The most +exemplary life and thought of those centuries close on a proud +confession of ignorance. Forgetting that, we have forgotten our +virility. We have preferred the power that apes greatness, first +Alexander and then the Roman conquerors whom the authors of +our schoolbooks, through some incomparable vulgarity, teach us to +admire. We, too, have conquered, moved boundaries, mastered 1 +Bywater’s translation. [Translator’s note.] +heaven and earth. Our reason has driven all away. Alone at last, +we end up by ruling over a desert. What imagination could we +have left for that higher equilibrium in which nature balanced +history, beauty, virtue, and which applied the music of numbers +even to blood-tragedy? We turn our backs on nature; we are +ashamed of beauty. Our wretched tragedies have a smell of the +office clinging to them, and the blood that trickles from them is the +color of printer’s ink. +This is why it is improper to proclaim today that we are the +sons of Greece. Or else we are the renegade sons. Placing history +on the throne of God, we are progressing toward theocracy like +those whom the Greeks called Barbarians and whom they fought to +death in the waters of Salamis. In order to realize how we differ, +one must turn to him among our philosophers who is the true rival +of Plato. “Only the modern city,” Hegel dares write, “offers the +mind a field in which it can become aware of itself.” We are thus +living in the period of big cities. Deliberately, the world has been +amputated of all that constitutes its permanence: nature, the sea, +hilltops, evening meditation. Consciousness is to be found only in +the streets, because history is to be found only in the streets—this +is the edict. And consequently our most significant works show the +same bias. Landscapes are not to be found in great European +literature since Dostoevsky. History explains neither the natural +universe that existed before it nor the beauty that exists above it. +Hence it chose to be ignorant of them. Whereas Plato contained +everything—nonsense, reason, and myth—our philosophers +contain nothing but nonsense or reason because they have closed +their eyes to the rest. The mole is meditating. +It is Christianity that began substituting the tragedy of the soul +for contemplation of the world. But, at least, Christianity referred +to a spiritual nature and thereby preserved a certain fixity. With +God dead, there remains only history and power. For some time +the entire effort of our philosophers has aimed solely at replacing +the notion of human nature with that of situation, and replacing +ancient harmony with the disorderly advance of chance or reason’s +pitiless progress. Whereas the Greeks gave to will the boundaries +of reason, we have come to put the will’s impulse in the very +center of reason, which has, as a result, become deadly. For the +Greeks, values pre-existed all action, of which they definitely set +the limits. Modern philosophy places its values at the end of +action. They are not but are becoming, and we shall know them +fully only at the completion of history. With values, all limit +disappears, and since conceptions differ as to what they will be, +since all struggles, without the brake of those same values, spread +indefinitely, today’s Messianisms confront one another and their +clamors mingle in the clash of empires. Disproportion is a +conflagration, according to Heraclitus. The conflagration is +spreading; Nietzsche is outdistanced. Europe no longer +philosophizes by striking a hammer, but by shooting a cannon. +Nature is still there, however. She contrasts her calm skies and +her reasons with the madness of men. Until the atom too catches +fire and history ends in the triumph of reason and the agony of the +species. But the Greeks never said that the limit could not he +overstepped. They said it existed and that whoever dared to exceed +it was mercilessly struck down. Nothing in present history can +contradict them. +The historical spirit and the artist both want to remake the +world. But the artist, through an obligation of his nature, knows his +limits, which the historical spirit fails to recognize. This is why the +latter’s aim is tyranny whereas the former’s passion is freedom. All +those who are struggling for freedom today are ultimately fighting +for beauty. Of course, it is not a question of defending beauty for +itself. Beauty cannot do without man, and we shall not give our era +its nobility and serenity unless we follow it in its misfortune. Never +again shall we be hermits. But it is no less true that man cannot do +without beauty, and this is what our era pretends to want to +disregard. It steels itself to attain the absolute and authority; it +wants to transfigure the world before having exhausted it, to set it +to rights before having understood it. Whatever it may say, our era +is deserting this world. Ulysses can choose at Calypso’s bidding +between immortality and the land of his fathers. He chooses the +land, and death with it. Such simple nobility is foreign to us today. +Others will say that we lack humility; but, all things considered, +this word is ambiguous. Like Dostoevsky’s fools who boast of +everything, soar to heaven, and end up flaunting their shame in any +public place, we merely lack man’s pride, which is fidelity to his +limits, lucid love of his condition. +“I hate my time,” Saint-Exupery wrote shortly before his death, +for reasons not far removed from those I have spoken of. But, +however upsetting that exclamation, coming from him who loved +men for their admirable qualities, we shall not accept responsibility +for it. Yet what a temptation, at certain moments, to turn one’s +back on this bleak, fleshless world! But this time is ours, and we +cannot live hating ourselves. It has fallen so low only through the +excess of its virtues as well as through the extent of its vices. We +shall fight for the virtue that has a history. What virtue? The horses +of Patroclus weep for their master killed in battle. All is lost. But +Achilles resumes the fight, and victory is the outcome, because +friendship has just been assassinated: friendship is a virtue. +Admission of ignorance, rejection of fanaticism, the limits of +the world and of man, the beloved face, and finally beauty—this is +where we shall be on the side of the Greeks. In a certain sense, the +direction history will take is not the one we think. It lies in the +struggle between creation and inquisition. Despite the price which +artists will pay for their empty hands, we may hope for their +victory. Once more the philosophy of darkness will break and fade +away over the dazzling sea. O midday thought, the Trojan war is +being fought far from the battlefields! Once more the dreadful +walls of the modern city will fall to deliver up—“soul serene as the +ocean’s calm”—the beauty of Helen. +(1948) +Return To Tipasa +You have navigated with raging soul far from the paternal +home, passing beyond the sea’s double rocks, and you now inhabit +a foreign land. +—Medea +For five days rain had been falling ceaselessly on Algiers and +had finally wet the sea itself. From an apparently inexhaustible +sky, constant downpours, viscous in their density, streamed down +upon the gulf. Gray and soft as a huge sponge, the sea rose slowly +in the ill-defined bay. But the surface of the water seemed almost +motionless under the steady rain. Only now and then a barely +perceptible swelling motion would raise above the sea’s surface a +vague puff of smoke that would come to dock in the harbor, under +an arc of wet boulevards. The city itself, all its white walls +dripping, gave off a different steam that went out to meet the first +steam. Whichever way you turned, you seemed to be breathing +water, to be drinking the air. +In front of the soaked sea I walked and waited in that +December Algiers, which was for me the city of summers. I had +fled Europe’s night, the winter of faces. But the summer city +herself had been emptied of her laughter and offered me only bent +and shining backs. In the evening, in the crudely lighted cafes +where I took refuge, I read my age in faces I recognized without +being able to name them. I merely knew that they had been young +with me and that they were no longer so. +Yet I persisted without very well knowing what I was waiting +for, unless perhaps the moment to go back to Tipasa. To be sure, it +is sheer madness, almost always punished, to return to the sites of +one’s youth and try to relive at forty what one loved or keenly +enjoyed at twenty. But I was forewarned of that madness. Once +already I had returned to Tipasa, soon after those war years that +marked for me the end of youth. I hoped, I think, to recapture there +a freedom I could not forget. In that spot, indeed, more than twenty +years ago, I had spent whole mornings wandering among the ruins, +breathing in the wormwood, warming myself against the stones, +discovering little roses, soon plucked of their petals, which outlive +the spring. Only at noon, at the hour when the cicadas themselves +fell silent as if overcome, I would flee the greedy glare of an all- +consuming light. Sometimes at night I would sleep open-eyed +under a sky dripping with stars. I was alive then. Fifteen years later +I found my ruins, a few feet from the first waves, I followed the +streets of the forgotten walled city through fields covered with +bitter trees, and on the slopes overlooking the hay I still caressed +the bread-colored columns. But the ruins were now surrounded +with barbed wire and could be entered only through certain +openings. It was also forbidden, for reasons which it appears that +morality approves, to walk there at night; by day one encountered +an official guardian. It just happened, that morning, that it was +raining over the whole extent of the ruins. +Disoriented, walking through the wet, solitary countryside, I +tried at least to recapture that strength, hitherto always at hand, that +helps me to accept what is when once I have admitted that I cannot +change it. And I could not, indeed, reverse the course of time and +restore to the world the appearance I had loved which had +disappeared in a day, long before. The second of September 1939, +in fact, I had not gone to Greece, as I was to do. War, on the +contrary, had come to us, then it had spread over Greece herself. +That distance, those years separating the warm ruins from the +barbed wire were to be found in me, too, that day as I stood before +the sarcophaguses full of black water or under the sodden +tamarisks. Originally brought up surrounded by beauty which was +my only wealth, I had begun in plenty. Then had come the barbed +wire—I mean tyrannies, war, police forces, the era of revolt. One +had had to put oneself right with the authorities of night: the day’s +beauty was but a memory. And in this muddy Tipasa the memory +itself was becoming dim. It was indeed a question of beauty, +plenty, or youth! In the light from conflagrations the world had +suddenly shown its wrinkles and its wounds, old and new. It had +aged all at once, and we with it. I had come here looking for a +certain “lift”; but I realized that it inspires only the man who is +unaware that he is about to launch forward. No love without a little +innocence. Where was the innocence? Empires were tumbling +down; nations and men were tearing at one another’s throats; our +hands were soiled. Originally innocent without knowing it, we +were now guilty without meaning to be: the mystery was +increasing with our knowledge. This is why, O mockery, we were +concerned with morality. Weak and disabled, I was dreaming of +virtue! In the days of innocence I didn’t even know that morality +existed. I knew it now, and I was not capable of living up to its +standard. On the promontory that I used to love, among the wet +columns of the ruined temple, I seemed to be walking behind +someone whose steps I could still hear on the stone slabs and +mosaics but whom I should never again overtake. I went back to +Paris and remained several years before returning home. +Yet I obscurely missed something during all those years. When +one has once had the good luck to love intensely, life is spent in +trying to recapture that ardor and that illumination. Forsaking +beauty and the sensual happiness attached to it, exclusively serving +misfortune, calls for a nobility I lack. But, after all, nothing is true +that forces one to exclude. Isolated beauty ends up simpering; +solitary justice ends up oppressing. Whoever aims to serve one +exclusive of the other serves no one, not even himself, and +eventually serves injustice twice. A day comes when, thanks to +rigidity, nothing causes wonder any more, everything is known, +and life is spent in beginning over again. These are the days of +exile, of desiccated life, of dead souls. To come alive again, one +needs a special grace, self-forgetfulness, or a homeland. Certain +mornings, on turning a corner, a delightful dew falls on the heart +and then evaporates. But its coolness remains, and this is what the +heart requires always. I had to set out again. +And in Algiers a second time, still walking under the same +downpour which seemed not to have ceased since a departure I had +thought definitive, amid the same vast melancholy smelling of rain +and sea, despite this misty sky, these backs fleeing under the +shower, these cafes whose sulphureous light distorted faces, I +persisted in hoping. Didn’t I know, besides, that Algiers rains, +despite their appearance of never meaning to end, nonetheless stop +in an instant, like those streams in my country which rise in two +hours, lay waste acres of land, and suddenly dry up? One evening, +in fact, the rain ceased. I waited one night more. A limpid morning +rose, dazzling, over the pure sea. From the sky, fresh as a daisy, +washed over and over again by the rains, reduced by these repeated +washings to its finest and clearest texture, emanated a vibrant light +that gave to each house and each tree a sharp outline, an astonished +newness. In the world’s morning the earth must have sprung forth +in such a light. I again took the road for Tipasa. +For me there is not a single one of those sixty-nine kilometers +that is not filled with memories and sensations. Turbulent +childhood, adolescent daydreams in the drone of the bus’s motor, +mornings, unspoiled girls, beaches, young muscles always at the +peak of their effort, evening’s slight anxiety in a sixteen-year-old +heart, lust for life, fame, and ever the same sky throughout the +years, unfailing in strength and light, itself insatiable, consuming +one by one over a period of months the victims stretched out in the +form of crosses on the beach at the deathlike hour of noon. Always +the same sea, too, almost impalpable in the morning light, which I +again saw on the horizon as soon as the road, leaving the Sahel and +its bronze-colored vineyards, sloped down toward the coast. But I +did not stop to look at it. I wanted to see again the Chenoua, that +solid, heavy mountain cut out of a single block of stone, which +borders the bay of Tipasa to the west before dropping down into +the sea itself. It is seen from a distance, long before arriving, a +light, blue haze still confused with the sky. But gradually it is +condensed, as you advance toward it, until it takes on the color of +the surrounding waters, a huge motionless wave whose amazing +leap upward has been brutally solidified above the sea calmed all +at once. Still nearer, almost at the gates of Tipasa, here is its +frowning bulk, brown and green, here is the old mossy god that +nothing will ever shake, a refuge and harbor for its sons, of whom I +am one. +While watching it I finally got through the barbed wire and +found myself among the ruins. And under the glorious December +light, as happens but once or twice in lives which ever after can +consider themselves favored to the full, I found exactly what I had +come seeking, what, despite the era and the world, was offered me, +truly to me alone, in that forsaken nature. From the forum strewn +with olives could be seen the village down below. No sound came +from it; wisps of smoke rose in the limpid air. The sea likewise +was silent as if smothered under the unbroken shower of dazzling, +cold light. From the Chenoua a distant cock’s crow alone +celebrated the day’s fragile glory. In the direction of the ruins, as +far as the eye could see, there was nothing but pock-marked stones +and wormwood, trees and perfect columns in the transparence of +the crystalline air. It seemed as if the morning were stabilized, the +sun stopped for an incalculable moment. In this light and this +silence, years of wrath and night melted slowly away. I listened to +an almost forgotten sound within myself as if my heart, long +stopped, were calmly beginning to beat again. And awake now, I +recognized one by one the imperceptible sounds of which the +silence was made up: the figured bass of the birds, the sea’s faint, +brief sighs at the foot of the rocks, the vibration of the trees, the +blind singing of the columns, the rustling of the wormwood plants, +the furtive lizards. I heard that; I also listened to the happy torrents +rising within me. It seemed to me that I had at last come to harbor, +for a moment at least, and that henceforth that moment would be +endless. But soon after, the sun rose visibly a degree in the sky. A +magpie preluded briefly, and at once, from all directions, birds’ +songs burst out with energy, jubilation, joyful discordance, and +infinite rapture. The day started up again. It was to carry me to +evening. +At noon on the half-sandy slopes covered with heliotropes like +a foam left by the furious waves of the last few days as they +withdrew, I watched the sea barely swelling at that hour with an +exhausted motion, and I satisfied the two thirsts one cannot long +neglect without drying up—I mean loving and admiring. For there +is merely bad luck in not being loved; there is misfortune in not +loving. All of us, today, are dying of this misfortune. For violence +and hatred dry up the heart itself; the long fight for justice exhausts +the love that nevertheless gave birth to it. In the clamor in which +we live, love is impossible and justice does not suffice. This is why +Europe hates daylight and is only able to set injustice up against +injustice. But in order to keep justice from shriveling up like a +beautiful orange fruit containing nothing but a bitter, dry pulp, I +discovered once more at Tipasa that one must keep intact in +oneself a freshness, a cool wellspring of joy, love the day that +escapes injustice, and return to combat having won that light. Here +I recaptured the former beauty, a young sky, and I measured my +luck, realizing at last that in the worst years of our madness the +memory of that sky had never left me. This was what in the end +had kept me from despairing. I had always known that the ruins of +Tipasa were younger than our new constructions or our bomb +damage. There the world began over again every day in an ever +new light. O light! This is the cry of all the characters of ancient +drama brought face to face with their fate. This last resort was +ours, too, and I knew it now. In the middle of winter I at last +discovered that there was in me an invincible summer. +* * * +I have again left Tipasa; I have returned to Europe and its +struggles. But the memory of that day still uplifts me and helps me +to welcome equally what delights and what crushes. In the difficult +hour we are living, what else can I desire than to exclude nothing +and to learn how to braid with white thread and black thread a +single cord stretched to the breaking-point? In everything I have +done or said up to now, I seem to recognize these two forces, even +when they work at cross-purposes. I have not been able to disown +the light into which I was born and yet I have not wanted to reject +the servitudes of this time. It would be too easy to contrast here +with the sweet name of Tipasa other more sonorous and crueler +names. For men of today there is an inner way, which I know well +from having taken it in both directions, leading from the spiritual +hilltops to the capitals of crime. And doubtless one can always rest, +fall asleep on the hilltop or board with crime. But if one forgoes a +part of what is, one must forgo being oneself; one must forgo +living or loving otherwise than by proxy. There is thus a will to +live without rejecting anything of life, which is the virtue I honor +most in this world. From time to time, at least, it is true that I +should like to have practiced it. Inasmuch as few epochs require as +much as ours that one should be equal to the best as to the worst, I +should like, indeed, to shirk nothing and to keep faithfully a double +memory. Yes, there is beauty and there are the humiliated. +Whatever may be the difficulties of the undertaking, I should like +never to be unfaithful either to one or to the others. +But this still resembles a moral code, and we live for something +that goes farther than morality. If we could only name it, what +silence! On the hill of Sainte-Salsa, to the east of Tipasa, the +evening is inhabited. It is still light, to tell the truth, but in this light +an almost invisible fading announces the day’s end. A wind rises, +young like the night, and suddenly the waveless sea chooses a +direction and flows like a great barren river from one end of the +horizon to the other. The sky darkens. Then begins the mystery, the +gods of night, the beyond-pleasure. But how to translate this? The +little coin I am carrying away from here has a visible surface, a +woman’s beautiful face which repeats to me all I have learned in +this day, and a worn surface which I feel under my fingers during +the return. What can that lipless mouth be saying, except what I am +told by another mysterious voice, within me, which every day +informs me of my ignorance and my happiness: +“The secret I am seeking lies hidden in a valley full of olive +trees, under the grass and the cold violets, around an old house that +smells of wood smoke. For more than twenty years I rambled over +that valley and others resembling it, I questioned mute goatherds, I +knocked at the door of deserted ruins. Occasionally, at the moment +of the first star in the still bright sky, under a shower of +shimmering light, I thought I knew. I did know, in truth. I still +know, perhaps. But no one wants any of this secret; I don’t want +any myself, doubtless; and I cannot stand apart from my people. I +live in my family, which thinks it rules over rich and hideous cities +built of stones and mists. Day and night it speaks up, and +everything bows before it, which bows before nothing: it is deaf to +all secrets. Its power that carries me bores me, nevertheless, and on +occasion its shouts weary me. But its misfortune is mine, and we +are of the same blood. A cripple, likewise, an accomplice and +noisy, have I not shouted among the stones? Consequently, I strive +to forget, I walk in our cities of iron and fire, I smile bravely at the +night, I hail the storms, I shall be faithful. I have forgotten, in truth: +active and deaf, henceforth. But perhaps someday, when we are +ready to die of exhaustion and ignorance, I shall be able to disown +our garish tombs and go and stretch out in the valley, under the +same light, and learn for the last time what I know.” +(1952) +The Artist And His Time +I. As an artist, have you chosen the role of witness? +This would take considerable presumption or a vocation I lack. +Personally I don’t ask for any role and I have but one real vocation. +As a man, I have a preference for happiness; as an artist, it seems +to me that I still have characters to bring to life without the help of +wars or of law-courts. But I have been sought out, as each +individual has been sought out. Artists of the past could at least +keep silent in the face of tyranny. The tyrannies of today are +improved; they no longer admit of silence or neutrality. One has to +take a stand, be either for or against. Well, in that case, I am +against. But this does not amount to choosing the comfortable role +of witness. It is merely accepting the time as it is, minding one’s +own business, in short. Moreover, you are forgetting that today +judges, accused, and witnesses exchange positions with exemplary +rapidity. My choice, if you think I am making one, would at least +be never to sit on a judge’s bench, or beneath it, like so many of +our philosophers. Aside from that, there is no dearth of +opportunities for action, in the relative. Trade-unionism is today +the first, and the most fruitful among them. +II. Is not the quixotism that has been criticized in your recent +works an idealistic and romantic definition of the artist’s role? +However words are perverted, they provisionally keep their +meaning. And it is clear to me that the romantic is the one who +chooses the perpetual motion of history, the grandiose epic, and the +announcement of a miraculous event at the end of time. If I have +tried to define something, it is, on the contrary, simply the common +existence of history and of man, everyday life with the most +possible light thrown upon it, the dogged struggle against one’s +own degradation and that of others. +It is likewise idealism, and of the worse kind, to end up by +hanging all action and all truth on a meaning of history that is not +implicit in events and that, in any case, implies a mythical aim. +Would it therefore be realism to take as the laws of history the +future—in other words, just what is not yet history, something of +whose nature we know nothing? +It seems to me, on the contrary, that I am arguing in favor of a +true realism against a mythology that is both illogical and deadly, +and against romantic nihilism whether it be bourgeois or allegedly +revolutionary. To tell the truth, far from being romantic, I believe +in the necessity of a rule and an order. I merely say that there can +be no question of just any rule whatsoever. And that it would be +surprising if the rule we need were given us by this disordered +society, or, on the other hand, by those doctrinaires who declare +themselves liberated from all rules and all scruples. +III. The Marxists and their followers likewise think they are +humanists. But for them human nature will be formed in the +classless society of the future. +To begin with, this proves that they reject at the present +moment what we all are: those humanists are accusers of man. +How can we be surprised that such a claim should have developed +in the world of court trials? They reject the man of today in the +name of the man of the future. That claim is religious in nature. +Why should it be more justified than the one which announces the +kingdom of heaven to come? In reality the end of history cannot +have, within the limits of our condition, any definable significance. +It can only be the object of a faith and of a new mystification. A +mystification that today is no less great than the one that of old +based colonial oppression on the necessity of saving the souls of +infidels. +IV. Is not that what in reality separates you from the +intellectuals of the left? +You mean that is what separates those intellectuals from the +left? Traditionally the left has always been at war against injustice, +obscurantism, and oppression. It always thought that those +phenomena were interdependent. The idea that obscurantism can +lead to justice, the national interest to liberty, is quite recent. The +truth is that certain intellectuals of the left (not all, fortunately) are +today hypnotized by force and efficacy as our intellectuals of the +right were before and during the war. Their attitudes are different, +but the act of resignation is the same. The first wanted to be +realistic nationalists; the second want to be realistic socialists. In +the end they betray nationalism and socialism alike in the name of +a realism henceforth without content and adored as a pure, and +illusory, technique of efficacy. +This is a temptation that can, after all, be understood. But still, +however the question is looked at, the new position of the people +who call themselves, or think themselves, leftists consists in +saying: certain oppressions are justifiable because they follow the +direction, which cannot be justified, of history. Hence there are +presumably privileged executioners, and privileged by nothing. +This is about what was said in another context by Joseph de +Maistre, who has never been taken for an incendiary. But this is a +thesis which, personally, I shall always reject. Allow me to set up +against it the traditional point of view of what has been hitherto +called the left: all executioners are of the same family. +V. What can the artist do in the world of today? +He is not asked either to write about co-operatives or, +conversely, to lull to sleep in himself the sufferings endured by +others throughout history. And since you have asked me to speak +personally, I am going to do so as simply as I can. Considered as +artists, we perhaps have no need to interfere in the affairs of the +world. But considered as men, yes. The miner who is exploited or +shot down, the slaves in the camps, those in the colonies, the +legions of persecuted throughout the world—they need all those +who can speak to communicate their silence and to keep in touch +with them. I have not written, day after day, fighting articles and +texts, I have not taken part in the common struggles because I +desire the world to be covered with Greek statues and +masterpieces. The man who has such a desire does exist in me. +Except that he has something better to do in trying to instill life +into the creatures of his imagination. But from my first articles to +my latest book I have written so much, and perhaps too much, only +because I cannot keep from being drawn toward everyday life, +toward those, whoever they may be, who are humiliated and +debased. They need to hope, and if all keep silent or if they are +given a choice between two kinds of humiliation, they will be +forever deprived of hope and we with them. It seems to me +impossible to endure that idea, nor can he who cannot endure it lie +down to sleep in his tower. Not through virtue, as you see, but +through a sort of almost organic intolerance, which you feel or do +not feel. Indeed, I see many who fail to feel it, but I cannot envy +their sleep. This does not mean, however, that we must sacrifice +our artist’s nature to some social preaching or other. I have said +elsewhere why the artist was more than ever necessary. But if we +intervene as men, that experience will have an effect upon our +language. And if we are not artists in our language first of all, what +sort of artists are we? Even if, militants in our lives, we speak in +our works of deserts and of selfish love, the mere fact that our lives +are militant causes a special tone of voice to people with men that +desert and that love. I shall certainly not choose the moment when +we are beginning to leave nihilism behind to stupidly deny the +values of creation in favor of the values of humanity, or vice versa. +In my mind neither one is ever separated from the other and I +measure the greatness of an artist (Moliere, Tolstoy, Melville) by +the balance he managed to maintain between the two. Today, under +the pressure of events, we are obliged to transport that tension into +our lives likewise. This is why so many artists, bending under the +burden, take refuge in the ivory tower or, conversely, in the social +church. But as for me, I see in both choices a like act of +resignation. We must simultaneously serve suffering and beauty. +The long patience, “The strength, the secret cunning such service +calls for are the virtues that establish the very renascence we need. +One word more. This undertaking, I know, cannot be +accomplished without dangers and bitterness. We must accept the +dangers: the era of chairbound artists is over. But we must reject +the bitterness. One of the temptations of the artist is to believe +himself solitary, and in truth he bears this shouted at him with a +certain base delight. But this is not true. He stands in the midst of +all, in the same rank, neither higher nor lower, with all those who +are working and struggling. His very vocation, in the face of +oppression, is to open the prisons and to give a voice to the +sorrows and joys of all. This is where art, against its enemies, +justifies itself by proving precisely that it is no one’s enemy. By +itself art could probably not produce the renascence which implies +justice and liberty. But without it, that renascence would be +without forms and, consequently, would be nothing. Without +culture, and the relative freedom it implies, society, even when +perfect, is but a jungle. This is why any authentic creation is a gift +to the future. +(1953) \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/model/logistic.ipynb b/model/logistic.ipynb new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d527845 --- /dev/null +++ b/model/logistic.ipynb @@ -0,0 +1,339 @@ +{ + "cells": [ + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "# 1. Import and data processing" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "Import all necessary libraries" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 1, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "import numpy as np\n", + "import torch\n", + "import torch.nn as nn\n", + "from torch.utils.data import DataLoader, TensorDataset, random_split" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "Load the training data" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 2, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "data = np.load(\"./data.npy\")" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "Define constants that describe the data and model" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 3, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "CONTEXT_SIZE = 10\n", + "ALPHABET = list(\"abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz\")\n", + "ALPHABET_SIZE = len(ALPHABET)\n", + "TRAINING_DATA_SIZE = 0.9\n", + "\n", + "# +1 is for unknown characters\n", + "VOCAB_SIZE = ALPHABET_SIZE + 1\n", + "\n", + "EMBEDDING_DIM = 10\n", + "\n", + "INPUT_SEQ_LEN = CONTEXT_SIZE\n", + "OUTPUT_SIZE = VOCAB_SIZE\n", + "\n", + "BATCH_SIZE = 2048\n", + "\n", + "EPOCHS = 30\n", + "LEARNING_RATE = 1e-3" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "Process the data" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 4, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "# Input: embeddings of the previous 10 letters\n", + "# shape: (num_samples, CONTEXT_SIZE)\n", + "X = data[:, :CONTEXT_SIZE]\n", + "\n", + "# Target: current letter index\n", + "# shape: (num_samples,)\n", + "y = data[:, CONTEXT_SIZE]\n", + "\n", + "# Torch dataset (important: use long/int64 for indices)\n", + "X_tensor = torch.tensor(X, dtype=torch.long) # for nn.Embedding\n", + "y_tensor = torch.tensor(y, dtype=torch.long) # for classification target\n", + "\n", + "dataset = TensorDataset(X_tensor, y_tensor)\n", + "\n", + "train_len = int(TRAINING_DATA_SIZE * len(dataset))\n", + "train_set, test_set = random_split(dataset, [train_len, len(dataset) - train_len])\n", + "\n", + "train_loader = DataLoader(train_set, batch_size=BATCH_SIZE, shuffle=True)\n", + "test_loader = DataLoader(test_set, batch_size=BATCH_SIZE)" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "# 2. Model" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 5, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "class Logistic(nn.Module):\n", + " def __init__(self, *, embedding_count: int, embedding_dimension_size: int, context_size: int, output_shape: int):\n", + " super().__init__()\n", + " self.embedding = nn.Embedding(num_embeddings=embedding_count, embedding_dim=embedding_dimension_size)\n", + " self.linear = nn.Linear(context_size * embedding_dimension_size, output_shape)\n", + "\n", + " def forward(self, x):\n", + " embedded = self.embedding(x) # (BATCH_SIZE, CONTEXT_SIZE, EMBEDDING_DIM)\n", + " flattened = embedded.view(x.size(0), -1) # (BATCH_SIZE, CONTEXT_SIZE * EMBEDDING_DIM)\n", + " return self.linear(flattened) # (BATCH_SIZE, OUTPUT_SIZE)" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 6, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [ + { + "name": "stdout", + "output_type": "stream", + "text": [ + "Using device: cpu\n" + ] + }, + { + "name": "stderr", + "output_type": "stream", + "text": [ + "/home/thastertyn/Code/Skola/4-rocnik/programove-vybaveni/omega/.venv/lib/python3.12/site-packages/torch/cuda/__init__.py:129: UserWarning: CUDA initialization: CUDA unknown error - this may be due to an incorrectly set up environment, e.g. changing env variable CUDA_VISIBLE_DEVICES after program start. Setting the available devices to be zero. (Triggered internally at /pytorch/c10/cuda/CUDAFunctions.cpp:109.)\n", + " return torch._C._cuda_getDeviceCount() > 0\n" + ] + } + ], + "source": [ + "device = torch.device(\"cuda\" if torch.cuda.is_available() else \"cpu\")\n", + "print(f\"Using device: {device}\")" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "# 3. Training" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "Create fresh instance of the model" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 7, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "model = Logistic(\n", + " embedding_count=VOCAB_SIZE, # e.g., 27 for a–z + unknown\n", + " embedding_dimension_size=EMBEDDING_DIM, # e.g., 10\n", + " context_size=CONTEXT_SIZE, # e.g., 10\n", + " output_shape=OUTPUT_SIZE # e.g., 27 (next character)\n", + ").to(device)" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 8, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "criterion = nn.CrossEntropyLoss()\n", + "optimizer = torch.optim.Adam(model.parameters(), lr=LEARNING_RATE)" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 9, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [ + { + "name": "stdout", + "output_type": "stream", + "text": [ + "[Epoch 1] - Loss: 2.5968 | Accuracy: 23.06%\n", + "[Epoch 2] - Loss: 2.3218 | Accuracy: 30.02%\n", + "[Epoch 3] - Loss: 2.2600 | Accuracy: 31.25%\n", + "[Epoch 4] - Loss: 2.2325 | Accuracy: 31.55%\n", + "[Epoch 5] - Loss: 2.2171 | Accuracy: 31.75%\n", + "[Epoch 6] - Loss: 2.2076 | Accuracy: 31.98%\n", + "[Epoch 7] - Loss: 2.2006 | Accuracy: 32.22%\n", + "[Epoch 8] - Loss: 2.1962 | Accuracy: 32.36%\n", + "[Epoch 9] - Loss: 2.1925 | Accuracy: 32.42%\n", + "[Epoch 10] - Loss: 2.1900 | Accuracy: 32.48%\n", + "[Epoch 11] - Loss: 2.1876 | Accuracy: 32.54%\n", + "[Epoch 12] - Loss: 2.1859 | Accuracy: 32.64%\n", + "[Epoch 13] - Loss: 2.1847 | Accuracy: 32.65%\n", + "[Epoch 14] - Loss: 2.1833 | Accuracy: 32.76%\n", + "[Epoch 15] - Loss: 2.1821 | Accuracy: 32.75%\n", + "[Epoch 16] - Loss: 2.1813 | Accuracy: 32.74%\n", + "[Epoch 17] - Loss: 2.1806 | Accuracy: 32.84%\n", + "[Epoch 18] - Loss: 2.1799 | Accuracy: 32.81%\n", + "[Epoch 19] - Loss: 2.1792 | Accuracy: 32.80%\n", + "[Epoch 20] - Loss: 2.1786 | Accuracy: 32.81%\n", + "[Epoch 21] - Loss: 2.1780 | Accuracy: 32.77%\n", + "[Epoch 22] - Loss: 2.1776 | Accuracy: 32.85%\n", + "[Epoch 23] - Loss: 2.1770 | Accuracy: 32.81%\n", + "[Epoch 24] - Loss: 2.1767 | Accuracy: 32.81%\n", + "[Epoch 25] - Loss: 2.1764 | Accuracy: 32.81%\n", + "[Epoch 26] - Loss: 2.1757 | Accuracy: 32.80%\n", + "[Epoch 27] - Loss: 2.1755 | Accuracy: 32.81%\n", + "[Epoch 28] - Loss: 2.1751 | Accuracy: 32.79%\n", + "[Epoch 29] - Loss: 2.1748 | Accuracy: 32.82%\n", + "[Epoch 30] - Loss: 2.1744 | Accuracy: 32.80%\n" + ] + } + ], + "source": [ + "for epoch in range(EPOCHS):\n", + " model.train()\n", + " total_loss = 0\n", + " correct = 0\n", + " total = 0\n", + "\n", + " for batch_X, batch_y in train_loader:\n", + " batch_X, batch_y = batch_X.to(device), batch_y.to(device)\n", + "\n", + " optimizer.zero_grad()\n", + " logits = model(batch_X) # shape: (BATCH_SIZE, OUTPUT_SIZE)\n", + " loss = criterion(logits, batch_y)\n", + " loss.backward()\n", + " optimizer.step()\n", + "\n", + " total_loss += loss.item() * batch_X.size(0)\n", + "\n", + " # Compute accuracy\n", + " preds = torch.argmax(logits, dim=1)\n", + " correct += (preds == batch_y).sum().item()\n", + " total += batch_X.size(0)\n", + "\n", + " avg_loss = total_loss / total\n", + " accuracy = correct / total * 100\n", + " print(f\"[Epoch {epoch+1}] - Loss: {avg_loss:.4f} | Accuracy: {accuracy:.2f}%\")\n" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 10, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [ + { + "name": "stdout", + "output_type": "stream", + "text": [ + "Top 1 prediction accuracy: 32.45%\n", + "Top 3 prediction accuracy: 58.55%\n", + "Top 5 prediction accuracy: 72.66%\n" + ] + } + ], + "source": [ + "model.eval()\n", + "correct_top1 = 0\n", + "correct_top3 = 0\n", + "correct_top5 = 0\n", + "total = 0\n", + "\n", + "with torch.no_grad():\n", + " for batch_X, batch_y in test_loader:\n", + " batch_X, batch_y = batch_X.to(device), batch_y.to(device)\n", + " outputs = model(batch_X)\n", + "\n", + " _, top_preds = outputs.topk(5, dim=1)\n", + "\n", + " for true, top5 in zip(batch_y, top_preds):\n", + " total += 1\n", + " if true == top5[0]:\n", + " correct_top1 += 1\n", + " if true in top5[:3]:\n", + " correct_top3 += 1\n", + " if true in top5:\n", + " correct_top5 += 1\n", + "\n", + "top1_acc = correct_top1 / total\n", + "top3_acc = correct_top3 / total\n", + "top5_acc = correct_top5 / total\n", + "\n", + "print(f\"Top 1 prediction accuracy: {(top1_acc * 100):.2f}%\")\n", + "print(f\"Top 3 prediction accuracy: {(top3_acc * 100):.2f}%\")\n", + "print(f\"Top 5 prediction accuracy: {(top5_acc * 100):.2f}%\")" + ] + } + ], + "metadata": { + "kernelspec": { + "display_name": ".venv", + "language": "python", + "name": "python3" + }, + "language_info": { + "codemirror_mode": { + "name": "ipython", + "version": 3 + }, + "file_extension": ".py", + "mimetype": "text/x-python", + "name": "python", + "nbconvert_exporter": "python", + "pygments_lexer": "ipython3", + "version": "3.12.3" + } + }, + "nbformat": 4, + "nbformat_minor": 2 +} diff --git a/model/mlp.ipynb b/model/mlp.ipynb new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0f5688b --- /dev/null +++ b/model/mlp.ipynb @@ -0,0 +1,601 @@ +{ + "cells": [ + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "# 1. Import and data processing" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "Import all necessary libraries" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 15, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "import numpy as np\n", + "import torch\n", + "import torch.nn as nn\n", + "from torch.utils.data import DataLoader, TensorDataset, random_split" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "Load the training data" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 16, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "data = np.load(\"./data.npy\")" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "Define constants that describe the data and model" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 17, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "CONTEXT_SIZE = 10\n", + "ALPHABET = list(\"abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz\")\n", + "ALPHABET_SIZE = len(ALPHABET)\n", + "TRAINING_DATA_SIZE = 0.9\n", + "\n", + "# +1 is for unknown characters\n", + "VOCAB_SIZE = ALPHABET_SIZE + 1\n", + "\n", + "EMBEDDING_DIM = 16\n", + "\n", + "INPUT_SEQ_LEN = CONTEXT_SIZE\n", + "OUTPUT_SIZE = VOCAB_SIZE\n", + "\n", + "BATCH_SIZE = 2048 * 2 * 2\n", + "\n", + "EPOCHS = 50\n", + "LEARNING_RATE = 1e-3" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "Process the data" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 18, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "# Input: embeddings of the previous 10 letters\n", + "# shape: (num_samples, CONTEXT_SIZE)\n", + "X = data[:, :CONTEXT_SIZE]\n", + "\n", + "# Target: current letter index\n", + "# shape: (num_samples,)\n", + "y = data[:, CONTEXT_SIZE]\n", + "\n", + "# Torch dataset (important: use long/int64 for indices)\n", + "X_tensor = torch.tensor(X, dtype=torch.long) # for nn.Embedding\n", + "y_tensor = torch.tensor(y, dtype=torch.long) # for classification target\n", + "\n", + "dataset = TensorDataset(X_tensor, y_tensor)\n", + "\n", + "train_len = int(TRAINING_DATA_SIZE * len(dataset))\n", + "train_set, test_set = random_split(dataset, [train_len, len(dataset) - train_len])\n", + "\n", + "train_loader = DataLoader(train_set, batch_size=BATCH_SIZE, shuffle=True)\n", + "test_loader = DataLoader(test_set, batch_size=BATCH_SIZE)" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "# 2. Model" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 19, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "from dataclasses import dataclass\n", + "\n", + "@dataclass\n", + "class MlpHiddenLayer():\n", + " size: int\n", + " activation_function: nn.Module" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 20, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "class MLP(nn.Module):\n", + " def __init__(self, *,\n", + " embedding_count: int,\n", + " embedding_dimension_size: int,\n", + " input_shape_size: int,\n", + " output_shape: int,\n", + " hidden_layers: list[MlpHiddenLayer]\n", + " ):\n", + "\n", + " super().__init__()\n", + "\n", + " self.embedding_count = embedding_count\n", + " self.embedding_dimension_size = embedding_dimension_size\n", + " self.input_shape_size = input_shape_size\n", + " self.output_shape = output_shape\n", + " self.hidden_layers = hidden_layers\n", + "\n", + " layers = [\n", + " nn.Embedding(num_embeddings=embedding_count, embedding_dim=embedding_dimension_size),\n", + " nn.Flatten(),\n", + " ]\n", + "\n", + " input_dimensions = input_shape_size\n", + "\n", + " for layer in hidden_layers:\n", + " layers.append(nn.Linear(input_dimensions, layer.size))\n", + " layers.append(layer.activation_function())\n", + " input_dimensions = layer.size\n", + "\n", + " layers.append(nn.Linear(input_dimensions, output_shape))\n", + "\n", + " self.net = nn.Sequential(*layers)\n", + "\n", + " def forward(self, x):\n", + " return self.net(x)" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 21, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [ + { + "name": "stdout", + "output_type": "stream", + "text": [ + "Using device: cuda\n" + ] + } + ], + "source": [ + "device = torch.device(\"cuda\" if torch.cuda.is_available() else \"cpu\")\n", + "print(f\"Using device: {device}\")" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "# 3. Training" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "Create fresh instance of the model" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "## Mass testing all hyperparams" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 14, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [ + { + "ename": "KeyboardInterrupt", + "evalue": "", + "output_type": "error", + "traceback": [ + "\u001b[31m---------------------------------------------------------------------------\u001b[39m", + "\u001b[31mKeyboardInterrupt\u001b[39m Traceback (most recent call last)", + "\u001b[36mCell\u001b[39m\u001b[36m \u001b[39m\u001b[32mIn[14]\u001b[39m\u001b[32m, line 73\u001b[39m\n\u001b[32m 64\u001b[39m model = MLP(\n\u001b[32m 65\u001b[39m hidden_layers=hidden_layers,\n\u001b[32m 66\u001b[39m embedding_count=VOCAB_SIZE,\n\u001b[32m (...)\u001b[39m\u001b[32m 69\u001b[39m output_shape=OUTPUT_SIZE,\n\u001b[32m 70\u001b[39m ).to(device)\n\u001b[32m 72\u001b[39m optimizer = torch.optim.Adam(model.parameters(), lr=learning_rate)\n\u001b[32m---> \u001b[39m\u001b[32m73\u001b[39m \u001b[43mtrain_model\u001b[49m\u001b[43m(\u001b[49m\u001b[43mmodel\u001b[49m\u001b[43m,\u001b[49m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[43moptimizer\u001b[49m\u001b[43m)\u001b[49m\n\u001b[32m 74\u001b[39m top1, top3, top5 = test_model(model)\n\u001b[32m 76\u001b[39m results.append({\n\u001b[32m 77\u001b[39m \u001b[33m\"\u001b[39m\u001b[33mconfig_id\u001b[39m\u001b[33m\"\u001b[39m: config_id,\n\u001b[32m 78\u001b[39m \u001b[33m\"\u001b[39m\u001b[33mactivation\u001b[39m\u001b[33m\"\u001b[39m: act_fn.\u001b[34m__name__\u001b[39m,\n\u001b[32m (...)\u001b[39m\u001b[32m 83\u001b[39m \u001b[33m\"\u001b[39m\u001b[33mtop5_acc\u001b[39m\u001b[33m\"\u001b[39m: top5\n\u001b[32m 84\u001b[39m })\n", + "\u001b[36mCell\u001b[39m\u001b[36m \u001b[39m\u001b[32mIn[14]\u001b[39m\u001b[32m, line 16\u001b[39m, in \u001b[36mtrain_model\u001b[39m\u001b[34m(model, optimizer)\u001b[39m\n\u001b[32m 14\u001b[39m model.train()\n\u001b[32m 15\u001b[39m total_loss = \u001b[32m0\u001b[39m\n\u001b[32m---> \u001b[39m\u001b[32m16\u001b[39m \u001b[43m\u001b[49m\u001b[38;5;28;43;01mfor\u001b[39;49;00m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[43mbatch_X\u001b[49m\u001b[43m,\u001b[49m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[43mbatch_y\u001b[49m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[38;5;129;43;01min\u001b[39;49;00m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[43mtrain_loader\u001b[49m\u001b[43m:\u001b[49m\n\u001b[32m 17\u001b[39m \u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[43mbatch_X\u001b[49m\u001b[43m,\u001b[49m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[43mbatch_y\u001b[49m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[43m=\u001b[49m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[43mbatch_X\u001b[49m\u001b[43m.\u001b[49m\u001b[43mto\u001b[49m\u001b[43m(\u001b[49m\u001b[43mdevice\u001b[49m\u001b[43m)\u001b[49m\u001b[43m,\u001b[49m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[43mbatch_y\u001b[49m\u001b[43m.\u001b[49m\u001b[43mto\u001b[49m\u001b[43m(\u001b[49m\u001b[43mdevice\u001b[49m\u001b[43m)\u001b[49m\n\u001b[32m 18\u001b[39m \u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[43moptimizer\u001b[49m\u001b[43m.\u001b[49m\u001b[43mzero_grad\u001b[49m\u001b[43m(\u001b[49m\u001b[43m)\u001b[49m\n", + "\u001b[36mFile \u001b[39m\u001b[32m~/Code/Skola/4-rocnik/programove-vybaveni/omega/.venv/lib/python3.12/site-packages/torch/utils/data/dataloader.py:708\u001b[39m, in \u001b[36m_BaseDataLoaderIter.__next__\u001b[39m\u001b[34m(self)\u001b[39m\n\u001b[32m 705\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28;01mif\u001b[39;00m \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m._sampler_iter \u001b[38;5;129;01mis\u001b[39;00m \u001b[38;5;28;01mNone\u001b[39;00m:\n\u001b[32m 706\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;66;03m# TODO(https://github.com/pytorch/pytorch/issues/76750)\u001b[39;00m\n\u001b[32m 707\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m._reset() \u001b[38;5;66;03m# type: ignore[call-arg]\u001b[39;00m\n\u001b[32m--> \u001b[39m\u001b[32m708\u001b[39m data = \u001b[38;5;28;43mself\u001b[39;49m\u001b[43m.\u001b[49m\u001b[43m_next_data\u001b[49m\u001b[43m(\u001b[49m\u001b[43m)\u001b[49m\n\u001b[32m 709\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m._num_yielded += \u001b[32m1\u001b[39m\n\u001b[32m 710\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28;01mif\u001b[39;00m (\n\u001b[32m 711\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m._dataset_kind == _DatasetKind.Iterable\n\u001b[32m 712\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;129;01mand\u001b[39;00m \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m._IterableDataset_len_called \u001b[38;5;129;01mis\u001b[39;00m \u001b[38;5;129;01mnot\u001b[39;00m \u001b[38;5;28;01mNone\u001b[39;00m\n\u001b[32m 713\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;129;01mand\u001b[39;00m \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m._num_yielded > \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m._IterableDataset_len_called\n\u001b[32m 714\u001b[39m ):\n", + "\u001b[36mFile \u001b[39m\u001b[32m~/Code/Skola/4-rocnik/programove-vybaveni/omega/.venv/lib/python3.12/site-packages/torch/utils/data/dataloader.py:764\u001b[39m, in \u001b[36m_SingleProcessDataLoaderIter._next_data\u001b[39m\u001b[34m(self)\u001b[39m\n\u001b[32m 762\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28;01mdef\u001b[39;00m\u001b[38;5;250m \u001b[39m\u001b[34m_next_data\u001b[39m(\u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m):\n\u001b[32m 763\u001b[39m index = \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m._next_index() \u001b[38;5;66;03m# may raise StopIteration\u001b[39;00m\n\u001b[32m--> \u001b[39m\u001b[32m764\u001b[39m data = \u001b[38;5;28;43mself\u001b[39;49m\u001b[43m.\u001b[49m\u001b[43m_dataset_fetcher\u001b[49m\u001b[43m.\u001b[49m\u001b[43mfetch\u001b[49m\u001b[43m(\u001b[49m\u001b[43mindex\u001b[49m\u001b[43m)\u001b[49m \u001b[38;5;66;03m# may raise StopIteration\u001b[39;00m\n\u001b[32m 765\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28;01mif\u001b[39;00m \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m._pin_memory:\n\u001b[32m 766\u001b[39m data = _utils.pin_memory.pin_memory(data, \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m._pin_memory_device)\n", + "\u001b[36mFile \u001b[39m\u001b[32m~/Code/Skola/4-rocnik/programove-vybaveni/omega/.venv/lib/python3.12/site-packages/torch/utils/data/_utils/fetch.py:50\u001b[39m, in \u001b[36m_MapDatasetFetcher.fetch\u001b[39m\u001b[34m(self, possibly_batched_index)\u001b[39m\n\u001b[32m 48\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28;01mif\u001b[39;00m \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m.auto_collation:\n\u001b[32m 49\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28;01mif\u001b[39;00m \u001b[38;5;28mhasattr\u001b[39m(\u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m.dataset, \u001b[33m\"\u001b[39m\u001b[33m__getitems__\u001b[39m\u001b[33m\"\u001b[39m) \u001b[38;5;129;01mand\u001b[39;00m \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m.dataset.__getitems__:\n\u001b[32m---> \u001b[39m\u001b[32m50\u001b[39m data = \u001b[38;5;28;43mself\u001b[39;49m\u001b[43m.\u001b[49m\u001b[43mdataset\u001b[49m\u001b[43m.\u001b[49m\u001b[43m__getitems__\u001b[49m\u001b[43m(\u001b[49m\u001b[43mpossibly_batched_index\u001b[49m\u001b[43m)\u001b[49m\n\u001b[32m 51\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28;01melse\u001b[39;00m:\n\u001b[32m 52\u001b[39m data = [\u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m.dataset[idx] \u001b[38;5;28;01mfor\u001b[39;00m idx \u001b[38;5;129;01min\u001b[39;00m possibly_batched_index]\n", + "\u001b[36mFile \u001b[39m\u001b[32m~/Code/Skola/4-rocnik/programove-vybaveni/omega/.venv/lib/python3.12/site-packages/torch/utils/data/dataset.py:420\u001b[39m, in \u001b[36mSubset.__getitems__\u001b[39m\u001b[34m(self, indices)\u001b[39m\n\u001b[32m 418\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28;01mreturn\u001b[39;00m \u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m.dataset.__getitems__([\u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m.indices[idx] \u001b[38;5;28;01mfor\u001b[39;00m idx \u001b[38;5;129;01min\u001b[39;00m indices]) \u001b[38;5;66;03m# type: ignore[attr-defined]\u001b[39;00m\n\u001b[32m 419\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28;01melse\u001b[39;00m:\n\u001b[32m--> \u001b[39m\u001b[32m420\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28;01mreturn\u001b[39;00m [\u001b[38;5;28;43mself\u001b[39;49m\u001b[43m.\u001b[49m\u001b[43mdataset\u001b[49m\u001b[43m[\u001b[49m\u001b[38;5;28;43mself\u001b[39;49m\u001b[43m.\u001b[49m\u001b[43mindices\u001b[49m\u001b[43m[\u001b[49m\u001b[43midx\u001b[49m\u001b[43m]\u001b[49m\u001b[43m]\u001b[49m \u001b[38;5;28;01mfor\u001b[39;00m idx \u001b[38;5;129;01min\u001b[39;00m indices]\n", + "\u001b[36mFile \u001b[39m\u001b[32m~/Code/Skola/4-rocnik/programove-vybaveni/omega/.venv/lib/python3.12/site-packages/torch/utils/data/dataset.py:211\u001b[39m, in \u001b[36mTensorDataset.__getitem__\u001b[39m\u001b[34m(self, index)\u001b[39m\n\u001b[32m 210\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28;01mdef\u001b[39;00m\u001b[38;5;250m \u001b[39m\u001b[34m__getitem__\u001b[39m(\u001b[38;5;28mself\u001b[39m, index):\n\u001b[32m--> \u001b[39m\u001b[32m211\u001b[39m \u001b[38;5;28;01mreturn\u001b[39;00m \u001b[38;5;28;43mtuple\u001b[39;49m\u001b[43m(\u001b[49m\u001b[43mtensor\u001b[49m\u001b[43m[\u001b[49m\u001b[43mindex\u001b[49m\u001b[43m]\u001b[49m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[38;5;28;43;01mfor\u001b[39;49;00m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[43mtensor\u001b[49m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[38;5;129;43;01min\u001b[39;49;00m\u001b[43m \u001b[49m\u001b[38;5;28;43mself\u001b[39;49m\u001b[43m.\u001b[49m\u001b[43mtensors\u001b[49m\u001b[43m)\u001b[49m\n", + "\u001b[31mKeyboardInterrupt\u001b[39m: " + ] + } + ], + "source": [ + "from itertools import product\n", + "\n", + "MHL = MlpHiddenLayer\n", + "\n", + "learning_rates = [1e-2, 5e-3, 1e-3, 5e-4, 1e-4]\n", + "layer_sizes = [32, 64, 128, 256]\n", + "depths = [1, 2, 3]\n", + "activation_functions = [nn.ReLU]\n", + "\n", + "all_models = []\n", + "\n", + "def train_model(model, optimizer):\n", + " for epoch in range(EPOCHS):\n", + " model.train()\n", + " total_loss = 0\n", + " for batch_X, batch_y in train_loader:\n", + " batch_X, batch_y = batch_X.to(device), batch_y.to(device)\n", + " optimizer.zero_grad()\n", + " output = model(batch_X)\n", + " loss = criterion(output, batch_y)\n", + " loss.backward()\n", + " optimizer.step()\n", + " total_loss += loss.item() / batch_X.size(0)\n", + "\n", + "def test_model(model):\n", + " model.eval()\n", + " correct_top1 = 0\n", + " correct_top3 = 0\n", + " correct_top5 = 0\n", + " total = 0\n", + "\n", + " with torch.no_grad():\n", + " for batch_X, batch_y in test_loader:\n", + " batch_X, batch_y = batch_X.to(device), batch_y.to(device)\n", + " outputs = model(batch_X)\n", + "\n", + " _, top_preds = outputs.topk(5, dim=1)\n", + "\n", + " for true, top5 in zip(batch_y, top_preds):\n", + " total += 1\n", + " if true == top5[0]:\n", + " correct_top1 += 1\n", + " if true in top5[:3]:\n", + " correct_top3 += 1\n", + " if true in top5:\n", + " correct_top5 += 1\n", + "\n", + " top1_acc = correct_top1 / total\n", + " top3_acc = correct_top3 / total\n", + " top5_acc = correct_top5 / total\n", + "\n", + " return top1_acc, top3_acc, top5_acc\n", + "\n", + "criterion = nn.CrossEntropyLoss()\n", + "\n", + "results = []\n", + "\n", + "config_id = 0\n", + "for act_fn in activation_functions:\n", + " for depth in depths:\n", + " for size_combo in product(layer_sizes, repeat=depth):\n", + " for learning_rate in learning_rates:\n", + " hidden_layers = [MlpHiddenLayer(size=s, activation_function=act_fn) for s in size_combo]\n", + " model = MLP(\n", + " hidden_layers=hidden_layers,\n", + " embedding_count=VOCAB_SIZE,\n", + " embedding_dimension_size=EMBEDDING_DIM,\n", + " input_shape_size=CONTEXT_SIZE * EMBEDDING_DIM,\n", + " output_shape=OUTPUT_SIZE,\n", + " ).to(device)\n", + "\n", + " optimizer = torch.optim.Adam(model.parameters(), lr=learning_rate)\n", + " train_model(model, optimizer)\n", + " top1, top3, top5 = test_model(model)\n", + "\n", + " results.append({\n", + " \"config_id\": config_id,\n", + " \"activation\": act_fn.__name__,\n", + " \"layer_sizes\": size_combo,\n", + " \"learning_rate\": learning_rate,\n", + " \"top1_acc\": top1,\n", + " \"top3_acc\": top3,\n", + " \"top5_acc\": top5\n", + " })\n", + "\n", + " print(f\"[#{config_id}] {act_fn.__name__} {size_combo} lr={learning_rate:.0e} → top1={top1:.2f}, top3={top3:.2f}, top5={top5:.2f}\")\n", + " config_id += 1\n", + "\n", + " del model\n", + " torch.cuda.empty_cache()\n", + "\n", + "\n", + "print(results)\n", + "\n" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "markdown", + "metadata": {}, + "source": [ + "## Model training" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 41, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "MHL = MlpHiddenLayer\n", + "Relu = nn.ReLU\n", + "Gelu = nn.GELU\n", + "Silu = nn.SiLU\n", + "\n", + "sizes = [256, 128]\n", + "\n", + "\n", + "model = MLP(\n", + " hidden_layers=[MHL(size=size, activation_function=Relu) for size in sizes],\n", + " embedding_count=VOCAB_SIZE,\n", + " embedding_dimension_size=EMBEDDING_DIM,\n", + " input_shape_size=CONTEXT_SIZE * EMBEDDING_DIM,\n", + " output_shape=OUTPUT_SIZE,\n", + " ).to(device)\n", + "\n", + "criterion = nn.CrossEntropyLoss()\n", + "optimizer = torch.optim.Adam(model.parameters(), lr=LEARNING_RATE)\n" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 46, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [ + { + "name": "stdout", + "output_type": "stream", + "text": [ + "[Epoch #01] - Loss: 1.48195 | Accuracy: 51.54%\n", + "[Epoch #02] - Loss: 1.48260 | Accuracy: 51.51%\n", + "# Small loss difference detected (1/5)\n", + "[Epoch #03] - Loss: 1.48176 | Accuracy: 51.56%\n", + "# Small loss difference detected (2/5)\n", + "[Epoch #04] - Loss: 1.48150 | Accuracy: 51.54%\n", + "# Small loss difference detected (3/5)\n", + "[Epoch #05] - Loss: 1.48147 | Accuracy: 51.56%\n", + "# Small loss difference detected (4/5)\n", + "[Epoch #06] - Loss: 1.48097 | Accuracy: 51.60%\n", + "# Small loss difference detected (5/5)\n", + "# Loss has been too stagnant for 5 epochs.\n", + "## Ending now\n" + ] + } + ], + "source": [ + "prev_loss = float(\"inf\")\n", + "small_change_count = 0\n", + "SMALL_CHANGE_COUNT_TRIGGER = 5\n", + "\n", + "TOO_SMALL_CHANGE = 1e-3\n", + "\n", + "for epoch in range(EPOCHS):\n", + " if small_change_count >= SMALL_CHANGE_COUNT_TRIGGER:\n", + " print(f\"# Loss has been too stagnant for {SMALL_CHANGE_COUNT_TRIGGER} epochs.\\n## Ending now\")\n", + " break\n", + "\n", + " model.train()\n", + " total_loss = 0\n", + " correct = 0\n", + " total = 0\n", + "\n", + " for batch_X, batch_y in train_loader:\n", + " batch_X, batch_y = batch_X.to(device), batch_y.to(device)\n", + "\n", + " optimizer.zero_grad()\n", + " output = model(batch_X)\n", + " loss = criterion(output, batch_y)\n", + " loss.backward()\n", + " optimizer.step()\n", + "\n", + " total_loss += loss.item() * batch_X.size(0) # Multiply by batch size to sum loss\n", + " preds = torch.argmax(output, dim=1)\n", + " correct += (preds == batch_y).sum().item()\n", + " total += batch_X.size(0)\n", + "\n", + " avg_loss = total_loss / total\n", + " accuracy = correct / total * 100\n", + " print(f\"[Epoch #{(epoch+1):02}] - Loss: {avg_loss:.5f} | Accuracy: {accuracy:.2f}%\")\n", + "\n", + " if prev_loss - avg_loss < TOO_SMALL_CHANGE:\n", + " small_change_count += 1\n", + " print(f\"# Small loss difference detected ({small_change_count}/{SMALL_CHANGE_COUNT_TRIGGER})\")\n", + " else:\n", + " if small_change_count > 0:\n", + " print(\"# Loss difference increased again. Resetting counter\")\n", + " small_change_count = 0\n", + "\n", + " prev_loss = avg_loss\n" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 24, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [ + { + "name": "stdout", + "output_type": "stream", + "text": [ + "Top 1 prediction accuracy: 49.92%\n", + "Top 3 prediction accuracy: 73.00%\n", + "Top 5 prediction accuracy: 82.72%\n" + ] + } + ], + "source": [ + "model.eval()\n", + "correct_top1 = 0\n", + "correct_top3 = 0\n", + "correct_top5 = 0\n", + "total = 0\n", + "\n", + "with torch.no_grad():\n", + " for batch_X, batch_y in test_loader:\n", + " batch_X, batch_y = batch_X.to(device), batch_y.to(device)\n", + " outputs = model(batch_X)\n", + "\n", + " _, top_preds = outputs.topk(5, dim=1)\n", + "\n", + " for true, top5 in zip(batch_y, top_preds):\n", + " total += 1\n", + " if true == top5[0]:\n", + " correct_top1 += 1\n", + " if true in top5[:3]:\n", + " correct_top3 += 1\n", + " if true in top5:\n", + " correct_top5 += 1\n", + "\n", + "top1_acc = correct_top1 / total\n", + "top3_acc = correct_top3 / total\n", + "top5_acc = correct_top5 / total\n", + "\n", + "print(f\"Top 1 prediction accuracy: {(top1_acc * 100):.2f}%\")\n", + "print(f\"Top 3 prediction accuracy: {(top3_acc * 100):.2f}%\")\n", + "print(f\"Top 5 prediction accuracy: {(top5_acc * 100):.2f}%\")" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 62, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [], + "source": [ + "embeddings = model.net[0].weight.detach().cpu().numpy()" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 26, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [ + { + "data": { + "image/png": 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", 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" + ] + }, + "metadata": {}, + "output_type": "display_data" + } + ], + "source": [ + "def pca_torch(X: torch.Tensor, n_components=3):\n", + " # Center the data\n", + " X = X - X.mean(dim=0)\n", + " # Compute SVD\n", + " U, S, V = torch.pca_lowrank(X, q=n_components)\n", + " return torch.matmul(X, V[:, :n_components])\n", + "\n", + "# Extract and reduce embeddings\n", + "embeddings = model.net[0].weight.detach().cpu()\n", + "reduced = pca_torch(embeddings, n_components=3)\n", + "\n", + "# Plot using matplotlib 3D\n", + "import matplotlib.pyplot as plt\n", + "from mpl_toolkits.mplot3d import Axes3D\n", + "\n", + "fig = plt.figure(figsize=(8, 6))\n", + "ax = fig.add_subplot(111, projection='3d')\n", + "\n", + "for i, label in enumerate(ALPHABET + ['']):\n", + " x, y, z = reduced[i]\n", + " ax.scatter(x.item(), y.item(), z.item(), s=50)\n", + " ax.text(x.item(), y.item(), z.item(), label, fontsize=9)\n", + "\n", + "ax.set_title(\"3D PCA Projection of Character Embeddings\")\n", + "ax.set_xlabel(\"PC 1\")\n", + "ax.set_ylabel(\"PC 2\")\n", + "ax.set_zlabel(\"PC 3\")\n", + "plt.tight_layout()\n", + "plt.show()\n" + ] + }, + { + "cell_type": "code", + "execution_count": 29, + "metadata": {}, + "outputs": [ + { + "name": "stdout", + "output_type": "stream", + "text": [ + "Export successful -> 'model.onnx'\n" + ] + } + ], + "source": [ + "import torch.onnx\n", + "\n", + "FILENAME = \"model.onnx\"\n", + "model.eval()\n", + "\n", + "dummy_input = torch.randint(0, VOCAB_SIZE, (1, CONTEXT_SIZE), dtype=torch.long).to(device)\n", + "\n", + "torch.onnx.export(\n", + " model,\n", + " dummy_input,\n", + " FILENAME,\n", + " input_names=[\"input\"],\n", + " output_names=[\"output\"],\n", + " dynamic_axes={\n", + " \"input\": {0: \"batch_size\"},\n", + " \"output\": {0: \"batch_size\"},\n", + " },\n", + " opset_version=13\n", + ")\n", + "\n", + "print(f\"Export successful -> '{FILENAME}'\")" + ] + } + ], + "metadata": { + "kernelspec": { + "display_name": ".venv", + "language": "python", + "name": "python3" + }, + "language_info": { + "codemirror_mode": { + "name": "ipython", + "version": 3 + }, + "file_extension": ".py", + "mimetype": "text/x-python", + "name": "python", + "nbconvert_exporter": "python", + "pygments_lexer": "ipython3", + "version": "3.12.3" + } + }, + "nbformat": 4, + "nbformat_minor": 2 +} diff --git a/model/mlp_weights.pth b/model/mlp_weights.pth deleted file mode 100644 index dd6edb1..0000000 Binary files a/model/mlp_weights.pth and /dev/null differ diff --git a/model/notebook.ipynb b/model/notebook.ipynb deleted file mode 100644 index 186dcf9..0000000 --- a/model/notebook.ipynb +++ /dev/null @@ -1,475 +0,0 @@ -{ - "cells": [ - { - "cell_type": "markdown", - "metadata": {}, - "source": [ - "# Omega\n", - "Prediction of next key to be pressed using Multilayer Perceptron" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "markdown", - "metadata": {}, - "source": [ - "## 1. Import and load data" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "markdown", - "metadata": {}, - "source": [ - "### Import all required modules" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 34, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "import numpy as np\n", - "import torch\n", - "import torch.nn as nn\n", - "from torch.utils.data import DataLoader, TensorDataset, random_split" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "markdown", - "metadata": {}, - "source": [ - "### Load data" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 35, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "data = np.load(\"./data.npy\")" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "markdown", - "metadata": {}, - "source": [ - "### Define contstants describing the dataset and other useful information" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 36, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "CONTEXT_SIZE = 10\n", - "ALPHABET = list(\"abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz\")\n", - "ALPHABET_SIZE = len(ALPHABET)\n", - "TRAINING_DATA_SIZE = 0.9\n", - "\n", - "VOCAB_SIZE = ALPHABET_SIZE + 1 # 26 letters + 1 for unknown\n", - "EMBEDDING_DIM = 16\n", - "\n", - "INPUT_SEQ_LEN = CONTEXT_SIZE\n", - "OUTPUT_SIZE = VOCAB_SIZE" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "markdown", - "metadata": {}, - "source": [ - "# Define and split data" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "markdown", - "metadata": {}, - "source": [ - "## Define input and output columns" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 37, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "X = data[:, :CONTEXT_SIZE] # shape: (num_samples, CONTEXT_SIZE)\n", - "\n", - "# Target: current letter index\n", - "y = data[:, CONTEXT_SIZE] # shape: (num_samples,)\n", - "\n", - "# Torch dataset (important: use long/int64 for indices)\n", - "X_tensor = torch.tensor(X, dtype=torch.long) # for nn.Embedding\n", - "y_tensor = torch.tensor(y, dtype=torch.long) # for classification target\n", - "\n", - "dataset = TensorDataset(X_tensor, y_tensor)" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 38, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "train_len = int(TRAINING_DATA_SIZE * len(dataset))\n", - "train_set, test_set = random_split(dataset, [train_len, len(dataset) - train_len])" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 39, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "train_loader = DataLoader(train_set, batch_size=1024, shuffle=True)\n", - "test_loader = DataLoader(test_set, batch_size=1024)" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 40, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "learning_rates = [1e-4, 5e-4, 1e-3, 5e-3, 1e-2, 5e-2]\n", - "activation_layers = [nn.ReLU, nn.GELU]" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "markdown", - "metadata": {}, - "source": [ - "## Model and training" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "markdown", - "metadata": {}, - "source": [ - "To find the best model for MLP, combinations of hyperparams are defined. \n", - "This includes **activation layers** and **learning rates**" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 32, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "from itertools import product\n", - "all_activation_combinations = list(product(activation_layers, repeat=len(activation_layers)))" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": null, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 66, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "class MLP(nn.Module):\n", - " def __init__(self, activation_layers: list):\n", - " super().__init__()\n", - " self.net = nn.Sequential(\n", - " nn.Embedding(num_embeddings=VOCAB_SIZE, embedding_dim=EMBEDDING_DIM),\n", - " nn.Flatten(),\n", - " nn.Linear(CONTEXT_SIZE * EMBEDDING_DIM, 256),\n", - " activation_layers[0](),\n", - " nn.Linear(256, 128),\n", - " activation_layers[1](),\n", - " nn.Linear(128, OUTPUT_SIZE)\n", - " )\n", - "\n", - " def forward(self, x):\n", - " return self.net(x)" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 42, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [ - { - "name": "stdout", - "output_type": "stream", - "text": [ - "Using device: cuda\n" - ] - } - ], - "source": [ - "device = torch.device(\"cuda\" if torch.cuda.is_available() else \"cpu\")\n", - "print(f\"Using device: {device}\")" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 55, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "# model = MLP().to(device)\n", - "model = None" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "markdown", - "metadata": {}, - "source": [ - "Test all the activation_layer combinations" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 65, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "\n", - "criterion = nn.CrossEntropyLoss()" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 71, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "def train_model(model, optimizer):\n", - " for epoch in range(30):\n", - " model.train()\n", - " total_loss = 0\n", - " for batch_X, batch_y in train_loader:\n", - " batch_X, batch_y = batch_X.to(device), batch_y.to(device)\n", - " optimizer.zero_grad()\n", - " output = model(batch_X)\n", - " loss = criterion(output, batch_y)\n", - " loss.backward()\n", - " optimizer.step()\n", - " total_loss += loss.item()\n", - " # print(f\"Epoch {epoch+1}, Loss: {total_loss:.4f}\")" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "markdown", - "metadata": {}, - "source": [ - "# Testing model" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 70, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "def test_model(model) -> tuple[float]:\n", - " model.eval()\n", - " correct_top1 = 0\n", - " correct_top3 = 0\n", - " correct_top5 = 0\n", - " total = 0\n", - "\n", - " with torch.no_grad():\n", - " for batch_X, batch_y in test_loader:\n", - " batch_X, batch_y = batch_X.to(device), batch_y.to(device)\n", - " outputs = model(batch_X)\n", - "\n", - " _, top_preds = outputs.topk(5, dim=1)\n", - "\n", - " for true, top5 in zip(batch_y, top_preds):\n", - " total += 1\n", - " if true == top5[0]:\n", - " correct_top1 += 1\n", - " if true in top5[:3]:\n", - " correct_top3 += 1\n", - " if true in top5:\n", - " correct_top5 += 1\n", - "\n", - " top1_acc = correct_top1 / total\n", - " top3_acc = correct_top3 / total\n", - " top5_acc = correct_top5 / total\n", - "\n", - " return (top1_acc, top3_acc, top5_acc)\n" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 72, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [ - { - "name": "stdout", - "output_type": "stream", - "text": [ - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.0001 had success of (0.44952931636286714, 0.6824383880407573, 0.788915135916511)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.0005 had success of (0.5080210132919649, 0.7299298381694461, 0.8241018227973064)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.001 had success of (0.5215950357860593, 0.7354299615696506, 0.826111483270458)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.005 had success of (0.5230758382399605, 0.7383563092761697, 0.8298840038077777)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.01 had success of (0.5206783485526919, 0.7364171632055847, 0.8278390861333428)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.05 had success of (0.12682015301625357, 0.29884003807777737, 0.45160949123858546)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.0001 had success of (0.44251313330747805, 0.6765504354264359, 0.7860240454112752)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.0005 had success of (0.5103127313753835, 0.7293304657476289, 0.8237492507844727)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.001 had success of (0.5211366921693756, 0.7379332228607693, 0.8288968021718436)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.005 had success of (0.5246271550964284, 0.739942883333921, 0.8305538906321617)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.01 had success of (0.5214892641822092, 0.7391319677044036, 0.8297077178013609)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.05 had success of (0.1655325600253852, 0.3544759017029228, 0.495469449635088)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.0001 had success of (0.44706131227303175, 0.6806755279765893, 0.7906427387793957)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.0005 had success of (0.5120050770369848, 0.7312343546169305, 0.8229735923562388)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.001 had success of (0.5179282868525896, 0.7381800232697528, 0.8289673165744104)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.005 had success of (0.5234636674540775, 0.7421640870147728, 0.8307654338398618)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.01 had success of (0.5197264041180412, 0.7384268236787364, 0.8286500017628601)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.05 had success of (0.12551563656876918, 0.29757077883157634, 0.45034023199238443)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.0001 had success of (0.4493530303564503, 0.683284560871558, 0.7907837675845292)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.0005 had success of (0.5151077107499207, 0.733808130310616, 0.8255121108486408)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.001 had success of (0.5195148609103409, 0.7389204244967035, 0.8294961745936608)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.005 had success of (0.5214892641822092, 0.7401896837429045, 0.8302365758206114)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.01 had success of (0.5198674329231746, 0.7398371117300708, 0.8258294256601911)\n", - "Model with activation layers (, ) and learning rate 0.05 had success of (0.3762648520960406, 0.6283538412720798, 0.7500617001022459)\n" - ] - } - ], - "source": [ - "for activation_layer_combination in all_activation_combinations:\n", - " for learning_rate in learning_rates:\n", - " model = MLP(activation_layer_combination).to(device)\n", - " optimizer = torch.optim.Adam(model.parameters(), lr=learning_rate)\n", - " train_model(model, optimizer)\n", - " results = test_model(model)\n", - " print(\"Model with activation layers\", activation_layer_combination, \"and learning rate\", learning_rate, \"had success of\", results)" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 13, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "# Reuse same alphabet + mapping\n", - "alphabet = list(\"abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz\")\n", - "char_to_idx = {ch: idx for idx, ch in enumerate(alphabet)}\n", - "PAD_IDX = len(alphabet) # index 26 for OOV/padding\n", - "VOCAB_SIZE = len(alphabet) + 1 # 27 total (a–z + padding)\n", - "CONTEXT_SIZE = 10\n", - "\n", - "idx_to_char = {idx: ch for ch, idx in char_to_idx.items()}\n", - "idx_to_char[PAD_IDX] = \"_\" # for readability\n", - "\n", - "def preprocess_input(context: str) -> torch.Tensor:\n", - " context = context.lower()\n", - " padded = context.rjust(CONTEXT_SIZE, \"_\") # pad with underscores (or any 1-char symbol)\n", - "\n", - " indices = []\n", - " for ch in padded[-CONTEXT_SIZE:]:\n", - " idx = char_to_idx.get(ch, PAD_IDX) # if '_' or unknown → PAD_IDX (26)\n", - " indices.append(idx)\n", - "\n", - " return torch.tensor(indices, dtype=torch.long).unsqueeze(0).to(device)\n", - "\n", - "\n", - "def predict_next_chars(model, context: str, top_k=5):\n", - " model.eval()\n", - " input_tensor = preprocess_input(context)\n", - " with torch.no_grad():\n", - " logits = model(input_tensor)\n", - " probs = torch.softmax(logits, dim=-1)\n", - " top_probs, top_indices = probs.topk(top_k, dim=-1)\n", - "\n", - " predictions = [(idx_to_char[idx.item()], top_probs[0, i].item()) for i, idx in enumerate(top_indices[0])]\n", - " return predictions\n" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 24, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [ - { - "name": "stdout", - "output_type": "stream", - "text": [ - "I: 89.74 %\n", - "N: 4.42 %\n", - "Y: 1.88 %\n", - "M: 1.51 %\n", - "B: 0.90 %\n", - "E: 0.65 %\n", - "G: 0.21 %\n", - "R: 0.16 %\n", - "L: 0.15 %\n", - "O: 0.13 %\n", - "C: 0.09 %\n", - "U: 0.08 %\n", - "A: 0.05 %\n", - "V: 0.02 %\n", - "S: 0.01 %\n", - "F: 0.00 %\n", - "H: 0.00 %\n", - "T: 0.00 %\n", - "W: 0.00 %\n", - "P: 0.00 %\n" - ] - } - ], - "source": [ - "preds = predict_next_chars(model, \"susta\", top_k=20)\n", - "for char, prob in preds:\n", - " print(f\"{char.upper()}: {(prob * 100):.2f} %\")\n" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "markdown", - "metadata": {}, - "source": [ - "Model saving" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": null, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "torch.save(model, \"mlp_full_model.pth\")" - ] - }, - { - "cell_type": "code", - "execution_count": 38, - "metadata": {}, - "outputs": [], - "source": [ - "torch.save(model.state_dict(), \"mlp_weights.pth\")" - ] - } - ], - "metadata": { - "kernelspec": { - "display_name": ".venv", - "language": "python", - "name": "python3" - }, - "language_info": { - "codemirror_mode": { - "name": "ipython", - "version": 3 - }, - "file_extension": ".py", - "mimetype": "text/x-python", - "name": "python", - "nbconvert_exporter": "python", - "pygments_lexer": "ipython3", - "version": "3.12.3" - } - }, - "nbformat": 4, - "nbformat_minor": 2 -} diff --git a/model/out.txt b/model/out.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 34a69a0..0000000 --- a/model/out.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,5817 +0,0 @@ -previous_5,previous_4,previous_3,previous_2,previous_1,current,is_start,previous_type,word_length -0,0,0,0,0,97,1,0,1 -0,0,0,0,97,114,0,1,2 -0,0,0,97,114,99,0,2,3 -0,0,97,114,99,104,0,2,4 -0,97,114,99,104,97,0,2,5 -97,114,99,104,97,101,0,1,6 -114,99,104,97,101,97,0,1,7 -0,0,0,0,0,97,1,0,1 -0,0,0,0,97,115,0,1,2 -0,0,0,97,115,108,0,2,3 -0,0,97,115,108,101,0,2,4 -0,97,115,108,101,101,0,1,5 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-0,0,0,0,104,101,0,2,2 -0,0,0,0,0,116,1,0,1 -0,0,0,0,116,104,0,2,2 -0,0,0,116,104,97,0,2,3 -0,0,116,104,97,116,0,1,4 -0,0,0,0,0,105,1,0,1 -0,0,0,0,105,110,0,1,2 -0,0,0,0,0,97,1,0,1 -0,0,0,0,0,97,1,0,1 -0,0,0,0,97,110,0,1,2 -0,0,0,97,110,100,0,2,3 -0,0,0,0,0,111,1,0,1 -0,0,0,0,111,102,0,1,2 -0,0,0,0,0,116,1,0,1 -0,0,0,0,116,111,0,2,2 diff --git a/model/predictor.pth b/model/predictor.pth deleted file mode 100644 index 10086b6..0000000 Binary files a/model/predictor.pth and /dev/null differ diff --git a/model/training_results/raw_2.txt b/model/training_results/raw_2.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..59d00cd --- /dev/null +++ b/model/training_results/raw_2.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1024 @@ +[#0] ReLU (32,) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#1] ReLU (32,) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.43, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#2] ReLU (32,) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#3] ReLU (32,) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#4] ReLU (32,) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.38, top3=0.62, top5=0.75 +[#5] ReLU (64,) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#6] ReLU (64,) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#7] ReLU (64,) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#8] ReLU (64,) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#9] ReLU (64,) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#10] ReLU (128,) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#11] ReLU (128,) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#12] ReLU (128,) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#13] ReLU (128,) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#14] ReLU (128,) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#15] ReLU (256,) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#16] ReLU (256,) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#17] ReLU (256,) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#18] ReLU (256,) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#19] ReLU (256,) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#20] ReLU (32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#21] ReLU (32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#22] ReLU (32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#23] ReLU (32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#24] ReLU (32, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.39, top3=0.63, top5=0.76 +[#25] ReLU (32, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#26] ReLU (32, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#27] ReLU (32, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.81 +[#28] ReLU (32, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#29] ReLU (32, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#30] ReLU (32, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#31] ReLU (32, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#32] ReLU (32, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#33] ReLU (32, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#34] ReLU (32, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#35] ReLU (32, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#36] ReLU (32, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#37] ReLU (32, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#38] ReLU (32, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#39] ReLU (32, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#40] ReLU (64, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#41] ReLU (64, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#42] ReLU (64, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#43] ReLU (64, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#44] ReLU (64, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#45] ReLU (64, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#46] ReLU (64, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#47] ReLU (64, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#48] ReLU (64, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#49] ReLU (64, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#50] ReLU (64, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#51] ReLU (64, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#52] ReLU (64, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#53] ReLU (64, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#54] ReLU (64, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#55] ReLU (64, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#56] ReLU (64, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#57] ReLU (64, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#58] ReLU (64, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#59] ReLU (64, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#60] ReLU (128, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#61] ReLU (128, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#62] ReLU (128, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#63] ReLU (128, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#64] ReLU (128, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#65] ReLU (128, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#66] ReLU (128, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#67] ReLU (128, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#68] ReLU (128, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#69] ReLU (128, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#70] ReLU (128, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#71] ReLU (128, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#72] ReLU (128, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#73] ReLU (128, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#74] ReLU (128, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#75] ReLU (128, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#76] ReLU (128, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#77] ReLU (128, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#78] ReLU (128, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#79] ReLU (128, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#80] ReLU (256, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#81] ReLU (256, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#82] ReLU (256, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#83] ReLU (256, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#84] ReLU (256, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#85] ReLU (256, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#86] ReLU (256, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#87] ReLU (256, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#88] ReLU (256, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#89] ReLU (256, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#90] ReLU (256, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#91] ReLU (256, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#92] ReLU (256, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#93] ReLU (256, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#94] ReLU (256, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#95] ReLU (256, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#96] ReLU (256, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#97] ReLU (256, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.84 +[#98] ReLU (256, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#99] ReLU (256, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#100] ReLU (32, 32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#101] ReLU (32, 32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#102] ReLU (32, 32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#103] ReLU (32, 32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#104] ReLU (32, 32, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.40, top3=0.64, top5=0.76 +[#105] ReLU (32, 32, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#106] ReLU (32, 32, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#107] ReLU (32, 32, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#108] ReLU (32, 32, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#109] ReLU (32, 32, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.40, top3=0.64, top5=0.76 +[#110] ReLU (32, 32, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.40, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#111] ReLU (32, 32, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#112] ReLU (32, 32, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#113] ReLU (32, 32, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#114] ReLU (32, 32, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.78 +[#115] ReLU (32, 32, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.39, top3=0.64, top5=0.76 +[#116] ReLU (32, 32, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#117] ReLU (32, 32, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#118] ReLU (32, 32, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#119] ReLU (32, 32, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#120] ReLU (32, 64, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#121] ReLU (32, 64, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#122] ReLU (32, 64, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#123] ReLU (32, 64, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#124] ReLU (32, 64, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.40, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#125] ReLU (32, 64, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#126] ReLU (32, 64, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#127] ReLU (32, 64, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#128] ReLU (32, 64, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#129] ReLU (32, 64, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#130] ReLU (32, 64, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.40, top3=0.64, top5=0.76 +[#131] ReLU (32, 64, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#132] ReLU (32, 64, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#133] ReLU (32, 64, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#134] ReLU (32, 64, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#135] ReLU (32, 64, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.38, top3=0.63, top5=0.76 +[#136] ReLU (32, 64, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#137] ReLU (32, 64, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#138] ReLU (32, 64, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.83 +[#139] ReLU (32, 64, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#140] ReLU (32, 128, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#141] ReLU (32, 128, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#142] ReLU (32, 128, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#143] ReLU (32, 128, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#144] ReLU (32, 128, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#145] ReLU (32, 128, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#146] ReLU (32, 128, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#147] ReLU (32, 128, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#148] ReLU (32, 128, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#149] ReLU (32, 128, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#150] ReLU (32, 128, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#151] ReLU (32, 128, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#152] ReLU (32, 128, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#153] ReLU (32, 128, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#154] ReLU (32, 128, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#155] ReLU (32, 128, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.39, top3=0.64, top5=0.76 +[#156] ReLU (32, 128, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#157] ReLU (32, 128, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#158] ReLU (32, 128, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#159] ReLU (32, 128, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#160] ReLU (32, 256, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#161] ReLU (32, 256, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#162] ReLU (32, 256, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#163] ReLU (32, 256, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#164] ReLU (32, 256, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#165] ReLU (32, 256, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#166] ReLU (32, 256, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#167] ReLU (32, 256, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#168] ReLU (32, 256, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#169] ReLU (32, 256, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#170] ReLU (32, 256, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#171] ReLU (32, 256, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#172] ReLU (32, 256, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#173] ReLU (32, 256, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#174] ReLU (32, 256, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#175] ReLU (32, 256, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.64, top5=0.77 +[#176] ReLU (32, 256, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#177] ReLU (32, 256, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#178] ReLU (32, 256, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#179] ReLU (32, 256, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#180] ReLU (64, 32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#181] ReLU (64, 32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#182] ReLU (64, 32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#183] ReLU (64, 32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#184] ReLU (64, 32, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#185] ReLU (64, 32, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#186] ReLU (64, 32, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#187] ReLU (64, 32, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#188] ReLU (64, 32, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#189] ReLU (64, 32, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#190] ReLU (64, 32, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#191] ReLU (64, 32, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#192] ReLU (64, 32, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#193] ReLU (64, 32, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#194] ReLU (64, 32, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#195] ReLU (64, 32, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.40, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#196] ReLU (64, 32, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#197] ReLU (64, 32, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#198] ReLU (64, 32, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#199] ReLU (64, 32, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#200] ReLU (64, 64, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#201] ReLU (64, 64, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#202] ReLU (64, 64, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#203] ReLU (64, 64, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#204] ReLU (64, 64, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#205] ReLU (64, 64, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#206] ReLU (64, 64, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#207] ReLU (64, 64, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#208] ReLU (64, 64, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#209] ReLU (64, 64, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#210] ReLU (64, 64, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#211] ReLU (64, 64, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#212] ReLU (64, 64, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#213] ReLU (64, 64, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#214] ReLU (64, 64, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#215] ReLU (64, 64, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#216] ReLU (64, 64, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#217] ReLU (64, 64, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#218] ReLU (64, 64, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#219] ReLU (64, 64, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#220] ReLU (64, 128, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#221] ReLU (64, 128, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#222] ReLU (64, 128, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#223] ReLU (64, 128, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#224] ReLU (64, 128, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#225] ReLU (64, 128, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#226] ReLU (64, 128, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#227] ReLU (64, 128, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#228] ReLU (64, 128, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#229] ReLU (64, 128, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#230] ReLU (64, 128, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#231] ReLU (64, 128, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#232] ReLU (64, 128, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#233] ReLU (64, 128, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#234] ReLU (64, 128, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#235] ReLU (64, 128, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.38, top3=0.61, top5=0.74 +[#236] ReLU (64, 128, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#237] ReLU (64, 128, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#238] ReLU (64, 128, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#239] ReLU (64, 128, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#240] ReLU (64, 256, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#241] ReLU (64, 256, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#242] ReLU (64, 256, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#243] ReLU (64, 256, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#244] ReLU (64, 256, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#245] ReLU (64, 256, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#246] ReLU (64, 256, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#247] ReLU (64, 256, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#248] ReLU (64, 256, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#249] ReLU (64, 256, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#250] ReLU (64, 256, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#251] ReLU (64, 256, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#252] ReLU (64, 256, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#253] ReLU (64, 256, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#254] ReLU (64, 256, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#255] ReLU (64, 256, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.76 +[#256] ReLU (64, 256, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#257] ReLU (64, 256, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#258] ReLU (64, 256, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#259] ReLU (64, 256, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#260] ReLU (128, 32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#261] ReLU (128, 32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#262] ReLU (128, 32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#263] ReLU (128, 32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#264] ReLU (128, 32, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#265] ReLU (128, 32, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#266] ReLU (128, 32, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#267] ReLU (128, 32, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#268] ReLU (128, 32, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#269] ReLU (128, 32, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#270] ReLU (128, 32, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.64, top5=0.75 +[#271] ReLU (128, 32, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#272] ReLU (128, 32, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#273] ReLU (128, 32, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#274] ReLU (128, 32, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#275] ReLU (128, 32, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#276] ReLU (128, 32, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#277] ReLU (128, 32, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#278] ReLU (128, 32, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#279] ReLU (128, 32, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#280] ReLU (128, 64, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#281] ReLU (128, 64, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#282] ReLU (128, 64, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#283] ReLU (128, 64, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#284] ReLU (128, 64, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#285] ReLU (128, 64, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#286] ReLU (128, 64, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#287] ReLU (128, 64, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#288] ReLU (128, 64, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#289] ReLU (128, 64, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#290] ReLU (128, 64, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#291] ReLU (128, 64, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#292] ReLU (128, 64, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#293] ReLU (128, 64, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#294] ReLU (128, 64, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#295] ReLU (128, 64, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#296] ReLU (128, 64, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#297] ReLU (128, 64, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#298] ReLU (128, 64, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#299] ReLU (128, 64, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#300] ReLU (128, 128, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#301] ReLU (128, 128, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#302] ReLU (128, 128, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#303] ReLU (128, 128, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#304] ReLU (128, 128, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#305] ReLU (128, 128, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#306] ReLU (128, 128, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#307] ReLU (128, 128, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#308] ReLU (128, 128, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#309] ReLU (128, 128, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#310] ReLU (128, 128, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#311] ReLU (128, 128, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#312] ReLU (128, 128, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#313] ReLU (128, 128, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#314] ReLU (128, 128, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#315] ReLU (128, 128, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#316] ReLU (128, 128, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#317] ReLU (128, 128, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#318] ReLU (128, 128, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#319] ReLU (128, 128, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#320] ReLU (128, 256, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.68, top5=0.78 +[#321] ReLU (128, 256, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#322] ReLU (128, 256, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#323] ReLU (128, 256, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#324] ReLU (128, 256, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#325] ReLU (128, 256, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.78 +[#326] ReLU (128, 256, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#327] ReLU (128, 256, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#328] ReLU (128, 256, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#329] ReLU (128, 256, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#330] ReLU (128, 256, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#331] ReLU (128, 256, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#332] ReLU (128, 256, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#333] ReLU (128, 256, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#334] ReLU (128, 256, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#335] ReLU (128, 256, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.38, top3=0.61, top5=0.73 +[#336] ReLU (128, 256, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#337] ReLU (128, 256, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#338] ReLU (128, 256, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#339] ReLU (128, 256, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#340] ReLU (256, 32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#341] ReLU (256, 32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#342] ReLU (256, 32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#343] ReLU (256, 32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#344] ReLU (256, 32, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#345] ReLU (256, 32, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#346] ReLU (256, 32, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#347] ReLU (256, 32, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#348] ReLU (256, 32, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#349] ReLU (256, 32, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#350] ReLU (256, 32, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#351] ReLU (256, 32, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#352] ReLU (256, 32, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#353] ReLU (256, 32, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#354] ReLU (256, 32, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.80 +[#355] ReLU (256, 32, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#356] ReLU (256, 32, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#357] ReLU (256, 32, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#358] ReLU (256, 32, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#359] ReLU (256, 32, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#360] ReLU (256, 64, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#361] ReLU (256, 64, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#362] ReLU (256, 64, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#363] ReLU (256, 64, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#364] ReLU (256, 64, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#365] ReLU (256, 64, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#366] ReLU (256, 64, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#367] ReLU (256, 64, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#368] ReLU (256, 64, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#369] ReLU (256, 64, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#370] ReLU (256, 64, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.78 +[#371] ReLU (256, 64, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#372] ReLU (256, 64, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#373] ReLU (256, 64, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#374] ReLU (256, 64, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#375] ReLU (256, 64, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.65, top5=0.76 +[#376] ReLU (256, 64, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#377] ReLU (256, 64, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#378] ReLU (256, 64, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#379] ReLU (256, 64, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#380] ReLU (256, 128, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.69, top5=0.79 +[#381] ReLU (256, 128, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#382] ReLU (256, 128, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#383] ReLU (256, 128, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#384] ReLU (256, 128, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#385] ReLU (256, 128, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#386] ReLU (256, 128, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#387] ReLU (256, 128, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#388] ReLU (256, 128, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#389] ReLU (256, 128, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#390] ReLU (256, 128, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#391] ReLU (256, 128, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#392] ReLU (256, 128, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#393] ReLU (256, 128, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#394] ReLU (256, 128, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#395] ReLU (256, 128, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#396] ReLU (256, 128, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#397] ReLU (256, 128, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#398] ReLU (256, 128, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#399] ReLU (256, 128, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#400] ReLU (256, 256, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.69, top5=0.79 +[#401] ReLU (256, 256, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#402] ReLU (256, 256, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#403] ReLU (256, 256, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#404] ReLU (256, 256, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#405] ReLU (256, 256, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#406] ReLU (256, 256, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#407] ReLU (256, 256, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#408] ReLU (256, 256, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#409] ReLU (256, 256, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#410] ReLU (256, 256, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#411] ReLU (256, 256, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#412] ReLU (256, 256, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#413] ReLU (256, 256, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#414] ReLU (256, 256, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#415] ReLU (256, 256, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#416] ReLU (256, 256, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#417] ReLU (256, 256, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#418] ReLU (256, 256, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#419] ReLU (256, 256, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#420] GELU (32,) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#421] GELU (32,) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.42, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#422] GELU (32,) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.42, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#423] GELU (32,) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#424] GELU (32,) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.39, top3=0.63, top5=0.76 +[#425] GELU (64,) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#426] GELU (64,) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#427] GELU (64,) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#428] GELU (64,) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#429] GELU (64,) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.78 +[#430] GELU (128,) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#431] GELU (128,) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#432] GELU (128,) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#433] GELU (128,) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#434] GELU (128,) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#435] GELU (256,) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#436] GELU (256,) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#437] GELU (256,) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#438] GELU (256,) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#439] GELU (256,) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#440] GELU (32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#441] GELU (32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#442] GELU (32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#443] GELU (32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#444] GELU (32, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.40, top3=0.64, top5=0.76 +[#445] GELU (32, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#446] GELU (32, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#447] GELU (32, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#448] GELU (32, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#449] GELU (32, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.40, top3=0.64, top5=0.77 +[#450] GELU (32, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#451] GELU (32, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#452] GELU (32, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#453] GELU (32, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#454] GELU (32, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#455] GELU (32, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#456] GELU (32, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.81 +[#457] GELU (32, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#458] GELU (32, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#459] GELU (32, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#460] GELU (64, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#461] GELU (64, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#462] GELU (64, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#463] GELU (64, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#464] GELU (64, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#465] GELU (64, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#466] GELU (64, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#467] GELU (64, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#468] GELU (64, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.81 +[#469] GELU (64, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#470] GELU (64, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#471] GELU (64, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#472] GELU (64, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#473] GELU (64, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#474] GELU (64, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#475] GELU (64, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#476] GELU (64, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#477] GELU (64, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#478] GELU (64, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#479] GELU (64, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#480] GELU (128, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#481] GELU (128, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#482] GELU (128, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#483] GELU (128, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#484] GELU (128, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.79 +[#485] GELU (128, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#486] GELU (128, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#487] GELU (128, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#488] GELU (128, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#489] GELU (128, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#490] GELU (128, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#491] GELU (128, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#492] GELU (128, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#493] GELU (128, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#494] GELU (128, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#495] GELU (128, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#496] GELU (128, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#497] GELU (128, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#498] GELU (128, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#499] GELU (128, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#500] GELU (256, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#501] GELU (256, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#502] GELU (256, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#503] GELU (256, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#504] GELU (256, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#505] GELU (256, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#506] GELU (256, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#507] GELU (256, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#508] GELU (256, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#509] GELU (256, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#510] GELU (256, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#511] GELU (256, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#512] GELU (256, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#513] GELU (256, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#514] GELU (256, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#515] GELU (256, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#516] GELU (256, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#517] GELU (256, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#518] GELU (256, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#519] GELU (256, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#520] GELU (32, 32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.41, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#521] GELU (32, 32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#522] GELU (32, 32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#523] GELU (32, 32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#524] GELU (32, 32, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.39, top3=0.64, top5=0.76 +[#525] GELU (32, 32, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#526] GELU (32, 32, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#527] GELU (32, 32, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#528] GELU (32, 32, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#529] GELU (32, 32, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#530] GELU (32, 32, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#531] GELU (32, 32, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#532] GELU (32, 32, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#533] GELU (32, 32, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#534] GELU (32, 32, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#535] GELU (32, 32, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#536] GELU (32, 32, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#537] GELU (32, 32, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#538] GELU (32, 32, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#539] GELU (32, 32, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#540] GELU (32, 64, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#541] GELU (32, 64, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#542] GELU (32, 64, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#543] GELU (32, 64, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#544] GELU (32, 64, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#545] GELU (32, 64, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#546] GELU (32, 64, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#547] GELU (32, 64, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#548] GELU (32, 64, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#549] GELU (32, 64, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#550] GELU (32, 64, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#551] GELU (32, 64, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#552] GELU (32, 64, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#553] GELU (32, 64, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#554] GELU (32, 64, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#555] GELU (32, 64, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#556] GELU (32, 64, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#557] GELU (32, 64, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#558] GELU (32, 64, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#559] GELU (32, 64, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#560] GELU (32, 128, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#561] GELU (32, 128, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#562] GELU (32, 128, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#563] GELU (32, 128, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#564] GELU (32, 128, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#565] GELU (32, 128, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#566] GELU (32, 128, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#567] GELU (32, 128, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#568] GELU (32, 128, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#569] GELU (32, 128, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#570] GELU (32, 128, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#571] GELU (32, 128, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#572] GELU (32, 128, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#573] GELU (32, 128, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#574] GELU (32, 128, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#575] GELU (32, 128, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#576] GELU (32, 128, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#577] GELU (32, 128, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#578] GELU (32, 128, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#579] GELU (32, 128, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#580] GELU (32, 256, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.78 +[#581] GELU (32, 256, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#582] GELU (32, 256, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#583] GELU (32, 256, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#584] GELU (32, 256, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#585] GELU (32, 256, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#586] GELU (32, 256, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#587] GELU (32, 256, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#588] GELU (32, 256, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#589] GELU (32, 256, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#590] GELU (32, 256, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#591] GELU (32, 256, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#592] GELU (32, 256, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#593] GELU (32, 256, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#594] GELU (32, 256, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#595] GELU (32, 256, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.40, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#596] GELU (32, 256, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#597] GELU (32, 256, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#598] GELU (32, 256, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#599] GELU (32, 256, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#600] GELU (64, 32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#601] GELU (64, 32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#602] GELU (64, 32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#603] GELU (64, 32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#0] SiLU (32,) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#1] SiLU (32,) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#2] SiLU (32,) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#3] SiLU (32,) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#4] SiLU (32,) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.38, top3=0.63, top5=0.75 +[#5] SiLU (64,) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#6] SiLU (64,) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#7] SiLU (64,) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#8] SiLU (64,) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#9] SiLU (64,) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#10] SiLU (128,) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.81 +[#11] SiLU (128,) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#12] SiLU (128,) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#13] SiLU (128,) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#14] SiLU (128,) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#15] SiLU (256,) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#16] SiLU (256,) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#17] SiLU (256,) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#18] SiLU (256,) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#19] SiLU (256,) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#20] SiLU (32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#21] SiLU (32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#22] SiLU (32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.79 +[#23] SiLU (32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#24] SiLU (32, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.39, top3=0.63, top5=0.75 +[#25] SiLU (32, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#26] SiLU (32, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#27] SiLU (32, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#28] SiLU (32, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#29] SiLU (32, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.39, top3=0.64, top5=0.76 +[#30] SiLU (32, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#31] SiLU (32, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#32] SiLU (32, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#33] SiLU (32, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#34] SiLU (32, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.40, top3=0.65, top5=0.78 +[#35] SiLU (32, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#36] SiLU (32, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#37] SiLU (32, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#38] SiLU (32, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#39] SiLU (32, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#40] SiLU (64, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#41] SiLU (64, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#42] SiLU (64, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#43] SiLU (64, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#44] SiLU (64, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#45] SiLU (64, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#46] SiLU (64, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#47] SiLU (64, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#48] SiLU (64, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#49] SiLU (64, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#50] SiLU (64, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#51] SiLU (64, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#52] SiLU (64, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#53] SiLU (64, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#54] SiLU (64, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#55] SiLU (64, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#56] SiLU (64, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#57] SiLU (64, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#58] SiLU (64, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#59] SiLU (64, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#60] SiLU (128, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#61] SiLU (128, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#62] SiLU (128, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#63] SiLU (128, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#64] SiLU (128, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#65] SiLU (128, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#66] SiLU (128, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#67] SiLU (128, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#68] SiLU (128, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#69] SiLU (128, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#70] SiLU (128, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#71] SiLU (128, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#72] SiLU (128, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#73] SiLU (128, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#74] SiLU (128, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#75] SiLU (128, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#76] SiLU (128, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#77] SiLU (128, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#78] SiLU (128, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#79] SiLU (128, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#80] SiLU (256, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#81] SiLU (256, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#82] SiLU (256, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#83] SiLU (256, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#84] SiLU (256, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#85] SiLU (256, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#86] SiLU (256, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#87] SiLU (256, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#88] SiLU (256, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#89] SiLU (256, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#90] SiLU (256, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#91] SiLU (256, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#92] SiLU (256, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#93] SiLU (256, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#94] SiLU (256, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#95] SiLU (256, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#96] SiLU (256, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#97] SiLU (256, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#98] SiLU (256, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.84 +[#99] SiLU (256, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#100] SiLU (32, 32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#101] SiLU (32, 32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#102] SiLU (32, 32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#103] SiLU (32, 32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#104] SiLU (32, 32, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.38, top3=0.62, top5=0.75 +[#105] SiLU (32, 32, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#106] SiLU (32, 32, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#107] SiLU (32, 32, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#108] SiLU (32, 32, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#109] SiLU (32, 32, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.40, top3=0.65, top5=0.76 +[#110] SiLU (32, 32, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#111] SiLU (32, 32, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#112] SiLU (32, 32, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#113] SiLU (32, 32, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#114] SiLU (32, 32, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.40, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#115] SiLU (32, 32, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#116] SiLU (32, 32, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#117] SiLU (32, 32, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#118] SiLU (32, 32, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#119] SiLU (32, 32, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.40, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#120] SiLU (32, 64, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#121] SiLU (32, 64, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#122] SiLU (32, 64, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#123] SiLU (32, 64, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#124] SiLU (32, 64, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.39, top3=0.63, top5=0.76 +[#125] SiLU (32, 64, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#126] SiLU (32, 64, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#127] SiLU (32, 64, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#128] SiLU (32, 64, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#129] SiLU (32, 64, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#130] SiLU (32, 64, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#131] SiLU (32, 64, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#132] SiLU (32, 64, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#133] SiLU (32, 64, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#134] SiLU (32, 64, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#135] SiLU (32, 64, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#136] SiLU (32, 64, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#137] SiLU (32, 64, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#138] SiLU (32, 64, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#139] SiLU (32, 64, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#140] SiLU (32, 128, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#141] SiLU (32, 128, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#142] SiLU (32, 128, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#143] SiLU (32, 128, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#144] SiLU (32, 128, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.40, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#145] SiLU (32, 128, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#146] SiLU (32, 128, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#147] SiLU (32, 128, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#148] SiLU (32, 128, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#149] SiLU (32, 128, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.66, top5=0.77 +[#150] SiLU (32, 128, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#151] SiLU (32, 128, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#152] SiLU (32, 128, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#153] SiLU (32, 128, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#154] SiLU (32, 128, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#155] SiLU (32, 128, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.81 +[#156] SiLU (32, 128, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#157] SiLU (32, 128, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#158] SiLU (32, 128, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#159] SiLU (32, 128, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#160] SiLU (32, 256, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#161] SiLU (32, 256, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#162] SiLU (32, 256, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#163] SiLU (32, 256, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#164] SiLU (32, 256, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#165] SiLU (32, 256, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#166] SiLU (32, 256, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#167] SiLU (32, 256, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#168] SiLU (32, 256, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#169] SiLU (32, 256, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#170] SiLU (32, 256, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#171] SiLU (32, 256, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#172] SiLU (32, 256, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#173] SiLU (32, 256, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#174] SiLU (32, 256, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.80 +[#175] SiLU (32, 256, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#176] SiLU (32, 256, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#177] SiLU (32, 256, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#178] SiLU (32, 256, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#179] SiLU (32, 256, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#180] SiLU (64, 32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#181] SiLU (64, 32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#182] SiLU (64, 32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#183] SiLU (64, 32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#184] SiLU (64, 32, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#185] SiLU (64, 32, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#186] SiLU (64, 32, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#187] SiLU (64, 32, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#188] SiLU (64, 32, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#189] SiLU (64, 32, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#190] SiLU (64, 32, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#191] SiLU (64, 32, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#192] SiLU (64, 32, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.83 +[#193] SiLU (64, 32, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#194] SiLU (64, 32, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#195] SiLU (64, 32, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#196] SiLU (64, 32, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.81 +[#197] SiLU (64, 32, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#198] SiLU (64, 32, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#199] SiLU (64, 32, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#200] SiLU (64, 64, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#201] SiLU (64, 64, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#202] SiLU (64, 64, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#203] SiLU (64, 64, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#204] SiLU (64, 64, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.65, top5=0.77 +[#205] SiLU (64, 64, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#206] SiLU (64, 64, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.48, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#207] SiLU (64, 64, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#208] SiLU (64, 64, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#209] SiLU (64, 64, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.41, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#210] SiLU (64, 64, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#211] SiLU (64, 64, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#212] SiLU (64, 64, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#213] SiLU (64, 64, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#214] SiLU (64, 64, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#215] SiLU (64, 64, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#216] SiLU (64, 64, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#217] SiLU (64, 64, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#218] SiLU (64, 64, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#219] SiLU (64, 64, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#220] SiLU (64, 128, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#221] SiLU (64, 128, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#222] SiLU (64, 128, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#223] SiLU (64, 128, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#224] SiLU (64, 128, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.42, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#225] SiLU (64, 128, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#226] SiLU (64, 128, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#227] SiLU (64, 128, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#228] SiLU (64, 128, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#229] SiLU (64, 128, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#230] SiLU (64, 128, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#231] SiLU (64, 128, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#232] SiLU (64, 128, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#233] SiLU (64, 128, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#234] SiLU (64, 128, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#235] SiLU (64, 128, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.42, top3=0.66, top5=0.78 +[#236] SiLU (64, 128, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#237] SiLU (64, 128, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#238] SiLU (64, 128, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#239] SiLU (64, 128, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#240] SiLU (64, 256, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#241] SiLU (64, 256, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#242] SiLU (64, 256, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#243] SiLU (64, 256, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#244] SiLU (64, 256, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#245] SiLU (64, 256, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.43, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#246] SiLU (64, 256, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#247] SiLU (64, 256, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#248] SiLU (64, 256, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#249] SiLU (64, 256, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#250] SiLU (64, 256, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.30, top3=0.55, top5=0.68 +[#251] SiLU (64, 256, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#252] SiLU (64, 256, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#253] SiLU (64, 256, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#254] SiLU (64, 256, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#255] SiLU (64, 256, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.40, top3=0.62, top5=0.75 +[#256] SiLU (64, 256, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#257] SiLU (64, 256, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#258] SiLU (64, 256, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#259] SiLU (64, 256, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#260] SiLU (128, 32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#261] SiLU (128, 32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#262] SiLU (128, 32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#263] SiLU (128, 32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#264] SiLU (128, 32, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.78 +[#265] SiLU (128, 32, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#266] SiLU (128, 32, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#267] SiLU (128, 32, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#268] SiLU (128, 32, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#269] SiLU (128, 32, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#270] SiLU (128, 32, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#271] SiLU (128, 32, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#272] SiLU (128, 32, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#273] SiLU (128, 32, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#274] SiLU (128, 32, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#275] SiLU (128, 32, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#276] SiLU (128, 32, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#277] SiLU (128, 32, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#278] SiLU (128, 32, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#279] SiLU (128, 32, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#280] SiLU (128, 64, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.48, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#281] SiLU (128, 64, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#282] SiLU (128, 64, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#283] SiLU (128, 64, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#284] SiLU (128, 64, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.44, top3=0.68, top5=0.79 +[#285] SiLU (128, 64, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#286] SiLU (128, 64, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#287] SiLU (128, 64, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#288] SiLU (128, 64, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#289] SiLU (128, 64, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.79 +[#290] SiLU (128, 64, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#291] SiLU (128, 64, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#292] SiLU (128, 64, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#293] SiLU (128, 64, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#294] SiLU (128, 64, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#295] SiLU (128, 64, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#296] SiLU (128, 64, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#297] SiLU (128, 64, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#298] SiLU (128, 64, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#299] SiLU (128, 64, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#300] SiLU (128, 128, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#301] SiLU (128, 128, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#302] SiLU (128, 128, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#303] SiLU (128, 128, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#304] SiLU (128, 128, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.45, top3=0.69, top5=0.79 +[#305] SiLU (128, 128, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#306] SiLU (128, 128, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#307] SiLU (128, 128, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#308] SiLU (128, 128, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#309] SiLU (128, 128, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#310] SiLU (128, 128, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.33, top3=0.58, top5=0.71 +[#311] SiLU (128, 128, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#312] SiLU (128, 128, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#313] SiLU (128, 128, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#314] SiLU (128, 128, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#315] SiLU (128, 128, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.38, top3=0.60, top5=0.73 +[#316] SiLU (128, 128, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#317] SiLU (128, 128, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#318] SiLU (128, 128, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#319] SiLU (128, 128, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#320] SiLU (128, 256, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#321] SiLU (128, 256, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#322] SiLU (128, 256, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#323] SiLU (128, 256, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#324] SiLU (128, 256, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#325] SiLU (128, 256, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.38, top3=0.61, top5=0.73 +[#326] SiLU (128, 256, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#327] SiLU (128, 256, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#328] SiLU (128, 256, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#329] SiLU (128, 256, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#330] SiLU (128, 256, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.40, top3=0.63, top5=0.75 +[#331] SiLU (128, 256, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#332] SiLU (128, 256, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#333] SiLU (128, 256, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#334] SiLU (128, 256, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.82 +[#335] SiLU (128, 256, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.29, top3=0.56, top5=0.70 +[#336] SiLU (128, 256, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#337] SiLU (128, 256, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#338] SiLU (128, 256, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.84 +[#339] SiLU (128, 256, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#340] SiLU (256, 32, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#341] SiLU (256, 32, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#342] SiLU (256, 32, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#343] SiLU (256, 32, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#344] SiLU (256, 32, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.79 +[#345] SiLU (256, 32, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#346] SiLU (256, 32, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#347] SiLU (256, 32, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#348] SiLU (256, 32, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#349] SiLU (256, 32, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#350] SiLU (256, 32, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#351] SiLU (256, 32, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#352] SiLU (256, 32, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#353] SiLU (256, 32, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#354] SiLU (256, 32, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#355] SiLU (256, 32, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#356] SiLU (256, 32, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#357] SiLU (256, 32, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#358] SiLU (256, 32, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#359] SiLU (256, 32, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.81 +[#360] SiLU (256, 64, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#361] SiLU (256, 64, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#362] SiLU (256, 64, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#363] SiLU (256, 64, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#364] SiLU (256, 64, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#365] SiLU (256, 64, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.79 +[#366] SiLU (256, 64, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#367] SiLU (256, 64, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#368] SiLU (256, 64, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#369] SiLU (256, 64, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.70, top5=0.80 +[#370] SiLU (256, 64, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.79 +[#371] SiLU (256, 64, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#372] SiLU (256, 64, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#373] SiLU (256, 64, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#374] SiLU (256, 64, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.47, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#375] SiLU (256, 64, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.45, top3=0.67, top5=0.79 +[#376] SiLU (256, 64, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.49, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#377] SiLU (256, 64, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#378] SiLU (256, 64, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#379] SiLU (256, 64, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#380] SiLU (256, 128, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#381] SiLU (256, 128, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#382] SiLU (256, 128, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#383] SiLU (256, 128, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#384] SiLU (256, 128, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#385] SiLU (256, 128, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.46, top3=0.69, top5=0.79 +[#386] SiLU (256, 128, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#387] SiLU (256, 128, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#388] SiLU (256, 128, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#389] SiLU (256, 128, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.48, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#390] SiLU (256, 128, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.38, top3=0.61, top5=0.73 +[#391] SiLU (256, 128, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#392] SiLU (256, 128, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#393] SiLU (256, 128, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.84 +[#394] SiLU (256, 128, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#395] SiLU (256, 128, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.38, top3=0.63, top5=0.75 +[#396] SiLU (256, 128, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#397] SiLU (256, 128, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#398] SiLU (256, 128, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#399] SiLU (256, 128, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#400] SiLU (256, 256, 32) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.47, top3=0.69, top5=0.80 +[#401] SiLU (256, 256, 32) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#402] SiLU (256, 256, 32) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#403] SiLU (256, 256, 32) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#404] SiLU (256, 256, 32) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.71, top5=0.81 +[#405] SiLU (256, 256, 64) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.37, top3=0.61, top5=0.74 +[#406] SiLU (256, 256, 64) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#407] SiLU (256, 256, 64) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#408] SiLU (256, 256, 64) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#409] SiLU (256, 256, 64) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.49, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#410] SiLU (256, 256, 128) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.38, top3=0.61, top5=0.73 +[#411] SiLU (256, 256, 128) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.51, top3=0.73, top5=0.83 +[#412] SiLU (256, 256, 128) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#413] SiLU (256, 256, 128) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#414] SiLU (256, 256, 128) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.72, top5=0.82 +[#415] SiLU (256, 256, 256) lr=1e-02 → top1=0.12, top3=0.30, top5=0.45 +[#416] SiLU (256, 256, 256) lr=5e-03 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 +[#417] SiLU (256, 256, 256) lr=1e-03 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#418] SiLU (256, 256, 256) lr=5e-04 → top1=0.52, top3=0.74, top5=0.83 +[#419] SiLU (256, 256, 256) lr=1e-04 → top1=0.50, top3=0.73, top5=0.82 diff --git a/model/training_results/silu.json b/model/training_results/silu.json new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bbf6163 --- /dev/null +++ b/model/training_results/silu.json @@ -0,0 +1,3782 @@ +[ + { + "config_id": 0, + "activation": "SiLU", + "layer_sizes": "(32,)", + "learning_rate": 0.01, + "top1_acc": 0.4184677220322251, + "top3_acc": 0.6588865775834715, + "top5_acc": 0.7752705990198498 + }, + { + "config_id": 1, + "activation": "SiLU", + "layer_sizes": "(32,)", + "learning_rate": 0.005, + "top1_acc": 0.42858653880055003, + "top3_acc": 0.6654444170221768, + "top5_acc": 0.7788668335507527 + }, + { + "config_id": 2, + "activation": "SiLU", + "layer_sizes": "(32,)", + "learning_rate": 0.001, + "top1_acc": 0.42583647710044775, 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